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Post by supersoda on Sept 24, 2020 14:20:12 GMT
I seriously feel like I'm being gaslighted. We've been very cautious about isolating. We don't socialize with others, we don't go to restaurants, and we don't go shopping, with very few and very limited exceptions. We do get takeout, walk daily, and have taken a couple of road trips to remote locations where we could go hiking or take scenic drives. DH works from home all the time. I've worked from home since March, and go into my office every once in a while--usually on the weekends to avoid anyone else. Our college kids are home, too, and also being very cautious.
We've turned down several family parties. I am increasingly getting work requests for in-person meetings--usually a lunch or dinner meeting. People seem taken aback when I refuse. I get a lot of incredulous "you're still working from home?" or "you're still not going anywhere?" comments. My absence is noted from monthly in-person trade group meetings (limited to ONLY 100 people).
I'm not known for being "out there." I would say that my reputation is for being smart and socially conservative. (An introvert with my nose in a book, not a party girl.) Since the pandemic, I've followed the science and the numbers carefully, and have managed to stay a step ahead. I got my office set up to work remotely a couple of weeks before the shutdown, so we had a near-seamless transition. I got my kids home from school in March just before travel became impossible and their schools kicked everyone off campus. Our local numbers have never dropped to a "good" level, and they're starting to creep back up.
This is all to say that I'm really frustrated with the constant need to defend myself for my family's decision to remain cautious. We're not living in fear. We're not being irrational. We're not failing to "live our lives" (as I was told yesterday). But I feel like we're the only people we know who are exercising a high level of caution. The longer this goes on, the more I get called out and I'm just so over it.
So, PVM, or share your stories, or add your own vent. I guess I'm just looking for someone to commiserate with.
TL;DR People think I'm nuts for continuing to isolate and I'm tired of the backlash.
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Deleted
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May 2, 2024 14:06:23 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2020 14:22:51 GMT
Why do you defend yourself? I would just decline.
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lindas
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by lindas on Sept 24, 2020 14:33:11 GMT
“It works for me right now” is all that is needed then walk away.
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Post by supersoda on Sept 24, 2020 14:45:46 GMT
I'm fine with how I handle my responses--not looking for advice there. I'm really just venting because my social groups make apparent that my actions are outside what they consider the norm. I feel that my professional reputation is being compromised. I work in a very conservative industry and take care to keep my politics private, but now I'm getting a "you're one of those crazy liberals" vibe from many that I work with.
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Post by hop2 on Sept 24, 2020 14:47:14 GMT
I vote your not nuts
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leeny
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Jun 27, 2014 1:55:53 GMT
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Post by leeny on Sept 24, 2020 14:49:00 GMT
I am with you. Why people have to judge others especially in this circumstance is beyond me. Keep on keeping on!
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casii
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,461
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Post by casii on Sept 24, 2020 14:50:30 GMT
You're normal. They're being too free & easy with their own health, no need to compromise yours. And it's okay for you to vent here about it.
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Post by ExpatBackHome on Sept 24, 2020 14:53:37 GMT
I think people are getting tired of distancing and that’s why they aren’t doing it anymore. You’re not crazy. As I tell my DH, I’d hate to start slacking off now and catch COVID, then the last 6 months would be for nothing! The cases are going back up here.
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Post by scrapsotime on Sept 24, 2020 14:59:21 GMT
We don't socialize either. We have turned down all invitations. No one has really said anything to use. The few that I do I just tell them that if my dh gets sick we stand to lose everything. His business would go under and we don't have anything to fallback on like most people with just a job. that usually takes care of that.
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ashley
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Post by ashley on Sept 24, 2020 14:59:38 GMT
People react negatively because you’re being wise and cautious and considerate, while they are not, and it makes them feel poorly about those choices.
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Post by lisae on Sept 24, 2020 15:02:15 GMT
I still weigh the decisions of whether to go out, when and where. I'm back to grocery shopping more often. I wear my mask and take the other precautions we learned early on. More people are wearing masks now so that one is probably safer than in the spring.
I would almost always choose to dine inside rather than on a patio. Now I seek restaurants with patios and we dine out only about every 2 weeks rather than once a week. It was really too cold outside the other day when dining out but I reminded myself that it was safer.
We haven't done much else. Though the reason has been at least partially influenced by the health of my mother and my husband. I still have a slim hope of getting to the beach this year. I haven't been away from home for a full year now. If DH recovers more from his latest surgery and the weather warms back up in October, we may get a few days away. Fortunately where we go, we aren't around people much except for dining out and will likely restrict that more this year.
I went to an annual event this past weekend. When the room got too crowded, one of the other ladies said something to me that there were too many people in there and I agreed. I left saying I needed to pick up something for lunch and take it home. That was true but I was getting uncomfortable with the crowd.
The information is out there for people to make their own choices and take the risks they feel are appropriate. I will be so glad when this election is behind us. It won't change people's minds but at least we can know where we are going next year. With the election only a little over a month away, every choice seems political because it is always on our minds.
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Post by sleepingbooty on Sept 24, 2020 15:03:24 GMT
You're applying what is recommended by major health organisations around the world. You're playing the game whereas they're not. This game involves everyone's health. If taking that big a gamble is "not being nuts", I'd much rather sit on the crazy stoop. I feel like people are externalising their normalcy bias by verbally attacking those who don't do as they do during this pandemic in some sort of attempt to feel more secure in their blatant ignorance of the health warnings and recommendations that they can't commit to. It's got to be some kind of cognitive dissonance playing out and projecting their own repressed fears (due to not following the recommendations) onto those who do follow the recommendations. You're right to feel frustrated. You're right to vent. You're abso-freakin'-lutely right to continue applying social distancing measures. And that's coming from a liberal extrovert-leaning ambivert.  |
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Post by bdhudak on Sept 24, 2020 15:08:57 GMT
You’re are not alone. Continue to keep up with your awareness in the community you live in. Stick to your I statements. No one can argue with them. I need to do this for my family at this time, etc.
This being said-I work at a local hospital here and it’s a good thing to keep yourself and your family safe. Yes some people get a lighter case of Covid some people have a little tougher struggle and some and up with the worst case. We never know how it will hit us so I am all about being careful. At our house we are all essential workers and have had to postpone our daughter’s wedding reception till next year. You do you be at peace.
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Post by anxiousmom on Sept 24, 2020 15:20:52 GMT
I ha the same question/vent not too long ago on here. I am so tired of people looking at me like I am crazy for limiting my actions. But I am only doing what my doctor recommend-staying in, leaving only when needed and all the other precautions.
It is frustrating for sure. And I swear it’s messing with my head more than anything else
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Sept 24, 2020 15:22:03 GMT
It’s them...not you.
I’m in a similar boat with siblings/family members. I’m being made fun of for being overly cautious. And I had a family member with full blown serious covid!!
I’m good with how I handle it too.
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Post by withapea on Sept 24, 2020 15:27:48 GMT
You’re not alone. I’m not in a position where I can’t take risks with exposure so we’re committed to this way of life for a while. I know some feel we’re “living in fear” or what not but it’s really just what we have to do. I definitely miss things but it hasn’t been all bad.
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Post by heckofagal on Sept 24, 2020 15:38:19 GMT
Supersoda I feel your pain! I've mentioned on this board several times all the birthday parties, grad partied, showers that my extended family have hosted that I hate to miss and that I will be missing a wedding soon that I am VERY, VERY disappointed to miss. It has put me in a huge depressive state and I've even considered saying "F it" and just go. But then how would I truly feel if one of my immediate family members ended up sick? And this wedding gathering will be of many small town people who don't really believe the virus is a problem and people who I don't trust to make wise choices. It would be one thing if we all just stayed home and waited until it was safer to resume these social gatherings, but knowing I'm staying home while the rest of them continues to gather makes me so sad.
We have not dined indoors yet, have eaten at restaurants with a patio just a few times. But I have been in some stores, always with a mask, always sanitizing my hands after. Some friends of mine want to go to the winery the weekend I should be at the wedding. I feel comfortable with that. It's outdooors, I will wear a mask when I go to the counter to get my drink. I know there will be photos taken, and I'm pretty sure the bride will be pissed that I am at a winery and did not go to her wedding so there may be long lasting bitter feelings over all of this.
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Post by refugeepea on Sept 24, 2020 15:48:58 GMT
It is frustrating when you are doing the best you can for your family. I have gone to 2 events and 1 restaurant since this started. At the time, the case count was low, I took the necessary steps. We were green for a short while. Then school started. Covid cases in 3 schools, 6-12th grade. I'm back to the basics again. I don't have the option of curbside pickup unless I make at least a 40 mile round trip. The grocery store with pharmacy is about the only place I go.
I also have not attended 2 weddings, 1 family reunion, and 1 girls weekend. Not just masks, but quite a few of them are ALL lives matter, and Pro-Trump. I just don't like people anymore. 90% of them don't wear masks where I live.
I think most people are tired of the whole thing. If they are going to get it, oh well. I witnessed that conversation with a group of people in the grocery store that requires masks but it's not enforced. I was the only one wearing one besides employees.
And that is why I won't police other people because I am clearly outnumbered.
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garcia5050
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Post by garcia5050 on Sept 24, 2020 15:50:20 GMT
I think a lot of us can relate. I’m fairly cautious. I’ve done outdoor dining, but won’t do family gatherings. My family doesn’t get together to begin with, but DHs family is large and they are always getting together. They’re the ones with a slew of pre-existing conditions and I’m just stunned that they get together as much as they do.
I’m just really glad that my DH is on the same page as me. I was worried that he wouldn’t.
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Montannie
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Post by Montannie on Sept 24, 2020 15:54:26 GMT
You're certainly not alone. Science is real, whether people choose to "believe in it" or not.
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Post by mikklynn on Sept 24, 2020 16:05:31 GMT
You're certainly not alone. Science is real, whether people choose to "believe in it" or not. Exactly. I follow the CDC and Dr. Michael Osterholm. We do not go anywhere, except the grocery store and Costco. Actually, DH goes nowhere, as he is very high risk. We do get contactless takeout occasionally, as well as have friend over in the backyard, with masks and social distancing. The people who are out there are causing the numbers to stay high and even increase. |
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MaryMary
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Post by MaryMary on Sept 24, 2020 16:08:38 GMT
I’m in the same place and keep being told that I’m living in fear, or see people respond as if they are stunned that I am not ready to go back to normal. Our church is starting back up, and I’m absolutely not going back yet. They are having youth groups indoors again and everyone else is fine with it and roll their eyes when I decline. Almost all the parents in my district are furious that the schools aren’t open.
I keep asking, “What has changed since March?”. We shut down when my area had 2 positive cases total. We now have 20 cases a day. We still don’t do contact tracing, we have closed down testing sites. Aside from mandating masks, nothing is different. If we had contact tracing, enforced quarantine for those who test positive, and rigorous testing, I would feel differently but we have never instituted those in our country.
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Sept 24, 2020 16:11:50 GMT
People react negatively because you’re being wise and cautious and considerate, while they are not, and it makes them feel poorly about those choices. this. I think when some people are cautious and others are not, it makes it seem like you're judging their choices. Not what your objective is-- you're keeping yourself safe-- but I think that's what *other* people might think. |
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Post by atomicdog on Sept 24, 2020 16:15:41 GMT
I am completely with you. My husband and I are handling this pandemic EXACTLY as you are and I feel the same backlash. We're being ridiculous and are allowing fear to rob us of our lives. I'm chasing to ignore them and pray to God that I'll be allowed to continue to work from home for a while longer. How do people think this is getting better? Do they not see the case/death counts? Ignorant and entitled people.
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Post by Mel on Sept 24, 2020 16:19:21 GMT
I am astounded at the number of people who are back to "normal" around here. I live in a small-ish city in Iowa, but I think they have loosened things way too soon. Of course, our governor never took any of this seriously anyway so I'm sure that has a lot to do with it.
SO & I are back to work but our offices are still closed to the public, both of us have the option of taking appointments or "screening" who we come in contact with. We haven't eaten in a restaurant yet. I have done curbside or drive-thru a few times and a little more frequently of late. The kids are back to school, DD is a cheerleader and she has been to cheer practice/ball games but I know they are taking very strict precautions with all of that so I'm comfortable sending them. DD's school was A/B day from August till now, but going back to full-time face to face next Monday.
I'm in the "I'm doing what I feel is right for my family" camp. If people don't like it that's on them.
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sueg
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Post by sueg on Sept 24, 2020 16:28:21 GMT
How do people think this is getting better? They think it will 'just go away' one day, as they have been told to believe. OP - I'm with you. We are still staying pretty much at home, and only socialising with small groups. I do go out grocery shopping, but I go at a quiet time of day, DH is still mostly working from home, and we haven't been out to eat in over a month. We don't have family nearby, so we don't have that pressure, but from what they are saying to me, they are not out much - half of them are in lockdown right now and couldn't visit, even if the wanted to. I also agree with whoever said that they get mad at you for keeping on shielding because they think it makes them look bad. |
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SweetieBsMom
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Post by SweetieBsMom on Sept 24, 2020 16:31:24 GMT
We have 7 cases in my town (that we know of) and all 7 are isolated. I'm firmly sitting on the science bench. I have declined invitations. I am still working remotely. I am only going out when I "need" to go out (ie: Grocery store, etc). Do I want it to be over and back to normal? ABSOLUTELY!!!! But I'm not dumb enough to think COVID is no longer an issue because I don't want it to be one. I'm am AMZAED at the amount of people that say to me "well, I have to live my life" and go out to a restaurant or another venue like that. Blows my mind. And if the wedding in Maine proved anything, it's not the people going out and about that are paying the price.
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Post by mikklynn on Sept 24, 2020 16:33:27 GMT
People react negatively because you’re being wise and cautious and considerate, while they are not, and it makes them feel poorly about those choices. this. I think when some people are cautious and others are not, it makes it seem like you're judging their choices. Not what your objective is-- you're keeping yourself safe-- but I think that's what *other* people might think. I am absolutely judging those choices. The higher the case count, the worse we all are. If these younger people that think they are invincible contract COVID, they then pass it to their parents and grandparents. Or they work in healthcare and pass it on to DH and others who have no choice but to receive some healthcare in person. |
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Post by newscrapper05 on Sept 24, 2020 16:39:53 GMT
I am in agreement with you. We are going out some - but only to places that require masks. I, too, am tired of hearing - if you're scared, stay home! I've said more than once - If you can't wear a mask, YOU stay home!
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Post by supersoda on Sept 24, 2020 16:51:38 GMT
Thanks for all the supportive responses. It’s good to see experiences outside of my little corner of the world.
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