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Post by pierkiss on Dec 27, 2020 16:20:55 GMT
Why does her stayi g up and sleeping in take a toll on you? Because I have to tiptoe around the house. Plus we try to eat dinner together, so that's tough when shes eating breakfast a 3pm. I guess I would just like some normalcy to my day. We're all here all day. It would he nice if we were a tad more in sync. You stop letting her behavior dictate what the rest of the family unit is going to do. No more tip going around the house. If you’re too loud while going about your daily activities, tough shit, she can get up and do the things. If she doesn’t like your household rules (which are not excessive at all) then she needs to figure out alternative living arrangements. It is time for tough love. She is an adult. She keeps behaving this way because you are allowing her to do so. You allow it by continuing to take her back time after time and cleaning up her messes for her. Stop doing that. You have laid out expectations. She can can follow them and live with you all, or she can not, and not live with you. But enough. Stop letting her back. Stop catering to her. Just stop. Like you said, you have 2 other children who are watching all of this. And I guarantee you they are seeing her make mistake after mistake and watching you and your husband swoop in to clean it up. They are learning that it is ok for them to behave the same way. That’s not a good message to send them.
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seaexplore
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Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Dec 27, 2020 16:37:47 GMT
bearmom 7 threegirls nailed it with the therapist. The first one your DD sees might not be the right fit for her. We are currently on therapist #3 (spread over 3-4 years) for my 9 year old due to various things going on in her life. I think we've finally found a keeper, at least for now. I also agree with long term birth control ASAP. Quick easy procedure and long lasting. She needs to get her mental health in check before becoming a mom unintentionally. Many meds are also not recommended while pregnant so that might be a requirement of treatment. I don't know much about this area but have family who are on meds (various ones) and they were told to not get pregnant because whatever they were on was not good for a baby to be exposed to.
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momof4
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Dec 27, 2020 0:44:41 GMT
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Post by momof4 on Dec 27, 2020 16:43:28 GMT
It sounds to me like your daughter is struggling with her mental health and your expectations are way too high. Your expectations come across to me as completely too high for an average 19 year old, let alone one who struggles with mental illness. My 20 year old bipolar DD just recently moved back in with me after being out of the house for over a year. And I have two rules basically, one is to get psychiatric help and the other is do not cause turmoil via yelling, crying, tantrums. That's it. And it is hard even for her to meet those two expectations. Right now she is waiting for an appointment with a psychiatrist. So she is unmedicated. She is temperamental. I just ignore it. She is in and out of the house with her boyfriend. And hes a nice person but going nowhere in life. And I'm just glad when she isn't here because I like the peace. I have put into place an expectation that she has her medicine regulated and she will save up enough money to move out by July. So basically six months from now. I cannot continue to live with her. I cannot change who she is. I cannot have expectations of her because mental illness uncontrolled means she cannot meet them. And I cannot constantly set myself up for disappointment. So I don't. As long as I can live in peace, that's good enough for me. I know it sounds foreign. Because we want to believe that our sweet 6 year olds are in there somewhere. And they are but we may not see them again until our children are 30. And we cannot parent them anymore like a 6 year old. We cannot take on responsibility mentally for their challenges. They need to step up and start facing the world on their own. I do not pay for DDs car. I did not buy it. I do not pay the insurance. She turns 21 in May and I'll be taking her off my cellphone plan. And I absolutely do not buy or make her food. If she's here for dinner, she can eat with us. The most I do is pay for is that cellphone. She is responsible for all her other bills. And I let her live her rent free, for a limited period of time, for her to get back on her feet. But it sounds to me like you want to engage with her like you would a normal adult. And I'm sending you hugs because that's just not possible. And I want you read those words carefully and really accept them. She has to take care of her mental health. You cannot do it for her. It's time for her to stand up and take care of herself. And you need to take off your mom hat and start doing just for yourself and your other children. She will either find her way or she won't. You gave her roots. And now it's time for her to fly. And that's not your job. Let go. I promise you if you can mentally let go, you will feel better. Thank you for sharing your experience! I think what you said makes a lot of sense and I will take heed of your advice to let it go and let her live her own life and make her own choices. I definitely need to focus my energy on my other children. I'm very worried about them, especially my youngest daughter who not only has physical issues but has mental health issues to include PTSD from witnessing her sister's suicide attempt. She's in counseling for this but this new incident caused her old fears to resurface so she's my biggest priority right now. I'll definitely look at therapy this week because but I feel ill-equipped to handle everything right now.
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momof4
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Dec 27, 2020 0:44:41 GMT
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Post by momof4 on Dec 27, 2020 16:54:55 GMT
I think the missing piece of all of this to me is — when your daughter is not living with you, how is she supporting herself? Is she relying on the person she is dating to cover her expenses? No, actually it's been the other way around. She was supporting her boyfriend last year. I wasn't thrilled she was supporting him, but it was her call. She had access to savings and some scholarship money. She also worked and was pretty determined. That's why it's even more frustrating to see her taking advantage of the situation here. She's basically just mooching off of us at this point. That's why we spelled out our expectations.
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momof4
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Dec 27, 2020 0:44:41 GMT
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Post by momof4 on Dec 27, 2020 16:59:02 GMT
I haven't read all the replies so please forgive me if it's been said already. She needs to see a psychiatrist and get on meds for her depression and anxiety. She also needs a therapist to help her with BPD. My dd is BPD. The therapy that has helped her is DBT. It's pretty intensive therapy so she would have to agree to it in order for it to help her. I'm sorry your dh intervened and made the situation worse. My dh has a tendency to do the same and I end up picking up the pieces. Your dd needs one of you on her side. She is struggling and basically lost right now. She needs someone that she can lean on and trust. You need to build up trust with her. Show her that you will support her. Don't put down any more rules right now. Her sleeping habit is because of her mental health issues. Don't punish her because of it, she can't control it. As for the boyfriend after boyfriend, that is typical for BPD. I think once you build up trust, you will be able to influence her choices a little bit better. As I said, my dd has BPD and I've experienced this myself. Don't give up hope yet. You still have plenty of time to corral this issue and turn it around. Maybe you could get a therapist for yourself to help you navigate this process. I'm hoping it all works out for you. We've encouraged her to give medication a try but she's very resistant to the idea. She tried it very briefly but then stopped. We can't force her to take the meds, or get therapy, so it's really tough. And of course, now she thinks she's in a good place with this new guy so she doesn't need it.
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momof4
Junior Member
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Dec 27, 2020 0:44:41 GMT
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Post by momof4 on Dec 27, 2020 17:07:45 GMT
Up front I want to say I don't even have kids, so I'm not going to pretend to have parenting advice. My heart goes out to you - the 'right' thing to do is just not obvious. It also sounds like you have a lot on your plate and you could use a break and some support. Burnout is real - please be sure to prioritize your health well-being. To some extent I was like your daughter when she was 15, and to a much lesser extent like her at 19. It does sound like she is struggling more with mental health challenges than I was, and that has got to be tough on both of you. Something that stood out to me in your description is that you seem to ascribe her behaviours as deliberate, on some level malicious or ill-intentioned, and directed at you. You seem almost invested in viewing her as the 'bad guy', like she's been cast in the role of black sheep and trouble maker and all her actions are seen through that lens. Just a thought - it could also be your emotional exhaustion talking. I agree with others that family therapy, or therapy with just you and your dh would be immensely helpful. In fact, I think therapy to give you some support could be a really good thing. I don't disagree with you about painting her as the "bad guy". I try really hard not to do that and to focus on her behaviors and tell her she's not bad and she just needs help and time to focus on herself. But she has a very strong personality. I always say when she's in a good mood, the room lights up, but when she's not, things are very dark and everyone around her feels it. She's been this way her whole life to be honest.
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momof4
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Dec 27, 2020 0:44:41 GMT
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Post by momof4 on Dec 27, 2020 17:16:41 GMT
Because I have to tiptoe around the house. Plus we try to eat dinner together, so that's tough when shes eating breakfast a 3pm. I guess I would just like some normalcy to my day. We're all here all day. It would he nice if we were a tad more in sync. You stop letting her behavior dictate what the rest of the family unit is going to do. No more tip going around the house. If you’re too loud while going about your daily activities, tough shit, she can get up and do the things. If she doesn’t like your household rules (which are not excessive at all) then she needs to figure out alternative living arrangements. It is time for tough love. She is an adult. She keeps behaving this way because you are allowing her to do so. You allow it by continuing to take her back time after time and cleaning up her messes for her. Stop doing that. You have laid out expectations. She can can follow them and live with you all, or she can not, and not live with you. But enough. Stop letting her back. Stop catering to her. Just stop. Like you said, you have 2 other children who are watching all of this. And I guarantee you they are seeing her make mistake after mistake and watching you and your husband swoop in to clean it up. They are learning that it is ok for them to behave the same way. That’s not a good message to send them. This is our thinking as well, which is why I posted the question. I really don't want the other kids thinking not only is this excusable, but also that it's acceptable to behave this way. But of course, my daughter does has some mental/physical health issues so that's the reason, my heart is still open to help her. Plus she's my kid and I want her to be happy and have a good life. So I try to help, even when it costs me a lot (physically, emotionally and mentally). Honestly, a lot of my parenting choices come from my own strained relationship with my own mother. So I definitely need to get counseling for this going forward.
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momof4
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Dec 27, 2020 0:44:41 GMT
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Post by momof4 on Dec 27, 2020 17:19:32 GMT
For everyone asking about birth control, she's been on it for years and we've discussed safe sex practices (not that I can control that either).
Also, regarding the abandonment issues, we're not entirely sure where this is coming from. Her father was in the military for most of her childhood, but we did our best to make sure she had a close relationship with him.
Thanks for all your help Peas. You've given me a plan on how to move things forward, starting with counseling for me and then the family.
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Post by gar on Dec 27, 2020 17:28:28 GMT
For everyone asking about birth control, she's been on it for years and we've discussed safe sex practices (not that I can control that either). Also, regarding the abandonment issues, we're not entirely sure where this is coming from. Her father was in the military for most of her childhood, but we did our best to make sure she had a close relationship with him. Thanks for all your help Peas. You've given me a plan on how to move things forward, starting with counseling for me and then the family. I just want to credit you for taking all the comments on board. Parenting is hard at the best of times and yes, she is an adult but for us to transition to that thinking can be hard sometimes. I hope you can find some help so you can all move forward positively.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Dec 27, 2020 17:29:24 GMT
momof4 said: Plus she's my kid and I want her to be happy and have a good life. So I try to help, even when it costs me a lot (physically, emotionally and mentally). I can assure you that all good parents want their children to be happy and have a good life. But I'm saying this so all parents struggling will hear this, I was 27 when I was diagnosed and finally took charge of my mental health. I was reckless. I made a lot of mistakes. I was a tough child to parent. I know my parents weren't pleased with me. I even had two toddlers. And I have had a good, productive life. We don't need to all have our shit together at 18. Some of us need more time. And I'm trying to keep that in perspective with my own kids. In the meantime, you need to care for yourself. You need to love lightly and not take responsibility for every bad choice she makes. You need care (maybe therapy) for your own mental health. Your husband probably needs some perspective too. Us moms seem to invest all our emotions and dads tend to think that more discipline is required. And that's not the case. Take care of yourself.
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Post by christine58 on Dec 27, 2020 17:42:09 GMT
momof4 I am still convinced she has suffered some trauma to cause her to go from guy to guy. Just my opinion. Her father being in the military and I am assuming being gone a lot could lead to the abandonment issues.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Dec 27, 2020 17:45:34 GMT
I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time. I just wanted to weigh in on how very common sleeping issues are with this age group. It's a very different situation as my daughter (18) is only home for the holidays, but we are completely ignoring the bizarre sleep schedule. I know in college she managed to get up by 10 twice a week, but the other days her first class was at 1 or later last term and she definitely turned mostly nocturnal. I'm sure it's exacerbated by having very good friends several time zones away, but she rarely goes to bed before 3 and sleeps until noon or 1. I'm lucky that cafeteria food has made her very happy to join us for dinner and home cooked meals so we are seeing her. But man that girl can sleep in - and we make absolutely no effort to be quiet.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Dec 27, 2020 18:01:20 GMT
momof4 I am still convinced she has suffered some trauma to cause her to go from guy to guy. Just my opinion. Her father being in the military and I am assuming being gone a lot could lead to the abandonment issues. This can be a symptom of borderline personality disorder or bipolar mania. Risky sexual behavior is part of both disorders.
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Post by tuva42 on Dec 27, 2020 18:01:27 GMT
I don't care how old the kid is, if you are supporting her, you get to set the rules. Who is paying for her car? For her phone? In your house, if she doesn't follow your rules, you cut off the money. If she is staying up all night on the internet, turn off the wifi. You are paying for it, it's not hers to abuse.
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Post by gar on Dec 27, 2020 18:12:34 GMT
I don't care how old the kid is, if you are supporting her, you get to set the rules. Who is paying for her car? For her phone? In your house, if she doesn't follow your rules, you cut off the money. If she is staying up all night on the internet, turn off the wifi. You are paying for it, it's not hers to abuse. Did you read jeremysgirl's posts explaining how rules and boundaries don't work in the same way for someone with her mental heath issues?
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Post by tuva42 on Dec 27, 2020 18:15:35 GMT
I get that, but enabling behavior isn't a good idea whether she has a mental illness or not.
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peabay
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Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Dec 27, 2020 18:19:39 GMT
I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time. I just wanted to weigh in on how very common sleeping issues are with this age group. It's a very different situation as my daughter (18) is only home for the holidays, but we are completely ignoring the bizarre sleep schedule. I know in college she managed to get up by 10 twice a week, but the other days her first class was at 1 or later last term and she definitely turned mostly nocturnal. I'm sure it's exacerbated by having very good friends several time zones away, but she rarely goes to bed before 3 and sleeps until noon or 1. I'm lucky that cafeteria food has made her very happy to join us for dinner and home cooked meals so we are seeing her. But man that girl can sleep in - and we make absolutely no effort to be quiet. every single person I know with a college student at home has had this complaint.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Dec 27, 2020 18:21:59 GMT
I guess I would question the definition of enabling behavior. Financial support besides a roof? Enabling. Allowing her to verbally abuse you? Enabling.
Just letting her be and choosing to live in peace and avoidance is not enabling. And I even understand if you don't want her under your roof. Because I am limiting my DDs time here as well.
But if you really want to fight every single day about her not being bright eyed and perky at 8 am, go for it. That's not the hill I want to die on. I'm choosing peace over fighting.
Family dinner? I'm accepting that my dinner is more enjoyable when she's not here
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Post by christine58 on Dec 27, 2020 18:33:05 GMT
momof4 I am still convinced she has suffered some trauma to cause her to go from guy to guy. Just my opinion. Her father being in the military and I am assuming being gone a lot could lead to the abandonment issues. This can be a symptom of borderline personality disorder or bipolar mania. Risky sexual behavior is part of both disorders. I do know that but I also think there's more to this young adult's behavior.
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Post by scrapmaven on Dec 27, 2020 18:45:55 GMT
Honestly, w/o a proper psychiatric diagnosis, ongoing and good family therapy I don't know how you can properly support your dd? I think you would really benefit from individual therapy, as well. That your dd's sleep schedule interferes w/your health isn't OK. You need to allow yourself to let go, so that you can sleep at night. During the day do your normal routine, knowing that 19 year olds tend to have these wonky sleep patterns. Individual therapy will allow you to take care of yourself and your other children despite your dd's problems. Your dd is running the house, but that is your job, not hers. Therapy helps you gain perspective and strength and it teaches you to set healthy boundaries. Finally, therapy is a great way to learn to be happy despite an adverse situation. No one is allowed to abuse me verbally. I wouldn't tolerate it from strangers and I most certainly won't tolerate it from my own child. In the case of mental illness, she needs to learn to control those anger impulses. That's where therapy and treatment become vital for all of you.
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Post by cecilia on Dec 27, 2020 19:32:00 GMT
I came back to add that may behavior seemed to have steamed from a traumatic event in my life.
I still stand by my suggestion that you go to therapy. I don't have kids but have watched people I care about self destruct. I have done it too. It will help to get everything out. You need an outlet. And as someone told me one time, in order to take care of other people, you have to take care of yourself.
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Dec 27, 2020 20:17:18 GMT
I haven't read all the replies so please forgive me if it's been said already. She needs to see a psychiatrist and get on meds for her depression and anxiety. She also needs a therapist to help her with BPD. My dd is BPD. The therapy that has helped her is DBT. It's pretty intensive therapy so she would have to agree to it in order for it to help her. I'm sorry your dh intervened and made the situation worse. My dh has a tendency to do the same and I end up picking up the pieces. Your dd needs one of you on her side. She is struggling and basically lost right now. She needs someone that she can lean on and trust. You need to build up trust with her. Show her that you will support her. Don't put down any more rules right now. Her sleeping habit is because of her mental health issues. Don't punish her because of it, she can't control it. As for the boyfriend after boyfriend, that is typical for BPD. I think once you build up trust, you will be able to influence her choices a little bit better. As I said, my dd has BPD and I've experienced this myself. Don't give up hope yet. You still have plenty of time to corral this issue and turn it around. Maybe you could get a therapist for yourself to help you navigate this process. I'm hoping it all works out for you. We've encouraged her to give medication a try but she's very resistant to the idea. She tried it very briefly but then stopped. We can't force her to take the meds, or get therapy, so it's really tough. And of course, now she thinks she's in a good place with this new guy so she doesn't need it. How "briefly" is briefly? Several mental health medications need time (weeks) to build up to full efficacy-- it's not like taking an advil where you might get relief in 20 minutes. If she stopped because she felt it wasn't working, but she didn't give it enough time to work, you fall into that sort of chicken and the egg problem. Just something to bear in mind as you move forward, if you can get back to a place where she might take meds. Best wishes.
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momof4
Junior Member
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Dec 27, 2020 0:44:41 GMT
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Post by momof4 on Dec 27, 2020 22:15:34 GMT
We've encouraged her to give medication a try but she's very resistant to the idea. She tried it very briefly but then stopped. We can't force her to take the meds, or get therapy, so it's really tough. And of course, now she thinks she's in a good place with this new guy so she doesn't need it. How "briefly" is briefly? Several mental health medications need time (weeks) to build up to full efficacy-- it's not like taking an advil where you might get relief in 20 minutes. If she stopped because she felt it wasn't working, but she didn't give it enough time to work, you fall into that sort of chicken and the egg problem. Just something to bear in mind as you move forward, if you can get back to a place where she might take meds. Best wishes. She tried the meds for about 4-5 months from what I recall and said they didn't help. I suggested we go back to the doctor to get different meds, but she wasn't interested in doing that. She was close to 18 at that time, so I didn't think pushing the issue would lead to her compliance.
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Post by tryingtobewise on Dec 27, 2020 23:23:08 GMT
I am struggling greatly with my 18 year old daughter who is exhibiting many of the same behaviors. So OP, I offer hugs and much commiseration. I also want to thank everyone, especially Jeremysgirl, for all of the wisdom shared.
I’d also like to add one other thing... I have worked in the administration side of behavioral health (mental health plus substance abuse) for over 20 years and I’d like to say that “get counseling” or “see a psychiatrist” is much easier said than done. I have worked with dozens if not hundreds of clinicians over the years and they are NOT all created equal in terms of skill level. There is usually a long wait for the good ones and many hoops to jump through, and often at a great expense. Many of the best clinicians no longer take insurance due to low reimbursement rates. And trust me, you do not want to just go to the first therapist or psychiatrist that can get you in quickly. Due to the field I work in I have access to great care for my daughter and it is still a challenge and expensive to sort out, let alone tough to convince her to go. So while “get counseling” is safe way to respond to this OP, please recognize that it actually isn’t all that easy. Ok - off my soapbox.
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Post by elaine on Dec 27, 2020 23:39:15 GMT
I am struggling greatly with my 18 year old daughter who is exhibiting many of the same behaviors. So OP, I offer hugs and much commiseration. I also want to thank everyone, especially Jeremysgirl, for all of the wisdom shared. I’d also like to add one other thing... I have worked in the administration side of behavioral health (mental health plus substance abuse) for over 20 years and I’d like to say that “get counseling” or “see a psychiatrist” is much easier said than done. I have worked with dozens if not hundreds of clinicians over the years and they are NOT all created equal in terms of skill level. There is usually a long wait for the good ones and many hoops to jump through, and often at a great expense. Many of the best clinicians no longer take insurance due to low reimbursement rates. And trust me, you do not want to just go to the first therapist or psychiatrist that can get you in quickly. Due to the field I work in I have access to great care for my daughter and it is still a challenge and expensive to sort out, let alone tough to convince her to go. So while “get counseling” is safe way to respond to this OP, please recognize that it actually isn’t all that easy. Ok - off my soapbox. I made my recommendations as a psychologist myself. I understand very well how difficult it can be to obtain psychological help. In this situation, it still is the single best thing that the OP could spend her energy doing to help with what is going on for multiple people in the family (the 19 yo daughter, the OP, the Dh, and the second daughter with health issues), IMO. There is very little that women on a message board can offer in terms of real help, other than supporting the OP in obtaining professional help. This situation was years in the making and will likely take years of hard work on multiple family members’ parts to make it better. We can support the OP on that journey, but only a professional who will sit and work with her and her family members on a weekly (or more often) basis will be able to help them make the inter- and intra-personal changes that will lead to better mental and maybe physical health for everyone. When peas come here with heart issues, we recommend seeing a cardiologist. When peas have thyroid issues, we recommend seeing an endocrinologist- even though endocrinologists are as harder, or harder, to get into than psychologists and psychiatrists. When peas have gynecological issues, Melissa, who is a Gynecologist, will chime in, but most often tell the pea to see her gynecologist. We are women on a message board and when an OP posts about a problem that needs a professional response, we usually recommend that, along with making other suggestions and comments and support. So, IMO, responding with suggesting the OP seek out psychological help isn’t the “safe” response, it is the responsible response.
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Post by dewryce on Dec 27, 2020 23:44:23 GMT
Reading your posts from the first page it seems to me the majority of this is likely being caused by a mental disorder, and I’m sorry to say that until that is addressed and treated things aren’t likely to get permanently better. I’d definitely attend counseling with your husband. Stop catering to her, because you’re right the other children are learning what is acceptable watching her. And do whatever you can to get her in therapy as well. Will taking control of the car do it? You want the car next week, you go to therapy with us today? Only you know your daughter and if that’s likely to backfire.
First things first. Family therapy, even if she refuses to go. And stop trying to control her wherever possible. She’s just going to keep bucking up against everything until you do. So pick your battles, personally I’d start with therapy and treating you with respect.
I’m sorry, you’re in a really difficult spot and I’m sure it hurts just as much or more than it aggravates you (((hugs))).
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Post by tryingtobewise on Dec 27, 2020 23:52:59 GMT
Elaine, you’re right... it is definitely responsible and ideally very worthwhile. I just feel like so often the suggestion to “get counseling” is suggested as if it is an easy thing to do, when we know it isn’t. I guess I’m offering to the OP or anyone, the acknowledgement that it can be tough to get the right behavioral health assistance, so don’t feel bad or beat yourself up if takes some time and effort, and already in short supply energy, to make that all come together.
I hope this makes sense.. typing on my iPhone isn’t a strong suit.
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Post by threegirls on Dec 28, 2020 0:08:48 GMT
tryingtobewise and elaine - I think you are both spot-on. Suggesting therapy is the responsible thing to do and finding a skilled therapist that connects with the client can be difficult (and expensive) to find. It does take research and time to find the appropriate therapist.
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Post by elaine on Dec 28, 2020 0:39:49 GMT
Elaine, you’re right... it is definitely responsible and ideally very worthwhile. I just feel like so often the suggestion to “get counseling” is suggested as if it is an easy thing to do, when we know it isn’t. I guess I’m offering to the OP or anyone, the acknowledgement that it can be tough to get the right behavioral health assistance, so don’t feel bad or beat yourself up if takes some time and effort, and already in short supply energy, to make that all come together. I hope this makes sense.. typing on my iPhone isn’t a strong suit. Yes, it makes sense! 😀 Seeking psychological help *is* hard for a variety of reasons - including the societal stigma, lack of resources - including clinicians, funding, insurance coverage (the Reagan-era gutted mental health systems put in place during the Kennedy era), and the personal difficulty in admitting you need help. It is exponentially harder to seek and receive psychological help than it should be. I never make the suggestion in a knee-jerk fashion. And I know that there are quite few women who have responded on this thread that have been in therapy when they need it over the years, including myself.
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Deleted
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May 17, 2024 6:21:10 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 28, 2020 1:30:53 GMT
How "briefly" is briefly? Several mental health medications need time (weeks) to build up to full efficacy-- it's not like taking an advil where you might get relief in 20 minutes. If she stopped because she felt it wasn't working, but she didn't give it enough time to work, you fall into that sort of chicken and the egg problem. Just something to bear in mind as you move forward, if you can get back to a place where she might take meds. Best wishes. She tried the meds for about 4-5 months from what I recall and said they didn't help. I suggested we go back to the doctor to get different meds, but she wasn't interested in doing that. She was close to 18 at that time, so I didn't think pushing the issue would lead to her compliance. My dd was on different meds for over a year and they didn't seem to work. We did a DNA test through Genesight and found out that she wasn't compatible with ALL of the meds she had been on. We switched them immediately and now a couple years later we definitely see a difference. I know you must be overwhelmed with all of this advice and info but I just wanted to throw that out there too. Because it was a game changer.
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