Close family member may have been murdered ***UPDATE Pg. 4**
May 14, 2021 19:05:50 GMT
KikiPea and cakediva like this
Post by Deleted on May 14, 2021 19:05:50 GMT
5/16 Update:
My mother was finally able to speak to a police investigator at length. They have pretty much ruled out homicide. They feel that my uncle OD'd on bad drugs.
He did pick up "hustler" from the bar and brought him back to his place. They started snorting some coke. The hustler had passed out and came to and could not feel his legs. He is currently in the hospital still with some paralysis. He is the one that called the medics and the the medics automatically have the police on scene. This guy didn't even know that my uncle was already dead on the floor in another room. The investigator told my mother that there was still drug residue on my uncle's body and that the medics feel pretty sure it was a fentanyl OD based on the state of his body. They took evidence from the house, didn't tell my mom what, but the investigator believes it was cocaine laced with fentanyl. My uncle quite possibly did not know...it could have been a bad batch of drugs. Of course, they took tissue samples and all for toxicology reports, which you know will take some time to get back.
Part of me feels, don't want to say relieved, that maybe this way he didn't suffer like he would have if he was murdered by someone. Still, just overwhelmingly sad that his life ended this way. Just really, really sad.
My mother and I have never been close. We definitely have talked more to each other than we normally do in a whole year. In one conversation, she made the comment that it was just me and her now. And last night, she actually said that it was good to hear my voice. I am not even going to put any expectations on our future. Just going to live in the moment.
You Peas are an incredible group of people. Your kind words have really helped keep me buoyant and not sink down into sadness. I appreciate that more than you know.
I am hoping that after I have my vaccine, I can travel over to see my mom. I definitely won't be able to make it for the funeral.
*********************************************************************************
Last night, an email popped up from a person I haven't had contact with in quite sometime. This person asked me to contact him as soon as possible because he heard that my uncle (my mother's brother) was dead. I immediately called him to find out what was going on.
He proceeded to tell me that neighbors that live next door to my uncle's condo had called him because their were police cars in front of my uncle's house. He also said that the police carried someone out in a body bag. Because this person was just a friend of the family and not next of kin, they could not get any information.
There is SOOOOOOOOOO much back story here. First of all, my uncle was 60. He and I are 10 years apart and I was actually closer to him growing up than my mother was. She left me when I was 2 years old, so until I was 8, I live with my grandmother's sister mostly, but I would often stay with my grandmother. My uncle and I very much had a brother/sister relationship...we would fight with each other but through the years, he confided in me more than anyone in the family. He was gay as well as a heavy drug user. I must add, that my mother and uncle had a hell on earth childhood as my grandfather was a HEAVY drinker and just a monster to them. I am pretty sure that my mother was molested and I know for sure they were beaten. I cannot tell you how many times I saw him in relationships with the WORST people. I honestly don't think he ever found/knew true love.
During my grandmother's cancer battle, he was pretty much absent. I was my grandmother's medical power-of-attorney...not her own children. My grandmother had been put in hospice as there was nothing more to be done. The cancer had spread to her lungs, sinuses and brain (started out as throat cancer). She was in so much pain that they put her on a morphine patch. I left her room in the afternoon on a Thursday. I didn't come back in to see her until almost noon the next day. As soon as I got there, the nurse asked me if I knew what had happened to her patch. I told her I was unaware of it missing. I was just about to call my aunt when the nurse mentioned that my uncle came by to see her that night. He was the only person to have access to her other than staff. I told her that my uncle was a drug addict...I caught him MANY times taking her cancer pain medicine at home. I would fill the prescription only to find almost half of it missing the next day. I would confront him many times when I could get a hold of him. My grandmother would tell me that I would only make it worse for her if I fought with him. So I don't even know the truth of how he may have treated her when they were alone. Because the patch had been missing for well over 12 hours, I was told they could not give her the same level that had been in the patch because it could kill her. They would slowly have to increase her med levels to get her back up to what the patch was.
What happened those next two days will scar me for the rest of my life. I have NEVER seen an animal suffer like my grandmother did. She had to have her voice box removed and could not even scream out in pain. Her body was shutting down and she starting aspirating through the hole in her throat the contents of her stomach (she was receiving nutrition through a stomach pump). The hospice unit was incredibly short staffed so I could not call them every time she was choking, so I had to help clean out the hole in her throat. For about 32 hours, she would literally roll back in forth on the bed because she couldn't stand the touch of the sheets...she just was in so much pain and the only way to express this was through the horrible agony of her body movements. About 3-4 hours before she died, the med levels were enough to let her rest comfortably. Of all the times that my uncle hurt me, THIS was the most unforgivable act for me. He acted like a complete asshole during the funeral and definitely afterwards when it came to dividing what little assets she had. When we moved to Morocco in 2013, I refused to contact him or speak to him, even during the couple of visits we had back to the States.
Some of you may remember that I went to the States this past October to bring my BIL home after his head injury. I was out eating dinner with my mother and great-aunt, when my uncle showed up to dinner. My mother did not tell me that she called him to join us because she knew I would object and say no. I made the best of the dinner but kept my guard up. I could tell my uncle was high. He was crying and saying how much he missed me and how sorry he was about "things" that had happened. I had been through his apology tours before, so I just played nice.
In the very early hours of yesterday morning, like 1am, he was out at a bar. He started talking to one of the male dancers at the place and we are guessing he invited this person back to his place. He sent a text to a friend that the guy was acting weird and "wanted the money upfront". At some point, the medics were called. We don't know at this time WHO called the medics. We are being told by people at the bar that he left with TWO people...a guy and a girl.
My mother has contacted the police and the details aren't entirely clear. But they did tell her that they are waiting for the case to be assigned to the homicide division. My mother lives 5 hours away from where this happened and of course, I am across the ocean. Even if I could catch a flight tonight, I have not yet had my vaccination. Scheduled to get it on Monday morning, as a matter of fact.
My emotions are all over the place. I am sad that my mother has to deal with this alone. I know far more about his lifestyle and drug use than her. I cannot even begin to imagine what she will find. He had quite a bit of rental property, so his affairs are going to be a mess to untangle. My mother told me that he had actually emailed me because he wanted to patch things up but he did not spell my name correctly. I have been so confident in my decision to cut him out of my life until now. The thought that he died alone...with no family near him. It's making me doubt myself.
AND, in having a conversation with a mutual friend that my uncle and I shared, we were discussing my uncle's problems through the years and his hellish childhood and how that contributed to his addictions. This person made the comment that him getting molested when he was young didn't help either. I had never heard about this and I was surprised because my uncle pretty much kept nothing from me. This person said yeah...he was molested behind a barn. I stopped breathing...because the barn HAD to be where I grew up. Because the same person that took care of me, took care of my mom and uncle when they were young. And I was molested by someone in the family for many years as well. Was it the same person? This person is no longer alive, so I will never know.
I don't even know how to feel or what to say or what to think. I am so completely blindsided by all of this. I have friends here that I can talk to, but they don't know all the history of my uncle and they certainly don't know about what happened when I was younger.
You Peas have helped me so much in the past. Guess I am just talking it out. I am just.....
My mother was finally able to speak to a police investigator at length. They have pretty much ruled out homicide. They feel that my uncle OD'd on bad drugs.
He did pick up "hustler" from the bar and brought him back to his place. They started snorting some coke. The hustler had passed out and came to and could not feel his legs. He is currently in the hospital still with some paralysis. He is the one that called the medics and the the medics automatically have the police on scene. This guy didn't even know that my uncle was already dead on the floor in another room. The investigator told my mother that there was still drug residue on my uncle's body and that the medics feel pretty sure it was a fentanyl OD based on the state of his body. They took evidence from the house, didn't tell my mom what, but the investigator believes it was cocaine laced with fentanyl. My uncle quite possibly did not know...it could have been a bad batch of drugs. Of course, they took tissue samples and all for toxicology reports, which you know will take some time to get back.
Part of me feels, don't want to say relieved, that maybe this way he didn't suffer like he would have if he was murdered by someone. Still, just overwhelmingly sad that his life ended this way. Just really, really sad.
My mother and I have never been close. We definitely have talked more to each other than we normally do in a whole year. In one conversation, she made the comment that it was just me and her now. And last night, she actually said that it was good to hear my voice. I am not even going to put any expectations on our future. Just going to live in the moment.
You Peas are an incredible group of people. Your kind words have really helped keep me buoyant and not sink down into sadness. I appreciate that more than you know.
I am hoping that after I have my vaccine, I can travel over to see my mom. I definitely won't be able to make it for the funeral.
*********************************************************************************
Last night, an email popped up from a person I haven't had contact with in quite sometime. This person asked me to contact him as soon as possible because he heard that my uncle (my mother's brother) was dead. I immediately called him to find out what was going on.
He proceeded to tell me that neighbors that live next door to my uncle's condo had called him because their were police cars in front of my uncle's house. He also said that the police carried someone out in a body bag. Because this person was just a friend of the family and not next of kin, they could not get any information.
There is SOOOOOOOOOO much back story here. First of all, my uncle was 60. He and I are 10 years apart and I was actually closer to him growing up than my mother was. She left me when I was 2 years old, so until I was 8, I live with my grandmother's sister mostly, but I would often stay with my grandmother. My uncle and I very much had a brother/sister relationship...we would fight with each other but through the years, he confided in me more than anyone in the family. He was gay as well as a heavy drug user. I must add, that my mother and uncle had a hell on earth childhood as my grandfather was a HEAVY drinker and just a monster to them. I am pretty sure that my mother was molested and I know for sure they were beaten. I cannot tell you how many times I saw him in relationships with the WORST people. I honestly don't think he ever found/knew true love.
During my grandmother's cancer battle, he was pretty much absent. I was my grandmother's medical power-of-attorney...not her own children. My grandmother had been put in hospice as there was nothing more to be done. The cancer had spread to her lungs, sinuses and brain (started out as throat cancer). She was in so much pain that they put her on a morphine patch. I left her room in the afternoon on a Thursday. I didn't come back in to see her until almost noon the next day. As soon as I got there, the nurse asked me if I knew what had happened to her patch. I told her I was unaware of it missing. I was just about to call my aunt when the nurse mentioned that my uncle came by to see her that night. He was the only person to have access to her other than staff. I told her that my uncle was a drug addict...I caught him MANY times taking her cancer pain medicine at home. I would fill the prescription only to find almost half of it missing the next day. I would confront him many times when I could get a hold of him. My grandmother would tell me that I would only make it worse for her if I fought with him. So I don't even know the truth of how he may have treated her when they were alone. Because the patch had been missing for well over 12 hours, I was told they could not give her the same level that had been in the patch because it could kill her. They would slowly have to increase her med levels to get her back up to what the patch was.
What happened those next two days will scar me for the rest of my life. I have NEVER seen an animal suffer like my grandmother did. She had to have her voice box removed and could not even scream out in pain. Her body was shutting down and she starting aspirating through the hole in her throat the contents of her stomach (she was receiving nutrition through a stomach pump). The hospice unit was incredibly short staffed so I could not call them every time she was choking, so I had to help clean out the hole in her throat. For about 32 hours, she would literally roll back in forth on the bed because she couldn't stand the touch of the sheets...she just was in so much pain and the only way to express this was through the horrible agony of her body movements. About 3-4 hours before she died, the med levels were enough to let her rest comfortably. Of all the times that my uncle hurt me, THIS was the most unforgivable act for me. He acted like a complete asshole during the funeral and definitely afterwards when it came to dividing what little assets she had. When we moved to Morocco in 2013, I refused to contact him or speak to him, even during the couple of visits we had back to the States.
Some of you may remember that I went to the States this past October to bring my BIL home after his head injury. I was out eating dinner with my mother and great-aunt, when my uncle showed up to dinner. My mother did not tell me that she called him to join us because she knew I would object and say no. I made the best of the dinner but kept my guard up. I could tell my uncle was high. He was crying and saying how much he missed me and how sorry he was about "things" that had happened. I had been through his apology tours before, so I just played nice.
In the very early hours of yesterday morning, like 1am, he was out at a bar. He started talking to one of the male dancers at the place and we are guessing he invited this person back to his place. He sent a text to a friend that the guy was acting weird and "wanted the money upfront". At some point, the medics were called. We don't know at this time WHO called the medics. We are being told by people at the bar that he left with TWO people...a guy and a girl.
My mother has contacted the police and the details aren't entirely clear. But they did tell her that they are waiting for the case to be assigned to the homicide division. My mother lives 5 hours away from where this happened and of course, I am across the ocean. Even if I could catch a flight tonight, I have not yet had my vaccination. Scheduled to get it on Monday morning, as a matter of fact.
My emotions are all over the place. I am sad that my mother has to deal with this alone. I know far more about his lifestyle and drug use than her. I cannot even begin to imagine what she will find. He had quite a bit of rental property, so his affairs are going to be a mess to untangle. My mother told me that he had actually emailed me because he wanted to patch things up but he did not spell my name correctly. I have been so confident in my decision to cut him out of my life until now. The thought that he died alone...with no family near him. It's making me doubt myself.
AND, in having a conversation with a mutual friend that my uncle and I shared, we were discussing my uncle's problems through the years and his hellish childhood and how that contributed to his addictions. This person made the comment that him getting molested when he was young didn't help either. I had never heard about this and I was surprised because my uncle pretty much kept nothing from me. This person said yeah...he was molested behind a barn. I stopped breathing...because the barn HAD to be where I grew up. Because the same person that took care of me, took care of my mom and uncle when they were young. And I was molested by someone in the family for many years as well. Was it the same person? This person is no longer alive, so I will never know.
I don't even know how to feel or what to say or what to think. I am so completely blindsided by all of this. I have friends here that I can talk to, but they don't know all the history of my uncle and they certainly don't know about what happened when I was younger.
You Peas have helped me so much in the past. Guess I am just talking it out. I am just.....
