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Post by Merge on Apr 24, 2023 3:03:27 GMT
Merge I know that she wants to be released and it's hard to have her at an inpatient hospital, but it might be best if they get her stable and keep her stable for a bit before her release. That way she'll have a head start on her recovery. I'm so sorry that you have covid on top of everything else. This is absolutely a "life isn't fair" moment. Got another teary call from her this evening. She’s struggling because the other patients are sometimes violent and aggressive. She had an adult coloring book we left for her and another patient took it away. No help from the people who work there. It’s difficult for me to imagine my kid in such a chaotic and scary place. I begin to wonder if she can really start recovering there.
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Post by agengr2004 on Apr 24, 2023 12:06:06 GMT
Merge I know that she wants to be released and it's hard to have her at an inpatient hospital, but it might be best if they get her stable and keep her stable for a bit before her release. That way she'll have a head start on her recovery. I'm so sorry that you have covid on top of everything else. This is absolutely a "life isn't fair" moment. Got another teary call from her this evening. She’s struggling because the other patients are sometimes violent and aggressive. She had an adult coloring book we left for her and another patient took it away. No help from the people who work there. It’s difficult for me to imagine my kid in such a chaotic and scary place. I begin to wonder if she can really start recovering there. I know everyone is different, but I will say that in my daughter's case it really did help. Even if it took us 15+ hours in the waiting room to get her admitted. She got into a fight in there defending herself, and that was terrifying to hear. If you get to go visit her, take a lot of quarters for the vending machine. I'm sorry you're having to go through this, there just aren't words.
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Post by peasapie on Apr 24, 2023 12:14:53 GMT
Merge I know that she wants to be released and it's hard to have her at an inpatient hospital, but it might be best if they get her stable and keep her stable for a bit before her release. That way she'll have a head start on her recovery. I'm so sorry that you have covid on top of everything else. This is absolutely a "life isn't fair" moment. Got another teary call from her this evening. She’s struggling because the other patients are sometimes violent and aggressive. She had an adult coloring book we left for her and another patient took it away. No help from the people who work there. It’s difficult for me to imagine my kid in such a chaotic and scary place. I begin to wonder if she can really start recovering there. I have no experience nor advice, but I know I’d be feeling the same as you. My heart is with you as you make these decisions with your daughter.
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Post by Merge on Apr 24, 2023 13:08:23 GMT
Got another teary call from her this evening. She’s struggling because the other patients are sometimes violent and aggressive. She had an adult coloring book we left for her and another patient took it away. No help from the people who work there. It’s difficult for me to imagine my kid in such a chaotic and scary place. I begin to wonder if she can really start recovering there. I have no experience nor advice, but I know I’d be feeling the same as you. My heart is with you as you make these decisions with your daughter. The struggle right now is that all the decisions have been taken out of our hands. She was admitted to the ER under a 72 hour hold, which was converted to an emergency protection order that allowed her to be sent to the behavioral health hospital. We don't have any say in where she is or how long she stays there. I believe we could have her transferred to a private facility, but they don't take our insurance and the $2000/day fee is not doable for us right now. We are all struggling with feeling powerless.
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Post by Merge on Apr 24, 2023 13:11:18 GMT
Got another teary call from her this evening. She’s struggling because the other patients are sometimes violent and aggressive. She had an adult coloring book we left for her and another patient took it away. No help from the people who work there. It’s difficult for me to imagine my kid in such a chaotic and scary place. I begin to wonder if she can really start recovering there. I know everyone is different, but I will say that in my daughter's case it really did help. Even if it took us 15+ hours in the waiting room to get her admitted. She got into a fight in there defending herself, and that was terrifying to hear. If you get to go visit her, take a lot of quarters for the vending machine. I'm sorry you're having to go through this, there just aren't words. No vending machines. They're not allowed to have any cash and there's no secure place for her to keep it.
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Post by agengr2004 on Apr 24, 2023 13:13:15 GMT
I meant during visitation. We could buy them things they could eat and drink during the visit.
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Nanner
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,969
Jun 25, 2014 23:13:23 GMT
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Post by Nanner on Apr 24, 2023 13:35:48 GMT
When my DD was in, she spent the first 6 days in the adult unit (she was 16) until they could get her into the young adult unit. A woman in her 4 bed ward made an attempt by cutting her wrists in the bathroom one night. Someone had somehow got a glass vase in to her past the front desk.
They put her on the top of the list for the young adult unit and, as above, they moved her there 6 days after admission. They only took 13 kids, ages 13 - 18 and it was much better. She was there for over a month and continued her counselling, psychologist and psychiatrists visits there every week for 2 years more. DH and I went to a parent support group the unit offered. I found it helpful. I had found it hard to talk about it around people who hadn't gone through something like it, so didn't understand, and in the support group, we were all in similar circumstances. My bff would say "talk to me - you need to talk" and all I could say was "I can't find the words".
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Nanner
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,969
Jun 25, 2014 23:13:23 GMT
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Post by Nanner on Apr 24, 2023 13:44:27 GMT
Merge I know that she wants to be released and it's hard to have her at an inpatient hospital, but it might be best if they get her stable and keep her stable for a bit before her release. That way she'll have a head start on her recovery. I'm so sorry that you have covid on top of everything else. This is absolutely a "life isn't fair" moment. Got another teary call from her this evening. She’s struggling because the other patients are sometimes violent and aggressive. She had an adult coloring book we left for her and another patient took it away. No help from the people who work there. It’s difficult for me to imagine my kid in such a chaotic and scary place. I begin to wonder if she can really start recovering there. DD would cry and blame me for putting her in there - I felt so horrible. SO horrible. I was there every day after week and went back a couple of times in the evening bringing her 2 closest friends. Each person had their own room (shared a bathroom with one other). I'd bring her jigsaw puzzles, crossword puzzles, etc.
We kept her there until they felt she had begun a good recovery and it was time to come home, although as above, we took her in weekly for counselling for 2 years - family therapy, psychologist and psychiatrist, all for different aspects and the same ones she'd been seeing while she was admitted.
Good luck to you all. It's a very dark time.
Fortunately there was no violence or aggression, but there were only 13 kids so they could keep a pretty good eye on stuff. I don't know what I'd have done if there'd been that to contend with.
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Post by malibou on Apr 24, 2023 16:19:34 GMT
Merge I have only read your OP, but want you to know that I am tucking you both up in my safest thoughts while you navigate this episode of life.
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Post by mom on Apr 25, 2023 0:01:50 GMT
I have no experience nor advice, but I know I’d be feeling the same as you. My heart is with you as you make these decisions with your daughter. The struggle right now is that all the decisions have been taken out of our hands. She was admitted to the ER under a 72 hour hold, which was converted to an emergency protection order that allowed her to be sent to the behavioral health hospital. We don't have any say in where she is or how long she stays there. I believe we could have her transferred to a private facility, but they don't take our insurance and the $2000/day fee is not doable for us right now. We are all struggling with feeling powerless. I went through this with DS1 last week. It is so hard on parents - the helplessness and just not knowing what's going on is the worst. What helped DS1 was getting him an approved book to read - he went through so many books. He was able to 'escape' through reading. FWIW, DS1 was released after a few days and he shouldn't have. It's just a matter of time before he is back, but legally the Dr felt he was ok and the judge went with what the dr said. He's now on a binge (alcohol) and he is refusing to tell us where he is and his 'friend' is enabling him. You and your daughter are in my thoughts. Earlier today I was feeling so alone and just knowing you are in a Similar situation brought me comfort (NOT that I would wish this on anyone).
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Post by Merge on Apr 25, 2023 0:21:30 GMT
The struggle right now is that all the decisions have been taken out of our hands. She was admitted to the ER under a 72 hour hold, which was converted to an emergency protection order that allowed her to be sent to the behavioral health hospital. We don't have any say in where she is or how long she stays there. I believe we could have her transferred to a private facility, but they don't take our insurance and the $2000/day fee is not doable for us right now. We are all struggling with feeling powerless. I went through this with DS1 last week. It is so hard on parents - the helplessness and just not knowing what's going on is the worst. What helped DS1 was getting him an approved book to read - he went through so many books. He was able to 'escape' through reading. FWIW, DS1 was released after a few days and he shouldn't have. It's just a matter of time before he is back, but legally the Dr felt he was ok and the judge went with what the dr said. He's now on a binge (alcohol) and he is refusing to tell us where he is and his 'friend' is enabling him. You and your daughter are in my thoughts. Earlier today I was feeling so alone and just knowing you are in a Similar situation brought me comfort (NOT that I would wish this on anyone). Thank you. It does help for sure to know we're not the only parents dealing with this. You and your son will be in my thoughts as well.
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Post by SallyPA on Apr 25, 2023 2:14:04 GMT
Awwwww, Merge. I am so sorry. I don’t have any advice. I just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you and your family.
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Post by MichyM on Apr 25, 2023 2:18:41 GMT
Merge and mom , I am so very sorry for all that you, your children, and your families are handling with right now. I honestly cannot imagine the stress and worry. Sending you both lots of warm, caring thoughts...
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Post by flanz on Apr 25, 2023 3:26:24 GMT
Merge and mom , I am so very sorry for all that you, your children, and your families are handling with right now. I honestly cannot imagine the stress and worry. Sending you both lots of warm, caring thoughts... I was just coming on to write this exact message. May your children be safe and well. xoxo
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Post by dizzycheermom on Apr 25, 2023 3:48:58 GMT
My heart goes out to Merge, mom and any others dealing with this. My nephew has had similar issues in the last year but is finally on the right medications and doing better. Sending healing thoughts ❤️
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Post by jovifan on Apr 25, 2023 11:06:50 GMT
Hope you are hanging in there, Merge!
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Post by jeremysgirl on Apr 25, 2023 11:15:03 GMT
mom I'm sorry you are going through this too. I'm sending all my hugs and prayers. I know exactly how worried you must be. The alcohol just makes everything so much worse. I always felt like there was no hope left when they turn to alcohol/drugs. But I swear to you that there is hope. Hang in there. It took the court getting involved for Chloe to turn her life around. I pray it doesn't come to that for your kid but if he needs it, he needs it. Until he hits whatever he needs to trigger change, I pray today that he be safe. And I pray that you are able to hang in there emotionally until he does. ❤️
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Post by melanell on Apr 25, 2023 12:09:47 GMT
I'm just seeing this today. I am so sorry that you are going through this.
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Post by mikklynn on Apr 25, 2023 13:12:56 GMT
Merge and mom You are both in my prayers today. Gentle hugs and much love to you both.
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scrappinmama
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,884
Jun 26, 2014 12:54:09 GMT
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Post by scrappinmama on Apr 25, 2023 13:15:28 GMT
Merge, your feelings are valid. Of course you are worried and questioning what to do. This is one of the most difficult things a parent will face. I'm praying for safety and for healing for your family. Keep hanging in there!
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Post by workingclassdog on Apr 25, 2023 13:42:41 GMT
I wish I knew what to say in this situation.. I'm so sorry!! Hang in there.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Apr 25, 2023 14:20:54 GMT
I'm so sorry Merge - and mom - when our children struggle it's heartbreaking, and it does not get any easier when they're adults. Thinking of you hoping they find the help they need.
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Dalai Mama
Drama Llama
La Pea Boheme
Posts: 6,985
Jun 26, 2014 0:31:31 GMT
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Post by Dalai Mama on Apr 25, 2023 16:20:55 GMT
I have no experience or advice but know that I'm thinking of you.
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Post by roundtwo on Apr 25, 2023 21:00:04 GMT
I don't have any experience or advice either but I hope knowing that there are so many of us who are thinking of you and your family helps at least a little bit.
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Post by scrappintoee on Apr 25, 2023 21:55:33 GMT
She had an adult coloring book we left for her and another patient took it away. No help from the people who work there. It's troubling that the staff isn't helping with her stolen coloring book. If there are fights and violence, how can the staff NOT help? Do they expect her to try and get it back on her own? I'm so sorry about all of this, AND that you have covid on top of all of it! Also, I'm sorry that your insurance won't pay for the private hospital.
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Post by Merge on Apr 25, 2023 22:10:46 GMT
She had an adult coloring book we left for her and another patient took it away. No help from the people who work there. It's troubling that the staff isn't helping with her stolen coloring book. If there are fights and violence, how can the staff NOT help? Do they expect her to try and get it back on her own? I'm so sorry about all of this, AND that you have covid on top of all of it! Also, I'm sorry that your insurance won't pay for the private hospital. IDK, she wasn't super stable that day and may be a bit of an unreliable narrator. It does sound like they're understaffed at 2 techs to assist with 26 mentally ill adults, but then again, that's a way lower ratio than exists in my classroom. We've discovered there are three levels of inpatient mental health settings, pretty much like any medical setting. Detailed below for those who are curious. *There's the county hospital, for people who are uninsured. That's not where she is. We are fortunate to have good private insurance. *There are behavioral health hospitals and units within hospitals that take insurance like BCBS or Aetna or what have you. She is in one of those and I hear we were lucky to get a spot so quickly - mental health beds are hard to find even here in a big city. Even so, we expect a hefty bill because insurance is an 80/20 split. *And then there are high-end places that are almost as much spa as hospital, that don't take insurance at all, though you can submit out of network and hope for the best. The kind of place where celebrities go to rehab. That's not at all in our budget so that's not where she is. Despite the bumps, DD seems much better today and says she's made some friends (does she need more mentally ill friends? IDK but it's difficult for a kid with her issues to make and keep "normal" friends, we've found). She is also able to see how her own choices led to her being here, and she's very angry with herself. She wants to get out quickly so she can finish school. We've told her that being well is her first priority. Her professors have all approved her for an incomplete grade if needed, which will allow her to walk with her class and finish up her coursework right around the same time. The outcome all could have been much, much worse, so we're grateful. She could be released as early as tomorrow or not until Friday. That isn't clear yet.
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Post by AussieMeg on Apr 25, 2023 22:54:19 GMT
I'm really glad to hear a more promising update from you today Merge . I know the ordeal isn't over yet, but I hope you can now take s small sigh of relief. It's wonderful that her professors have all approved her for an incomplete grade so she can walk with her class.
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Post by gar on Apr 25, 2023 23:33:02 GMT
Any good news is welcome I’m sure 🙂 I’m glad she sounded a little better too, that must have been a relief.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,620
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Apr 25, 2023 23:40:45 GMT
Merge I know that she wants to be released and it's hard to have her at an inpatient hospital, but it might be best if they get her stable and keep her stable for a bit before her release. That way she'll have a head start on her recovery. I'm so sorry that you have covid on top of everything else. This is absolutely a "life isn't fair" moment. Got another teary call from her this evening. She’s struggling because the other patients are sometimes violent and aggressive. She had an adult coloring book we left for her and another patient took it away. No help from the people who work there. It’s difficult for me to imagine my kid in such a chaotic and scary place. I begin to wonder if she can really start recovering there. A dear friend of mine has a daughter who was really motivated to change and get better after her psychiatric hospitalization. First, she didn't ever want to go back again; second, she said "wow, there are people who are a lot sicker than I am. I have a lot going on for me" and that was a game-changer. She's done really, really well ever since. Continuing to wish you all the best.
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Post by Merge on Apr 26, 2023 0:09:07 GMT
Got another teary call from her this evening. She’s struggling because the other patients are sometimes violent and aggressive. She had an adult coloring book we left for her and another patient took it away. No help from the people who work there. It’s difficult for me to imagine my kid in such a chaotic and scary place. I begin to wonder if she can really start recovering there. A dear friend of mine has a daughter who was really motivated to change and get better after her psychiatric hospitalization. First, she didn't ever want to go back again; second, she said "wow, there are people who are a lot sicker than I am. I have a lot going on for me" and that was a game-changer. She's done really, really well ever since. Continuing to wish you all the best. Thank you for sharing this. I am sincerely hoping this will be the case. Despite all her challenges, this child is graduating with honors and can have a very bright future ahead of her. This moment feels pivotal. But we're also past the point where mom and dad can fix every problem. She has to want to get better.
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