"20 minutes of action" Vent *sexual assault mentioned*

20minofaction


I am so sorry that your son can't eat his favorite foods and only "eats only to exist". 

I am so sorry that you think your son being incarcerated is "a steep price to pay for only 20 minutes of action"

I was the victim of a man's "20 minutes of action" when I was 13 years old.  In broad daylight.  
 
20 minutes (approximately) was enough time to:

-be choked unconscious
-have my virginity taken
-forever have the smell of freshly cut grass at the very least make me nauseated and at the very worst be a trigger for nightmares.
-made me doubt my worth as a person, enough so that attempting suicide seemed the answer
-turned a straight A student into a student that barely graduated high school because of the depression, loss of sleep and absolute belief that it/I just wasn't worth it.



In approximately 20 minutes this man was able to hit, choke and rape me.  I say approximately because I went in and out of consciousness.  Forgive me if I wasn't really keeping track of the time.

Tight, multi colored, stone wash jeans were popular then, I was wearing a pair. Forgive me, they must have been too tight. 

At that point, I had never kissed a boy but forgive me for being the seductress that drove a man to rape. To crush my mouth with his while choking me and grinding into me. 

Forgive me, I must have had a part in causing this to happen to me because I never reported it.  I hid bruises, wore sunglasses, refused to go to school resulting in a huge blowout with my mother, I bled but I wasn't on my period, I was sore (it hurt to use the restroom)
I started taking long showers and staying up at night so I could sleep through the day.  My mother was not the most involved parent.  She ignored all of the changes and blamed it on teenage angst.
 I walked three blocks from where I was raped with red eyes, grass in my hair, darkening bruises around my neck, blood running down my leg inside my jeans, in broad daylight.  Some far off part of my mind said that someone would see me and they would help me.  That person would start the process that I was too afraid to start. Someone would take care of me. But that walk... it was like I was invisible. That must be why he did it. I was so insignificant that he could do this and no one would see that it happened, no one would see Me.  I was worthless. Forgive me, until then I didn't know I was worthless.

I am almost 40.   27 years later, reading about this case, reading the letter from the victim to the rapist was enough to be a trigger.  I have had nightmares for 2 nights.  20 minutes and 27 FUCKING YEARS LATER.   20 minutes.   27 YEARS.

Forgive me but I DON'T GIVE A SHIT HOW THIS NEGATIVELY AFFECTS YOUR SON.

Forgive me if I think that 6 months jail time because he was a Stanford student and potential Olympic swimmer is just another damn violation of his victim and every person who has been a victim to someone like him.  

I was violated mentally, physically and emotionally.  I am not the same person I was before that. I will never be the person I could have potentially been if that had not happened.  That person is as good as dead as if I had been successful in my suicide attempt.

“A prison sentence would have a severe impact on him. … I think he will not be a danger to others,” the judge said, citing Turner’s youth and lack of criminal record, the Guardian reported.

He is a rapist.  He took something that is not visible, can't be quantified and the result of which has immeasurable effects for years.   That's enough of a danger for me.