When your nephew is a horrible person

Let me start by saying that children are not perfect, they’re always learning and developing life skills. Cutting ties is not an option but I’m just so aghast that sometimes writing it down helps.

My SIL has 4 children, the second youngest is 10 and he’s developing into a horrible person. Not the usual 10 year old issues, but major manipulation, lying, stealing, and incredibly mean. And while I don’t see eye to eye with her on almost all parenting practices, her other 3 kids are just your usual kids.

With them being family we do spend some Sunday’s together. We have 3 teens, two of them being 16 year old boys. Our boys often get frustrated with the stuff this kid does. If they’re near him, he’ll randomly kick them in the groin because he thinks it’s funny. Or he’ll taunt them by saying that later on they’re going to go rub their penises together, lots of sexual suggestions that our boys don’t even want to tell me about. He’s obsessed with sex, everything that involves the body. He’s been obsessed with his penis since as long as my SIL can remember, and while that in itself is not a big deal, it’s the words that come with it. The appalling perverted language that comes out of him. My SIL has shared her frustrations to us about his obsession with sex. It’s bad enough that I’m concerned for him becoming an adult.

He’ll be a huge jerk in the mornings when they’re getting ready for school, when his mom gets frustrated with him he’ll quietly ask his mom to come to his room, he then gets emotional and tells her that he feels like he doesn’t love her anymore. And my SIL doesn’t see how bad his manipulation is so she’ll play right into him.

Today he asks his friends to “raise your hand if you think *Johnny (his younger brother) is ugly”. He’ll randomly tell his brother he’s ugly at the dinner table.

He’s been caught telling so many lies. My SIL is convinced he stole $20 from his older brother but he denies it (long story but he totally took it) and since she couldn’t find the $20 in his room she felt like she couldn’t do anything about it.

But the one that really caught me off guard today was when our boys told me that he’s always taunting them and calling them fat. Both of our boys are not slim, they’re chunky. They’re both over 6’ tall and weigh over 200lbs. I was so frustrated when they told me that. Our boys are sweethearts, anyone that knows them will say the same. One of our sons was valedictorian at his grade 9 grad, he was given awards for being a person we could all strive to be like. I don’t say that to brag (although I am incredibly proud of them) but just to point out how frustrating it is for me to watch our boys get taunted for weighing an extra 20-40 lbs when this nephew is everything I detest. In a moment of frustration I told our boys they had my permission to punch him and put him in his place. But knowing our boys, they won’t because we’ve taught them to be kind, to love, and to see the good in people.

This nephew’s last birthday party was a nightmare. He felt he was owed all the attention that day. All the family was there (over 30 adults/kids), but some of us were busy chatting and not watching him open gifts. He threw a fit and ran off. He was in the family van screaming at the top of his lungs. I felt like asking for our gift back. Which by the way...when their teen ds had a birthday we gave him a certain amount in cash which was a little higher than they normally give I guess. His mom made sure to tell me that the “horrible” nephew was expecting the same amount which we had no intentions of doing because the other party had special meaning behind it.

We were camping with a group one time and something happened where he got extremely mad at his mom. He looked at her and snapped his brand new glasses in half out of anger. SIL didn’t know what would be appropriate punishment so I don’t think he ever received any sort of discipline for that one. she feels that your children just need to know that you hear them and understand.

My SIL worries about him and what he’s becoming. But at the same time, so many of these issues are there because of her parenting. Her other kids have expressed frustration and question why their brother can’t just be normal.

So please tell me I’m not the only one that regularity gets to witness awful behaviour out of children.