To sit or not to sit...brother with a new-ish baby-UPDATE
Apr 12, 2019 20:43:54 GMT
lucyg, katyscrap, and 3 more like this
Post by Deleted on Apr 12, 2019 20:43:54 GMT
First, a HUGE thank you to all. I really appreciated all the advice/affirmations/other perspectives. I was able to have a brief conversation with my brother this weekend and here are some things we discussed.
1) They like her to be sat at home for several reasons. The major reason is that they do not feel like anyone else's home is baby proofed enough. By this I mean they have pool noodles duct taped around their coffee table, every outlet covered, all cupboard doors locked up tight, gates galore, I don't know what else, a toilet lock I think. Some things are bubble wrapped. (that is not a joke) So (per my brother) IF they were to consider her coming to someone's home, it would need to be proofed like this. OMG. That is not going to happen for me, my kids would die laughing if I did all that. I explained to him that if she came to my house I would gate off the area we were in, and make sure that area was safe. I cannot wholly baby proof my house, that ship has sailed. So she probably won't be coming over to my house. Additionally, for the longer sitting (get this) they need someone there for their dog. So the baby gets babysat BUT they also have a pet sitter. I never considered that, lol. Someone to let the dog out, make sure it is fed, etc..frankly I'd rather care for the dog at this point. No bubble wrap needed!
2) That led to the driving. I explained (totally put it on me) that I am so busy with stuff and how much I want to help them, but I am stretched too thin. And that telling me we cannot go anywhere seriously impacts how much I am able to help them. Score! He said he would talk to his wife about that.
3) Yes, my brother was not super involved with his first child. He said he looks at this as his chance to "do it right", with both the baby AND the 2nd marriage. Good grief. To that note, his wife's word is law because she is following all the "correct" guidelines.
While not a super helpful conversation, it was good to talk and get some insight. I do kind of feel bad for him, he is so concerned with not wanting to "mess up this time" that he is fearful of making any mistake. I told him in no uncertain terms that he just needed to make sure his daughter knew she was loved and cared for and that no matter how careful he was or how to the line they followed the American Academy of Pediatrics there were going to be some mistakes.
Hi,
I am crowd sourcing some advice here...my brother is on the 2nd family train, (he has an older child from a previous marriage, she is 25) which is fine. His wife is much younger than he is and she married into a family where there are no little kids, we all have teens. His wife is an only child.
He and his wife had a baby last year and they want me to babysit, but have tons of rules and it is not really working in my life, and they are getting a little testy with me.
First, with two teens I am very busy. One doesn't drive yet, so I am seemingly always at activities, etc. My brother and SIL ask me to sit and I am happy to do so for a couple hours, but they want to be gone all day. So the length of of the sitting is long. Which brings me to point #2. I have offered several times to have my niece at my house so that I can get stuff done during naptime, etc.. but they have said no. They only want her to be sat at their house. We also cannot go anywhere. Last week my son had a practice and I was supposed to babysit. I realized that I needed to run my son to his practice in the middle of when I was supposed to be sitting, so I called my brother to tell him that I would need to do that. He freaked and said my niece was not to be driven by anyone but him and my SIL, so he would find a different arrangement. He then got upset with me because no other family members were able to babysit, and they do not allow people who are not related to them to babysit her.
When I do go over there to sit, I have to wash my hands before picking her up or touching any of her toys. When she is done playing with a toy, it gets washed. No tv is allowed to be on as it could damage her eyes. They only watch tv when she is napping or sleeping for the night. They would also *prefer* people were not on the phone, although they said they could not enforce that.
I have raised (most of the way lol) two kids of my own. I drive them all over the place. Obviously if it was unsafe I would not take a child out, (icy, snow, etc..) but c'mon. I also have a pretty good car, nothing fancy but not an old junker. I am a mom, and know about kids. This also is not my brother's first go around, so why is he being so weird? (kind of rhetorical)
How much accomodating would you do? Should I just say no all the time? I realize that "no is a complete sentence" But I keep getting asked for reasons that I say no....plus the guilt...
Thanks for the advice.
1) They like her to be sat at home for several reasons. The major reason is that they do not feel like anyone else's home is baby proofed enough. By this I mean they have pool noodles duct taped around their coffee table, every outlet covered, all cupboard doors locked up tight, gates galore, I don't know what else, a toilet lock I think. Some things are bubble wrapped. (that is not a joke) So (per my brother) IF they were to consider her coming to someone's home, it would need to be proofed like this. OMG. That is not going to happen for me, my kids would die laughing if I did all that. I explained to him that if she came to my house I would gate off the area we were in, and make sure that area was safe. I cannot wholly baby proof my house, that ship has sailed. So she probably won't be coming over to my house. Additionally, for the longer sitting (get this) they need someone there for their dog. So the baby gets babysat BUT they also have a pet sitter. I never considered that, lol. Someone to let the dog out, make sure it is fed, etc..frankly I'd rather care for the dog at this point. No bubble wrap needed!
2) That led to the driving. I explained (totally put it on me) that I am so busy with stuff and how much I want to help them, but I am stretched too thin. And that telling me we cannot go anywhere seriously impacts how much I am able to help them. Score! He said he would talk to his wife about that.
3) Yes, my brother was not super involved with his first child. He said he looks at this as his chance to "do it right", with both the baby AND the 2nd marriage. Good grief. To that note, his wife's word is law because she is following all the "correct" guidelines.
While not a super helpful conversation, it was good to talk and get some insight. I do kind of feel bad for him, he is so concerned with not wanting to "mess up this time" that he is fearful of making any mistake. I told him in no uncertain terms that he just needed to make sure his daughter knew she was loved and cared for and that no matter how careful he was or how to the line they followed the American Academy of Pediatrics there were going to be some mistakes.
Hi,
I am crowd sourcing some advice here...my brother is on the 2nd family train, (he has an older child from a previous marriage, she is 25) which is fine. His wife is much younger than he is and she married into a family where there are no little kids, we all have teens. His wife is an only child.
He and his wife had a baby last year and they want me to babysit, but have tons of rules and it is not really working in my life, and they are getting a little testy with me.
First, with two teens I am very busy. One doesn't drive yet, so I am seemingly always at activities, etc. My brother and SIL ask me to sit and I am happy to do so for a couple hours, but they want to be gone all day. So the length of of the sitting is long. Which brings me to point #2. I have offered several times to have my niece at my house so that I can get stuff done during naptime, etc.. but they have said no. They only want her to be sat at their house. We also cannot go anywhere. Last week my son had a practice and I was supposed to babysit. I realized that I needed to run my son to his practice in the middle of when I was supposed to be sitting, so I called my brother to tell him that I would need to do that. He freaked and said my niece was not to be driven by anyone but him and my SIL, so he would find a different arrangement. He then got upset with me because no other family members were able to babysit, and they do not allow people who are not related to them to babysit her.
When I do go over there to sit, I have to wash my hands before picking her up or touching any of her toys. When she is done playing with a toy, it gets washed. No tv is allowed to be on as it could damage her eyes. They only watch tv when she is napping or sleeping for the night. They would also *prefer* people were not on the phone, although they said they could not enforce that.
I have raised (most of the way lol) two kids of my own. I drive them all over the place. Obviously if it was unsafe I would not take a child out, (icy, snow, etc..) but c'mon. I also have a pretty good car, nothing fancy but not an old junker. I am a mom, and know about kids. This also is not my brother's first go around, so why is he being so weird? (kind of rhetorical)
How much accomodating would you do? Should I just say no all the time? I realize that "no is a complete sentence" But I keep getting asked for reasons that I say no....plus the guilt...
Thanks for the advice.