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Oct 4, 2024 11:27:42 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 28, 2020 20:47:56 GMT
I’ve been reading some of the threads and what struck me was the pettiness and bitchiness of more than a few posts. The constant piling on. The deliberate spreading of misinformation. The lack of tolerance for another person’s view.
And I’m not just talking about the political threads. The most benign threads can get quite testy pretty darn fast.
I mean pretty much all of us have been petty, bitchy, & joined in on the piling on from time to time whether we intended to or not. But lately it seems a lot worse.
Maybe it’s just a reflection of what is happening off the board in the real world.
But whatever the reasons are, it’s sad to watch.
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Oct 28, 2020 21:04:54 GMT
Maybe it’s just a reflection of what is happening off the board in the real world.^^^ THAT. Things here don't happen in a vacuum. People are affected by what's going on around them in real life, and it affects things here. <shrug> (in my opinion, anyway) |
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Post by sasha on Oct 28, 2020 21:16:09 GMT
I kind of laugh b/c there were a couple that weren't thrilled with my return to the board b/c this is the nicer, kinder version of 2Peas, they said!
(I don't blame them for feeling that way, but hopefully they feel comfortable now)
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Post by epeanymous on Oct 28, 2020 21:27:56 GMT
I think right now there are a lot of people who are really suffering, and also very alone, and there is not a professional or personal setting that I am in that is functioning as well as it normally would. Things . . . suck.
That said, as I've posted, I was a moderator for many years on an unrelated-to-this parenting site, and, god bless us, I have never seen anything as bad here as I saw there.
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Post by monklady123 on Oct 28, 2020 21:50:38 GMT
I honestly think it's a reflection of the state of our country at the moment. Not that this is an excuse necessarily, but just an explanation. I am a *chaplain* for pete's sake and yet I find myself grumbly inside and thinking (irl at the hospital) "did you REALLY just do xyz???" with an internal eye roll, and sometimes wishing I could tell people what I really think of what they did or said. No, I don't say it out loud but I know that I am internally much more impatient these days. Impatient with Covid stupidity especially. I can't see my mother in assisted living except for 45 minutes every few weeks (and I'm grateful for that since it was zero minutes when all this first started). I can't worship at my church with my congregation. We have started having outdoor 30-minute services, which I am also grateful for, but which is NOT the same. We have to sit apart. We can't touch each other. etc. I am NOT in a hurry to go back to indoor worship...too dangerous at this time. But that doesn't mean I'm sad that we can't be inside. I can't have my sister here for Thanksgiving. I can't have my son and his family here for Christmas. Replace "I" in all those sentences with "we" because everyone else has those or other things that are important to them that they can't do. Add that in with the anonymity of an internet message board and people might say things they wouldn't say in person. But this board is not all negative and "bringing out the worst in us".... We have a lovely group in the Animal Crossing thread. The "what's for dinner" people have a nice group. The "what are you reading" thread is excellent. There are others like this. Personally I try to stay away from the political threads, not because they particularly bother me by what's posted, but because I'm just sick to death of donald trump and I'm sort-of boycotting the news until the election. Back in the old days of Two Peas when there was some uproar over something it was often a bit of entertainment. Yes, I'll admit to that. I'd say to dh "wow, there's a huge argument about giving Uncrustables to your kids! hahaha... let me get back to reading it." etc.  It was entertainment because it wasn't really important in the end. We had way fewer political posts, mostly I think because we had normal people in political office. These days there's an argument in just about every comments section of every online article/post/tweet/whatever. I think we're just all tired. Worn out. Depressed. Discouraged. etc.  |
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carhoch
Pearl Clutcher
Be yourself everybody else is already taken
Posts: 3,028 
Location: We’re RV’s so It change all the time .
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Post by carhoch on Oct 28, 2020 22:01:09 GMT
I think a lot of people are saying stuff online that they would never say if that person was in front of them but we’re all grownups we should be able to take a little heat .
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Post by denda on Oct 28, 2020 22:12:48 GMT
Yes! I rarely get on here anymore because it has gotten so ugly🙁
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Olan
Pearl Clutcher
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Posts: 4,050
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Post by Olan on Oct 28, 2020 22:18:25 GMT
I think a lot of people are saying stuff online that they would never say if that person was in front of them but we’re all grownups we should be able to take a little heat . My therapist tried to take me down that road with 2peas until I gave her instances where I’ve behaved much like I do online IRL 😳😂. It’s never unprompted but you’d be surprised at how many women want to talk politics in the steam room and get a fucking ear full when I let them know how responsible they should feel for the state of this country🤷🏾♀️. I pay a lot of money in gym membership fees so I don’t feel an ounce of guilt for what I call the lobster effect 😉 I’ve since healed enough to not take anything personally and meet white folks where they are. So now my outburts are back online😉. No seriously the world is on fire. Legit. I’m tired and done playing nice. No other way to say it. I was a pea for many years before racial tensions make it impossible for me to relate to many in the way I used to. My prickly behavior didn’t come from the peas treating me with kid gloves so again the guilt I feel when I speak truthfully and without restraint...there is none. I do have guilt about how little I think of some human beings here and that’s why I don’t post as much. I went from wishing miracles would happen for peas suffering from cancer to being meh when they described getting treatment that mirrors black womanhood. And see that’s where it becomes unhealthy so I can totally get why 2peas membership has declined. This isn’t a safe space for anyone. And no one cares about creating an environment that is. |
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Post by papersilly on Oct 28, 2020 22:20:02 GMT
i also think it's a reflection of the general anxiety and uncertainly the world is going through right now.
my normally quiet, easy going, and accommodating DH actually leaned on his horn and had a stand off with someone who tried to swipe a parking spot he was waiting for. the man did not budge until the person backed off. now i realize that's a non issue to many people but for someone like him to have a reaction like that is very shocking to me. i think the heightened rudeness of people finally (but temporarily) put even him over the edge.
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garcia5050
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,770
Location: So. Calif.
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Post by garcia5050 on Oct 28, 2020 22:22:19 GMT
I don't do any social media - so I get my fill of 'current events' here. Even with the current political climate, those that are quick-to-judge/condemn, it's still totally worth it to come here.
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Post by Lexica on Oct 28, 2020 22:23:00 GMT
I will readily admit that I have had a shorter fuse, a negative outlook, and am just all together cranky a lot of the time. I am typically very mellow and always try to see someone else's viewpoint. I know I am being affected by being stuck in this house, alone, for weeks and months on end. I used to go out for walks, usually to the harbor to walk along and feel the breeze, look at boat names, and just enjoy being outside. I haven't done that since Christmas.
I used to lunch with my son regularly and would meet up with friends for dinner and a movie. That had to stop. I am still depressed after having lost my mom. I am frustrated with packing up my house and have spent more days just laying on the couch instead of packing. I have been extra cautious because I have a few health issues, mainly asthma, that would not bode well in combination with Covid-19. And I'll just add Trump to this list of suckiness.
All this is not healthy and leads to my bad temper. If I have said anything on here that has hurt someone's feelings, I am truly sorry. I love this place and have no desire to be rude or hurtful to anyone. Even the peas that I don't agree with. I expect to return to normal as soon as things in my world change for the better. I do have something uplifting on the horizon, so that will boost my outlook substantially.
So please accept my apology if I have offended anyone.
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Post by monklady123 on Oct 28, 2020 22:23:05 GMT
Yes! I rarely get on here anymore because it has gotten so ugly🙁 See, this attitude is what I don't understand. Yes, some threads have fights going on. So why do you read those? I just scanned down the first page of the board and here are threads that I think are not likely to be "ugly": -- putting up xmas trees -- hurricanes -- what do Dutch people living here miss? -- trick or treating -- games -- Animal Crossing --weekly reading -- what's for dinner -- xmas gift ideas -- International Quilt Festival -- face cream -- decluttering and organizing -- October crafting -- TV shows -- elderly pets -- happy birthdays -- scams -- medical questions -- financial questions -- antiques -- Library Lady's interesting information Read (and participate) in any of those and you won't see too much "ugly". Not even between the Real Tree people and the Fake Tree people. |
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Post by dewryce on Oct 28, 2020 22:24:01 GMT
I think it brings out the best and the worst, as I have also seen tons of support from y’all. It just feels like the scale is tipping in the negative direction right now, mirroring what’s going on IRL.
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Post by NanaKate on Oct 28, 2020 22:25:31 GMT
Yes! I rarely get on here anymore because it has gotten so ugly🙁 This I totally understand. It’s definitely not the place it once was. I find myself checking in almost once a day but I really don’t spend much time here anymore for the same reason you stated. And for me, it started before Covid... |
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Post by NanaKate on Oct 28, 2020 22:29:36 GMT
Yes! I rarely get on here anymore because it has gotten so ugly🙁 See, this attitude is what I don't understand. Yes, some threads have fights going on. So why do you read those? I just scanned down the first page of the board and here are threads that I think are not likely to be "ugly": -- putting up xmas trees -- hurricanes -- what do Dutch people living here miss? -- trick or treating -- games -- Animal Crossing --weekly reading -- what's for dinner -- xmas gift ideas -- International Quilt Festival -- face cream -- decluttering and organizing -- October crafting -- TV shows -- elderly pets -- happy birthdays -- scams -- medical questions -- financial questions -- antiques -- Library Lady's interesting information Read (and participate) in any of those and you won't see too much "ugly". Not even between the Real Tree people and the Fake Tree people. For me, the answer to this would be that even on the most innocent sounding threads, they are spoiled because some here are intent on “starting something”over absolutely anything. I truly believe that some will say the most ridiculous comment on any thread just to “start something.” Who needs that? |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Oct 28, 2020 22:34:31 GMT
I agree that these are not normal times we are living. It's getting to everybody. And that's hard. Even I posted that a couple of instances I've had in my personal life nearly pushed me over the edge and I am pretty in tune with myself. I know when it's best to just walk away. I know when to turn off and tune out.
The thing that bothers me the very most about this place is that we are a group of highly intelligent women. We know where an argument goes from disagreement to insult. And yet there are a lot of people crossing that line. I hate that.
I won't ever walk away because I've made some really good friends here. But there are more and more threads I won't read after a certain point because it's just ugly. And I so wish we could stop that.
We need each other's support right now more than ever. We are collectively going through a really hard time. We need the grace we can give to one another. Please consider that there is another human on the end of your post. Someone who really might be struggling.
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Post by Laurie on Oct 28, 2020 22:34:52 GMT
I think a lot of people are saying stuff online that they would never say if that person was in front of them but we’re all grownups we should be able to take a little heat . An unfounded theory I have is that the internet is what has created this environment in the world where people think only their beliefs are right. It started off as keyboard warriors being able to spout off their opinions to some stranger when they couldn’t to their neighbor Edna. People became so numb to how they were acting that it trickled in to their real life and empowered them to behave that way in day to day life. |
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Post by hop2 on Oct 28, 2020 22:40:13 GMT
But whatever the reasons are, it’s sad to watch. Watch? your a full participant |
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Post by peano on Oct 28, 2020 22:42:52 GMT
Yes! I rarely get on here anymore because it has gotten so ugly🙁 See, this attitude is what I don't understand. Yes, some threads have fights going on. So why do you read those? I just scanned down the first page of the board and here are threads that I think are not likely to be "ugly": -- putting up xmas trees -- hurricanes -- what do Dutch people living here miss? -- trick or treating -- games -- Animal Crossing --weekly reading -- what's for dinner -- xmas gift ideas -- International Quilt Festival -- face cream -- decluttering and organizing -- October crafting -- TV shows -- elderly pets -- happy birthdays -- scams -- medical questions -- financial questions -- antiques -- Library Lady's interesting information Read (and participate) in any of those and you won't see too much "ugly". Not even between the Real Tree people and the Fake Tree people. Agree, even though we all know and have seen that when a seemingly innocuous thread about dandelion fluff goes to 15 pages, something has gone off the rails. Agree that as we near the election and the Covid outbreaks keep on coming that people’s fuses are a lot shorter than usual. Add on any other stress and it’s just magnified. I have had a challenging year medically, a surrogate mother from my early childhood died of Covid on Saturday and my dog is having cancer surgery tomorrow. I have just about hit my personal wall in terms of grief and anxiety and I’m really trying hard not to express it by arguing with people on 2 Peas while at the same time drawing comfort and companionship about the things we share. |
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carhoch
Pearl Clutcher
Be yourself everybody else is already taken
Posts: 3,028
Location: We’re RV’s so It change all the time .
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Post by carhoch on Oct 28, 2020 23:13:51 GMT
I think a lot of people are saying stuff online that they would never say if that person was in front of them but we’re all grownups we should be able to take a little heat . An unfounded theory I have is that the internet is what has created this environment in the world where people think only their beliefs are right. It started off as keyboard warriors being able to spout off their opinions to some stranger when they couldn’t to their neighbor Edna. People became so numb to how they were acting that it trickled in to their real life and empowered them to behave that way in day to day life. I think the online anonymity give people courage to say everything they wish they could say in real life |
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Post by gmcwife1 on Oct 28, 2020 23:20:47 GMT
Yes! I rarely get on here anymore because it has gotten so ugly🙁 See, this attitude is what I don't understand. Yes, some threads have fights going on. So why do you read those? I just scanned down the first page of the board and here are threads that I think are not likely to be "ugly": -- putting up xmas trees -- hurricanes -- what do Dutch people living here miss? -- trick or treating -- games -- Animal Crossing --weekly reading -- what's for dinner -- xmas gift ideas -- International Quilt Festival -- face cream -- decluttering and organizing -- October crafting -- TV shows -- elderly pets -- happy birthdays -- scams -- medical questions -- financial questions -- antiques -- Library Lady's interesting information Read (and participate) in any of those and you won't see too much "ugly". Not even between the Real Tree people and the Fake Tree people. We don’t put up a Christmas tree I live in Washington state so I have no hurricane experience to share I’m not Dutch I don’t play the games or have a switch - though I have chatted with them a few times We are not doing trick or treating because our town or county has advised against it. So it seems like a downer to those that are if I went in and said that. I have too many other hobbies and only finish a book every 2-3 weeks. I was in the weekly dinner thread but then wasn’t cooking so I was boring I could look at the quilts I don’t use face creams or declutter I post my scrapbooking and cards on the other side I haven’t watched This is us yet so I don’t want spoilers and I don’t watch the reality shows I stopped posting on the birthday thread when I stopped coming to the board daily My only advice for scams is be careful and it has probably already been said I don’t open medical threads, I never know if there will be a picture I don’t collect antiques Probably the reason I stopped checking in and participating daily is because of all the bitching and fighting. Yes we get it Trumps sucks, yes he does and do we really need 100’s of threads saying that. Anyone that doesn’t bitch and moan and groan about him is assumed to support him or be a Trumper. No I did not vote for him and I don’t support him and it really isn’t my fault he was elected. Or masks and covid. We all know we need to wear our masks, do we really need thread after thread complaining about others not wearing theirs. All the complaining is exhausting and some of us enjoyed the board as our happy place. If I wanted to listen to all this complaining and name calling I could move closer to my family! |
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Post by megop on Oct 28, 2020 23:47:26 GMT
In all honesty, being a communicator/marketer by trade, all online communication has the same dynamic because without seeing someone's face, it's all just words from a keyboard and the human factor is lost. Quite concerning to this old gal, but I do try to do my best to understand and remember that as I type, I'm typing to real human beings with no knowledge of what they really have been through or are going through.
On the positive side, I think online forums also allow people to be more vulnerable in saying things they want to say so the transparency, if people so choose to learn from it, can serve a purpose of deeper understanding. The verb is "choose to."
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Post by cindyupnorth on Oct 29, 2020 0:07:30 GMT
I think it reflects what's going on in our country right now.
On a positive note, I still loving coming to the Ps. They keep me grounded. They educate me, they support me. I've made many friends IRL from here. The world just sort of sucks right now. We need to support and care for each other.
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MizIndependent
Drama Llama
Quit your bullpoop.
Posts: 5,836
Jun 25, 2014 19:43:16 GMT
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Post by MizIndependent on Oct 29, 2020 0:14:19 GMT
It's my experience you get out of the board what you put into it. It's kinda like a giant mirror.  |
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Post by megop on Oct 29, 2020 0:16:34 GMT
I think it reflects what's going on in our country right now. On a positive note, I still loving coming to the Ps. They keep me grounded. They educate me, they support me. I've made many friends IRL from here. The world just sort of sucks right now. We need to support and care for each other. I agree. With all the perceived flaws we all have, I still think a great group of people. Hugs! |
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Post by melodyesch on Oct 29, 2020 0:26:13 GMT
Not for me, it doesn’t. Sometimes I read the political and train wreck threads and sometimes I don’t, but mostly I get out of 2peas exactly what I come here for and ignore the rest. I was on the old board for 11 years and this board since it started. I am not a huge poster, but I’ve seen seen peas post about their newborns and then after a blink of an eye, post that newborn’s senior portrait. Peas have lost their children, their spouses, their pets, and their own lives. And I have learned so many things I didn’t know before and even my DH will tell me to ask the 2peas if there are things we need to know. I love the participation of the International peas and delight in hearing how cookies are called biscuits in the UK and that weird Australian word for comforter that is a car seat brand in the US.
I liken some of the controversy to a crazy old uncle. Someone that you love, but have as much chance of convincing them that they are wrong as you do winning the lottery. I try to live my life as a good person and learn from different opinions and thought processes, but I don’t let those whose opinions are contrary to my own live in my headspace. I simply chose not to engage. Because as much as I love 2peas, at the end of the day, we’re all just a bunch of crazies on the Internet.
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Post by Merge on Oct 29, 2020 0:36:29 GMT
I honestly don't think it's any worse than it used to be.
I think some people take the board very seriously and take all interactions personally. Some people see it as a place to blow off steam, and sort of leave it all on the field, so to speak. No judgement - it's just a personality difference.
I've learned over the years that if there is a thread that's occupying my mind in a negative way after I click away from it, I need to disengage from that thread. It is no one else's fault if I make a bad choice and keep coming back to a thread that makes me angry. No one forces anyone to participate in a particular thread.
Take the good, leave the bad, move along. No one lives rent free in your head without your permission.
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Post by monklady123 on Oct 29, 2020 0:40:21 GMT
See, this attitude is what I don't understand. Yes, some threads have fights going on. So why do you read those? I just scanned down the first page of the board and here are threads that I think are not likely to be "ugly": -- putting up xmas trees -- hurricanes -- what do Dutch people living here miss? -- trick or treating -- games -- Animal Crossing --weekly reading -- what's for dinner -- xmas gift ideas -- International Quilt Festival -- face cream -- decluttering and organizing -- October crafting -- TV shows -- elderly pets -- happy birthdays -- scams -- medical questions -- financial questions -- antiques -- Library Lady's interesting information Read (and participate) in any of those and you won't see too much "ugly". Not even between the Real Tree people and the Fake Tree people. We don’t put up a Christmas tree I live in Washington state so I have no hurricane experience to share I’m not Dutch I don’t play the games or have a switch - though I have chatted with them a few times We are not doing trick or treating because our town or county has advised against it. So it seems like a downer to those that are if I went in and said that. I have too many other hobbies and only finish a book every 2-3 weeks. I was in the weekly dinner thread but then wasn’t cooking so I was boring I could look at the quilts I don’t use face creams or declutter I post my scrapbooking and cards on the other side I haven’t watched This is us yet so I don’t want spoilers and I don’t watch the reality shows I stopped posting on the birthday thread when I stopped coming to the board daily My only advice for scams is be careful and it has probably already been said I don’t open medical threads, I never know if there will be a picture I don’t collect antiques Probably the reason I stopped checking in and participating daily is because of all the bitching and fighting. Yes we get it Trumps sucks, yes he does and do we really need 100’s of threads saying that. Anyone that doesn’t bitch and moan and groan about him is assumed to support him or be a Trumper. No I did not vote for him and I don’t support him and it really isn’t my fault he was elected. Or masks and covid. We all know we need to wear our masks, do we really need thread after thread complaining about others not wearing theirs. All the complaining is exhausting and some of us enjoyed the board as our happy place. If I wanted to listen to all this complaining and name calling I could move closer to my family! Okay, if none of those interest you then what sort of thread would bring the board back as your "happy place"? And if that type of thread isn't here then why don't you start it? And of course don't open the ones with complaining and name calling. |
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Post by elaine on Oct 29, 2020 0:41:59 GMT
See, this attitude is what I don't understand. Yes, some threads have fights going on. So why do you read those? I just scanned down the first page of the board and here are threads that I think are not likely to be "ugly": -- putting up xmas trees -- hurricanes -- what do Dutch people living here miss? -- trick or treating -- games -- Animal Crossing --weekly reading -- what's for dinner -- xmas gift ideas -- International Quilt Festival -- face cream -- decluttering and organizing -- October crafting -- TV shows -- elderly pets -- happy birthdays -- scams -- medical questions -- financial questions -- antiques -- Library Lady's interesting information Read (and participate) in any of those and you won't see too much "ugly". Not even between the Real Tree people and the Fake Tree people. Agree, even though we all know and have seen that when a seemingly innocuous thread about dandelion fluff goes to 15 pages, something has gone off the rails. Agree that as we near the election and the Covid outbreaks keep on coming that people’s fuses are a lot shorter than usual. Add on any other stress and it’s just magnified. I have had a challenging year medically, a surrogate mother from my early childhood died of Covid on Saturday and my dog is having cancer surgery tomorrow. I have just about hit my personal wall in terms of grief and anxiety and I’m really trying hard not to express it by arguing with people on 2 Peas while at the same time drawing comfort and companionship about the things we share. I’m sorry for your loss. 😢 COVID is awful. I hope that your dog comes through surgery tomorrow like a champ! |
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Post by lisae on Oct 29, 2020 0:42:33 GMT
The board also brings out the good in us. The bitchy comments tend to stick with us but I think about all the stuff I learn here, the support, the kindness, the laughs - lots of laughs.
To me this board is vastly better than any other social media platform precisely because you can ignore the stuff you don't want to read. Everything is organized by topic. It tells you who started the thread so you can avoid certain posters if you want - there is only one I avoid because she posts political topics and never comes back to defend her position.
Some threads are like a car wreck you need to drive on past but you just can't stop looking. Eventually though, you get moving and find better scenery in the next topic.
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It was entertainment because it wasn't really important in the end. We had way fewer political posts, mostly I think because we had normal people in political office. These days there's an argument in just about every comments section of every online article/post/tweet/whatever. I think we're just all tired. Worn out. Depressed. Discouraged. etc. 
