It is time for me to give up

I’m glad you are moving forward.

I completely feel you. ((Hugs))

I'm so sorry. Get a good attorney, protect the marital assets, and move his ass out of your bedroom!

I dont have a ton of advice, but I think a start would be to make a list of everything of value, including current balances of 401ks, bank accounts, etc. Print statements so you have a record.

Oh damn. I'm glad you're no longer on the fence. Sad for you too, of course. But glad that you are now in a place where you can move on with your life without worrying that you hadn't given it your best shot to salvage the marriage.

I hate that you got more information which made the decision for you. You deserve to be treated SO much better than that. On the other hand, I'm glad that you know the path forward now.

Protect your assets by getting your hands on every credit card bill, account number you can. Freeze your credit right this minute. Monday morning to open an account in your name and going forward he does not have access to any money in that account. Have a paper trail for any bills you pay, even if it’s small amounts.

Document everything he tells you, what you find out, everything. 

I am assuming you found out he was not truthful in the no physical contact with the mistress statement he made. I am sorry. Document what you found out so you can give it to your lawyers. Not sure how your state handles infidelity but it very well could help you in the divorce. 

From experience, I recommend you not bad mouth him in front of your sons.  It be truthful if they ask. Take the high road now and your boys will be better off down the road. 

Also? I’d tell her husband anything you know for fact.

Sending you big hugs. 

Copies of all bank statements including retirement. Set up your own log in account to each money account so he can’t change the passwords on you. Photograph and document any valuables, if you have heirlooms that were inherited from your side of the family remove them from the home.
Go to a separate bank and open a checking and savings account in time name and a safely deposit box. Move things like your birth certificates, passports, social security cards, etc and put that stuff in the box along with copies of your bank statements. Do not use the same banking institution you have now because sometimes they will automatically attach a new account to the old.
Make a list of all other accounts you have your name attached to. Credit cards, mortgage, utilities. Etc. Ask your attorney who should have their name on it and who should be responsible for the bill. He can shred your credit just by not paying utilities if your name is on the accounts. Speaking of credit, after you open a new bank account, apply for a credit card in your name only, when you get that card, then call all 3 credit agencies and put a freeze on your credit. That way he can’t take out cards in your name.

I’m sorry you are having to go through this. But at least a decision has been made, now you can firm up your plans.
Also one thing I told my friend who was blindsided by the whole thing. She started packing up her H’s things and had them staged in the garage and he was asking their DD to remove them and bring stuff to him. The judge said nothing was supposed to leave the home except for personal belongings like clothes etc. He tried to make my friend look like the bad guy. I told her to take herself out for the equation. When DD said why are you doing this and that, she responded with “the court order says…..” “the judges orders were…….”. It really helped in trying to not make it personal which took the wind out of the H’s sails.
Same if you have to fight about child support. My other friend went through that too. We always made damn sure it was never “I need $XYZ, it was the kids need this and that and it will cost $ABC.
Also not sure how old your kids are but make sure when discussing their financial needs, take it all the way through college. My friend did not do this and it bit her big time.

I am so sorry. I know this isn’t what you wanted but you deserve so much better. Please take care of yourself.

Attorney should give you paperwork to complete to document all finances. You received very good financial advice on a previous thread. Go back there and re-read. 

Hang in there...you can do this, even when it feels like you can't.

I’m so sorry. You tried everything you could. You can look yourself in the mirror and know that you gave it everything you could. He can’t do that. Just take it day by day or hour by hour. Eventually, you will wake up one day and say “F it, I’m good!” And feel free. Hugs!!

I am sorry. At least you can start moving forward.

To protect your assets, make sure you have copies of every bank statement, retirement statement, credit card statement, etc. where only you can get to it.

I would open a credit card in your name only. Don't use it, just have it available.