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Post by christine58 on Jun 24, 2022 16:21:58 GMT
If I lost $1 of my SS, I'd be on the street. Is that clear enough?? I have my SSD and my widow benefits also. Combined, they aren't enough to pay the rent.
I don't need benefits. I have Medicare and I'm all set with that. All I need is to be able to pay my rent and monthly bills and not wind up on the streets.
However, a job at Starbucks would be paying you more $ per hour and then you will be getting a higher return than the less than minimal wage job doing skut work. You shouldn't be scheming the gov't and then complain when you don't get what you *think* that you deserve. You would get back income tax money paid when you file your annual IRS submission. The parents have no obligation to you, regardless how much money that THEY make. That money isn't your money and there isn't any obligation to do more in an "at will" state. You seem to be playing a victim's card and flip everything to the other people rather than onto yourself. I know some of the peas will play into your hard-luck story and you will get gift cards and more. Wishing you well as you look for new employment. Your comment about gift cards is rude.
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Deleted
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Nov 23, 2024 14:30:01 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 24, 2022 16:24:59 GMT
boy, when I worked as a nanny, I got some paid sick leave, and the pay rate went up if the kid was sick (but people really wanted me to work for them.. and I had a contract) I do pay my housekeeper if I have to skip a visit.. right now, I told her not to come cause my daughter has covid.. I will cover that as she shouldn't lose because of the situation. but then I can afford this. WOW!!! Was the nanny off the books?? I've NEVER heard of signing a contract and I've been Nannying infants through Care.com, etc. They've never suggested to sign with the parents.
As far as sick pay/time, the caring parents would call me ahead of time and ask, "XXXX is sick with a cold. Do you still want to come??" NOTHING ABOUT BEING PAID MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If I'm sick, I'm supposed to call it in and stay home (no pay).
This family focused on discussing Covid during my home interview. They were happy that I got all of my shots and boosters, that I didn't go out, and that I was extremely careful because I was caring for my husband who was terminal. DD and I still carry on with the same care. I can't afford to wind up in the hospital on a vent. I have COPD. That would leave DD home alone, no $$, no car, nothing. She truly depends on me (which is another situation that desperately needs to be worked on).
Getting back to Covid, this family said, "We'll be honest and we expect you to be too. If ANY of us have been exposed or if we feel sick, take the home test. If it's negative twice and you still feel sick, take a government test. We have no problem with you staying home!!" Of course that's all without pay!!!!!!!!
Until I've written this thread, I didn't realize that with this type of job (and any self-employed person), there are no paid sick days, no paid vacation days, etc. That's just the way it goes with these workers. We're considered to be low on the job scale.
I've been a Paralegal and have been so super-busy and loved it, for decades. My pain level continued to get worse and I needed more and more eye surgeries, so I had to stop working. I decided to work at Jenny Craig (where I lost a ton of weight), thinking it would be easier for me. It was + it was VERY rewarding to help people by sharing my story. BUT, I quit there when it became too much work for too little $$, and the corporate offices really, really, really belittled their workers. Terrible and short-sighted of them!!!!!! After that, I applied for SS Disability because my pain and surgeries had gotten very bad. I hit 40 surgeries and the pain was so much worse (now I'm close to 50 surgeries). There's no way I could sit and read and even dictate legal work. Nope............... So, I figured I'd watch babies of family members and friends to make cash for urgent things I needed. It worked out. If it were up to me, I'd to that VERY SPORADICALLY!!!!!!!!!!! Doing it too much does hurt me and leave me just a pile of mush for the whole weekend. Not good.
You sound like a very caring employer. I wish I would have worked for you!!!!!!!!!! Out here there really aren't too many people like you, at all!!!!!!! I've been blessed enough to have worked for a bunch of families whom I care for and remain in contact with, but overall you have to watch out for scams, criminal situations, etc...... It's freakin' scary here.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Nov 23, 2024 14:30:01 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 24, 2022 16:34:21 GMT
The situation stinks. Unfortunately, you have no recourse other than to go along with their whims. Working under the table is illegal for both parties. Your choice is to quit now or wait and gamble on whether they plan on having you come back after the six weeks. My guess is they are not planning on having you come back. They would have had a discussion with you about the care of the new baby and negotiating a salary adjustment. Working under the table is risky for you. If you were to get hurt on the job and become disabled, you have no recourse. I hope you are able to find something more stable in the future. (I'LL GET TO OTHER COMMENTS WHEN I CAN. I HAVE TO RUN OUT TO SEE MY PAIN DOCTOR AND DROP DD OFF TO HAVE HER KITTEN GET HIS 2ND ROUND OF SHOTS........)
scrapngranny : Thanks. They mentioned her being pregnant on the day I interviewed but said that they'd be the ones taking care of him. Everything's a mystery with this family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM disabled, and I have no recourse. If I work for a nice enough family, they'd give me the time off that I need (no pay) and hold the job open. That's all I could ask for. It sucks.
Not sure there's anything more stable or better out there. I'd love a family that I could communicate with easier/better. They do pay every week, on time, so that's great. But both the mom and dad have their MBAs in business. They're both very savvy with business, with figures, etc.
So, there's really nothing stable out there for me. I shouldn't be working. I know this. It's really hard for me to do most things. But I NEED to bring in cash to pay our rent and bills. DD34 is another long story that's a wreck. I WISH that she had great therapy. I wish that she could drive. I wish that she could work. I wish that she could pay the bills. Nothing's worked out because she's in a bad place of mind. (Can't blame her---------she lost her "step"Dad and it was a huge change. She was his co-caregiver and she personally saw the quick deterioration and saw him pass, which was traumatic for her---for me too.) Then we lost **4 of our cats right after that. 4!!!!!!!! It's been nothing but loss and sadness here.
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casii
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,525
Jun 29, 2014 14:40:44 GMT
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Post by casii on Jun 24, 2022 16:36:04 GMT
I would look for another job THEN put in my notice.
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quiltz
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,850
Location: CANADA
Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Jun 24, 2022 16:46:23 GMT
christine58 Sometimes the truth being spelled out looks rude, but I am not being rude. Just how many peas have gifted @bergdorfblonde gift cards, grocery cards, Amazon cards and many other things over the past year or so? This is hard-earned money that has been taxed. Now she is trying to be making money without paying taxes on it. Many people *think* that they can make more money *under the table* but really, when you set up your own business, you can have many right-offs, such as office space, cell-phone expenses, $per mile driven and more. It takes time & research. This is scheming the system and is illegal, at least in Canada. Yes, I know that many do use this scheme in Canada but much to the detriment of everyone. The OP has made very poor choices in her life and is now realizing that there are consequences to her choices. That said and done, she should get financial counselling about how to improve her financial situation and also about getting into more affordable housing. I don't know anything at all about the *gov't issued cell-phone*. I would strongly recommend that @bergdorfblonde go to a Senior government center and get counselling about her individual situation and that her DD also get independent counselling. There may be new programmes out there that they are unaware of or get on a list for more affordable housing. Start selling all of the *stuff* that had been previously purchased or gifted and or simply get-rid of it to ease the work of when they need to do. This is hard work. I've had to do this, sell, purge, donate things, lots of things, in order to put order into my life. Even her DD could help with this. I am not being rude, I am being real and factual; I have a very different approach to issues than most peas. I don't mind hand-holding as long as the hand that I am holding is really doing more than whining and flipping the responsibility to the people who seem to have more money than she has and she seems to feel entitled to their money. Also, the father who is taking his paternity leave is entitled to his paternity leave. It isn't dishonest to quit his job after this leave as he has paid into the *pot* from where this money comes from. Many dads and moms in Canada who have paid into the paid paternity and maternity leaves do not return to their jobs. Simply because paid paternity/maternity leaves seem to be abnormal to Americans, if you follow the rules, there isn't usually an obligation to return to work afterwards as you pre-pay into these plans. I have said what I need to say. I wish @bergdorfblonde the best in her life.
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Deleted
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Nov 23, 2024 14:30:01 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 24, 2022 17:08:13 GMT
christine58 Sometimes the truth being spelled out looks rude, but I am not being rude. Just how many peas have gifted @bergdorfblonde gift cards, grocery cards, Amazon cards and many other things over the past year or so? This is hard-earned money that has been taxed. Now she is trying to be making money without paying taxes on it. Many people *think* that they can make more money *under the table* but really, when you set up your own business, you can have many right-offs, such as office space, cell-phone expenses, $per mile driven and more. It takes time & research. This is scheming the system and is illegal, at least in Canada. Yes, I know that many do use this scheme in Canada but much to the detriment of everyone. The OP has made very poor choices in her life and is now realizing that there are consequences to her choices. That said and done, she should get financial counselling about how to improve her financial situation and also about getting into more affordable housing. I don't know anything at all about the *gov't issued cell-phone*. I would strongly recommend that @bergdorfblonde go to a Senior government center and get counselling about her individual situation and that her DD also get independent counselling. There may be new programmes out there that they are unaware of or get on a list for more affordable housing. Start selling all of the *stuff* that had been previously purchased or gifted and or simply get-rid of it to ease the work of when they need to do. This is hard work. I've had to do this, sell, purge, donate things, lots of things, in order to put order into my life. Even her DD could help with this. I am not being rude, I am being real and factual; I have a very different approach to issues than most peas. I don't mind hand-holding as long as the hand that I am holding is really doing more than whining and flipping the responsibility to the people who seem to have more money than she has and she seems to feel entitled to their money. Also, the father who is taking his paternity leave is entitled to his paternity leave. It isn't dishonest to quit his job after this leave as he has paid into the *pot* from where this money comes from. Many dads and moms in Canada who have paid into the paid paternity and maternity leaves do not return to their jobs. Simply because paid paternity/maternity leaves seem to be abnormal to Americans, if you follow the rules, there isn't usually an obligation to return to work afterwards as you pre-pay into these plans. I have said what I need to say. I wish @bergdorfblonde the best in her life. My gosh......... Where to begin. What "poor choices" have I made in my life? What do you know about me at all? ?? Did you know that I worked hard, opened a law practice with my 1st husband and bought a house in my name?? My life has COMPLETELY changed since then. Things happen. You get sick. YOu might need 50 surgeries that leave you in constant pain where you need a pain mgmt team. It happens. There is no affordable housing to help right away here. There is no affordable medical care here for DD. We keep checking. She had FL Blue and it ended up to be a scam! She paid $12/mo and in turn got NOTHING. They put off having her meet her new primary doctor and in those 8 months, the truth came out. Long story, but the only affordable mental health care here is the place I've found and we've been to for years. It's pretty far away, they are FAR OFF as being deemed mental health help at all!!!!!!!! But they do get her her scripts for her bipolar meds. That's about all!!!!!!!!!!
During DH's Hospice terms, I got a ton of good advice re affordable housing. The list here in FL is over 5 years long, so we don't qualify. We are trying to get back to NY to be with family. We are completely alone, no friends or family here. This was DH's dream and I agreed to it. Now it's my nightmare.
You see me as whining. I see me as a very sick, pained person who pushes through that pain like a trojan. I deal with the IRS, with my Medicare, with EVERYTHING because each part of my life becomes another difficult feat. I've fought to include 2 Rx's that I needed for my eyeloss/socket pain. Medicare would not approve it. I got it approved. I have the approved letter from Medicare framed. It gets renewed yearly. That's another feat that I fought through and accomplished on my own. THAT is what I'm about.
I know that you've been nice to me in the past. I'm sad and shocked that you believe I"m playing some scheme to complain and get something out of it from the Peas. I came here to talk; that's it. Hoping to get this all deleted because it went totally upside down.
Glad you "wish me the best". Hope it's true, because some of the things you said were quite cruel!!!!!!!!!! Ask ME next time if I've checked our affordable housing in FL for the indigent. Ask ME next time if I've checked out mental health care for DD in FL. Anyone who knows me knows I'm an open book. That might end today.
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Post by CardBoxer on Jun 24, 2022 17:12:24 GMT
The situation stinks. Unfortunately, you have no recourse other than to go along with their whims. Working under the table is illegal for both parties. Your choice is to quit now or wait and gamble on whether they plan on having you come back after the six weeks. My guess is they are not planning on having you come back. They would have had a discussion with you about the care of the new baby and negotiating a salary adjustment. Working under the table is risky for you. If you were to get hurt on the job and become disabled, you have no recourse. I hope you are able to find something more stable in the future. (I'LL GET TO OTHER COMMENTS WHEN I CAN. I HAVE TO RUN OUT TO SEE MY PAIN DOCTOR AND DROP DD OFF TO HAVE HER KITTEN GET HIS 2ND ROUND OF SHOTS........)
scrapngranny : Thanks. They mentioned her being pregnant on the day I interviewed but said that they'd be the ones taking care of him. Everything's a mystery with this family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM disabled, and I have no recourse. If I work for a nice enough family, they'd give me the time off that I need (no pay) and hold the job open. That's all I could ask for. It sucks.
Not sure there's anything more stable or better out there. I'd love a family that I could communicate with easier/better. They do pay every week, on time, so that's great. But both the mom and dad have their MBAs in business. They're both very savvy with business, with figures, etc.
So, there's really nothing stable out there for me. I shouldn't be working. I know this. It's really hard for me to do most things. But I NEED to bring in cash to pay our rent and bills. DD34 is another long story that's a wreck. I WISH that she had great therapy. I wish that she could drive. I wish that she could work. I wish that she could pay the bills. Nothing's worked out because she's in a bad place of mind. (Can't blame her---------she lost her "step"Dad and it was a huge change. She was his co-caregiver and she personally saw the quick deterioration and saw him pass, which was traumatic for her---for me too.) Then we lost **4 of our cats right after that. 4!!!!!!!! It's been nothing but loss and sadness here.
About the kitten’s shots - did you adopt a new kitten? Veterinary services are expensive. We’ve paid thousands of dollars a year, sometimes many thousands over a very short time period for our animals when they were sick or needed surgery, as was the case with our most recently adopted little cat girl soon after the adoption. Our other cat needs lab work every three months and occasional visits to a specialist. Are you managing okay in that realm?
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Post by MichyM on Jun 24, 2022 17:16:26 GMT
However, a job at Starbucks would be paying you more $ per hour and then you will be getting a higher return than the less than minimal wage job doing skut work. You shouldn't be scheming the gov't and then complain when you don't get what you *think* that you deserve. You would get back income tax money paid when you file your annual IRS submission. The parents have no obligation to you, regardless how much money that THEY make. That money isn't your money and there isn't any obligation to do more in an "at will" state. You seem to be playing a victim's card and flip everything to the other people rather than onto yourself. I know some of the peas will play into your hard-luck story and you will get gift cards and more. Wishing you well as you look for new employment. Your comment about gift cards is rude. Given the source, are we at all suprised? How she gets away with all her jabs at peas is beyond me. ETA: just because some CAN say something, or because they feel that they just HAVE to speak their "truth" doesn't mean that they should. I am so effing tired of peea kicking other peas when they are down.
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Post by MichyM on Jun 24, 2022 17:22:03 GMT
christine58 Sometimes the truth being spelled out looks rude, but I am not being rude.Just how many peas have gifted @bergdorfblonde gift cards, grocery cards, Amazon cards and many other things over the past year or so? This is hard-earned money that has been taxed. Now she is trying to be making money without paying taxes on it. Many people *think* that they can make more money *under the table* but really, when you set up your own business, you can have many right-offs, such as office space, cell-phone expenses, $per mile driven and more. It takes time & research. This is scheming the system and is illegal, at least in Canada. Yes, I know that many do use this scheme in Canada but much to the detriment of everyone. The OP has made very poor choices in her life and is now realizing that there are consequences to her choices. That said and done, she should get financial counselling about how to improve her financial situation and also about getting into more affordable housing. I don't know anything at all about the *gov't issued cell-phone*. I would strongly recommend that @bergdorfblonde go to a Senior government center and get counselling about her individual situation and that her DD also get independent counselling. There may be new programmes out there that they are unaware of or get on a list for more affordable housing. Start selling all of the *stuff* that had been previously purchased or gifted and or simply get-rid of it to ease the work of when they need to do. This is hard work. I've had to do this, sell, purge, donate things, lots of things, in order to put order into my life. Even her DD could help with this. I am not being rude, I am being real and factual; I have a very different approach to issues than most peas. I don't mind hand-holding as long as the hand that I am holding is really doing more than whining and flipping the responsibility to the people who seem to have more money than she has and she seems to feel entitled to their money. Also, the father who is taking his paternity leave is entitled to his paternity leave. It isn't dishonest to quit his job after this leave as he has paid into the *pot* from where this money comes from. Many dads and moms in Canada who have paid into the paid paternity and maternity leaves do not return to their jobs. Simply because paid paternity/maternity leaves seem to be abnormal to Americans, if you follow the rules, there isn't usually an obligation to return to work afterwards as you pre-pay into these plans. I have said what I need to say. I wish @bergdorfblonde the best in her life. Yes, you ARE being rude (no matter how hard you deny it) AND a heartless know-it-all, as you've been over and over again to other peas. Get off your effing high horse and go look for your heart. Gawd.
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Deleted
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Nov 23, 2024 14:30:01 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 24, 2022 17:29:10 GMT
(I'LL GET TO OTHER COMMENTS WHEN I CAN. I HAVE TO RUN OUT TO SEE MY PAIN DOCTOR AND DROP DD OFF TO HAVE HER KITTEN GET HIS 2ND ROUND OF SHOTS........)
scrapngranny : Thanks. They mentioned her being pregnant on the day I interviewed but said that they'd be the ones taking care of him. Everything's a mystery with this family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM disabled, and I have no recourse. If I work for a nice enough family, they'd give me the time off that I need (no pay) and hold the job open. That's all I could ask for. It sucks.
Not sure there's anything more stable or better out there. I'd love a family that I could communicate with easier/better. They do pay every week, on time, so that's great. But both the mom and dad have their MBAs in business. They're both very savvy with business, with figures, etc.
So, there's really nothing stable out there for me. I shouldn't be working. I know this. It's really hard for me to do most things. But I NEED to bring in cash to pay our rent and bills. DD34 is another long story that's a wreck. I WISH that she had great therapy. I wish that she could drive. I wish that she could work. I wish that she could pay the bills. Nothing's worked out because she's in a bad place of mind. (Can't blame her---------she lost her "step"Dad and it was a huge change. She was his co-caregiver and she personally saw the quick deterioration and saw him pass, which was traumatic for her---for me too.) Then we lost **4 of our cats right after that. 4!!!!!!!! It's been nothing but loss and sadness here.
About the kitten’s shots - did you adopt a new kitten? Veterinary services are expensive. We’ve paid thousands of dollars a year, sometimes many thousands over a very short time period for our animals when they were sick or needed surgery, as was the case with our most recently adopted little cat girl soon after the adoption. Our other cat needs lab work every three months and occasional visits to a specialist. Are you managing okay in that realm? We know ALL about the cost of cats (esp when they're sick), as we've lost 4 cats in a few months this year!!!!!!!!!!!! This vets office is very, very kind and fair. Their sister-vet-office is the one who had this little kitten. They called DD and asked if she wanted to meet him. His costs are paid for by the vet's office. They do this when no one will take a pet. The keep it and take care of it. IN this case DD is keeping him and they're paying for his care. I have NOTHING to do with that kitten. It's DD's; not mine. I still have my nearly 3 year old boy. That's it.
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basketdiva
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,660
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:09 GMT
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Post by basketdiva on Jun 24, 2022 17:31:32 GMT
I'm really sorry this is happening to you but that is the nature of independent work- no rules to protect you. How much they earn doesn't matter. They have chosen to both hire you illegally and then burn you with the abrupt notice of 6 weeks off. They knew when the scheduled delivery would be and should have given you more notice.
I hope you find work soon.
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Post by CardBoxer on Jun 24, 2022 17:34:03 GMT
About the kitten’s shots - did you adopt a new kitten? Veterinary services are expensive. We’ve paid thousands of dollars a year, sometimes many thousands over a very short time period for our animals when they were sick or needed surgery, as was the case with our most recently adopted little cat girl soon after the adoption. Our other cat needs lab work every three months and occasional visits to a specialist. Are you managing okay in that realm? We know ALL about the cost of cats (esp when they're sick), as we've lost 4 cats in a few months this year!!!!!!!!!!!! This vets office is very, very kind and fair. Their sister-vet-office is the one who had this little kitten. They called DD and asked if she wanted to meet him. His costs are paid for by the vet's office. They do this when no one will take a pet. The keep it and take care of it. IN this case DD is keeping him and they're paying for his care. I have NOTHING to do with that kitten. It's DD's; not mine. I still have my nearly 3 year old boy. That's it. I bet you do (know about the cost). ☹️ That’s terrific that the vet’s office is handling expenses. Just call me the animal worrier. And I hope your boy is doing okay without his cat sibs, and provides at least a little comfort to you during this terribly rough time.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Nov 23, 2024 14:30:01 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 24, 2022 17:40:54 GMT
@cardboxer Thank you. He had stomach issues and it turned out to be related to stress or huge change. Makes sense!!! Also, he's finding it easier to use the baby's litter (soft) rather than his own, since he's been using equine pine pellets (it's SO cheap--- $5 every 3 months + pee pads that are $20 every 3 months). I guess if he uses the old fashioned litter, he's made his choice but I hate it!! Feels like sand everywhere and it's more expensive. Thanks for asking. He's still depressed, but this little kitten keeps him very busy and they get along!
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Jun 24, 2022 17:52:41 GMT
I haven't read all of the comments but I think it is reasonable that you have a contract with parents that discusses time off, etc. When going to an in-home daycare there are a lot of stipulations regarding time off, what is paid and what isn't, etc and I don't see why you shouldn't have the same. I also think it is pretty crappy of them not to give you more warning. I would talk to them about that and let them know that is really a hardship for you. Then I would start looking for a different job in case you need one.
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Post by flanz on Jun 24, 2022 18:08:32 GMT
I am so sorry. I assume you work for the family FT, is that correct? Have you asked them to pay you for the time off? Some people just don’t realize how their decisions affect others. And if you’ve asked, and they won’t pay you, then yes. I most definitely look for a new job. I don’t have a nanny, but I do have an every two week housecleaner. I pay her if I’m sick, traveling, and during covid. If I didn't, I’d expect that she’d (understandably) move on. Good luck! Same here re: paying our every other week housecleaner too, MichyM. It's the decent thing to do!
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Post by librarylady on Jun 24, 2022 18:13:25 GMT
I am sad all this is going on.
Are there any churches or agencies that are giving boxes of food. If so, try to do that for awhile as it will cut your grocery budget.
Otherwise, I think you have done the best you can with all that has happened since Gary became ill. Could your family help you to move back to NY and get on your feet better?
Sending best wishes your way.
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Post by flanz on Jun 24, 2022 18:26:28 GMT
Sending you lots of love as you face this tough time. You were treated most unfairly and rudely. Sadly, sometimes humans suck!!! I am disgusted by some of the things that have been written to you here. Good luck with it all. (((( hugs ))))
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Post by busy on Jun 24, 2022 18:31:39 GMT
Geez, that would suck!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was surprised enough when the dad said, "I have 4 weeks parental time off, full pay, so I'm taking it and then I'll put my notice in to quit & look back at my old job". I was really surprised by that. That's super sneaky and sleazy, IMO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The wife has 4 *months* of paid parental leave with her company. Since she has her 2 sets of parents here and her husband off, she figured she didn't need me too, so she said I'd have 2 weeks off. She slipped in the 6 weeks timeline when I was getting ready to leave. Hope it wasn't pre-planned, but now that you said it, the dad went out to play football with the son, and then the mom said I could leave an hour early (WEIRD; NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE!!!!!!!!!!) because she had the day off. Hmm........
I would bet that the money would need to be repaid if he quit immediately after taking the time off. That is really unethical. Something isn’t right if they think that is ok. Disagree. Parental leave is an earned benefit. There's nothing unethical about using it before you leave, as long as you're not trying to take it under false pretenses.
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Post by CardBoxer on Jun 24, 2022 18:48:37 GMT
@cardboxer Thank you. He had stomach issues and it turned out to be related to stress or huge change. Makes sense!!! Also, he's finding it easier to use the baby's litter (soft) rather than his own, since he's been using equine pine pellets (it's SO cheap--- $5 every 3 months + pee pads that are $20 every 3 months). I guess if he uses the old fashioned litter, he's made his choice but I hate it!! Feels like sand everywhere and it's more expensive. Thanks for asking. He's still depressed, but this little kitten keeps him very busy and they get along! Well yell if you need critter help, but it sounds like you’re okay. Is your cat boy older? Some older cats really prefer soft litter and sometimes need boxes that are extremely low in the front due to arthritis. We cut a couple of ours down before finding a type we liked for our old cats way back when. RIP Katya and Luka the Siberians. Some cats will even make themselves sick by not urinating enough when they’re uncomfortable with the litter or box. Or of course, go outside of it. But you sure know that. Okay, sorry, this thread isn’t about cats other than everything can be about cats.
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Post by twinks on Jun 24, 2022 18:57:40 GMT
You need to get on the wait list for low income housing. It doesn’t matter how long the waitlist is, you need to be on it. You will never get help unless you are at least on the list. I would get on the list for both FL and NY.
I know it is hard, but your DD needs to get more independent from you. She needs to apply for Medicaid. There are Federal standards for things like social security, Medicaid, etc. I know that each state can choose some things in order to draw down the Federal monies, but there are baselines. I understand that she was denied SS. How many years ago was that? Without treatment, has she gotten worse? Would it be worth it to pay for a competent, respected, professional to do a current evaluation? No matter how many records you have from the past, she needs a current evaluation. Maybe her situation has gotten worse. Another idea is Vocational Rehab. They have employment counselors - not to just help them get jobs but to help them access the needed resources (Medicaid, mental health, etc.). They maybe even available to help get re-evaluations for SS. This is hard and it comes from btdt. Your sweet daughter will never progress or will never be independent unless you use some tough love.
Look into things like HEAT (Home Energy Assistance Target) that will help pay utility bills. Look into your local food banks.
I mentioned that I have btdt. I, too, live in constant pain. I have severe trauma induced arthritis. I live with a 80% disability and pain every day. My radius is moving down into my wrist (predicted many years ago) so much that it hurts and restricts movement. There are days when I could literally sit on the floor and cry. However, I have to work. I have to provide for my DD and for myself. I am of the age where I could retire, but it will mean more $ in retirement if I work 2.4 years longer. Yes, I have had hardships. Yes, I have gone hungry. Yes, I have been in the position of not having enough money, but too much to qualify for public assistance. It is hard. If I focus on what I can’t do or don’t have, my problems seem insurmountable. If I look outside myself, and put my focus on things I can do to change my situation, the problems aren’t so overwhelming.
I have noticed the same thing with you. You had a nanny gig, you got up and went everyday. You seemed to stop focusing so much on your problems. While I know you were still in pain and your situation didn’t change much, you managed it. This is a blow to you. Yes, they used you. You were taken advantage of and then brushed off like you didn’t matter.
I would give myself a couple of days to be angry and whatever emotion you need to feel. You can even be angry at Gary for “leaving you in this mess.” Whatever it takes, whatever you feel. Decide that on such and such a day and at a specific time, it will be over. You are done. The pity party (rightfully earned) is over. No more wallowing in problems. Write down a plan. Start with goals and then the steps to get those goals. Look at what you can do. Don’t look at things like, “If only I had such and such because such and such doesn’t happen. Go after your plan. Help your DD write a plan. Instead of you driving her everywhere, she can take the bus. Heck I take the bus a lot of times and am currently doing so because of gas prices. Do I like it? NO! Are there creepy people and it is full of homeless? “Yes!” I just either read a book or listen to music on my earbuds. My DD takes the bus everyday to work. She likes the independence.
Good luck to you.
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Post by mollycoddle on Jun 24, 2022 19:31:05 GMT
christine58 Sometimes the truth being spelled out looks rude, but I am not being rude. Just how many peas have gifted @bergdorfblonde gift cards, grocery cards, Amazon cards and many other things over the past year or so? This is hard-earned money that has been taxed. Now she is trying to be making money without paying taxes on it. Many people *think* that they can make more money *under the table* but really, when you set up your own business, you can have many right-offs, such as office space, cell-phone expenses, $per mile driven and more. It takes time & research. This is scheming the system and is illegal, at least in Canada. Yes, I know that many do use this scheme in Canada but much to the detriment of everyone. The OP has made very poor choices in her life and is now realizing that there are consequences to her choices. That said and done, she should get financial counselling about how to improve her financial situation and also about getting into more affordable housing. I don't know anything at all about the *gov't issued cell-phone*. I would strongly recommend that @bergdorfblonde go to a Senior government center and get counselling about her individual situation and that her DD also get independent counselling. There may be new programmes out there that they are unaware of or get on a list for more affordable housing. Start selling all of the *stuff* that had been previously purchased or gifted and or simply get-rid of it to ease the work of when they need to do. This is hard work. I've had to do this, sell, purge, donate things, lots of things, in order to put order into my life. Even her DD could help with this. I am not being rude, I am being real and factual; I have a very different approach to issues than most peas. I don't mind hand-holding as long as the hand that I am holding is really doing more than whining and flipping the responsibility to the people who seem to have more money than she has and she seems to feel entitled to their money. Also, the father who is taking his paternity leave is entitled to his paternity leave. It isn't dishonest to quit his job after this leave as he has paid into the *pot* from where this money comes from. Many dads and moms in Canada who have paid into the paid paternity and maternity leaves do not return to their jobs. Simply because paid paternity/maternity leaves seem to be abnormal to Americans, if you follow the rules, there isn't usually an obligation to return to work afterwards as you pre-pay into these plans. I have said what I need to say. I wish @bergdorfblonde the best in her life. My gosh......... Where to begin. What "poor choices" have I made in my life? What do you know about me at all? ?? Did you know that I worked hard, opened a law practice with my 1st husband and bought a house in my name?? My life has COMPLETELY changed since then. Things happen. You get sick. YOu might need 50 surgeries that leave you in constant pain where you need a pain mgmt team. It happens. There is no affordable housing to help right away here. There is no affordable medical care here for DD. We keep checking. She had FL Blue and it ended up to be a scam! She paid $12/mo and in turn got NOTHING. They put off having her meet her new primary doctor and in those 8 months, the truth came out. Long story, but the only affordable mental health care here is the place I've found and we've been to for years. It's pretty far away, they are FAR OFF as being deemed mental health help at all!!!!!!!! But they do get her her scripts for her bipolar meds. That's about all!!!!!!!!!! During DH's Hospice terms, I got a ton of good advice re affordable housing. The list here in FL is over 5 years long, so we don't qualify. We are trying to get back to NY to be with family. We are completely alone, no friends or family here. This was DH's dream and I agreed to it. Now it's my nightmare. You see me as whining. I see me as a very sick, pained person who pushes through that pain like a trojan. I deal with the IRS, with my Medicare, with EVERYTHING because each part of my life becomes another difficult feat. I've fought to include 2 Rx's that I needed for my eyeloss/socket pain. Medicare would not approve it. I got it approved. I have the approved letter from Medicare framed. It gets renewed yearly. That's another feat that I fought through and accomplished on my own. THAT is what I'm about. I know that you've been nice to me in the past. I'm sad and shocked that you believe I"m playing some scheme to complain and get something out of it from the Peas. I came here to talk; that's it. Hoping to get this all deleted because it went totally upside down. Glad you "wish me the best". Hope it's true, because some of the things you said were quite cruel!!!!!!!!!! Ask ME next time if I've checked our affordable housing in FL for the indigent. Ask ME next time if I've checked out mental health care for DD in FL. Anyone who knows me knows I'm an open book. That might end today.
I’m sorry that you are being subjected to this hand-slapping; otherwise known as kicking someone when they’re down. Hang tough and carry on.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Nov 23, 2024 14:30:01 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 24, 2022 19:59:28 GMT
christine58 Sometimes the truth being spelled out looks rude, but I am not being rude. Just how many peas have gifted @bergdorfblonde gift cards, grocery cards, Amazon cards and many other things over the past year or so? This is hard-earned money that has been taxed. Now she is trying to be making money without paying taxes on it. Many people *think* that they can make more money *under the table* but really, when you set up your own business, you can have many right-offs, such as office space, cell-phone expenses, $per mile driven and more. It takes time & research. This is scheming the system and is illegal, at least in Canada. Yes, I know that many do use this scheme in Canada but much to the detriment of everyone. The OP has made very poor choices in her life and is now realizing that there are consequences to her choices. That said and done, she should get financial counselling about how to improve her financial situation and also about getting into more affordable housing. I don't know anything at all about the *gov't issued cell-phone*. I would strongly recommend that @bergdorfblonde go to a Senior government center and get counselling about her individual situation and that her DD also get independent counselling. There may be new programmes out there that they are unaware of or get on a list for more affordable housing. Start selling all of the *stuff* that had been previously purchased or gifted and or simply get-rid of it to ease the work of when they need to do. This is hard work. I've had to do this, sell, purge, donate things, lots of things, in order to put order into my life. Even her DD could help with this. I am not being rude, I am being real and factual; I have a very different approach to issues than most peas. I don't mind hand-holding as long as the hand that I am holding is really doing more than whining and flipping the responsibility to the people who seem to have more money than she has and she seems to feel entitled to their money. Also, the father who is taking his paternity leave is entitled to his paternity leave. It isn't dishonest to quit his job after this leave as he has paid into the *pot* from where this money comes from. Many dads and moms in Canada who have paid into the paid paternity and maternity leaves do not return to their jobs. Simply because paid paternity/maternity leaves seem to be abnormal to Americans, if you follow the rules, there isn't usually an obligation to return to work afterwards as you pre-pay into these plans. I have said what I need to say. I wish @bergdorfblonde the best in her life. My gosh......... Where to begin. What "poor choices" have I made in my life? What do you know about me at all? ?? Did you know that I worked hard, opened a law practice with my 1st husband and bought a house in my name?? My life has COMPLETELY changed since then. Things happen. You get sick. YOu might need 50 surgeries that leave you in constant pain where you need a pain mgmt team. It happens. There is no affordable housing to help right away here. There is no affordable medical care here for DD. We keep checking. She had FL Blue and it ended up to be a scam! She paid $12/mo and in turn got NOTHING. They put off having her meet her new primary doctor and in those 8 months, the truth came out. Long story, but the only affordable mental health care here is the place I've found and we've been to for years. It's pretty far away, they are FAR OFF as being deemed mental health help at all!!!!!!!! But they do get her her scripts for her bipolar meds. That's about all!!!!!!!!!!
During DH's Hospice terms, I got a ton of good advice re affordable housing. The list here in FL is over 5 years long, so we don't qualify. We are trying to get back to NY to be with family. We are completely alone, no friends or family here. This was DH's dream and I agreed to it. Now it's my nightmare.
You see me as whining. I see me as a very sick, pained person who pushes through that pain like a trojan. I deal with the IRS, with my Medicare, with EVERYTHING because each part of my life becomes another difficult feat. I've fought to include 2 Rx's that I needed for my eyeloss/socket pain. Medicare would not approve it. I got it approved. I have the approved letter from Medicare framed. It gets renewed yearly. That's another feat that I fought through and accomplished on my own. THAT is what I'm about.
I know that you've been nice to me in the past. I'm sad and shocked that you believe I"m playing some scheme to complain and get something out of it from the Peas. I came here to talk; that's it. Hoping to get this all deleted because it went totally upside down.
Glad you "wish me the best". Hope it's true, because some of the things you said were quite cruel!!!!!!!!!! Ask ME next time if I've checked our affordable housing in FL for the indigent. Ask ME next time if I've checked out mental health care for DD in FL. Anyone who knows me knows I'm an open book. That might end today.
Please don't change for one rotten pea. Cast aside her uncompassionate opinion and look around and see all the peas trying to help you. Most of us understand and really care about you. Don't let someone with a spoiled heart spoil your own. I know you will figure something out. You always have in the past. You are a fighter and you have a lot of peas behind you. <3
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Post by peanutterbutter on Jun 24, 2022 20:04:40 GMT
@bergdorfblonde Here's a list of resources to look at for possible moving expenses, some of them might even offer assistance or direction for your current expenses. Even small one time only assistance can add up to help. Its not good you are off work financially, but it might give you time to look into some other resources. www.mymove.com/moving/costs-and-finances/low-income-moving-assistance/I know you said your daughter doesn't qualify for SSI, but is she involved in any type of casemanagement services? She doesn't have to be on SSI for that, and sometimes they can help find other resources, provide advocacy etc. Look for behavioral health casemanagement near you. Pardon me if this is too personal, but have you ever looked into any services for the blind in florida? I know you drive and manage very well, but you never know what you night qualify for or what might lead to something else.... You've had so much on your plate, and I know you've just been trying to keep your head above water, sending you some gentle hugs...
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Post by Darcy Collins on Jun 24, 2022 20:40:29 GMT
Wow springing 6 weeks on you last minute is a total bs move. I hope you can find something better. I think this is going to go from bad, to worse to terrible pretty quick.
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Post by littlemama on Jun 24, 2022 20:51:02 GMT
I would spend the next six weeks looking for a new job and I would spring it on them the day before they are expecting you back. That was an asshole move on their part.
I would like to gently say that your dd needs to get help to the point that she can at least hold down a minimum wage job to help with living expenses. You cant keep doing this by yourself.
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basketdiva
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,660
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:09 GMT
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Post by basketdiva on Jun 24, 2022 20:52:37 GMT
I haven't read all of the comments but I think it is reasonable that you have a contract with parents that discusses time off, etc. When going to an in-home daycare there are a lot of stipulations regarding time off, what is paid and what isn't, etc and I don't see why you shouldn't have the same. I also think it is pretty crappy of them not to give you more warning. I would talk to them about that and let them know that is really a hardship for you. Then I would start looking for a different job in case you need one. What good is a contract for a job that is paid under the table-it's not like you can sue the person you are working for.
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Post by Lexica on Jun 24, 2022 20:56:02 GMT
I have only read up to where the kitten your daughter has is getting free vet care from the vet’s office where she got the kitten. That is awesome! Knowing how expensive cats can be, and I know that you know this too, I am going to suggest what I am eventually going to be doing.
My current two cats that I rescued as feral kittens are now 16 years old so I know they won’t be around too many more years. The third cat that belonged to a neighbor at the end of the street that died is younger than my cats, but I have no idea how old he is. I never met the man himself, I just found his cat in my yard and thought it was my male cat. When I ran out to get him, I realized he wasn’t mine, but he was skinny and starving. I had no idea what his situation was, but I cannot see an animal suffer so I started putting food and water out on my porch every morning and taking it in every night.
This cat began running down the street toward my house when he saw/heard my car. He would get in my path and throw himself down for tummy rubs. He really is a well-mannered guy. Eventually I found out from my neighbor who the cat was and that his owner had died. I had him checked out and little by little, introduced him to my cats. He is a full member of the household now. I will be moving him to Oregon with me.
Now once he is gone, I will not be adopting any more kittens. I am getting up there in age, late 60s now, and I don’t want to have my pets outlive me. But, a life without any fur balls just sounds awful to me. So, my plan is to become a foster care home for cats. They don’t have to be kittens as far as I am concerned. I am willing to take them in and love on them until a permanent home is found for them. Yes, it will hurt every time a kitty leaves me, but they will be going to their permanent place, so that takes the sting out of it.
By being a foster home, I will still get to love on some kitties without worrying about having any outlive me. I think you and your daughter should think this over for when you are kittyless too. I think you are like me and need a cat in your home. But with your finances being what they are, it can be too much.
When you foster, the kitty agency pays all vet bills. I don’t know about the food, but I have no problem paying for that myself. I imagine you might be able to work a deal to have them cover the food too. This way, your daughter gets to love on kittens and you don’t need to worry about the cost of lifetime care of them. So this is my plan, and I thought it might work for you too.
Question. Have you looked at cheaper apartments? It sounds like a lot of pressure would be removed from you if your rental amount was less. I’m assuming you are already on a list for low cost housing, but until that comes through, have you looked at moving into a one-bedroom place and just sharing your bedroom with your daughter? Or making the living room into an extra bedroom? I know it isn’t ideal, but picture how nice it would be to be spending so much less on rent every month. And if your rent jumped $500 last time, I fear what it will jump next time. I think it is seriously time to move into a smaller place.
Second suggestion, have you looked into the cost of an older mobile home? I am seriously considering buying one in the town I am moving to live in until I can buy a place. It might take me a year to find a home to buy and between boarding 3 cats and hotel costs, it will get crazy expensive. Boarding 3 cats in my current area is $1,000 a month. Assuming prices are similar in Oregon and adding hotel costs for me and the pup, it would be cheaper to just buy an older mobile to live in together. Then when I buy a place, if it needs work, I can remain in the mobile until it is finished. At that point, I can either sell or keep the mobile and rent it out. I’ve seen them selling for $25,000 and up in Oregon. This idea isn’t set in stone, and I am hoping to get into a house right away so that buying a temporary place isn’t necessary, but it was just an idea.
I don’t know what the price of a mobile home rental is in your area, but it is worth checking. Or maybe asking your sister to consider buying an old one for you to then rent from her.
That is all my mind came up with while thinking about you and your situation last night. Something has got to change, right?
And with moving to a one-bedroom on the table, that would widen your search for jobs too. I would keep looking for jobs north of your current location. Perhaps in 5 years or so, you would have made enough small job/apartment moves in a northern direction to be back in New York again!!!
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Post by CardBoxer on Jun 24, 2022 21:59:45 GMT
I have only read up to where the kitten your daughter has is getting free vet care from the vet’s office where she got the kitten. That is awesome! Knowing how expensive cats can be, and I know that you know this too, I am going to suggest what I am eventually going to be doing. My current two cats that I rescued as feral kittens are now 16 years old so I know they won’t be around too many more years. The third cat that belonged to a neighbor at the end of the street that died is younger than my cats, but I have no idea how old he is. I never met the man himself, I just found his cat in my yard and thought it was my male cat. When I ran out to get him, I realized he wasn’t mine, but he was skinny and starving. I had no idea what his situation was, but I cannot see an animal suffer so I started putting food and water out on my porch every morning and taking it in every night. This cat began running down the street toward my house when he saw/heard my car. He would get in my path and throw himself down for tummy rubs. He really is a well-mannered guy. Eventually I found out from my neighbor who the cat was and that his owner had died. I had him checked out and little by little, introduced him to my cats. He is a full member of the household now. I will be moving him to Oregon with me. Now once he is gone, I will not be adopting any more kittens. I am getting up there in age, late 60s now, and I don’t want to have my pets outlive me. But, a life without any fur balls just sounds awful to me. So, my plan is to become a foster care home for cats. They don’t have to be kittens as far as I am concerned. I am willing to take them in and love on them until a permanent home is found for them. Yes, it will hurt every time a kitty leaves me, but they will be going to their permanent place, so that takes the sting out of it. By being a foster home, I will still get to love on some kitties without worrying about having any outlive me. I think you and your daughter should think this over for when you are kittyless too. I think you are like me and need a cat in your home. But with your finances being what they are, it can be too much. When you foster, the kitty agency pays all vet bills. I don’t know about the food, but I have no problem paying for that myself. I imagine you might be able to work a deal to have them cover the food too. This way, your daughter gets to love on kittens and you don’t need to worry about the cost of lifetime care of them. So this is my plan, and I thought it might work for you too. Question. Have you looked at cheaper apartments? It sounds like a lot of pressure would be removed from you if your rental amount was less. I’m assuming you are already on a list for low cost housing, but until that comes through, have you looked at moving into a one-bedroom place and just sharing your bedroom with your daughter? Or making the living room into an extra bedroom? I know it isn’t ideal, but picture how nice it would be to be spending so much less on rent every month. And if your rent jumped $500 last time, I fear what it will jump next time. I think it is seriously time to move into a smaller place. Second suggestion, have you looked into the cost of an older mobile home? I am seriously considering buying one in the town I am moving to live in until I can buy a place. It might take me a year to find a home to buy and between boarding 3 cats and hotel costs, it will get crazy expensive. Boarding 3 cats in my current area is $1,000 a month. Assuming prices are similar in Oregon and adding hotel costs for me and the pup, it would be cheaper to just buy an older mobile to live in together. Then when I buy a place, if it needs work, I can remain in the mobile until it is finished. At that point, I can either sell or keep the mobile and rent it out. I’ve seen them selling for $25,000 and up in Oregon. This idea isn’t set in stone, and I am hoping to get into a house right away so that buying a temporary place isn’t necessary, but it was just an idea. I don’t know what the price of a mobile home rental is in your area, but it is worth checking. Or maybe asking your sister to consider buying an old one for you to then rent from her. That is all my mind came up with while thinking about you and your situation last night. Something has got to change, right? And with moving to a one-bedroom on the table, that would widen your search for jobs too. I would keep looking for jobs north of your current location. Perhaps in 5 years or so, you would have made enough small job/apartment moves in a northern direction to be back in New York again!!! You’ve spent a long time thinking about this and working out a plan. 💕 OT There are programs around the U.S. and in other countries that pair senior pets with senior humans and pay for medical care for the lifetime of the pet, so the person doesn’t have to give up their companion animal. It’s like permanent fostering. There are programs to help with pet food or vet services or drives to the vet for people on a low income, like Meals on Wheels for Pets. Here’s a partial list, though I don’t know how up to date it is, but searching on phrases like senior pets for seniors, or pet assistance and the like gets hits. www.programsforelderly.com/social-gen-pets-for-elderly.php
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Post by Lexica on Jun 24, 2022 22:24:35 GMT
@cardboxer, I had no idea such a program existed! I won’t have a problem affording the care for my guys, but it is awfully nice to learn something like this exists for seniors. Your post gave me another thought. As a senior myself, I guess I could adopt an older animal that is at the end of their life and needs a loving home for their remaining time. I might be able to do that. It would be more painful than fostering young kittens, but it is also a more necessary thing. I’m just not sure how I could handle losing pet after pet after pet when adopting only the old kitties. I’m going to think about this. Thank you for the information on the senior programs.
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Post by papersilly on Jun 24, 2022 23:01:10 GMT
@bergdorfblonde I just wandered back into this thread and I'm sorry it's gone really south in some posts. Part of why this community is great (most of the time) is the wealth of resources people know about. I hope you are able to get some feeling of support and knowledge from some posts and don't get too discouraged by others.
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