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Post by jeremysgirl on Sept 12, 2023 12:10:09 GMT
I am so incredibly hard to bother. I am just the kind of person who overlooks the little annoyances in life. Most of the time I think things aren't worth getting worked up over. But it's not even 8 am and I'm ready to choke someone.
My coworker had a stroke last year. She had two brain surgeries and was off for 5 months. This happened 10 days before I started in this role. So last summer, I took a promotion just a month after Esther died. I had to learn the job on my own and do the work of two people for 5 months.
I finally got some semblance of control and she came back. I thought that would mean that I could back off for a bit and only do my half of the work. At this point Chloe was still out of control and I was not dealing well with my grief. It was right around Esther's birthday and I just needed a break from a double work load. So I was glad to have her back.
It didn't take long for me to realize that she hadn't fully recovered. She wasn't able to handle her workload. So I began picking up the slack. I did it to be a team player. But then she bit back at me. I was stepping on her toes by stepping up to do the work. So I spoke with my boss and his assistant director and I told them all of what had been going on. They told me to back off, not do the work and then they would talk to her.
She ended up apologizing. Said she thinks she came too early but she would step up because that wasn't fair to me. Things went along ok for a little bit. But the past 2-3 months, her attendance and her performance has been falling off again.
I keep volunteering to take on more and more projects. I'm responding to email requests sent to both of us. It has come out that she's having more health problems. Dizziness, numbness in her hands. She been to doctors appointments, MRIs, etc. No one has told me anything here about the conclusion of all these tests. It's really not my business and I get that.
But she's been out so much. She's not responding to much at all, so I'm trying to keep everything afloat by taking on as much as I possibly can hopefully without stepping on her toes.
There is a report she volunteered to do and it was due three weeks ago. We were emailed about two weeks ago, we were emailed about it last week and I forwarded to assistant director, then yesterday we were emailed again and I finally sent it to my boss, the director. Meanwhile he has been asking her in group chats what's going on with it for over a week with no response. And he's embarrassed because we meet with the agency who needs the report weekly and they keep bringing it up every week. All of us feel embarrassed.
I've been online this morning since 6 am. And she popped in at 7 am, just an FYI, it's 8 now and of course her light is off again so she's already logged off. But she was checking old emails and telling me how to do things I've already completed! But she doesn't know that because she hasn't read all of her emails! So I kept getting random, do this this way emails (with the original requesters all cc'd) when I have already done these things and done the tasks requested! So not only is she telling me how to do things I've already done (and know how to do) she's making us look incompetent in front of the people who requested the tasks be done in the first place.
This feels to me like the very last straw. I'm being talked down to, loaded with extra work, being embarrassed because she's not getting work done on time so it reflects poorly on our office. My boss has now asked the reporting agency not to inquire about missing reports in our weekly meetings because it makes him look bad in front of his boss. I think this was not the way to handle this problem.
If you read this far, I'm shocked. 😂 Because this was long and terrible... I just needed to get it off my chest because I'm not sure there's anything I can do about it. It's a sticky situation because this is health related. But geez don't shoot the person who is trying to cover your ass!
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scrappert
Prolific Pea
RefuPea #2956
Posts: 7,960
Location: Milwaukee, WI area
Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
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Post by scrappert on Sept 12, 2023 12:31:10 GMT
Hugs jeremysgirl. I can feel how overwhelmed you are, I have been there and continue to work through it at my job. I have no sage advice! I love what I do so I make it work. But there are days I do take off for my mental health. On a good note, we did just higher a new controller and she has been awesome so things are getting better for me. |
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Post by kristi521 on Sept 12, 2023 12:31:19 GMT
I think you are a saint for not being irritated up until this point! I appreciate the culture of the company that is continuing to allow your co-worker to recover at her own pace, however things are dropping and you are left to pick up the pieces. And that isn't fair to you at all (I know, call me captain obvious). Your boss's way of handling the delinquent report by telling the person not to ask about it again is a terrible way of dealing with it. I also get the impression you would be far less irritated about this if she wasn't getting grouchy with you when you do try to help and wasn't making you, herself, and the rest of the team look bad by replying to all these old emails with tasks that have been accomplished already.
I am sorry, I hope some resolution comes for you soon. Have you had another discussion with your boss and his leader recently? Maybe it is time for another one?
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SweetieBsMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,786 
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Post by SweetieBsMom on Sept 12, 2023 12:31:24 GMT
Tough situation. You need to have a discussion with your manager. And the manager (or Director) has to have a discussion with her. Either she's working or she's not. Sounds like she needs to be on leave again but what is happening now is tarnishing your reputation.
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Post by lucyg on Sept 12, 2023 12:33:48 GMT
I’m sorry this problem STILL hasn’t been resolved. It’s so frustrating and I don’t blame you at all if you feel like choking someone!
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Sept 12, 2023 12:41:05 GMT
I’m with those saying that the director needs to have a conversation with her. There is a difference between cutting her some slack due to health issues and her not working at all. Right now it sounds like she is not getting anything productive done and that either needs to change or she goes back on leave.
As to her emails, I would probably respond saying that those tasks were done x amount of days ago and that now we are just waiting on her report. I’m sorry you are dealing with this.
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Post by mikklynn on Sept 12, 2023 12:47:53 GMT
Ugh, I have no advice, just lots of sympathy!
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Post by Mel on Sept 12, 2023 12:52:41 GMT
I’m with those saying that the director needs to have a conversation with her. There is a difference between cutting her some slack due to health issues and her not working at all. Right now it sounds like she is not getting anything productive done and that either needs to change or she goes back on leave. As to her emails, I would probably respond saying that those tasks were done x amount of days ago and that now we are just waiting on her report. I’m sorry you are dealing with this. I agree with all of this!! Health related or not, the bare fact is, she can't do her job, and it's making everyone look bad when she tries to pretend that she can (like sending cc to the clients, who does that?). You should definitely talk to someone. I'd also let HR in on the goings on, they might not have a clue that she is doing any of this, and you are the one that looks incompetent in the meantime. I'm so sorry that you're in such a stressful situation!! |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Sept 12, 2023 12:53:43 GMT
Hugs jeremysgirl . I can feel how overwhelmed you are, I have been there and continue to work through it at my job. I have no sage advice! I love what I do so I make it work. But there are days I do take off for my mental health. On a good note, we did just higher a new controller and she has been awesome so things are getting better for me. First of all, I am glad things are looking up for you. I'm glad you love your job. I really like mine too, most of the time. Last week, I had been feeling the effects of a change in my medication. I was manic all week. By the time I got to Wednesday, I hadn't slept in 5 days. I was logged in, checking email and my vision started to get blurry, so I messaged my boss I was sick and finally decided to take my rescue med. The good news is that I finally had some sleep. I worked on Thursday as I felt a little bit better after some sleep but Thursday night I didn't sleep again. So I told my boss I would be popping in periodically to check email all day on Friday but I needed another day of sick leave. My doctor finally called me and we reversed course on my medicine. So I ended up sleeping somewhat on Friday night, felt a little better on Saturday, then took my Saturday night meds, slept great, and felt back to myself on Sunday. But I still kept up with my email all day on Friday. I didn't do any project work, but I did respond to everything needing my attention. I worked about two hours total. And I'm just so frustrated because I'll just be honest, I could use at least a couple of weeks off (maybe even a month, off and on) so my psychiatrist and I could figure out my meds. But, I feel like I can't take the time to do that because work would be a mess. So I get the mental health days. I do use sick leave when I'm feeling terrible. And I don't use them for just a day like today when I'm pissed and overwhelmed. I wait until I virtually cannot even get my brain to function. And I admit I'm bitter because I could totally have used last week off, but I knew that I couldn't do that. I'm going on vacation next week and I've been working so hard to make sure I have every i dotted and t crossed before I leave. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Sept 12, 2023 12:56:46 GMT
I also get the impression you would be far less irritated about this if she wasn't getting grouchy with you when you do try to help and wasn't making you, herself, and the rest of the team look bad by replying to all these old emails with tasks that have been accomplished already. Yes. Exactly. If she would just step back and allow me to do things without any backlash or worse, by telling me how to do these tasks (I get she's been in this role for 5-6 years and me only 1, but it's amazing what you learn when you are left to fend for yourself), and just generally being bitchy and bossy. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Sept 12, 2023 12:57:53 GMT
As to her emails, I would probably respond saying that those tasks were done x amount of days ago This is exactly what I did. |
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Post by librarylady on Sept 12, 2023 13:56:05 GMT
I hope you can relax and enjoy your time away from the job and stress.
I also think that all the supervisors and you need to sit down together and work out a solution.
As someone pointed out--she is either working or not, but the half way working is not getting anyone anywhere.
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Post by **GypsyGirl** on Sept 12, 2023 14:15:14 GMT
My boss has now asked the reporting agency not to inquire about missing reports in our weekly meetings because it makes him look bad in front of his boss. I think this was not the way to handle this problem. I'm sorry that the situation with the coworker has gotten worse and not better. It's no wonder you are so stressed out. The fact that your boss is asking the agency to not inquire about the reports is a huge flag. It's like they have built a house of cards by not addressing the elephant in the room (coworker who cannot do her job) and it's likely to come crashing down. It's probably like waiting on the other shoe to drop at work all the time for you, and that's never a good feeling. Do you think there is a reason that she refuses to go on leave again? Is it lack of time, a decrease in pay, or just pride? It's very unfair of her to do this to the company - and you! |
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Post by crazy4scraps on Sept 12, 2023 14:17:00 GMT
I remember your earlier post RE: this coworker and I’m so sorry things haven’t gotten better. Enough time has passed for her to prove she can still do the work and history has proven she can’t. I too think that the director needs to take up the issue with her directly, immediately, and I would insist on it. This is all really not fair to you even if they were paying you double, which I doubt is the case.
Something needs to change *right now* because all that’s going to happen is you’ll totally burn out and then they’ll be left with no one to do any of the work. By letting all of this continually slide just hoping that she’ll magically snap out of it and/or that you’ll be able to continually keep taking up the slack, they’re setting themselves up for a major, preventable crisis.
And I agree that you’re a saint for tolerating all this for so long. I would have snapped months ago but I have zero patience for people who are not doing what they’re being paid to do. It sounds like this woman needs to be on permanent disability so her position can be freed up for someone else who is capable of actually doing the work.
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Post by stormsts on Sept 12, 2023 14:43:11 GMT
jeremysgirl I can't believe you are still dealing with this. I agree with what everyone else has said. Please remember, your mental and physical health is is just as important as hers. Hugs!
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Post by scrapmaven on Sept 12, 2023 15:28:27 GMT
I find it interesting that you both have health issues, yet you are able to do your job thoroughly and w/aplomb, despite sleep deprivation and hypomania. That's impressive to me. Yet, she can't log in for more than an hour. Of course, I feel for someone who has had a stroke, but I think she's using it as an excuse to not work. It would be much more fair if she would just go on disability and allow someone else to step into her role.
You absolutely have every right to vent. At this point it's affecting your boss's reputation and I would think that he would finally step in and put his foot down. That he hasn't done that reflects poorly on him. Just keep doing your job as usual and when questioned you'll be able to defend your work.
At a certain point when someone isn't performing and making the entire team look bad it's time for the boss/hr to step in and handle it. I'm sorry that she's been making this mess even worse.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Sept 12, 2023 15:36:49 GMT
My boss has now asked the reporting agency not to inquire about missing reports in our weekly meetings because it makes him look bad in front of his boss. I think this was not the way to handle this problem. I'm sorry that the situation with the coworker has gotten worse and not better. It's no wonder you are so stressed out. The fact that your boss is asking the agency to not inquire about the reports is a huge flag. It's like they have built a house of cards by not addressing the elephant in the room (coworker who cannot do her job) and it's likely to come crashing down. It's probably like waiting on the other shoe to drop at work all the time for you, and that's never a good feeling. Do you think there is a reason that she refuses to go on leave again? Is it lack of time, a decrease in pay, or just pride? It's very unfair of her to do this to the company - and you! Wouldn't you feel it's a pride issue if you couldn't do your job anymore? I think I would. I think that's why I've been trying to help. I feel for her. I have my struggles too. Maybe that day will come for me when I will have to admit I'm not capable of doing my job anymore because of my bipolar or something else. I can't imagine that realization would feel good to me. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Sept 12, 2023 15:39:20 GMT
I assure you crazy4scraps I am no saint. Jeremy and scrapmaven know I've chewed their ears off about this. I have also poked my assistant director several times. I'm doing the best I can but I haven't been totally silent. I was just pushed right over the edge this morning when she was going to tell me how I was supposed to do something. That I already did. |
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quiltz
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,850
Location: CANADA
Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Sept 12, 2023 15:46:40 GMT
If you read this far, I'm shocked. 😂 Because this was long and terrible... I just needed to get it off my chest because I'm not sure there's anything I can do about it. It's a sticky situation because this is health related. But geez don't shoot the person who is trying to cover your ass! I think that you need to eat some really good chocolate. Coffee crisp or Areo or Smarties are my go-to. |
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Post by **GypsyGirl** on Sept 12, 2023 15:46:52 GMT
Wouldn't you feel it's a pride issue if you couldn't do your job anymore? I think I would. I think that's why I've been trying to help. I feel for her. I have my struggles too. Maybe that day will come for me when I will have to admit I'm not capable of doing my job anymore because of my bipolar or something else. I can't imagine that realization would feel good to me. I would be the same as you, but some people have too much pride to admit they can no longer do something so they just refuse to step back and give it up. I just wonder if that's not part of her issue? The only other thing I could think of would be that disability typically pays less than a full salary, so she is resisting on a financial basis. I could understand that but at some point your boss and/or HR are going to have to step up and take action. |
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Post by silverlining on Sept 12, 2023 15:53:15 GMT
I'm so sorry that this situation is still going on! You should not have to be dealing with this still, no matter what your health issues are. You have exceptional skills for your job and get stuff done, rearranging your schedule as necessary when you're not feeling well.
Your manager is not managing! Is there any way you can meet with him and divide the job duties cleanly so she is not advising you or trying to do things that are already finished? And then you don't do any of her duties? The manager needs to decide exactly what she is responsible for and see for himself if it is done or not done. It's time to make it clear that working as a team is clearly not working and is not fair to you and that you want to be responsible for your own duties. Keep in the back of your mind that you deserve to work in a well-managed environment, you are a great team player when necessary, but you have done way too much for too long. There are jobs out there where managers actually manage, and excellent employees like you can thrive.
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Post by scrapmaven on Sept 12, 2023 16:14:46 GMT
That she's telling you what to do is absolute chutzpah(NERVE)! You are a good person, but at this point she's taking advantage of your compassion. It is so frustrating that no one will step in and handle this. If I was doing all of the work and my colleague was slacking off and then telling me what I should be doing I'd want to go ballistic. You have every right to feel the way you do.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Sept 12, 2023 16:40:22 GMT
I find it interesting that you both have health issues, yet you are able to do your job thoroughly and w/aplomb, despite sleep deprivation and hypomania. That's impressive to me. Yet, she can't log in for more than an hour. Of course, I feel for someone who has had a stroke, but I think she's using it as an excuse to not work. It would be much more fair if she would just go on disability and allow someone else to step into her role. You absolutely have every right to vent. At this point it's affecting your boss's reputation and I would think that he would finally step in and put his foot down. That he hasn't done that reflects poorly on him. Just keep doing your job as usual and when questioned you'll be able to defend your work. At a certain point when someone isn't performing and making the entire team look bad it's time for the boss/hr to step in and handle it. I'm sorry that she's been making this mess even worse. I manage decently but don't make me out to be better than I am.  I probably utilize my sick leave more than the average person due to my mental illness. I just try to make up for these drawbacks where I can and usually that involves working alternate days/hours. I have times at work where I'm not super busy either. And I'll lolligag around with the best of them. I take most of my breaks at peas. And when I posted the OP I was sitting on my deck in the chilly air trying to blow my bad attitude off. I know sometimes I get down because there have been a few times in my life when I have desperately needed some time off. That's hard for us because we make enough to cover our needs and some of our wants, but to lose 2-4 weeks of my salary? Well that's just a lot of money so we limp through those times. I took a 2.5 week break once to do an outpatient program and while it was easily approved and my old boss let me step in and out without missing a beat, with what's going on here I would never be able to do that. I just think it's been almost a year that she's been back. It's been long enough to see that this ain't working. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Sept 12, 2023 16:41:10 GMT
If you read this far, I'm shocked. 😂 Because this was long and terrible... I just needed to get it off my chest because I'm not sure there's anything I can do about it. It's a sticky situation because this is health related. But geez don't shoot the person who is trying to cover your ass! I think that you need to eat some really good chocolate. Coffee crisp or Areo or Smarties are my go-to. I did have any of that, however I did have some chocolate marshmallow hot chocolate mix. So I'm having a cup on my lunch break sitting outside. |
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Post by peasapie on Sept 12, 2023 16:55:41 GMT
Well that sucks. It would drive me nuts. I want to say let it go and don't worry about taking care of things, but I'm sure that would be harder than dealing with what you are now.
If your boss doesn't know how to handle it, he/she needs to consult either Human Resources or an attorney who deals with things like this to get an answer on how to proceed. There's an elephant in the room!
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Sept 12, 2023 16:59:25 GMT
I’m curious if you know how she was as an employee before her stroke?
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huskergal
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,447
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Post by huskergal on Sept 12, 2023 17:00:57 GMT
That sounds overwhelming. I am sorry. I understand your need to scream!
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tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,382
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Sept 12, 2023 18:27:26 GMT
It seems ridiculous to me that your bosses won’t address the issue. You are doing far more than you should and I hope they monetize that at review time.
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Post by femalebusiness on Sept 12, 2023 18:31:16 GMT
I can feel your frustration and rightly so. You never fail to impress me how you handle your life. I so hope you can get some relief from this nonsense stress.
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Post by flanz on Sept 12, 2023 18:34:52 GMT
I'm so sorry Becky. That truly and positively sucks. I agree with tincin. You're doing the work of two people and should be getting her salary as well as yours!! |
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I probably utilize my sick leave more than the average person due to my mental illness. I just try to make up for these drawbacks where I can and usually that involves working alternate days/hours. I have times at work where I'm not super busy either. And I'll lolligag around with the best of them. I take most of my breaks at peas. And when I posted the OP I was sitting on my deck in the chilly air trying to blow my bad attitude off. 
