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Post by lg on Jun 27, 2024 11:24:34 GMT
jeremysgirl I felt weird liking your comment as it wasn’t the greatest of news BUT I wanted to congratulate you on your raise 🤗 So sorry you didn’t get your “exit strategy” job 😞 it sounds like your coworker may be in the early stages of dementia or something similar to me, and illnesses affecting the brain can unfortunately also affect temperament and personality which is hard.
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twinsmomfla99
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,119 
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Post by twinsmomfla99 on Jun 27, 2024 11:28:03 GMT
Good morning cadoodlebug asked for an update in yesterday's dinner thread so I thought I'd post it here. I did not get that job. I was notified by email on Friday. At least I was actually notified, it seems many of the jobs I've applied for recently haven't even bothered. I was momentarily bummed but really in the grand scheme of things, that job really didn't excite me, it was an exit strategy. I had my yearly evaluation. My evaluation is broken out into various objectives. I have to rate myself and make comments and then my boss rates me and makes comments. He didn't disagree with any of my self ratings, however, under communication he did say that my communication with people outside of my unit is great but I need to work on my communication skills with my coworker. I just rolled my eyes and carried on. But I did get a raise. She appears to be working somewhat but her memory is hit. And so I am having to tell her over and over again about things that we have talked about. She is trying to get involved more but it's almost as if it's harder. Like Tuesday in a meeting with my boss I had to again explain to her our plan for how to pay for an upcoming expensive IT project. I have been in at least 3 meetings with her planning this. And she just was completely confused...again. We got another follow up email with more accurate estimates and she told the person sending the email she would update her soon. I had to tell her that I was handling it already. Then she followed up with an email about if I'm handling something, the least I could do is inform her so she doesn't duplicate my efforts. I had to explain to her that not only was she involved in those emails weeks ago but that I was angry at her tone because she thought it was necessary to tell me what and how to do it. She had totally forgotten all of this conversation. So even though there seems to be more participation, she's just not remembering things and it's frustrating me. I'm not quite sure what to do with that. That sounds so frustrating! If she continues to work with you, I believe she needs an ADA accommodation for her memory loss. Do you use Microsoft Teams? If so, can you set up task lists for her so she knows what she has to do? Then “train” her to go to the list before doing anything? This would also create a written record that would protect you? I’m not sure how useful Teams is for this scenario because I haven’t had to use it for a multi-person project, but it has been useful for me at times when planning events. Maybe propose this to your supervisor as a way to improve communication with the coworker. |
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Post by kluski on Jun 27, 2024 11:38:14 GMT
You could also use a google document that you share with her (and possibly your supervisor). When you share it, you can control if she is a viewer or an editor. Clearly, you would only want her to be a viewer. You would be the only editor.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Jun 27, 2024 12:03:57 GMT
jeremysgirl I felt weird liking your comment as it wasn’t the greatest of news BUT I wanted to congratulate you on your raise 🤗 So sorry you didn’t get your “exit strategy” job 😞 it sounds like your coworker may be in the early stages of dementia or something similar to me, and illnesses affecting the brain can unfortunately also affect temperament and personality which is hard. She had a stroke when I first started this job. She's been struggling ever since she came back to work. It's less noticeable when she is checked out. But like I said, she is trying to engage but this has highlighted her memory issues. |
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Post by gillyp on Jun 27, 2024 12:18:05 GMT
I'm sorry you didn't get the job but congrats on the raise!
I agree with the others, some form of record itemising what she is to do and what you will do is required. I would be a little wary of just placing it electronically as there is nothing to say she won't say she didn't get it/read it/understand it. I'm not up on Teams and other options so maybe there is something within it that will help. If you are actually having face to face meetings, I'd be writing everything down and have her sign each part she is to do and you sign yours. Take a copy of the sheet and let her keep the original. Set a date for when it will be reviewed. That can go towards negating your manager's perceived lack of communication with her.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Jun 27, 2024 12:53:49 GMT
I'm not sure exactly that I can compel her to use any kind of tracking system. My boss's secretary put one in place on TEAMs with tasks for reports. So at least she has that to refer to, but it just assigns them to both of us and not anyone specific. I'm not sure if we did set something up if she'd look at it anyway. But I think she would bristle at the mere suggestion of it. She very much is one of those people who every time a suggestion of something new comes up, she says, well that's not how we used to do it.
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Post by Linda on Jun 27, 2024 13:06:27 GMT
congratulations on the raise jeremysgirlI'm sorry that your co-worker is struggling with memory - that sounds very frustrating. I would encourage you to document, document, document (hopefully there is someone you can copy in on communications). I wonder if the perceived lack of communication with your coworker is because she isn't remembering the communication and thus conveying it wasn't happening. |
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Post by lg on Jun 27, 2024 13:16:04 GMT
jeremysgirl I felt weird liking your comment as it wasn’t the greatest of news BUT I wanted to congratulate you on your raise 🤗 So sorry you didn’t get your “exit strategy” job 😞 it sounds like your coworker may be in the early stages of dementia or something similar to me, and illnesses affecting the brain can unfortunately also affect temperament and personality which is hard. She had a stroke when I first started this job. She's been struggling ever since she came back to work. It's less noticeable when she is checked out. But like I said, she is trying to engage but this has highlighted her memory issues. Ohhh okay - I think you’d mentioned that previously but that makes sense! My close colleague had a stroke (we literally share a desk) but it only affected his speech and he is pretty much back to normal which is such a blessing. The first few weeks back were super hard for him though. |
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Jun 27, 2024 14:01:52 GMT
congratulations on the raise jeremysgirlI'm sorry that your co-worker is struggling with memory - that sounds very frustrating. I would encourage you to document, document, document (hopefully there is someone you can copy in on communications). I wonder if the perceived lack of communication with your coworker is because she isn't remembering the communication and thus conveying it wasn't happening.Bold mine!! That is exactly what came to my mind! |
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Post by **GypsyGirl** on Jun 27, 2024 14:40:40 GMT
She had totally forgotten all of this conversation. So even though there seems to be more participation, she's just not remembering things and it's frustrating me. I'm not quite sure what to do with that. A very thorough paper trail is your friend in this situation. Every single phone call or teams meetings, send a quick message that outlines what was discussed and decided in the meeting. Then save everyone of them to a folder. At this point I'm not sure I'd copy anyone else, just build a folder of what you and she discussed every time you talk. Basically it's the ultimate CYA folder. The next time your boss says anything, show him the folder. And when she says she wasn't told something, forward her that meeting memo you've kept. Rinse, lather, repeat. Sucks you need to do this but it is apparently necessary. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Jun 27, 2024 14:54:56 GMT
She had totally forgotten all of this conversation. So even though there seems to be more participation, she's just not remembering things and it's frustrating me. I'm not quite sure what to do with that. A very thorough paper trail is your friend in this situation. Every single phone call or teams meetings, send a quick message that outlines what was discussed and decided in the meeting. Then save everyone of them to a folder. At this point I'm not sure I'd copy anyone else, just build a folder of what you and she discussed every time you talk. Basically it's the ultimate CYA folder. The next time your boss says anything, show him the folder. And when she says she wasn't told something, forward her that meeting memo you've kept. Rinse, lather, repeat. Sucks you need to do this but it is apparently necessary. Thank you. This is a good suggestion. |
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Post by littlemama on Jun 27, 2024 15:30:56 GMT
She had totally forgotten all of this conversation. So even though there seems to be more participation, she's just not remembering things and it's frustrating me. I'm not quite sure what to do with that. A very thorough paper trail is your friend in this situation. Every single phone call or teams meetings, send a quick message that outlines what was discussed and decided in the meeting. Then save everyone of them to a folder. At this point I'm not sure I'd copy anyone else, just build a folder of what you and she discussed every time you talk. Basically it's the ultimate CYA folder. The next time your boss says anything, show him the folder. And when she says she wasn't told something, forward her that meeting memo you've kept. Rinse, lather, repeat. Sucks you need to do this but it is apparently necessary. Yep, save all emails, and if there is a verbal conversation, send a follow up email detailing what was discussed, including assigned tasks. |
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Post by gillyp on Jun 27, 2024 15:39:07 GMT
I'm not sure exactly that I can compel her to use any kind of tracking system. My boss's secretary put one in place on TEAMs with tasks for reports. So at least she has that to refer to, but it just assigns them to both of us and not anyone specific. I'm not sure if we did set something up if she'd look at it anyway. But I think she would bristle at the mere suggestion of it. She very much is one of those people who every time a suggestion of something new comes up, she says, well that's not how we used to do it. Maybe a way of broaching it would be to say your boss had said you need to improve your communication skills, you think keeping a record of discussions would help you, would she be willing to do this. Then it looks like you are not finger pointing at her but asking for her assistance. I don't know how you would feel about that. The poor woman (and I don't say that lightly, given what YOU have been put through) needs management help and monitoring through her debility. |
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Post by quietgirl on Jun 27, 2024 15:45:45 GMT
Congratulations on your raise, and I'm sorry, too, about not getting the job. I know it wasn't something you were excited about, but sometimes exit strategy jobs can be the right thing. I don't think its jeremysgirl 's responsibility to set the other woman up with memory strategies. You have enough to do. I know no ones suggested that, but it seems just to be something more you'd have to do, for her, and its enough already. Anyway, my continued best wishes for you. |
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Post by **GypsyGirl** on Jun 27, 2024 16:02:48 GMT
Thank you. This is a good suggestion. You are most welcome. In my previous life, I was a legal secretary and executive assistant so I learned the importance of a paper trail.  . Also, congratulations on your raise! Treat yourself to some yarn or fabric to celebrate! |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Jun 27, 2024 16:07:05 GMT
Congratulations on your raise, and I'm sorry, too, about not getting the job. I know it wasn't something you were excited about, but sometimes exit strategy jobs can be the right thing. I don't think its jeremysgirl 's responsibility to set the other woman up with memory strategies. You have enough to do. I know no ones suggested that, but it seems just to be something more you'd have to do, for her, and its enough already. Anyway, my continued best wishes for you. Thank you for saying that. There's a line between protecting myself (which I want to do) and having to help her limp along. |
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Post by quietgirl on Jun 27, 2024 16:08:05 GMT
One more comment, I do think its ridiculous that your boss had to mention communication with your co worker at your evaluation. I think that you have tried, over and over, in this situation. If anyone has the communication issue, its the boss. Along with his non ability to handle that the co worker's tanking performance.
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Post by lurker on Jun 27, 2024 18:19:17 GMT
Aww - sorry about the job but yay for the raise!
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Post by scrapmaven on Jun 27, 2024 18:43:11 GMT
Congratulations on your more-than-well-earned raise. I'm sorry that you didn't get the other job. The best thing to do is to keep documenting every single conversation you have w/her. Keep that email chain and if you have to bring a huge file folder of her screw-ups to HR then do it. Unbelievable. Your boss needs to be downgraded, cause he's really ineffective at his job. At least you got some moolah out of him.
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. Also, congratulations on your raise! Treat yourself to some yarn or fabric to celebrate!
