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Post by jeremysgirl on Sept 12, 2023 19:22:57 GMT
Wouldn't you feel it's a pride issue if you couldn't do your job anymore? I think I would. I think that's why I've been trying to help. I feel for her. I have my struggles too. Maybe that day will come for me when I will have to admit I'm not capable of doing my job anymore because of my bipolar or something else. I can't imagine that realization would feel good to me. I would be the same as you, but some people have too much pride to admit they can no longer do something so they just refuse to step back and give it up. I just wonder if that's not part of her issue? The only other thing I could think of would be that disability typically pays less than a full salary, so she is resisting on a financial basis. I could understand that but at some point your boss and/or HR are going to have to step up and take action. I know she is 4 years away from her planned retirement. She told me that months ago. It very well could be a money issue. We have long term disability. But I've heard it only pays 2/3 of your salary. That would definitely be an issue for me. But if you have no other choice, then changes need to be made. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Sept 12, 2023 19:28:20 GMT
silverlining we have the work about as divided as it can be. But some of her people are reaching out to both of us because they aren't getting answers. The overdue report she volunteered for because I was handling something very big at the time. I also have two big projects due the Friday that I return from vacation. I willingly took them on because I was afraid she'd drop the ball. So I'm volunteering left and right. Because I would rather do the work than be embarrassed.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Sept 12, 2023 19:32:07 GMT
I’m curious if you know how she was as an employee before her stroke? I came from the same company. But there was only one regular task I needed her assistance on before I could do my work. And she has always been slow to respond to emails. The reviews I needed her to do were ten minute ventures at most 5-6 times a month. I know because I do these reviews now for the person who took my old job. Other than that, I don't have any other experience. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Sept 12, 2023 19:33:24 GMT
It seems ridiculous to me that your bosses won’t address the issue. You are doing far more than you should and I hope they monetize that at review time. Our pay rates are all based on longevity. So she has been in the role longer than me, she makes more money. |
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Post by flanz on Sept 12, 2023 20:16:33 GMT
It seems ridiculous to me that your bosses won’t address the issue. You are doing far more than you should and I hope they monetize that at review time. Our pay rates are all based on longevity. So she has been in the role longer than me, she makes more money. PLEASE discuss the unfairness of this with your boss asap. Riciculous! |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Sept 12, 2023 20:16:54 GMT
Update: I sent my boss and the assistant director an email right before lunch. I told them I wanted to update them on what I've been doing lately and show them the areas in which I need help.
I detailed everything I've been working on. All the things I've done for her too. I detailed all the things I'm trying to get done this week before I go on vacation and how I have two projects due the Friday I come back that are being held up by information I need from her.
I told them the things I have been pulled into this week that I could use some help on.
I tried to phrase it as hey, this is what is going on, I'm drowning here, and I need the two of you to step up and help me because I just don't have enough hours this week to get all this done and then I'm off next week and then I'm coming right back to a heap of things that I know of before I even leave.
He emailed me back: thanks for the update. I'm looking to talk to her so if you do, please tell her to get in touch with me. And we will step up and help you.
I don't know if I should feel optimistic or even more frustrated.
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Post by silverlining on Sept 12, 2023 20:37:42 GMT
I'm glad you sent that email. But, his reply!! I'm astounded and angry for you...he is asking you to tell her to get in touch with him??? She earns more than you, and you are doing her job. I assume the manager earns more than you, and he can't even contact her without your help? I hope I'm misunderstanding this.
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peasquared
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,767 
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Post by peasquared on Sept 12, 2023 21:07:25 GMT
I am so sorry all this is going on. And now to read the email from boss...WTH? Now you have to be the one to tell her to reach out to THEM?
Oh boy!
Wish I had some advice, all I can say is enjoy your vacation! You deserve it!! And as others said, a huge pay increase.
I'm sorry!
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teddyw
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,161
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Post by teddyw on Sept 12, 2023 21:20:14 GMT
I'm glad you sent that email. But, his reply!! I'm astounded and angry for you...he is asking you to tell her to get in touch with him??? She earns more than you, and you are doing her job. I assume the manager earns more than you, and he can't even contact her without your help? I hope I'm misunderstanding this. I thought the same thing. Hopefully HR will be involved too. |
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Post by **GypsyGirl** on Sept 12, 2023 21:50:17 GMT
He emailed me back: thanks for the update. I'm looking to talk to her so if you do, please tell her to get in touch with me. And we will step up and help you. I don't know if I should feel optimistic or even more frustrated.  Anger would be an appropriate emotion in response to this, at least it would be for me. "Tell her to get in touch with me"  She is his subordinate and that's his job! Does he mean they will go ahead and help you now, or that it will happen after he talks to her? Hopefully he talks to her and something happens. In the meantime, go on your vacation and have fun. You've earned this vacation. |
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Post by mollycoddle on Sept 12, 2023 21:53:53 GMT
I think that the next time she emailed me, I would forward it to him with a note: I haven’t spoken to her, but she just emailed me; she is checking her email, so that might be the best way to get in touch with her.
Then hope that he does.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Sept 12, 2023 22:04:07 GMT
What irritates me is that my cell phone number is in my email signature. I'm lucky in that people respect that it is for an emergency use only. I would totally expect that if I didn't show up to work without saying a word, I'd be contacted on my cell phone. I mean I would think a boss has the right to do so when you are MIA.
I just don't even know what is going on anymore. I feel like the wheels are totally off the bus. I was in a really great place in my former position. I was happy there. I wasn't being challenged anymore and was looking for something new. The work of this job is very satisfying for me. But things have just come unglued.
Honestly I feel sad about it. I feel angry and a little bitter. I feel like there's a lot of unfairness. And I know there will never be total equity in a work distribution and I honestly don't mind helping when someone is struggling. I fully expect to put in my own hard work. And when things are slower I let a lot more go mentally. But today, I was just totally set off by her telling me how to handle something in front of two others when I had already handled it. That just felt like the crappy icing on the cake for me.
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Post by destined2bmom on Sept 12, 2023 22:24:29 GMT
jeremysgirl I understand all of the feelings that you are experiencing. In the past, I have worked with people like your coworker. It is extremely frustrating and difficult to have to help get the work done, get your head snapped off for helping and then being publicly told how to perform your job. Add a boss with a response like his and it’s really difficult to figure things out. Has your boss made any comments that you are responsible for getting that report done? And why can’t he find her? All he has to do is look at her HR file. I hope that you can get this resolved and enjoy your vacation.
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Sept 12, 2023 22:46:34 GMT
Update: I sent my boss and the assistant director an email right before lunch. I told them I wanted to update them on what I've been doing lately and show them the areas in which I need help. I detailed everything I've been working on. All the things I've done for her too. I detailed all the things I'm trying to get done this week before I go on vacation and how I have two projects due the Friday I come back that are being held up by information I need from her. I told them the things I have been pulled into this week that I could use some help on. I tried to phrase it as hey, this is what is going on, I'm drowning here, and I need the two of you to step up and help me because I just don't have enough hours this week to get all this done and then I'm off next week and then I'm coming right back to a heap of things that I know of before I even leave. He emailed me back: thanks for the update. I'm looking to talk to her so if you do, please tell her to get in touch with me. And we will step up and help you. I don't know if I should feel optimistic or even more frustrated. Does this mean that he has reached out to her and she hasn’t responded, so he is also telling you that if you talk to her to pass on that he wants to talk with her? |
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Post by AussieMeg on Sept 12, 2023 22:52:29 GMT
Oh wow, that sounds so overwhelming and frustrating.
Can I just say that your bosses are failing badly here. They are failing you, and the company, and outside people as well. If someone in my team was late doing a report for a customer or an outside agency, my boss would have jumped in and made sure it got done the very minute she found out it was overdue.
I hope your bosses pull their collective fingers out and step up to help you out.
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Post by scrapmaven on Sept 12, 2023 22:57:31 GMT
It sounds like your boss is afraid of the entire situation. In that case, going to HR would make the most sense. Clearly, he has no idea how to manage the situation and is putting you in the middle, because he doesn't have clue about what to do w/her. Let the smoke come out of your ears, because you 100% correct in all aspects of this situation. It's unfair to you!
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Post by scrapperal on Sept 12, 2023 23:09:50 GMT
How overwhelming and frustrating! It sounds like your boss isn't being a good manager because he isn't addressing the issues and he really isn't supporting you. To save your sanity, I hope you can cut back on the volunteering for her work since you're already doing too much work. And document, document, document.
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scrappinmama
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,128
Jun 26, 2014 12:54:09 GMT
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Post by scrappinmama on Sept 12, 2023 23:19:18 GMT
Tough situation. You need to have a discussion with your manager. And the manager (or Director) has to have a discussion with her. Either she's working or she's not. Sounds like she needs to be on leave again but what is happening now is tarnishing your reputation. I agree with this. If she is on fmla, her position is protected. But there needs to be a plan in place. The work has to get done, and it can't be all on you. ((hugs)) I know this is stressful! |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Sept 12, 2023 23:34:08 GMT
Update: I sent my boss and the assistant director an email right before lunch. I told them I wanted to update them on what I've been doing lately and show them the areas in which I need help. I detailed everything I've been working on. All the things I've done for her too. I detailed all the things I'm trying to get done this week before I go on vacation and how I have two projects due the Friday I come back that are being held up by information I need from her. I told them the things I have been pulled into this week that I could use some help on. I tried to phrase it as hey, this is what is going on, I'm drowning here, and I need the two of you to step up and help me because I just don't have enough hours this week to get all this done and then I'm off next week and then I'm coming right back to a heap of things that I know of before I even leave. He emailed me back: thanks for the update. I'm looking to talk to her so if you do, please tell her to get in touch with me. And we will step up and help you. I don't know if I should feel optimistic or even more frustrated. Does this mean that he has reached out to her and she hasn’t responded, so he is also telling you that if you talk to her to pass on that he wants to talk with her? I don't know. I was just telling Jeremy that this is the part that frustrates me even more. Like why isn't he calling her at home at this point? He reached out in email and on teams today in our 4 person group regarding that report. And crickets. I wasn't sure why he even bothered including me as it really wasn't my business. And then I was just talking some shit to Jeremy for putting his dinner bowl in the dishwasher wrong. 😂 and he was like, you are really upset. I apologized to him but I told him I am upset. Today just blew me right over. I explained the irritation I had with that please tell her I want to talk to her if she contacts you. I told him I couldn't understand why he wasn't just calling her at home. Why put it on me? And then email and the teams message in the group this morning. Why not just contact her directly? Why include all of us? Because reading all these unanswered messages again just feels like somehow this is getting pushed back to me. And you know what he said? He's setting her up. Jeremy thinks that he's making an airtight case for firing. All these messages are documentation. I mean I felt so pissed when I sent that message and I tried to be all diplomatic about it. Gently saying, I'm taking care of all of this and I need her or you guys to help me. And his response just was so short I almost felt like, why did I even bother? At this point, have I complained enough times to him and the assistant that they are just fed up with my attitude? But Jeremy thinks he did it on purpose. Because he doesn't want anyone to come back and say he had some kind of attitude. That he didn't do his due diligence. That we were all included because he wants all of us to be able to back him up with human resources. Who knew Jeremy was a conspiracy theorist? |
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PaperAngel
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,022
Jun 27, 2014 23:04:06 GMT
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Post by PaperAngel on Sept 12, 2023 23:36:42 GMT
(((hugs))) I suggest you reply to your supervisor, informing him that you last heard from your coworker this morning, forward the emails she sent, & express your concern about her copying internal clients on instructions to you for addressing requests (that unbeknowest to her you completed days/weeks ago), specifically the implications, whether intentional or unintentional on her part, that you report to her & need hand holding which could have been interpreted as the reason for delayed responses. Otherwise, you've updated your supervisor in writing, noted what you need to complete your reports, been promised help, & now you simply wait (since you're neither your coworker's keeper nor responsible for her job attendance or performance); send another written update to the supervisor on any outstanding information to complete reports before you leave for vacation.
After your vacation, perhaps schedule a meeting with the supervisor & request in writing the division of workload for your group, including your job description & list of both specific internal clients you support & reports for which you are responsible. I suggest you then draw stronger boundaries & stop volunteering; take responsibility only for your job as defined in writing & only perform additional tasks that your supervisor assigns to you in writing, & document everything (since it will be the basis for reviews & raises)! As long as someone/anyone is covering the work, the situation will not change; force your supervisor to address it.
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Sept 12, 2023 23:50:07 GMT
Does this mean that he has reached out to her and she hasn’t responded, so he is also telling you that if you talk to her to pass on that he wants to talk with her? I don't know. I was just telling Jeremy that this is the part that frustrates me even more. Like why isn't he calling her at home at this point? He reached out in email and on teams today in our 4 person group regarding that report. And crickets. I wasn't sure why he even bothered including me as it really wasn't my business. And then I was just talking some shit to Jeremy for putting his dinner bowl in the dishwasher wrong. 😂 and he was like, you are really upset. I apologized to him but I told him I am upset. Today just blew me right over. I explained the irritation I had with that please tell her I want to talk to her if she contacts you. I told him I couldn't understand why he wasn't just calling her at home. Why put it on me? And then email and the teams message in the group this morning. Why not just contact her directly? Why include all of us? Because reading all these unanswered messages again just feels like somehow this is getting pushed back to me. And you know what he said? He's setting her up. Jeremy thinks that he's making an airtight case for firing. All these messages are documentation. I mean I felt so pissed when I sent that message and I tried to be all diplomatic about it. Gently saying, I'm taking care of all of this and I need her or you guys to help me. And his response just was so short I almost felt like, why did I even bother? At this point, have I complained enough times to him and the assistant that they are just fed up with my attitude? But Jeremy thinks he did it on purpose. Because he doesn't want anyone to come back and say he had some kind of attitude. That he didn't do his due diligence. That we were all included because he wants all of us to be able to back him up with human resources. Who knew Jeremy was a conspiracy theorist? I could see that being the case. Or the boss is trying to cover himself with the rest of you to show that he is doing at least a little something. It’s hard to say what his intent was but hopefully his will get resolved. |
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Post by jemmls4 on Sept 12, 2023 23:54:11 GMT
Does this mean that he has reached out to her and she hasn’t responded, so he is also telling you that if you talk to her to pass on that he wants to talk with her? I don't know. I was just telling Jeremy that this is the part that frustrates me even more. Like why isn't he calling her at home at this point? He reached out in email and on teams today in our 4 person group regarding that report. And crickets. I wasn't sure why he even bothered including me as it really wasn't my business. And then I was just talking some shit to Jeremy for putting his dinner bowl in the dishwasher wrong. 😂 and he was like, you are really upset. I apologized to him but I told him I am upset. Today just blew me right over. I explained the irritation I had with that please tell her I want to talk to her if she contacts you. I told him I couldn't understand why he wasn't just calling her at home. Why put it on me? And then email and the teams message in the group this morning. Why not just contact her directly? Why include all of us? Because reading all these unanswered messages again just feels like somehow this is getting pushed back to me. And you know what he said? He's setting her up. Jeremy thinks that he's making an airtight case for firing. All these messages are documentation. I mean I felt so pissed when I sent that message and I tried to be all diplomatic about it. Gently saying, I'm taking care of all of this and I need her or you guys to help me. And his response just was so short I almost felt like, why did I even bother? At this point, have I complained enough times to him and the assistant that they are just fed up with my attitude? But Jeremy thinks he did it on purpose. Because he doesn't want anyone to come back and say he had some kind of attitude. That he didn't do his due diligence. That we were all included because he wants all of us to be able to back him up with human resources. Who knew Jeremy was a conspiracy theorist? I think he’s right. I was in a position several years ago as new person to team, but 17 years with company. I took over as lead and there was a young, like a few years out of college kid, that was “under” me. I could never tell if he was just dumber than a box of rocks or pretended to be. Almost comical stupidity, and probably weaponized incompetence. I found out he’d been moved from team to team within our area. I started copying boss, then we had meetings and daily get together. He ghosted me on several big projects and I finally let it all fail. My manager asked me to continue to document everything. And guess what? Three days before I am headed across the country I’m told he’s been escorted out of the building. I did 60 hours of work in the next three days to compensate for any scenario for the implementation that weekend. They had to build an airtight case against him and they eventually did. |
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Post by destined2bmom on Sept 13, 2023 0:13:19 GMT
Jeremy could be right. Or your boss is covering himself; in case of a lawsuit from her.
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Post by mom on Sept 13, 2023 0:32:06 GMT
Jeremy could be right. Or your boss is covering himself; in case of a lawsuit from her. I think it could be either of these as well. I obviously don't know her well enough to know if she'd sue or not, but in this day and age, you have to cover yourself. I suspect that's what he's doing. |
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Post by crazy4scraps on Sept 13, 2023 1:40:18 GMT
It seems ridiculous to me that your bosses won’t address the issue. You are doing far more than you should and I hope they monetize that at review time. Our pay rates are all based on longevity. So she has been in the role longer than me, she makes more money. Wait, what?  OH HELL to the NO. Update: I sent my boss and the assistant director an email right before lunch. I told them I wanted to update them on what I've been doing lately and show them the areas in which I need help. I detailed everything I've been working on. All the things I've done for her too. I detailed all the things I'm trying to get done this week before I go on vacation and how I have two projects due the Friday I come back that are being held up by information I need from her. I told them the things I have been pulled into this week that I could use some help on. I tried to phrase it as hey, this is what is going on, I'm drowning here, and I need the two of you to step up and help me because I just don't have enough hours this week to get all this done and then I'm off next week and then I'm coming right back to a heap of things that I know of before I even leave. He emailed me back: thanks for the update. I'm looking to talk to her so if you do, please tell her to get in touch with me. And we will step up and help you. I don't know if I should feel optimistic or even more frustrated. You are 100% justified in feeling the way you do. His reply is such a cop out non-answer. Your bosses seriously need to man up and deal with her. She’s not your underling, why should it be on you to tell her anything? They should have been stepping up as soon as they realized what was going on with her, and in fact they should have been closely monitoring the situation with her as soon as she came back. Frustrated wouldn’t even touch it for me, I’d be downright pissed. |
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scrappyesq
Pearl Clutcher
You have always been a part of the heist. You're only mad now because you don't like your cut.
Posts: 4,063
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Post by scrappyesq on Sept 13, 2023 1:45:19 GMT
I'm glad you sent that email. But, his reply!! I'm astounded and angry for you...he is asking you to tell her to get in touch with him??? She earns more than you, and you are doing her job. I assume the manager earns more than you, and he can't even contact her without your help? I hope I'm misunderstanding this. I thought the same thing. Hopefully HR will be involved too.
ALL OF THIS. I am so sorry that he has absolved himself of HIS duties as a manager. I know there isn't much I can say to make it less frustrating, but I can understand the frustration.
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Post by 950nancy on Sept 13, 2023 1:54:39 GMT
I hope you can solve this problem quickly. I can tell you are very frustrated. It kind of sounds like no matter that you do, your coworker is going to be peeved. Maybe you have to be fine with that. Good luck and I hope your boss can give you some guidance that works.
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seaexplore
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,887
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Sept 13, 2023 3:05:19 GMT
Update: I sent my boss and the assistant director an email right before lunch. I told them I wanted to update them on what I've been doing lately and show them the areas in which I need help. I detailed everything I've been working on. All the things I've done for her too. I detailed all the things I'm trying to get done this week before I go on vacation and how I have two projects due the Friday I come back that are being held up by information I need from her. I told them the things I have been pulled into this week that I could use some help on. I tried to phrase it as hey, this is what is going on, I'm drowning here, and I need the two of you to step up and help me because I just don't have enough hours this week to get all this done and then I'm off next week and then I'm coming right back to a heap of things that I know of before I even leave. He emailed me back: thanks for the update. I'm looking to talk to her so if you do, please tell her to get in touch with me. And we will step up and help you. I don't know if I should feel optimistic or even more frustrated. Does this mean that he has reached out to her and she hasn’t responded, so he is also telling you that if you talk to her to pass on that he wants to talk with her? That’s how I took it when I read it. Like she is avoiding them. |
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Post by scrapmaven on Sept 13, 2023 3:28:30 GMT
Jeremy has a really good point. It's possible that he has been consulting w/HR and that he has a plan in place in order to catch her at something. I'm an ex HR manager, but that was almost 3 decades ago. Nowadays, everyone is so litigious and he has to build an airtight case for firing her. Also, he has to be very careful about what he shares w/you, because it's so easy to get sued. A large part of an HR manager's job is being proactive and fending off potential employment lawsuits. It's a sticky situation, because it's a large part of the reason people don't like HR. We have to be the bad guys. HR is the department that has to protect the company from the employees and then protect the employees from everything else. So, a good HR manager would tell your boss not to tell you anything, because that could end up being litigious if you get angry at him and share stuff w/her. Again, I haven't been in HR in 27 years, so take this w/a grain of salt.
They have to be a bit paranoid in order to protect the company.
Ok, I'll join Jeremy in a conspiracy theory. He can be right. LOL.
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Post by christine58 on Sept 13, 2023 10:15:09 GMT
jeremysgirl Does your company have any sort of policy for someone who’s been out on sickleave or medical leave to be cleared by a doctor in order to return? I’m not so sure I agree with Jeremy about him setting her up. Something tells me that he is trying to get documentation about her not being able to do her job etc. due to her medical issues. When I was the union president for our teachers association, I dealt with many many HR issues. One of the things that we had in place was if someone had been out on medical leave for whatever reason, paid or unpaid, they had to get clearance from their own physician in order to return. That, of course, at times had its own issues. But after following all of your issues with her and the fact that she has had a stroke and maybe has lost some mental capacity or whatever you want to call it, I don’t think your boss is setting her up to fail, I think he’s getting documentation For her medical issues. It may be, she herself doesn’t see because of the effects of the stroke that she’s not capable of doing her job. Something tells me that she just doesn’t see for herself that she can’t do the job.
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Anger would be an appropriate emotion in response to this, at least it would be for me. "Tell her to get in touch with me"
She is his subordinate and that's his job! Does he mean they will go ahead and help you now, or that it will happen after he talks to her? 
OH HELL to the NO.
