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Post by Lurkingpea on Sept 18, 2024 3:50:20 GMT
Hopefully the threat of his side piece being called in will be enough to make him just sign and get it over.
I know you are drained, but don't give up anything. If he doesn't sign let your attorney proceed with bringing the gf in. All that will do is hurt him and help you.
Stay strong. You got this.
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Sept 18, 2024 5:05:12 GMT
All fingers and toes crossed for you to be done with him!!
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Post by airforcemomof1 on Sept 18, 2024 10:31:33 GMT
Everything crossed and continuing prayers for you. Deep down do you think he will accept your offer?
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Post by hop2 on Sept 18, 2024 12:08:48 GMT
I hope it goes well for you.
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Tearisci
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,249
Nov 6, 2018 16:34:30 GMT
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Post by Tearisci on Sept 18, 2024 14:14:09 GMT
Just read your update about the settlement offer. I really hope he accepts it and you can move on! I'm sure he doesn't want his friend subpoenaed so that just may work in your favor!
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Post by quietgirl on Sept 18, 2024 17:14:19 GMT
My continued good thoughts and best wishes your way. I know you're very tired, the situation is just untenable. Everything crossed that this idiot finally does the right thing. Stay safe, friend
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Post by jemali on Sept 18, 2024 17:30:39 GMT
Hoping this is it! I wouldnt be surprised if he waits until 11:59 on September 24th just to be cruel.
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Post by Lexica on Sept 18, 2024 20:53:23 GMT
I so hope this will be over for you. And I hope the settlement is one that is completely all you deserve. Will this be one lump sum check to you or will you have to deal with trying to get payments out of him each month?
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Just T
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,884 
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Post by Just T on Sept 18, 2024 21:59:49 GMT
I so hope this will be over for you. And I hope the settlement is one that is completely all you deserve. Will this be one lump sum check to you or will you have to deal with trying to get payments out of him each month? Not sure honestly. My attorney has prepared me for him not being able to pay a lump sum. Which makes me want to vomit, honestly. I just want to be done with him and not have to rely on him making any kind of payments because I know it will be a constant battle.  |
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Just T
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,884
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Post by Just T on Sept 18, 2024 22:01:53 GMT
Everything crossed and continuing prayers for you. Deep down do you think he will accept your offer? I am feeling hopeful and a tiny bit positive that he will. He really doesn't have a choice at this point. If he doesn't, the GF who he is adamantly opposed to even his own attorney talking to will be subpoenaed as a third party if he doesn't accept the offer. |
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Post by Lurkingpea on Sept 18, 2024 22:04:02 GMT
I so hope this will be over for you. And I hope the settlement is one that is completely all you deserve. Will this be one lump sum check to you or will you have to deal with trying to get payments out of him each month? Not sure honestly. My attorney has prepared me for him not being able to pay a lump sum. Which makes me want to vomit, honestly. I just want to be done with him and not have to rely on him making any kind of payments because I know it will be a constant battle. If it ends up being monthly payments just make sure you file the minute he is late. If he has to pay on the 1st of the month let me tell you I would be up to midnight that night if the money is not there I would be filing at 12:01. |
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Just T
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,884
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Post by Just T on Sept 18, 2024 22:43:45 GMT
Not sure honestly. My attorney has prepared me for him not being able to pay a lump sum. Which makes me want to vomit, honestly. I just want to be done with him and not have to rely on him making any kind of payments because I know it will be a constant battle. If it ends up being monthly payments just make sure you file the minute he is late. If he has to pay on the 1st of the month let me tell you I would be up to midnight that night if the money is not there I would be filing at 12:01. It just depresses the hell out of me to think I might have to do that. He's been controlling with money for years, and the thought of him still controlling money after the divorce makes me sick to think about. |
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Why
Drama Llama
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Post by Why on Sept 18, 2024 23:02:50 GMT
I would not like the idea of waiting for him to pay up each month. Maybe you can set something up where he pays through the court and there is deadline for when it is ALL paid up. Like all paid in full by Jan. 2026. I know many people pay their child support through the court and the court takes care of making sure it is done. I would not trust him to do it on his own. If the court can't do it then maybe through the lawyer.
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Post by Lexica on Sept 19, 2024 0:22:45 GMT
I so hope this will be over for you. And I hope the settlement is one that is completely all you deserve. Will this be one lump sum check to you or will you have to deal with trying to get payments out of him each month? Not sure honestly. My attorney has prepared me for him not being able to pay a lump sum. Which makes me want to vomit, honestly. I just want to be done with him and not have to rely on him making any kind of payments because I know it will be a constant battle. This is what I was afraid of. I hope he can take out the equity on the house to pay you off in full. Before you completely sign off, if he goes for the deal and will be making payments, see if you can add in a late payment penalty clause. I think it would be easier to get something written in ahead of time rather than have to go back and sue him for what he owes you. With my son’s child support, I added in a demand that he show up for a physical to allow me to get a life insurance policy on him. My attorney thought that was a very smart thing to do. My son was an infant when I first filed for divorce and the way my ex drank and drove, I wasn’t sure he would live long enough to make all of the payments. If he died, I wanted to be sure I had the money he owed to my son. I paid for the policy payments myself because I knew he would let it drop on me. My ex rarely ever got his child support payment to me when it was due, but after a few phone calls, it eventually came. Until he quit paying it all together, the very month our son was diagnosed with cancer. I never thought I was capable of extreme violence before, but if he was standing in front of me, it would have been all I could do to have stopped myself from tearing into him with my bare hands. I had never been that angry before and it scared me. |
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Post by Scrapper100 on Sept 19, 2024 0:39:58 GMT
I so hope that it goes well. Definitely have something about late payments and make them hurt so he isn’t tempted to do it often but I really hope he can take equity out or something and pay you soon and not have to continually have to wait on him as I am sure he will wait until the last possible moment. Fingers crossed 🤞 for you that it goes well.
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Post by mikklynn on Sept 19, 2024 13:56:41 GMT
Just T If it's payments, can they be set up to go through the court system, like child support? Wishing you the best!
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Post by malibou on Sept 19, 2024 14:30:13 GMT
I'm thinking that he won't want to make payments because his side piece will be wondering why he is routinely paying his dead wife.
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hannahruth
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,715
Location: Adelaide, Australia
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Post by hannahruth on Sept 19, 2024 14:50:40 GMT
I would not like the idea of waiting for him to pay up each month. Maybe you can set something up where he pays through the court and there is deadline for when it is ALL paid up. Like all paid in full by Jan. 2026. I know many people pay their child support through the court and the court takes care of making sure it is done. I would not trust him to do it on his own. If the court can't do it then maybe through the lawyer This is very good advice and it means absolutely no contact is necessary. I would hate to have to be in an argument every time he missed a payment. |
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Just T
Drama Llama
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Post by Just T on Sept 19, 2024 15:02:07 GMT
Hopefully the threat of his side piece being called in will be enough to make him just sign and get it over. That is what I am hoping and praying for! Maybe you can set something up where he pays through the court and there is deadline for when it is ALL paid up. I will definitely ask about that. He has been court ordered to pay temporary maintenance since November 2023, on the first of the month. Every single month until August, he didn't pay it until I would email my attorney on the 5th or 6th (our mortgage is automatically paid on the 8th), she would email his attorney, then he would pay it. Maybe since he has a history of not paying on time, the court can take control of it. That would be awesome because I do NOT want to have to keep dealing with him.  I really hope he can take equity out or something The equity in our house going to me is part of the settlement offer already. If it's payments, can they be set up to go through the court system, like child support? I sure hope so!! |
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Sept 19, 2024 15:31:45 GMT
I'm thinking that he won't want to make payments because his side piece will be wondering why he is routinely paying his dead wife.Bold mine... This made me laugh!! |
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Just T
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,884
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Post by Just T on Sept 24, 2024 14:50:22 GMT
**UPDATE 9/24**
My attorney emailed me yesterday to say his attorney reached out to her to see if I would be willing to go through a mediator to come up with a settlement. She thinks he's not going to accept our original offer, but she thinks it will be close. His attorney also said he will want a payment plan. I told her my concerns about that, and she agrees with me, but said that they talked about some protections they could put in place to ensure I do indeed get the money, such as making it so it can't be part of a bankruptcy and other protections. She also said that even if it goes to trial and I am granted a large settlement, it will likely have to be put on a payment plan. I do not like this idea at all, but it sounds like I will have no choice in that. I just want to be done with him forever and not have to worry if I am actually going to receive all that I am entitled to and granted.
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Post by Bridget in MD on Sept 24, 2024 14:54:38 GMT
**UPDATE 9/24** My attorney emailed me yesterday to say his attorney reached out to her to see if I would be willing to go through a mediator to come up with a settlement. She thinks he's not going to accept our original offer, but she thinks it will be close. His attorney also said he will want a payment plan. I told her my concerns about that, and she agrees with me, but said that they talked about some protections they could put in place to ensure I do indeed get the money, such as making it so it can't be part of a bankruptcy and other protections. She also said that even if it goes to trial and I am granted a large settlement, it will likely have to be put on a payment plan. I do not like this idea at all, but it sounds like I will have no choice in that. I just want to be done with him forever and not have to worry if I am actually going to receive all that I am entitled to and granted. ummmmmmmmmmm, isn't this why you had to go thru the attys, bc he wouldn't?  God, what an asshole. I hope she accidently schedules the supenoa for his sidepiece to go even if he accepts at the last minute. LOL. |
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naby64
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,423
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Post by naby64 on Sept 24, 2024 14:59:24 GMT
There is not a "sort of like" button and I think we need one. Your update almost seems like he is getting "scared". Not sure that is the right word. But he may be seeing the light of inevitability and wanting it to be done but on his terms. Gosh, what a spot to be in. And I'm talking about you. Big hugs!
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Sept 24, 2024 15:04:05 GMT
Not accidental. Side piece should be subpoenaed forthwith! Action must be started to get him in line! Lump sum with the sale of the house, so you can move on for your new housing. NO waiting!! Also, as others have stated, payments must be made through the court. Not sure about a clause to be exempt from any kind of bankruptcies etc. Wishing you the best! Just T |
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Just T
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,884
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Post by Just T on Sept 24, 2024 15:05:52 GMT
There is not a "sort of like" button and I think we need one. Your update almost seems like he is getting "scared". Not sure that is the right word. But he may be seeing the light of inevitability and wanting it to be done but on his terms. Gosh, what a spot to be in. And I'm talking about you. Big hugs! I'm sure he IS scared. Who knows what lies he has told the "friend," that will come crashing down if she is subpoenaed. |
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Post by scrapcat on Sept 24, 2024 15:09:36 GMT
I know you said something about him keeping house, but selling it may be a way to give you the settlement you deserve. See if there can be stipulations...like maybe he has so long to complete the payments and if he can't, then the house can be sold. Maybe this means leaving your equity portion of it there while he pays the other part of payment.
Sorry it's not getting to the point you would like, but still hoping for the best outcome.
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Sept 24, 2024 15:10:26 GMT
There is not a "sort of like" button and I think we need one. Your update almost seems like he is getting "scared". Not sure that is the right word. But he may be seeing the light of inevitability and wanting it to be done but on his terms. Gosh, what a spot to be in. And I'm talking about you. Big hugs! I'm sure he IS scared. Who knows what lies he has told the "friend," that will come crashing down if she is subpoenaed. He needs the push!! |
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pinklady
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,069
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Post by pinklady on Sept 24, 2024 15:10:51 GMT
**UPDATE 9/24** My attorney emailed me yesterday to say his attorney reached out to her to see if I would be willing to go through a mediator to come up with a settlement. She thinks he's not going to accept our original offer, but she thinks it will be close. His attorney also said he will want a payment plan. I told her my concerns about that, and she agrees with me, but said that they talked about some protections they could put in place to ensure I do indeed get the money, such as making it so it can't be part of a bankruptcy and other protections. She also said that even if it goes to trial and I am granted a large settlement, it will likely have to be put on a payment plan. I do not like this idea at all, but it sounds like I will have no choice in that. I just want to be done with him forever and not have to worry if I am actually going to receive all that I am entitled to and granted. Clearly you have him by the balls. I would think long and hard about agreeing to go thru mediator at this point. I would call his bluff and say no and supenoa his girlfriend. History has proven that's the only thing he cares about. I know you want out but now you know his weakness. You absolutely should use it. |
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Sept 24, 2024 15:11:31 GMT
I know you said something about him keeping house, but selling it may be a way to give you the settlement you deserve. See if there can be stipulations...like maybe he has so long to complete the payments and if he can't, then the house can be sold. Maybe this means leaving your equity portion of it there while he pays the other part of payment. Sorry it's not getting to the point you would like, but still hoping for the best outcome. Yes, yes, yes!! Just T |
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Post by lisacharlotte on Sept 24, 2024 15:14:35 GMT
I would refuse mediation. He's not been cooperative thru this entire process. This is just a delaying tactic. I'd subpoena the gf and get this done. He's FA forever, while spending down any money he makes (which is why he wants payments), it's now time to FO.
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God, what an asshole. I hope she accidently schedules the supenoa for his sidepiece to go even if he accepts at the last minute. LOL.
