Post by drowning on Mar 14, 2015 17:06:39 GMT
I'm using an alias for this post but I've been around a while. Many of you might recognise me from details in my post, but I don't want it to be traceable to me.
My 20yo daughter goes for counselling every week because she was sexually abused by my brother when she was a child. She was also raped by a stranger three years ago. She struggles to cope with her life, partly because she is on the spectrum, but things had been getting better recently. Despite this however, she is still plagued by lots of somatic complaints, many of them seeming to be quite serious.
At the end of her counselling session on Thursday, her counsellor asked me to join them. The counsellor is a wonderful woman, and she sat beside me and put her arm around me as my daughter delivered shattering news. The reason she is not getting any better is because she is still being abused. Her dad, my husband of 25 years, has been abusing her since she was eight. And it's still going on. He gets drunk, goes to her room maybe once a month, and rapes her. I never suspected a damn thing. It always happens during the night, in the dark, and I'm a sound sleeper. My daughter told me he never speaks and until recently she always thought she was just having bad dreams. How can I have missed this?
I'm devastated. My marriage hasn't been the happiest, but I always thought my husband was a good man, and I would have told anyone what a great dad he was. He currently works about a seven-hr drive away, so I have a little breathing space before I act. The counsellor has told me to take my time, and think about what is best for me and both of my children. I also have a son of seventeen. He adores his dad, and this will destroy him. I'm so scared to tell him, because he is already being treated for depression, and I honestly don't think he can handle it. I'm also terrified that he won't believe his sister, and that I will lose him.
I gave my son's counsellor a heads up yesterday that things will be changing drastically, but it didn't occur to me that because of her job she would need to report this. Two policemen turned up at the door yesterday afternoon, and I had to speak to them outside as I'm not ready for DS to hear yet. And certainly not with the police there. My daughter is adamant that she doesn't want the police involved, but they need to hear that from her, presumably so they can see I'm not influencing her. They'll be back in the next day or two. I don't know if they can charge my husband without her involvement. At the moment I'm still in such shock I don't even know what I want to happen to him.
I'm going to have to drive down next weekend to see my husband and tell him never to come back. Every time I think about it I feel like I'm being punched all over again. How can he be such an animal? How could he continue to abuse her when he knew that she is so fragile? I cannot believe this of the man I have loved for over thirty-one years. I thought I knew him.
I am drowning here. If it weren't for the fact my kids need me now more than ever, I would check out right now. The thought of having to empty and sell my house, support my kids through this, is overwhelming. I cannot work because of health issues, and I have no family whatsoever. I have two good friends, but they're both very busy people and I know they can't always be there for me.
My 20yo daughter goes for counselling every week because she was sexually abused by my brother when she was a child. She was also raped by a stranger three years ago. She struggles to cope with her life, partly because she is on the spectrum, but things had been getting better recently. Despite this however, she is still plagued by lots of somatic complaints, many of them seeming to be quite serious.
At the end of her counselling session on Thursday, her counsellor asked me to join them. The counsellor is a wonderful woman, and she sat beside me and put her arm around me as my daughter delivered shattering news. The reason she is not getting any better is because she is still being abused. Her dad, my husband of 25 years, has been abusing her since she was eight. And it's still going on. He gets drunk, goes to her room maybe once a month, and rapes her. I never suspected a damn thing. It always happens during the night, in the dark, and I'm a sound sleeper. My daughter told me he never speaks and until recently she always thought she was just having bad dreams. How can I have missed this?
I'm devastated. My marriage hasn't been the happiest, but I always thought my husband was a good man, and I would have told anyone what a great dad he was. He currently works about a seven-hr drive away, so I have a little breathing space before I act. The counsellor has told me to take my time, and think about what is best for me and both of my children. I also have a son of seventeen. He adores his dad, and this will destroy him. I'm so scared to tell him, because he is already being treated for depression, and I honestly don't think he can handle it. I'm also terrified that he won't believe his sister, and that I will lose him.
I gave my son's counsellor a heads up yesterday that things will be changing drastically, but it didn't occur to me that because of her job she would need to report this. Two policemen turned up at the door yesterday afternoon, and I had to speak to them outside as I'm not ready for DS to hear yet. And certainly not with the police there. My daughter is adamant that she doesn't want the police involved, but they need to hear that from her, presumably so they can see I'm not influencing her. They'll be back in the next day or two. I don't know if they can charge my husband without her involvement. At the moment I'm still in such shock I don't even know what I want to happen to him.
I'm going to have to drive down next weekend to see my husband and tell him never to come back. Every time I think about it I feel like I'm being punched all over again. How can he be such an animal? How could he continue to abuse her when he knew that she is so fragile? I cannot believe this of the man I have loved for over thirty-one years. I thought I knew him.
I am drowning here. If it weren't for the fact my kids need me now more than ever, I would check out right now. The thought of having to empty and sell my house, support my kids through this, is overwhelming. I cannot work because of health issues, and I have no family whatsoever. I have two good friends, but they're both very busy people and I know they can't always be there for me.