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Post by scrappintoee on Mar 14, 2015 17:55:59 GMT
I am sending you tons of prayers and (((hugs ))))) .....!!!!
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Peamac
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea # 418
Posts: 4,229
Jun 26, 2014 0:09:18 GMT
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Post by Peamac on Mar 14, 2015 17:58:34 GMT
Oh my! (((Hugs))) and prayers for you all! And I also agree with @ammaliatrice about talking to your husband.
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Post by grace2882 on Mar 14, 2015 18:00:15 GMT
I am so sorry that you are going through this. Prayers for all involved.
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Post by rainangel on Mar 14, 2015 18:03:48 GMT
Wow, this is truly a heartbreaking story. I am so sorry for what both you and your daughter are going through. ((((((hugs))))))
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Post by Susie_Homemaker on Mar 14, 2015 18:06:19 GMT
If this is true your husband needs to go to jail. Your daughter may not be able to make that decision but you can. PROTECT her and your son from that animal.
I'm so, so sorry this has happened. I'll remember you and your family in my prayers. ((hugs))
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Post by pelirroja on Mar 14, 2015 18:09:45 GMT
I'm so sorry for your situation: it really helps explain why your DD doesn't seem to be getting better and has had to deal with so many backslides. My heart hurts for you and her. ((hugs))
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Post by hop2 on Mar 14, 2015 18:13:38 GMT
I will be praying for you, your DD and your family.
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trollie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,580
Jul 2, 2014 22:14:02 GMT
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Post by trollie on Mar 14, 2015 18:18:16 GMT
Wow. I would have a hard time not murdering your not so DH in his sleep. I will be praying for you and your children.
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Post by Miss Ang on Mar 14, 2015 18:21:51 GMT
I'm sorry. I'm just so, very sorry. Praying for you now.
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mlana
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,523
Jun 27, 2014 19:58:15 GMT
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Post by mlana on Mar 14, 2015 18:22:12 GMT
I know this will not be a popular opinion but I think you should talk to your husband and listen to what he has to say. I say this because I remember your story quite well and I know that your daughter has been severely mentally unstable for quite some time. If this has truly been going on down the hall for the past 12 years, he'll find himself justly jailed. There is, however, a possibility that it's not true. Talk to your husband. I admit that this thought also crossed my mind, not because I don't this could have happened exactly as your DD said, but because of something that happened when I was young. I don't know if you were offered any physical proof of the abuse, you didn't say, and I certainly understand the instinct to protect your child against whomever might have or might would hurt her. I have seen firsthand, though, what happens when someone with mental issues makes an accusation and it isn't true. Certainly you should support your daughter, but I would suggest that you do what you can to verify her story. In the end, though, only you can decide what you should do. You have my complete sympathy and many prayers. I am so sorry this has happened to your family. Here's my reason for suggesting some verification. When I was young, my mom took in a teenage cousin who had become a runaway. Mom believed that Judy had started running away to escape being abuse by her, Judy's, father; Mom knew he was a pedophile because he had made moves on Mom and her sister when they were young. Judy's bus arrived about 48 hours before my dad, a Merchant Marine, got on a plane for a 3 month trip. They were in the same house for less than 48 hours, and Mom, my brother and I were there the whole time with them; Judy slept in my bed with me. A few weeks later Judy told a friend that my dad had repeatedly raped her over a length of time. Her story was very detailed and horrible. The friend took her in and called the police; Judy told them the same story, so they came looking for Dad. Mom had to show them Judy's bus ticket receipt and Dad's plane ticket receipt before they would even start to consider that the story might not be true. When Dad returned home a few weeks later, he had to take his passport down to the police station to prove that he had been out of the country during the time she said the rapes occurred. When the police went back to Judy, she told them that they were being ridiculous, of course my dad hadn't raped her, he had only been in town a day or so after she got there. Everyone was left scratching their heads, trying to figure out what had happened. A few years later, Judy was diagnosed with multiple personalities, something that is not unheard of in people who are abused from a young age. By the time she was diagnosed, she had accused at least 3 other men of rape, only to later act like she had no idea what the police were talking about. Again, I don't know what you know and I think you are right to first support your daughter in any way you can. Marcy
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Post by Zee on Mar 14, 2015 18:22:52 GMT
I know this will not be a popular opinion but I think you should talk to your husband and listen to what he has to say. I say this because I remember your story quite well and I know that your daughter has been severely mentally unstable for quite some time. If this has truly been going on down the hall for the past 12 years, he'll find himself justly jailed. There is, however, a possibility that it's not true. Talk to your husband. Absolutely this. Your very unstable mentally ill daughter accused your brother of rape, and per your own account no one believed him capable of it. She was hospitalized and then raped by a stranger in a public bathroom the day she was released. Now her father is raping her too? That's a lot of rapes. Obviously she has many issues, and I'm not saying no one ever raped her, but I'd take a long hard look at the facts before I'd jump to kicking your husband out. Have you even talked to him about it, heard what he has to say? How have you not noticed him getting drunk once a week and disappearing into her room for twelve years?
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AnotherPea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,969
Jan 4, 2015 1:47:52 GMT
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Post by AnotherPea on Mar 14, 2015 18:27:00 GMT
I too would be cautious in believing your daughter's story. I've known too many people that were falsely accused and have known too many really bad counsellors that have put ideas into their patients' heads.
Regardless of the truth, your daughter needs lots of help. My heart breaks for you.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 5:20:17 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 14, 2015 18:28:27 GMT
One day at a time. One minute at a time.
I am so sorry that this has happened. I will keep your family in my prayers as you work through this, and you and your children begin healing.
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Post by Lexica on Mar 14, 2015 18:30:19 GMT
Oh no! What a horrible, horrible thing this man has done to all of you. And knowing what your daughter has already been through! I certainly understand the comments from people saying to talk to your husband and find out if this is true, but your first instinct, to protect your daughter, is the right one. The most important thing is making her safe first. You can always talk down the road once he is no longer going to have access to your daughter so that she feels listened to and safe. I would think your daughter's counselor would have to be pretty sure to have facilitated your daughter in telling you about it.
If this were to turn out not to be true, you will still be able to work things out. He should understand that you had to do what you are doing for your daughter's safety!
And you will make it somehow. You have some great help for your kids in their therapists and you have the police on your side. I hope he goes to jail for a long time if he did this. And we are here for you. I don't know what state you live in, but if your are anywhere near Southern California, send me a PM and I will be there for you in person to help you through this. I am so very sorry. And I'm proud of your daughter for being able to tell you. That had to have been horribly difficult for her.
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Post by KelleeM on Mar 14, 2015 18:30:45 GMT
Prayers for your family.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 5:20:17 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 14, 2015 18:32:29 GMT
I'm just so sad to read this. So damn sad. As an incest abuse survivor myself, I just want to reach through the screen and give you the biggest hug ever along with your kids. And then I want to bodily harm to your husband.
I wish there was more than any of us could do to make a real and profound difference. {{{ hugs }}}
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Sarah*H
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,015
Jun 25, 2014 20:07:06 GMT
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Post by Sarah*H on Mar 14, 2015 18:35:18 GMT
I agree with some of the previous posters. First of all, I'm so sorry you are dealing with any of this and I am sending you thoughts for courage and strength to get through the coming days. Next, I'm not suggesting at all that I have any idea whether or not your daughter is telling the truth or thinks she is telling the truth, etc. But I also saw a family torn apart by what was ultimately an untrue accusation by a mentally unstable young woman and even though it was eventually shown to be untrue, that didn't undo the trauma to the family. Take your time deciding what to do and if there is going to be an investigation, let the authorities do their job. If your husband raped your daughter, there is no question that the police should be involved. No one is protected by letting a rapist go free. And if there is something else going on, the experts will be able to figure it out.
You can protect your daughter and still wait for the investigation to unfold as to whether or not this actually occurred. If it did, you already know what to do.
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Post by cakediva on Mar 14, 2015 18:39:12 GMT
Oh my gosh I am so sorry.
Huge hugs to you and your children as you deal with this....
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Post by heartcat on Mar 14, 2015 18:44:18 GMT
I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through. My heart goes out to you, and you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. {{Hugs}}
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,856
Jun 25, 2014 21:53:42 GMT
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Mar 14, 2015 18:45:41 GMT
Prayers for you and your family.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 5:20:17 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 14, 2015 18:47:27 GMT
That's tough. I think family counseling with you, your daughter and your son would be a good idea. I hope you all heal. Sending you love and prayers!
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Post by gale w on Mar 14, 2015 18:55:28 GMT
I'm so sorry. sending prayers
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Post by anxiousmom on Mar 14, 2015 19:07:56 GMT
I am really sorry that you all are going through this. It is an awful, horrible, disgusting thing to deal with. One question though...the son's therapist reported it, why didn't your daughter's? She would be a mandatory reporter too? That would concern me.
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Post by BuckeyeSandy on Mar 14, 2015 19:21:37 GMT
Prayers for your family at this most difficult of times. Do keep your daughter safe, but also talk calmly and without accusing your DH about what was said at the session. Since he is not in the home during the week, this is not a difficult thing (separation) but please do not assume your DH is guilty from this one incident after a session.
I'm another that has seen what a false accusation can do.
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eleezybeth
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,784
Jun 28, 2014 20:42:01 GMT
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Post by eleezybeth on Mar 14, 2015 19:24:32 GMT
I'm so sorry you are going through this. How stressful!
I'm confused though. What is being reported is child abuse even if the person is not currently a child. In some states it is a mandatory report even if it is history. I'm confused by the sound that it is a choice for the police to be involved. I don't think there is a choice. Especially because you have another child in the house. I can't believe that they wouldn't at least call the guy and ask him to come in. Why would you be investigating this yourself? And why didn't HER counselor report it? She's a mandatory reporter as well.
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Post by jenjie on Mar 14, 2015 19:29:58 GMT
I am so very sorry. Praying for you and your family.
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wellway
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,023
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Mar 14, 2015 19:31:36 GMT
The OP is not in the States and where she is, mandatory reporting is not the law.
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Post by anxiousmom on Mar 14, 2015 19:33:25 GMT
The OP is not in the States and where she is, mandatory reporting is not the law. Thank you. I was worried about that...not that I had concerns about the story, more that the therapist missed a step.
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caro
Drama Llama
Refupea 1130
Posts: 5,222
Jun 26, 2014 14:10:36 GMT
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Post by caro on Mar 14, 2015 19:39:41 GMT
I have no words. So sorry.
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Post by jmd74 on Mar 14, 2015 19:43:38 GMT
I am so very sorry. Please know that we are here for you!
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