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Post by Dori~Mama~Bear on Mar 15, 2015 1:31:49 GMT
I am sorry you are going through this. I don't know what state you live in nor what state your husband is in but here in Oregon no matter if your daughter wants the police involved or not the state will arrest him and charge him for sexual abuse.
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akathy
What's For Dinner?
Still peaing from Podunk!
Posts: 4,546
Location: North Dakota
Jun 25, 2014 22:56:55 GMT
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Post by akathy on Mar 15, 2015 1:45:03 GMT
I'm so sorry, I have no words. You're in my prayers.
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maurchclt
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,646
Jul 4, 2014 16:53:27 GMT
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Post by maurchclt on Mar 15, 2015 1:45:54 GMT
Just wanted to send you hugs.
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Post by chaosisapony on Mar 15, 2015 1:49:19 GMT
I'm so sorry your family is going through this. I don't know how you are going to deal with waiting so long for your husband to come home, the anxiety would be eating me alive. Good luck to you and your kids and I hope for the best possible outcome for you.
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Post by papersilly on Mar 15, 2015 1:49:56 GMT
I am devastated for you. No advice but I hope you find some measure of solace and refuge here.
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scrapaddie
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,090
Jul 8, 2014 20:17:31 GMT
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Post by scrapaddie on Mar 15, 2015 1:51:46 GMT
I have no words, only support.
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Post by Yubon Peatlejuice on Mar 15, 2015 2:17:10 GMT
. The counsellor has told me to take my time --------------------------------------------
Well fuck her, and fuck that. Who the fuck does she think she is? A woman was allegedly raped since the age of 8 and it's all up to you to do something and you can take as long as you want to? Come on. You shouldn't be handling this at all. The police and CPS should handle this without you.
I think this story is all sorts of fucked up. You need to keep all men away from your daughter for the rest of her life. Apparently all men want to rape her. Or the kind of men that are around her are complete trailer trash. OR she just likes to accuse all men of rape. Whatever the case may be, having men around your DD is never good for the men or for your DD.
I don't believe that lightening strikes 3 times though. Highly suspicious that 3 men have raped her in her 20 short years.
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irener
Junior Member
Posts: 66
Mar 4, 2015 0:45:43 GMT
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Post by irener on Mar 15, 2015 2:22:46 GMT
i have no words....i am so sorry you are going through this. hugs to you and your daughter for being so brave to tell you. {{hugs}}
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Post by octoberbeauty on Mar 15, 2015 2:26:55 GMT
That is so devastating. I know she may not want to press charges, but they need to be pressed! He needs to be held responsible for what he's done. I'm so sorry for you and your children. ((HUGS))
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 5:18:52 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 15, 2015 2:26:58 GMT
. The counsellor has told me to take my time -------------------------------------------- Well fuck her, and fuck that. Who the fuck does she think she is? A woman was allegedly raped since the age of 8 and it's all up to you to do something and you can take as long as you want to? Come on. You shouldn't be handling this at all. The police and CPS should handle this without you. I think this story is all sorts of fucked up. You need to keep all men away from your daughter for the rest of her life. Apparently all men want to rape her. Or the kind of men that are around her are complete trailer trash. OR she just likes to accuse all men of rape. Whatever the case may be, having men around your DD is never good for the men or for your DD. I don't believe that lightening strikes 3 times though. Highly suspicious that 3 men have raped her in her 20 short years. I don't usually agree with Yubon but I have to on this, albeit I would've been a bit nicer. I find it very unlikely that this keeps happening with different men. I do hope that you are able to get to the bottom of this with as little heartbreak as possible. Prayers to everyone involved.
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Post by tarheelgurl on Mar 15, 2015 2:36:23 GMT
I know this will not be a popular opinion but I think you should talk to your husband and listen to what he has to say. I say this because I remember your story quite well and I know that your daughter has been severely mentally unstable for quite some time. If this has truly been going on down the hall for the past 12 years, he'll find himself justly jailed. There is, however, a possibility that it's not true. Talk to your husband. I agree.
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calgal08
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,519
Jun 27, 2014 15:43:46 GMT
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Post by calgal08 on Mar 15, 2015 2:49:56 GMT
I can't even imagine, my thoughts are with you
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Post by SallyPA on Mar 15, 2015 3:18:31 GMT
I'm just so sorry you have to deal with this and figure to all out. ((Hugs)).
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Post by scrapnatya on Mar 15, 2015 4:25:28 GMT
I'm so sorry. I don't know what else to say. Sending you lots of hugs and strength.
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Post by ceepea on Mar 15, 2015 4:34:23 GMT
I am so sorry, I can't even imagine what you are going through. My prayers are with you.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 5:18:52 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 15, 2015 6:20:13 GMT
I am very happy to hear the truth from your daughter. Finally your daughter felt SAFE enough to tell her counsellor that this has been going on and you can hear the truth. My doctor told me once "remember the truth shall set you free". Your daughter can start to heal from this day forward. I am terribly sorry something so disgusting and horrid has been going in her life. She was in my prayers tonight. I am so very sorry this has happened. I am glad the truth is out there, though.
Your husband should be castrated then shot. (Yeah with the wall paper cutter we have, it's very dull).
Please hug your daughter so tightly tonight from all of us. Imagine all 4000 of us holding her and you in one big bear hug.
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Post by putabuttononit on Mar 15, 2015 6:21:50 GMT
You are standing by your daughter, and you can hold your head high, because she needs you and you are there for her. It will be a long road, but she can begin to heal and to feel protected. I cannot even begin to imagine the agony of this discovery. I'm praying for all of you.
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Post by AngieandSnoopy on Mar 15, 2015 6:43:08 GMT
My first thought was to believe your daughter but now I wonder after you added more information. I DO know people that were falsely accused either by a spiteful child that wanted freedom to do anything they wanted and I know some that were falsely accused by a troubled person that didn't know truth from nightmare anymore. And I also know people who were abused by either their dad or granddad.
I feel so bad for you either way. IF your husband is innocent, this will devastate him also. IF he is guilty, he needs to prosecuted because there is nothing lower than scum that abuses children and doubly low when it is their child. I'll keep you in my prayers and hope that it is clear soon what the truth really is.
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Post by ScrapsontheRocks on Mar 15, 2015 6:53:47 GMT
Strength to you.
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Post by pmk on Mar 15, 2015 8:27:53 GMT
I am sorry you are going through this. I don't know what state you live in nor what state your husband is in but here in Oregon no matter if your daughter wants the police involved or not the state will arrest him and charge him for sexual abuse. I don't think the OP is in the US (based on where she says her husband is working at present). OP, I can't imagine how you are feeling at the moment. I, like several others, am slightly concerned about what you have been told and I don't think I'd have any idea where to start trying to work through it. I'm thinking of you and your family and hope that you can find the strength to deal with everything.
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purplebee
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,792
Jun 27, 2014 20:37:34 GMT
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Post by purplebee on Mar 15, 2015 12:05:18 GMT
OP, you are in my thoughts and prayers. What a terrible burden for you to bear, and I feel so sorry for your daughter.
But I am also in agreement with some of the peas that there is a possibility that your daughter's mental state is causing her to make a false accusation, and your husband may be innocent.
Hugs to you, and I truly hope you can find the truth in this devastating situation.
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CeeScraps
Pearl Clutcher
~~occupied entertaining my brain~~
Posts: 3,894
Jun 26, 2014 12:56:40 GMT
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Post by CeeScraps on Mar 15, 2015 12:10:41 GMT
I'm so sorry this has happened. I've read a lot of the responses so maybe someone has mentioned this........the police know. They may show up on his doorstop without you realizing they are going there. I know you said you need meds before you take the drive. So, realize they may be there before you.
Again........I'm so sorry for you and your family.
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back to *pea*ality
Pearl Clutcher
Not my circus, not my monkeys ~refugee pea #59
Posts: 3,149
Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
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Post by back to *pea*ality on Mar 15, 2015 13:05:18 GMT
I hope you have people in real life you can reach out to for strength and support. You need people around you that can help you, it really is too much for one person to bear alone. Prayers for you and your family.
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BarbaraUK
Drama Llama
Surrounded by my yarn stash on the NE coast of England...............!! Refupea 1702
Posts: 5,961
Location: England UK
Jun 27, 2014 12:47:11 GMT
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Post by BarbaraUK on Mar 15, 2015 13:21:14 GMT
. The counsellor has told me to take my time -------------------------------------------- Well fuck her, and fuck that. Who the fuck does she think she is? A woman was allegedly raped since the age of 8 and it's all up to you to do something and you can take as long as you want to? Come on. You shouldn't be handling this at all. The police and CPS should handle this without you. I think this story is all sorts of fucked up. You need to keep all men away from your daughter for the rest of her life. Apparently all men want to rape her. Or the kind of men that are around her are complete trailer trash. OR she just likes to accuse all men of rape. Whatever the case may be, having men around your DD is never good for the men or for your DD. I don't believe that lightening strikes 3 times though. Highly suspicious that 3 men have raped her in her 20 short years. I'm sorry but to my way of thinking you are doing exactly what the voluntary counsellor was probably explaining is a common reaction to cases of rape and trying to make sure the 20 year old girl was aware of - and the reason why a lot of rape victims don't report incidents - and immediately judging that she is telling lies and nothing about her story can be true and that it was all her own fault! A lot of work is being done at the moment to make sure that this isn't the common immediate reaction to this problem but it seems that there is still a long way to go on that! Whatever the truth is or is not in this case, and remember we are only hearing bits of the story because the OP is in a shocked and stressed state at the moment, the 20 year old girl does not deserve to be immediately branded a liar, with the suggestion that she has always been a liar. None of us know this family personally or the full story in detail.....including the complications involved! I'm sure that when the OP has had a chance to recover from the immense shock of hearing this she will understand it all better, have worked out what to do and when to do it and, I'm sure, will take it to it's full legal consequences if needs be. She, and her advisers, will ensure that the girl gets any and all help that she needs.
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gloryjoy
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,332
Jun 26, 2014 12:35:32 GMT
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Post by gloryjoy on Mar 15, 2015 14:56:36 GMT
I am so sorry for you and your children.
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Post by winogirl on Mar 15, 2015 15:23:02 GMT
My daughter told me he never speaks and until recently she always thought she was just having bad dreams. How can I have missed this? ................................................................................................................................................................................................
This is the part I just can't wrap my brain around. She thought she was just dreaming her father abusing on a monthly basis for twelve years and *just recently* realized she wasn't just dreaming it?? For a child, wouldn't there be soreness, bruising the next morning? That wouldn't come from a dream.
The father can't stay in the house now with the accusation in case it is true, but I'd definitely keep an open mind in talking with him.
Either way, it's going to be a difficult time for everyone in the family. The Peas will be here for you.
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jeanninem
Junior Member
Posts: 97
Jun 27, 2014 0:33:42 GMT
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Post by jeanninem on Mar 15, 2015 15:24:15 GMT
I think I sit on the side of why is all this up to you? You are not the police or a counselor. To put such a burden on you is bizarre. While I understand that you don't want the police involved, they already are.
And why do you have to go see your husband wherever he is? Call him and tell him there is a family emergency and come home immediately. Guilty or not, he needs to be home and deal with this. This is his child and you waiting for a steroid injection and then driving to see him one day next week is lunacy. Please don'tt offer excuses on why he can't come home. If either being accused of raping your child or having a child mentally ill enough to falsely accuse you of raping her isn't reason enough to take time off work, then I don't know what else is. And if he can't, that alone would make me dump his a@@.
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georgiapea
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,846
Jun 27, 2014 18:02:10 GMT
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Post by georgiapea on Mar 15, 2015 16:23:07 GMT
Regardless of the ending, this is a tragic situation. I'm for calling your husband today and having him come home for a family emergency. Then I'd talk to him about what your DD has accused him of and let him respond. There's no limit on telling him he's the scum of the earth but accusing him immediately and then finding out it is not true will have devastating affects on your relationship.
If this has been going on for so many years, how has your DD's reaction to him the next day not been noticed. Wouldn't she be sullen and withdrawn each time it happened? Wouldn't she shy away from and not respond when he spoke to her on those mornings after? And why would she not lock her bedroom door to keep him out? I would have moved furniture against my door to prevent someone entering.
The mother of a former SIL told everyone that the man from a gas station she frequented came into her (locked) house and raped her repeatedly. She said this in front of her tween grandchildren and I was astounded. Her DD didn't say a word about how inappropriate this was but later told me her mother was mentally ill and such things never happened.
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Post by CarolT on Mar 15, 2015 16:50:37 GMT
This is a law enforcement matter - the police are already involved, as they should be. I think cooperating fully with law enforcement, child protection services, etc is crucial for everyone in the family.
None of us have any way of knowing what is really going on here, but I hope your daughter and your family get the help you all need.
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Sarah*H
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,015
Jun 25, 2014 20:07:06 GMT
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Post by Sarah*H on Mar 15, 2015 17:02:08 GMT
The longer I think about this, the more bothered I am. I hope you understand that regardless of what charity she works for or how often she has seen it, it was a grossly unprofessional and inappropriate thing for her to say. This combined with your daughter's belief for years that it was a dream but now the sudden realization that it's true is setting off some alarm bells for me. I really, really hope you can all get the help you need, from competent and professional individuals, to work through this horrible situation.
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