My world has crashed * NEW UPDATE ON PAGE 8*

I thought Christine's response was very harsh too, and really uncalled for.

And I think that Peas in the US need to understand that a University degree is NOT the be all and end all in other countries that is it in the US. People can leave school after 5 or 6 years of high school and still have a decent job paying more than $2.75 an hour or whatever it is that service staff earn in the US. If your son was considering leaving school after the 5th year anyway, then maybe that's going to be the best thing for him.

OP, I have been in your shoes. Some of my kids had to struggle and help when their sister was suicidal. They were at times angry, scared, even disgusted. Your son sounds like a great young man.

Thanks for the update, and best wishes coming your way. In my case, XH was molesting my girl, and none of us had a clue.

This is a tough situation for everyone. I wish you all had family counselors there. I am big on family systems therapy. That was my major in college and it was always interesting to observe family dynamics and form an action plan.

I hope your son does go to Italy for the summer. He deserves a break. Really you all do. I wish the counselors were handling everything with your daughter better. I had friends who were suicidal and had other issues that did a wilderness program here that really helped them. It's too bad you don't have that over there.

I am praying for you and your family. Just take everything one day at a time. And when one day is overwhelming take it one hour at a time. Big hug! I wish we could all do something to help!

Remember your son's school want to see him go on to a positive destination so ask them for some help. They'll have access to careers guidance and have links to jobs or apprenticeships.

I echo what others have said too - hang in there. We're all thinking about you x

drowning - I'm so glad you've updated again.

I'm not in your shoes, but our lives have enough similarities that I can truly empathize with you.

This is contrary to the typical modern American advice, but I whole-heartedly encourage your son to go into an apprenticeship. That will benefit him for the entire rest of his life like nothing else can. I believe the loss of appreciation for apprenticeships in the belief that more "education" is superior is a total bunch of hooey. He has already delayed this in order for more classwork and this is still what he thinks is best.

Some of the most accomplished people I've known and loved have apprenticed.


I've lived many hours apart from my husband (he stayed here for work and my kids finished high school where we evacuated to because they had more opportunity there) and I know first-hand how stressful that is. Everyone here is saying that he can't sleep at home. I encourage you to spend nights with him wherever he does stay when back in town. You both need the love and support you can give to each other.


Your daughter's problems have been there a long time and will continue for a long time. No one understands what you live with on a daily basis, and when you try to talk about it, people suddenly go deaf or disappear. Your poor girl is caught in some unhealthy state and that gives her control over the lives of everyone around her.

Take back a little of that control. "DD, Dad will not be sleeping at home this weekend. I know he will be in his motel room because I will be there with him. You can sleep peacefully here and if you become scared, ask your brother to ..... play cards, watch a movie, take a walk.... with you. Or, you could ... listen to music, watch How-to scrapbook videos on Youtube, take your camera out on a walk around the neighborhood and take pictures of anything remotely interesting, do your laundry, scrub the bathroom..... If you lose control, call this helpline and talk to someone. I will be home at X o'clock. See you then, Honey. Love you. Bye!"

I don't give that (unasked for) advice lightly. I have a child that no one has been able to figure out who is also a natural manipulator and who's health issues can be life-threatening in short order. Reasserting control over my own life actually helps her feel good about herself.

At this point, I think it's worth the gamble to take a little bit of attention off of her for your own self-help.

You aren't abandoning her. You aren't leaving her without resources. You are challenging her in a slightly different way and that may make her thoughts focus just a little differently.

I'm so sorry you are going through this and I hope both your kids get the help that they need.

To clarify, kids in the US can leave school at 16 too. Most just choose not to because there aren't the opportunities for apprenticeships the way there are in other countries. My dd could leave if she wants to at the end of this year(Yr 10/Sophmore Yr) and seek a trade, but she won't and if I'm honest, wouldn't be allowed to.

But, this isn't what the thread is about. Just wanted to clarify that the education systems in the UK (England & Scotland are a bit different) & USA really aren't all that different which has been suggested.

I'm sorry. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

I'm so sorry!  Hugs to you too!

drowning how are things going? I've been praying for your family, and I was just wondering if there was any update.

That's really good to know, and as it should be IMO. There are lots of important and difficult jobs out there that people with higher degrees can't or won't do. Academia isn't for everyone but it doesn't mean they aren't clever or skilled.

I too thought that christine58's comment was awful. It always amazes me the terrible things people can say to someone on the Internet, people who they really know very little about. Condemning someone's mothering, especially when they are already so down, is so unkind. You really need to watch your judgments Christine.