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Post by hollymolly on Apr 10, 2015 22:18:23 GMT
Southerner who changed my middle name to my maiden name. My sister did as well. I wouldn't say we dropped our middle names, our dad still calls us by first and middle sometimes. We just don't use them on legal forms. I chose my legal full name when I applied for a new social security card after the wedding. I didn't want two last names, or to hyphenate, but my maiden name was more special to me than my original middle name.
I would say that technically first, LAST, middle is always correct. The thing to know is whether or not the gift recipient changed her middle name. The mistake was asking a stranger at a store which initials to use. You should ask the person you're getting the gift for. You can ask without spoiling the surprise.
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Post by librarylady on Apr 10, 2015 22:23:23 GMT
The RUDE person who chided you apparently is ignorant of what traditional monograms include.
I would ignore her rude behavior.....and be tempted to point her to etiquette books.
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Post by Woobster on Apr 10, 2015 22:39:42 GMT
I always thought it was first initial, LAST INITIAL, maiden initial. My mom and both of my grandmothers had a number of monogrammed items, and they were all that way. Both of my grandmothers were quilters as well, and all of their quilts had their respective monograms on them. I guess your friend would have told me I screwed up too. LOL!!
I legally changed my middle name to my maiden name when I got married.
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Post by *sprout* on Apr 10, 2015 22:59:47 GMT
I have never heard of people changing their middle name to their maiden name until this thread. I do have plenty of friends who have hyphenated, but not dropped their middle name like that. I agree. I didn't keep my maiden name, so a monogram with it would be wrong. I probably wouldn't regularly use the tote because of that, as much as I hate to say it.
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Post by just PEAchy on Apr 10, 2015 23:23:05 GMT
I agree with those who say traditionally it was first name, last name, maiden name like the salesperson told you. However, I think few people use that anymore and instead use the middle name instead of the maiden. I'm lucky, my middle initial and maiden name initial are the same, so I'm good either way. I think the person was rude to point it out to you, though.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Apr 10, 2015 23:27:21 GMT
I think the maiden as middle has a resurgence after a few high profile people did it - Hillary Clinton and Carolyn Kennedy pop to mind, but I'm sure there are others. Many professional women I know did it as an alternative to hyphenation but retaining their premarried name.
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Deleted
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Apr 27, 2024 3:13:42 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 10, 2015 23:34:04 GMT
So those that say she shouldn't have said anything. Why would you want to waste your money on something with the wrong monogram? Because that's basically what happened. Those aren't her initials. I personally would rather know. Agree more tact could be used but still.
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Post by Tamhugh on Apr 11, 2015 0:02:40 GMT
I live in the Northeast and I use my maiden name as my middle. When I got married, I asked at the Social Security office how to change it legally and they said I didn't have to do anything. Maybe the woman was wrong, but she said your maiden name is always legally part of your name. My 3 SIL's all use their maiden names too and none of them are southern. I don't think my sister uses a middle name at all, even though she does have one.
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Deleted
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Apr 27, 2024 3:13:42 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2015 0:29:12 GMT
I live in the Northeast and I use my maiden name as my middle. When I got married, I asked at the Social Security office how to change it legally and they said I didn't have to do anything. Maybe the woman was wrong, but she said your maiden name is always legally part of your name. My 3 SIL's all use their maiden names too and none of them are southern. I don't think my sister uses a middle name at all, even though she does have one. She is incorrect. Your legal name is what shows on your SS card. My maiden name is no longer on there. I don't use it in any way at all.
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Post by Tamhugh on Apr 11, 2015 0:39:10 GMT
I live in the Northeast and I use my maiden name as my middle. When I got married, I asked at the Social Security office how to change it legally and they said I didn't have to do anything. Maybe the woman was wrong, but she said your maiden name is always legally part of your name. My 3 SIL's all use their maiden names too and none of them are southern. I don't think my sister uses a middle name at all, even though she does have one. She is incorrect. Your legal name is what shows on your SS card. My maiden name is no longer on there. I don't use it in any way at all. I guess I didn't explain that well. I didn't have to do anything else other than add my married name to the card. My original card didn't have my middle name on it. Just an initial. When I got married, they added the new name after the maiden name. There was no paperwork to "change" my middle name.
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Post by scrapsuzy on Apr 11, 2015 0:41:59 GMT
I couldn't be more from the South if I wanted to be (seriously...traced the family tree back into the 1600's in North Carolina & Virginia!), and it keeping my maiden name while dropping my middle name was just how it was done when I got married. I didn't give it a second thought, as I didn't know anyone who had done it any different (but I was only 17!) When my best friend got married the next year, I was upset that my bridesmaid gift from her was monogrammed "wrong" with my first initial, married initial, and middle initial. That was the first I'd ever heard of a woman not keeping her maiden name. I just asked my 2 DIL's and my SIL who is close in age to them, and all 3 of them (born & raised in the South) kept their middle names while dropping their maiden names. And I didn't even know that! I've never given them anything monogrammed, though, so no "mistakes" there. I like my monogram SPS better than SPM (what it would be if I'd kept my middle name.) But I only have one thing in my entire house that is monogrammed, and it is that (wrong monogram) bridesmaid gift from 25 years ago.
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Post by peasapie on Apr 11, 2015 0:56:06 GMT
I use my maiden name as my middle name, so Suzy Brown gets married and becomes Suzy Brown Doe. Most of my female friends do the same, especially now with Facebook so that high school acquaintances can find us. The monogram for Suzy Brown Doe would be sDb, with the middle name initial (my maiden name) last.
That person sounded thoughtless in her remark and should have been more tactful. Clearly she likes the gift, though, as she is using it!
Maybe instead of initials you could have her first name embroidered on it.
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Post by femalebusiness on Apr 11, 2015 1:22:59 GMT
I dropped my maiden name the day I married and never used it again. I never did like my maiden name or the way it looked written. I love my married name and it really feels like my name. I told my husband that if I ever divorced him that I was keeping the name.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Apr 11, 2015 1:43:10 GMT
I thought it was a southern thing to change your maiden name to your middle name when you married. I kept my middle name and dropped my maiden name. 25 years later I wish I had kept my middle and maiden and just added my husbands name to the end. I ended up changing my Facebook profile to first maiden last so people who knew me before I married could find me. That is common in the south. When I remarried four years ago, I had my name changed finally to nickname - maiden name - new married last name. I have always used a derivative of my middle name as the name I am known by. So now my legal name is that name. I use the traditional monogram style of first name - larger centered last name - and maiden name.
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Post by *sprout* on Apr 11, 2015 1:46:02 GMT
I use my maiden name as my middle name, so Suzy Brown gets married and becomes Suzy Brown Doe. Most of my female friends do the same, especially now with Facebook so that high school acquaintances can find us. The monogram for Suzy Brown Doe would be sDb, with the middle name initial (my maiden name) last. That person sounded thoughtless in her remark and should have been more tactful. Clearly she likes the gift, though, as she is using it! I use first maiden married on Facebook, but that's only so old friends can find me. My legal name is first middle married. Up until I joined fb, I never used my maiden name.
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Post by txdancermom on Apr 11, 2015 2:05:36 GMT
I do mine the way you did the bag - and I use my maiden name as my "middle" name now, not the middle name on my birth certificate. That is the way my mother and both grandmothers did it.
My sister in law uses her maiden middle name still, and that is the way her mother did it.
My experience is that it depends on how the family has done it in the past, and that there is no right or wrong. And these days I try to figure it out first.
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Post by myshelly on Apr 11, 2015 2:08:14 GMT
I just keep going back to the fact that a monogrammed gift is VERY personal.
You SHOULDNT be buying one for someone if you don't KNOW what initials SHE uses.
It has NOTHING to do with tradition, etiquette, or anything else. A woman gets to choose her name. If you don't know what she chose you shouldn't be monogramming something for her.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 11, 2015 3:34:22 GMT
I too dropped my maiden name entirely when I got married 25 years ago, and the only person I personally know/knew that switched their maiden name to their middle name was my MIL. My own mom didn't do that, none of her sisters did, neither of my sisters did and none of my brother's wives did either. We all kept our given middle names, so for any of us that would have been incorrect. I didn't even think that was a thing anymore.
My maiden name was hard to say, hard to spell and almost everybody got it wrong. So for as much as I loved my parents I was all too happy to dump that name. LOL, even if I were to get divorced, I wouldn't ever take that albatross of a name back!
ETA: If someone gave me a nice monogrammed tote with the wrong initials on it, I would probably thank them profusely, send a nice thank you note and promptly take my seam ripper to it and take the monogram off so I could use the bag! (If I really wanted a monogrammed bag, I own an embroidery machine and I could do it myself.)
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Post by 950nancy on Apr 11, 2015 4:03:37 GMT
I do monograms for water bottles and do first, last, middle. No maiden. Kind of a snotty response for a gift though.
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Post by Zee on Apr 11, 2015 4:29:47 GMT
Knowing what I know of the OP and her family dynamics, I'd have to hear the other side of the story before I'd say anyone was rude.
My parents gave me a great middle name that makes my whole name unique and I'm not giving it up just because I'm married. I didn't even take my husband's last name. I get really annoyed when people who know better still address us as "Mr & Mrs M" on cards, etc. That's not my name. My MIL finally quit doing that a few years ago. If she gave me a monogrammed bag with his name on it, I'd be grateful for the thought but annoyed that she didn't make sure which initials to use.
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Post by 3dcrafter on Apr 11, 2015 6:02:28 GMT
I have always been confused of the whole 3 letter monogram deal. I think if I were put a monogram on something for another person, I would probably go with only using the first Letter of the person's first name (or the name they prefer to use). I know it's generic, but IMO, I think it's the safest option.
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AllieC
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,052
Jul 4, 2014 6:57:02 GMT
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Post by AllieC on Apr 11, 2015 6:20:20 GMT
I have never seen monograms here apart form on a handkerchief of elderly gentlemen. They really are not something that is common at all. It has been interesting reading this thread because I had no idea bout the maiden name thing coming last in monograms as some have described. I don't use my maiden name at all so it seems very odd.
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theshyone
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Posts: 3,400
Jun 26, 2014 12:50:12 GMT
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Post by theshyone on Apr 11, 2015 6:44:43 GMT
No consensus here tonight.
My daughters middle name is very special, goes back over five generations on three sides of the family. I'd hate for her to just "drop" it to get married and make her maiden her middle. I
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Post by cade387 on Apr 11, 2015 10:38:46 GMT
My parents gave me a great middle name that makes my whole name unique and I'm not giving it up just because I'm married. I didn't even take my husband's last name. I get really annoyed when people who know better still address us as "Mr & Mrs M" on cards, etc. That's not my name. My MIL finally quit doing that a few years ago. If she gave me a monogrammed bag with his name on it, I'd be grateful for the thought but annoyed that she didn't make sure which initials to use. This situation is the same as mine. I don't mind if people call us "mr. & mrs. P" So much because I am mrs. P in that context, just not legally. I do hate to high heaven receiving a wedding shower or baby shower invite addressed solely to "mrs. P" because I prrsonally am not mrs. P. I hope that make sense. My mom didn't change her last name either and my friends would always call her by my last name. She said it didn't bother her so much and she always knew when solicitors were calling.
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AnotherPea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,968
Jan 4, 2015 1:47:52 GMT
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Post by AnotherPea on Apr 11, 2015 12:14:05 GMT
Monogrammed items are NOT highly personal items that should be given to only the closest of friends/relations.
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Post by maryland on Apr 11, 2015 12:20:36 GMT
Where I grew up the women in my family (southern) all used their maiden name as their middle name. I thought everyone did that. Then when I moved to Pittsburgh for law school, most of the women used their middle name as the middle name when they got married. I had never known women did that. I guess it's a regional thing (just based on the women I knew!).
I love my daughters middle names, so I hope they keep them (if they get married and decide to use their husband's last name). Or better yet, maybe their husband (if they get married) will take their last name!
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Post by maryland on Apr 11, 2015 12:26:47 GMT
In the South, women generally drop their middle name and maiden name becomes middle name when they marry. I would have done it the same way never dreaming she was still using her middle name. The only time I check is if a woman goes by her middle name. I posted before I read the comments, and I that's what I thought. My family is from NC. I had no idea women used their middle name after they got married until I was in the north in my early 20s. But my middle name was so common (all the girls I knew had one of three middle names it seemed) so I had no problem getting my maiden name as my middle name on my driver's license. But I still consider "Lynn" my middle name if we are talking middle names.
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Post by Miss Ang on Apr 11, 2015 12:28:02 GMT
MOnograms are supposed to be first initial, LAST NAME INITIAL (usually a larger letter), middle name initial. I have never heard of someone's maiden name being in a monogram (?). I think you must have misunderstood the person when you ordered. I strongly dislike monogrammed items because I like order. For me, that order makes zero sense and I will admit that I cringe a little bit inside when I see something monogrammed with initials.
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Post by anxiousmom on Apr 11, 2015 12:36:19 GMT
Monogrammed items are NOT highly personal items that should be given to only the closest of friends/relations. True...in my world, monogrammed items are almost the norm for all kinds of events and for all kinds of relationships. Among other things, I got monogrammed sheets/pillow cases for a wedding gift from some who was an almost stranger to me. (Friend of soon to be mother in law.)
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Deleted
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Apr 27, 2024 3:13:42 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2015 12:46:23 GMT
Monogrammed items are NOT highly personal items that should be given to only the closest of friends/relations. True...in my world, monogrammed items are almost the norm for all kinds of events and for all kinds of relationships. Among other things, I got monogrammed sheets/pillow cases for a wedding gift from some who was an almost stranger to me. (Friend of soon to be mother in law.) I agree it isn't "highly personal"....but you should know what the person goes by before assuming one way or the other. Otherwise you might be giving the person something useless. I wouldn't be using an item that had the wrong monogram on it and they can't be returned/exchanged.
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