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Post by mommaho on May 28, 2015 17:56:25 GMT
I have made my mind I'm not going to respond so I guess this is more of a vent . . .
DD's Bridal Shower is all planned by her sister who is the Matron of Honor. Handmade invites, location and catering all set. Sister wanted this to be very nice for the Bride. Follow along with me - sorry if my story gets long winded!
I've done my best to just shut my mouth around the Mother of the Groom because she only has boys and won't have a wedding to plan. Luckily DD has gotten more vocal and has actually said "this is what I want'. Yeah! We met last week to get measured for the tuxes. Wedding colors are Chocolate Brown and Tiffany Blue ~ tuxes will be Brown and DD wanted the guys to wear blue vests and ties.
The blue the store is a little brighter than DD liked and DD wondered out loud if maybe they needed to look at a different store to see if they could find the perfect color. Mother of the Groom was trying to tell her she needed a different color (that looked more green than blue) that they had there at the store because this is where they were going to get their tuxes. DD told her, in a nice polite way that maybe the Groom could wear a cream color vest and tie (to match the shirts) and the rest of the guys wear the blue that was brighter so the Groom would stand out! Mother of the Groom just said (loud enough for everyone in the store to hear) "I guess I'll just sit down because my ideas aren't welcome". I wanted to say it is their wedding and they need to make the decision but I didn't say a word. They (DD and Groom) went with the cream for the groom and the blue for the guys.
We all went to dinner together afterwards and tried to get to know each other better. Mother of the Groom asked about the bridal shower and when it was going to be (she put the date in her phone to hold it). I told her about the plans that had already been made and the conversation moved on.
This past weekend everyone was over for a picnic and I mentioned to DD that we needed to know who on the Wedding Invite list that Mother of the Groom wanted invited to the shower so we are sure he have made enough invites. Groom joked about inviting his Uncle who is gay and would probably love to come.
Fast forward to last night - on Facebook Mother of the Groom posts: Hmmm...why doesn't the Groom have a Groom's Showers? They need "stuff" too...don't you think it would be cool to combine the Bride and Groom's shower? An indoor/outdoor wedding buying party... and she tagged my DD in the post.
Really . . . the shower isn't your call! You are invited to the one we have planned, do not try to make changes to something you have no control over.
Vent over -
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SweetieBsMom
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Jun 25, 2014 19:55:12 GMT
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Post by SweetieBsMom on May 28, 2015 18:02:40 GMT
Good call on just letting it slide. Weddings and funerals bring out the best and worst in people.
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Post by Bitchy Rich on May 28, 2015 18:07:19 GMT
I don't think it's a big deal that she suggested a co-ed shower. I think it's more common these days. Probably more fun too.
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grinningcat
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Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on May 28, 2015 18:09:46 GMT
Let it slide. I have discovered that weddings bring the crazy out in people. And talking to them about it gets you nowhere except angry and stressed. In my case it's most of the family of the groom. My family's like "do whatever makes you happy" and his family "you cannot do that that is not how things are done how dare you do things differently from our norm". Oy. Everyone told me this would be the happiest time of my life. Oh really. I guess it would be the happiest if I wanted to deal with bullshit drama. Ugh.
And don't get me started with the mother of the groom insisting that the mother of the bride pick her dress first (ie: now) so that she can pick hers. I've said a gazillion times to wear whatever makes her feel fabulous and is comfortable but no... she can't pick first because what if she picks the same colour as my mother?! Oh the horrors! Two people in the same colour dress. The wedding will be ruined if that happens. *roll eyes*
In other words, I get it. And it's exhausting. Sorry to hijack. I think I needed to vent.
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grinningcat
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Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on May 28, 2015 18:10:59 GMT
I don't think it's a big deal that she suggested a co-ed shower. I think it's more common these days. Probably more fun too. If nothing had been planned and it was brought up during the planning stages as "hey, what would you think of having a co-ed shower?" rather than as a passive aggressive dig that she's not getting her way... I would totally agree with you. But after everything's planned? Yeah. A little shady.
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loco coco
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Jun 26, 2014 16:15:45 GMT
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Post by loco coco on May 28, 2015 18:14:09 GMT
just let is slide, she just wants something for her son. We did a co-ed shower and it was a blast. Either way the gifts are for both the bride and groom
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freebird
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'cause I'm free as a bird now
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Jun 25, 2014 20:06:48 GMT
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Post by freebird on May 28, 2015 18:14:21 GMT
I would say "that sounds like fun. if you want to coordinate another one you're welcome to. The girls one is pretty much set in stone. Let us know what you decide."
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Post by annabella on May 28, 2015 18:14:29 GMT
Wow that's so rude and totally puts her on the spot. Your daughter needs to ask her fiance to reel in his mother.
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Post by mommaho on May 28, 2015 18:15:31 GMT
Couples showers are fun and nothing says she can't have another shower for them if she wants to, this is just what DD wanted and her sister planned for her already.
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ReneeH20
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Jun 28, 2014 16:00:48 GMT
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Post by ReneeH20 on May 28, 2015 18:16:52 GMT
I don't think it's a big deal that she suggested a co-ed shower. I think it's more common these days. Probably more fun too. We had one 24 (gasp) years ago. We also had the traditional women only shower given to me by my husband's aunt - mostly for my MIL's friends and family as the wedding was in my hometown 350 miles away. I would either let it slide or tell your DD's future in MIL if she wanted to organize that she could. I agree weddings bring out the crazy in some people.
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smartypants71
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Jun 25, 2014 22:47:49 GMT
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Post by smartypants71 on May 28, 2015 18:19:49 GMT
I've been to a few couples showers usually with a home improvement type theme. I certainly wouldn't respond, but I don't think there is any rule that says you can't have more than one shower.
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Post by Meri-Lyn on May 28, 2015 18:20:05 GMT
I don't think it's a big deal that she suggested a co-ed shower. I think it's more common these days. Probably more fun too. I'm sorry, but that's passive-aggressive at best. If MOG really wanted to have a co-ed shower (and the bride and groom was on board with it), then she can get one of her family/friends to plan host it. To post out loud on FB is really undermining the whole thing. (and my DH would have been horrified if he were asked to go to a "shower" for him.) Just let it roll off your back, OP. Sounds like DD and her fiance know what they want, and won't just back down.
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Post by mommaho on May 28, 2015 18:21:41 GMT
I've been to a few couples showers usually with a home improvement type theme. I certainly wouldn't respond, but I don't think there is any rule that says you can't have more than one shower. Maybe I need to respond with your line about no rules . . .
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on May 28, 2015 18:26:31 GMT
Good for you on letting it slide.
Man, she just sounds like a bouquet of thorns.
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Post by Restless Spirit on May 28, 2015 18:31:20 GMT
Let it slide. I have discovered that weddings bring the crazy out in people. And talking to them about it gets you nowhere except angry and stressed. In my case it's most of the family of the groom. My family's like "do whatever makes you happy" and his family "you cannot do that that is not how things are done how dare you do things differently from our norm". Oy. Everyone told me this would be the happiest time of my life. Oh really. I guess it would be the happiest if I wanted to deal with bullshit drama. Ugh. And don't get me started with the mother of the groom insisting that the mother of the bride pick her dress first (ie: now) so that she can pick hers. I've said a gazillion times to wear whatever makes her feel fabulous and is comfortable but no... she can't pick first because what if she picks the same colour as my mother?! Oh the horrors! Two people in the same colour dress. The wedding will be ruined if that happens. *roll eyes* In other words, I get it. And it's exhausting. Sorry to hijack. I think I needed to vent. Grinning Cat: Ugh. Somethings never change. The same identical thing happened to me when DH & I got married - 43 years ago! Unfortunately, that bat-shit crazy will follow you through all the days of your lives. That is, until "the crazy" dies. I feel terrible saying this - but it really was a relief of sorts when my MIL died. She really was a piece of work - well actually most of DH family was and still is. sigh. OP - Good for you for letting it slide. I married into "the crazy" and it so not fun and very stressful. Ugh.
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blue tulip
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Jun 25, 2014 20:53:57 GMT
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Post by blue tulip on May 28, 2015 18:35:35 GMT
around here, it's typical to have 2 showers- one thrown by bride's family, one thrown by the groom's. is that not the way it goes by you? then MOG could throw her own, co-ed one.
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Post by littlemama on May 28, 2015 18:45:11 GMT
No response needed by you at all. Your dd can choose to engage or not.
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bethany102399
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Post by bethany102399 on May 28, 2015 19:42:57 GMT
I'm just going to throw this out there. Sounds like she wants to be involved. Why not give her the statement, there are no rules, and while DD's MOH has planned a shower, she is free to plan a co-shower for your DD and her DS as well. Have the mother of the groom's friends already been invited? if not perhaps she would like to host a co-shower inviting those people she would have invited to the other shower, that way you're not asking the same people twice. Gives her the opportunity to feel involved in this, and you get a nice party out of it.
Just my .02. It may just be a case of she wants a little control and feels as the mom to the groom she has none, or it could be much deeper, you never know. Weddings do bring out the worst in people. My own wedding planning was a nightmare, and I literally looked at my new husband as we headed away from the church and said I am never doing this again.
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Post by craftedbys on May 28, 2015 19:47:59 GMT
Maybe someone should tell the MOG that her job is "to wear beige and keep her mouth shut". That's what my MIL kept repeating when I was planning our wedding, the big joke was that she loved to talk and had one of those voices that would carry. I included her in some of the planning since she only had 2 boys. And yes, she did wear beige.
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Post by anonrefugee on May 28, 2015 20:05:09 GMT
Multiple showers are allowed. Maybe groom friends will plan a couples one. End of story.
Let her have her say, you've acknowledged she won't have a wedding to plan. Continue being polite. I'm not sure you have to defend your daughter, just move on.
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Post by anonrefugee on May 28, 2015 20:08:55 GMT
I don't think it's a big deal that she suggested a co-ed shower. I think it's more common these days. Probably more fun too. I'm sorry, but that's passive-aggressive at best. If MOG really wanted to have a co-ed shower (and the bride and groom was on board with it), then she can get one of her family/friends to plan host it. To post out loud on FB is really undermining the whole thing. (and my DH would have been horrified if he were asked to go to a "shower" for him.) Just let it roll off your back, OP. Sounds like DD and her fiance know what they want, and won't just back down. I don't think its passive aggressive. For all we know it's a new concept to her. (I don't see how- my parents were thrown one in mid 1950s but whatever) Maybe there's more to the story. I don't see her comment negating what's already been planned in any way.
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back to *pea*ality
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Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
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Post by back to *pea*ality on May 28, 2015 20:10:51 GMT
I think not addressing it is the best way to go. Don't feed it!!!
I do have to say that Tiffany Blue actually reads more green than blue, she was right about that and maybe trying to be helpful.
In my day, DH had a stag party, my dad actually threw it where the guys in the family get together and they buy a ticket to cover catering and drinks and a little extra for the groom. I think is she isn't going about it the right way but it also seems like when she says something she gets shut down. This reinforces the old adage that the mother of the groom should wear beige and shut up.
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Post by craftedbys on May 28, 2015 20:15:30 GMT
And don't get me started with the mother of the groom insisting that the mother of the bride pick her dress first (ie: now) so that she can pick hers. Grinningcat, that actually used to be a thing, because traditionally the wedding was put on by the bride's parents, so essentially MOB was considered the "hostess" and the MOG would let the bride's mother have first choice of colors. In some regions/areas the bride actually picked out the color for both mothers. Thankfully, that tradition is going away, especially now that more and more couples are paying for the wedding themselves. I agree, mothers should wear something that is flattering and makes them feel good.
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MerryMom
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Post by MerryMom on May 28, 2015 20:40:16 GMT
Parents of the bride and groom are at the tuxedo place to pick out or look at colors? Do adults really still do that? Sorry (whispers) but I really don't see what she has said that is so offensive. When your daughter wondered out loud about the shade of blue, her soon to be MIL thought she was asking for advice...that your daughter rather quickly shot down versus a "Hmm, your son and I can certainly consider that." Even if the "considering" is only for a second before being mentally discarded. Know what I mean? The FB post about the Groom's Shower and the secondary suggestion that it be combined with the already planned bridal shower can be quickly dealt with. "A Groom's Shower,I've heard about them! Why don't you ask your son about that and if he is interested, go ahead and plan it. Unfortunately, it's really too late to do a combined shower at this point, but don't let that stop you from planning and hosting the groom's shower if your son gives you the go ahead." See how that neatly puts it all back on her? See, this is where I think the above attitude is really coming across to the soon to be MIL. Excuse me, but last I checked, HER son was also getting married. Could it be perhaps that you and daughter are being quite "territorial"? Just a tad? And yes, unfortunately it does seem that the mother of the groom usually gets the short end of the "being involved with wedding planning" stick. And I agree that Tiffany blue reads more green than blue. If I am reading your post correctly, the soon to be MIL was just told last week about the date and location of the bridal shower. After all plans were already made with no attempt to include her in even a small way??? Yikes!! Respectfully, you and your daughter are kind of short changing her a bit and informing her of things "after the fact". If this is the worst thing your daughter has to complain about with the soon to be MIL, she is VVEEERRRYYY lucky.
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valleyview
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Post by valleyview on May 28, 2015 20:44:11 GMT
I think not addressing it is the best way to go. Don't feed it!!! I do have to say that Tiffany Blue actually reads more green than blue, she was right about that and maybe trying to be helpful. In my day, DH had a stag party, my dad actually threw it where the guys in the family get together and they buy a ticket to cover catering and drinks and a little extra for the groom. I think is she isn't going about it the right way but it also seems like when she says something she gets shut down. This reinforces the old adage that the mother of the groom should wear beige and shut up. Mother of 2 grooms here - planning a wedding is stressful for both sides of the family. I agree that she may be trying to be helpful and you are shutting her down. That's a little hard to feel like you're losing your son to not only a wife, but her parents. It's true, and normal, but it does take awhile to process all of the changes. Add no inclusion, and MOG can feel pretty isolated and redundant.
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Post by Meri-Lyn on May 28, 2015 20:47:12 GMT
I'm sorry, but that's passive-aggressive at best. If MOG really wanted to have a co-ed shower (and the bride and groom was on board with it), then she can get one of her family/friends to plan host it. To post out loud on FB is really undermining the whole thing. (and my DH would have been horrified if he were asked to go to a "shower" for him.) Just let it roll off your back, OP. Sounds like DD and her fiance know what they want, and won't just back down. I don't think its passive aggressive. For all we know it's a new concept to her. (I don't see how- my parents were thrown one in mid 1950s but whatever) Maybe there's more to the story. I don't see her comment negating what's already been planned in any way. Then why not just go up to the bride/groom or whoever and say, "Hey, let's have a co-shower? I'll have someone on my side plan it." Instead of the wishy-washy "Oh, gee, I wish we could do this" post on FB? Sorry, I disagree.
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Country Ham
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Post by Country Ham on May 28, 2015 20:54:31 GMT
Sorry (whispers) but I really don't see what she has said that is so offensive. I wish I could of loved your post instead of simply liking it.
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mallie
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Jul 3, 2014 18:13:13 GMT
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Post by mallie on May 28, 2015 20:55:02 GMT
I don't think its passive aggressive. For all we know it's a new concept to her. (I don't see how- my parents were thrown one in mid 1950s but whatever) Maybe there's more to the story. I don't see her comment negating what's already been planned in any way. Then why not just go up to the bride/groom or whoever and say, "Hey, let's have a co-shower? I'll have someone on my side plan it." Instead of the wishy-washy "Oh, gee, I wish we could do this" post on FB? Sorry, I disagree. I agree with Meri-Lyn. Posting on FB with that tone is a manipulative public call out designed to generate sympathy by putting down the choices of others and hopefully, to passive aggressively get her way without actually talking to her son about it, you know, IN PRIVATE where such discussions should occur.
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grinningcat
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Post by grinningcat on May 28, 2015 20:55:29 GMT
And don't get me started with the mother of the groom insisting that the mother of the bride pick her dress first (ie: now) so that she can pick hers. Grinningcat, that actually used to be a thing, because traditionally the wedding was put on by the bride's parents, so essentially MOB was considered the "hostess" and the MOG would let the bride's mother have first choice of colors. In some regions/areas the bride actually picked out the color for both mothers. Thankfully, that tradition is going away, especially now that more and more couples are paying for the wedding themselves. I agree, mothers should wear something that is flattering and makes them feel good. I realize this is a tradition. A stupid one if you ask me. I've repeatedly said to pick whatever you want, my mother has repeatedly said to pick whatever you want but she is so stuck on tradition that she can't seem to do it. And it's frustrating. I'm barely coordinating what people are wearing and my mom doesn't really feel like picking her dress this far out so it would be just easier if she just picked whatever damn dress she wants and be done with it. But apparently my mom is going to talk to her... again. Sigh. This was supposed to be simple and bring people together. Why isn't it doing that?
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Rhondito
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Post by Rhondito on May 28, 2015 20:55:54 GMT
There's nothing wrong with having a couple's shower. There's nothing wrong with having a traditional all-girl shower. There's nothing wrong with having both!
But, it is wrong to post a passive aggressive comment about a shower that someone else is throwing. To me, it sounds as if she's looking for something to be pissed about. Why can't she just suggest to her side of the family to throw a co-ed shower?
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