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Post by compeateropeator on May 29, 2015 13:09:16 GMT
In my little world the opposite is more likely. I think there are a lot of families who are brought together by marriage and form a relationship from that, or at the very least have a lot of interaction together with family functions. Both of my grandmothers drove down to Florida together to see me when I was living there. We see and get together with my brother's inlaws and sister-in-law often for what ever function is going on, and sometimes just to get together. They have on occasion made the hour trek to have lunch with my parents without my brother or sister-in-law. I see this type of intertwining of families more often in my area and with the people I know. Obviously there are many levels and ways that families interact or don't interact. Like everything in life most people do what works for their situation and family. It is more interesting to me that this type of family interaction seems so foreign and surprising to you. I just don't know anyone (family or friends) where the inlaws have friendships or where the two families are regularly entertained. I am straining my brain to think of all my friends and family and there isn't one. I am sure it happens, it's just not a norm I know of. To me, in laws are generally separate rather than coming together. That's the nice thing...it takes all kinds and there is always someone else's life that you can relate to. I will say that we don't usually do the big holidays together. Each side of the family has their own celebration. However the smaller celebrations like kids birthday, Mother's Day, BBQs, etc, there is a better chance that we will be commingling.
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Post by mommaho on May 29, 2015 14:04:01 GMT
We occasionally get together with our older DD's in-laws for the grandkids birthdays but other than that they have their family and we have ours. We wait to find out when the other is holding their Christmas/Easter/Thanksgiving and plan for earlier, later or on another day to celebrate because it isn't so much but day, but being together to celebrate.
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Post by mommaho on May 29, 2015 14:23:36 GMT
Thanks for linking the other thread ~ I was going to do that but wasn't sure how.
I'm not trying to create any kind of drama, keeping a list of the things she has done or spoken negatively about her to DD. I am just frustrated and needed to vent.
If judging me floats your boat then go for it and in the true spirit of NSBR I've been put in my place - well played.
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Post by jmurray on May 29, 2015 14:28:57 GMT
yeah... sorry, but I'm not feelin any love from you for the MIL. Honestly it does come across a little like you'd prefer her to stay inside her house and not come out until the wedding. Then go back in there again. Your last post (above) kind of cements for me the notion you don't want to extend your family unless it's absolutely essential.
I know she isn't the MOB, but if society is ditching the whole traditional wedding 'rules' then wouldn't the old roles be one of the things that should also be ditched? She's been "given" the groom's cake, but you mentally cut her off at the knees for voicing any opinions on aspects you think belong solely to you and your DD. Maybe shes just a very enthusiastic person, is really excited about the wedding and is full of ideas she wants to share. I'd prefer that to someone who hated your DD and tried to sabotage everything. Truly, it could be a lot worse.
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Post by ilikepink on May 29, 2015 16:55:21 GMT
I'm reading, just making notes. I may becoming a MIL soon--DS and long-term GF whom I love--may become engaged by the end of the summer. She has large encompassing family, and our side just isn't that big. I know he's already absorbed into her world (as it should be, IMO), I just hope I get to wear pink instead of beige And to whatever extent I am asked to be involved in the wedding and the planning, I'll be there or just bite my tongue.
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MerryMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,562
Jul 24, 2014 19:51:57 GMT
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Post by MerryMom on May 29, 2015 17:55:10 GMT
Thanks for linking the other thread ~ I was going to do that but wasn't sure how.
I'm not trying to create any kind of drama, keeping a list of the things she has done or spoken negatively about her to DD. I am just frustrated and needed to vent.
If judging me floats your boat then go for it and in the true spirit of NSBR I've been put in my place - well played.
I'm not your daughter's future MIL, but if judging ME floats your boat, then go for it.
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Post by gmcwife1 on May 29, 2015 18:00:29 GMT
As if we don't appear crazy enough, I should add: Fil is a pot smoking liberal hippie Mil is a hand clapping, hollering Pentecostal My parents are conservative baptists Dh and our kids are their only common ground. These people would never choose to be friends otherwise, lol. I love how inclusive and interactive your family is despite all their differences! That is how my family is too My BIL's family comes to many of our family events. We missed having them at my dd's birthday party because they were out of town. But they are very often at family events including BBQs, holidays and camping trips. BIL's sister even had her wedding at my parent's house.
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Post by mommaho on May 29, 2015 18:37:05 GMT
If judging me floats your boat then go for it and in the true spirit of NSBR I've been put in my place - well played.
I'm not your daughter's future MIL, but if judging ME floats your boat, then go for it. Sorry MerryMom that wasn't directed at you individually and was meant to be my attempt at a little humor to lighten the mood - I guess I failed.
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Country Ham
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,314
Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
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Post by Country Ham on May 29, 2015 19:09:43 GMT
My parents (now just dad alive) live in a different country. When they come to town my inlaws are so hospitable. They have all of us over to eat, they hosts BBQs, my brother in laws take my dad out on the lake fishing, My mother in law would take my mom antique shopping. They pop in just to say hi at least once a day while they are here. I just couldn't imagine there being no contact.
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Post by bc2ca on May 29, 2015 19:57:02 GMT
Fast forward to last night - on Facebook Mother of the Groom posts: Hmmm...why doesn't the Groom have a Groom's Showers? They need "stuff" too...don't you think it would be cool to combine the Bride and Groom's shower? An indoor/outdoor wedding buying party... and she tagged my DD in the post.
Not responding is definitely the right choice and this should be a safe place to vent (which also means not everyone is going to agree with you). Am I the only one picturing the Groom crying on his mom's shoulder and asking "why can't I have a Groom's shower? It's just not fair!" She really is doing this for him, not her . There is nothing wrong with a couple's shower, second or even third shower for different groups of friends, but this is absolutely a PA hint to change what is already planned.
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Post by librarylady on May 29, 2015 23:08:59 GMT
Parents of the bride and groom are at the tuxedo place to pick out or look at colors? Do adults really still do that? Sorry (whispers) but I really don't see what she has said that is so offensive. When your daughter wondered out loud about the shade of blue, her soon to be MIL thought she was asking for advice...that your daughter rather quickly shot down versus a "Hmm, your son and I can certainly consider that." Even if the "considering" is only for a second before being mentally discarded. Know what I mean? The FB post about the Groom's Shower and the secondary suggestion that it be combined with the already planned bridal shower can be quickly dealt with. "A Groom's Shower,I've heard about them! Why don't you ask your son about that and if he is interested, go ahead and plan it. Unfortunately, it's really too late to do a combined shower at this point, but don't let that stop you from planning and hosting the groom's shower if your son gives you the go ahead." See how that neatly puts it all back on her? See, this is where I think the above attitude is really coming across to the soon to be MIL. Excuse me, but last I checked, HER son was also getting married. Could it be perhaps that you and daughter are being quite "territorial"? Just a tad? And yes, unfortunately it does seem that the mother of the groom usually gets the short end of the "being involved with wedding planning" stick. And I agree that Tiffany blue reads more green than blue. If I am reading your post correctly, the soon to be MIL was just told last week about the date and location of the bridal shower. After all plans were already made with no attempt to include her in even a small way??? Yikes!! Respectfully, you and your daughter are kind of short changing her a bit and informing her of things "after the fact". If this is the worst thing your daughter has to complain about with the soon to be MIL, she is VVEEERRRYYY lucky.
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Post by mommaho on May 30, 2015 10:53:15 GMT
I already responded to that comment - MOG was informed over 2 months ago as we had to plan the date when we knew DD's other sister can be here from out of state.
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AmeliaBloomer
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,842
Location: USA
Jun 26, 2014 5:01:45 GMT
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Post by AmeliaBloomer on May 30, 2015 11:35:41 GMT
Vent away, Momma! I clearly remember the dress-shopping thread and being astonished that so many future MOGs took it so personally - and took the OP to task. Only the OP has met this woman. MOG sounds like she oversteps in her comments sometimes. Encouraging the bride to go over budget for the dress would set my teeth on edge, enough that, yes, I might have a little residual annoyance about MOG assuming lunch was a treat.
I think tagging the bride on the FB post is passive aggressive and immature. There were so many better ways to broach that subject.
I hope I can be a non-annoying MOG. If I can still successfully resist getting a FB page by then, that'll help, right?
ETA: Forgot to answer the question! I think the groom should talk to his mom. ("Are you suggesting the shower be changed? That's not what Bride wants/planned, but somebody else can host a mixed shower. Next time, just talk to us, okay?")
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Country Ham
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,314
Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
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Post by Country Ham on May 30, 2015 17:24:05 GMT
Along this line. There is a young man in his 20s in our town who is having a child out of wedlock and they do not live together. His family threw him a baby shower complete with invitations etc. I thought it was wonderful.
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