momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,153
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Jul 8, 2015 18:19:15 GMT
Just a vent, but I honestly cannot imagine being a sad empty nester!!! I have 4 kids, the youngest two are almost 16 and 18 1/2 and they are driving me nuts! They just left together saying they were going to a movie. I asked what one and the one they told me is rated R. The 16 yo won't get in....don't know what the plan is or if they were just being pia's and telling me that and are actually seeing something she can get into. Their attitudes are completely annoying. Every time I ask where they are going, what they've been up to, etc. I get attitude. God forbid they see it as making conversation. The 18 1/2 yo is of the mindset that he's an adult so he doesn't see the need to ever tell us anything. Which leads me to the friend that i'm not loving who he hangs out with. Not the worst kid in the world by any means, but his decisions aren't always the best. Currently he's a month away from 19 dating a 15 yo I'm doing my best to keep reminding myself that my ds hasn't given me any reason to distrust his decisions! dd is just has a general teen girl attitude. I keep thinking today if my nest were empty I don't think i'd be sad
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Post by Yubon Peatlejuice on Jul 8, 2015 18:20:19 GMT
Not everyone's kids are assholes.
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Post by Sam on Jul 8, 2015 18:21:45 GMT
My guess is that a lot of the 'sad empty nesters' felt exactly the same as you did....and then their new reality kicked in.... Who knows, even you might be a little teeny weeny bit sad when your wish is granted!
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Post by Heidi on Jul 8, 2015 18:24:26 GMT
Start charging the 18 year old rent since he thinks he's an adult.
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Post by Dori~Mama~Bear on Jul 8, 2015 18:29:32 GMT
I know this is just a vent for you and you love your kids. Yes your 16 yr old will get in because she had a legal adult with her.
I feel like a empty nester. Since daughter will be gone for months. I was sad because she is my baby and for the past 22 years she has been with me and in the past few years we have become closer than we ever have and we have always been close. We have a good relationship. I didn't get very long to prepare myself for becoming an empty nester. Most parents that send their kids off to college gets months to prepare. I got 12 days. But that being said I am allowed to feel the way I feel just like anybody else. I do like the idea of having time with just husband and I. I knew that daughter would grow up and move out but I didn't think I would have such a short notice. Her dad and I have always been friends and she has been going back and forth to each of our houses since she was 1 years old. My husband and I got married when she was 3 years old and when she would leave to go to her dad's house husband always said I was good for 3 days them I missed her and wanted her back home. I didn't get to see my other 2 kids grow up because they lived with their dad. So part of the reason daughter and I am so close is because I vowed to her that I would always be there for her and love her no matter what. We have had our issues but she is a good person and I taught her that. I do love her unconditionally and no matter what she chooses to do in life I will always be here for her. She just needs to want me there for her.
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sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,578
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Jul 8, 2015 18:30:49 GMT
I miss knowing the little day-to-day stuff that is going on in their lives. Checking in periodically doesn't elicit the same info as living with them.
But I'm not sad. I have a hard time going to sleep if someone is not home yet-- even if they're 'of age'! But if I don't know they're out late, I don't have that parental responsible feeling to wait up.
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Post by Zee on Jul 8, 2015 18:34:57 GMT
I know this is just a vent for you and you love your kids. Yes your 16 yr old will get in because she had a legal adult with her. Not necessarily, my 20 yo DD tried to take her 17 yo brother and they wouldn't let him in without an adult over 21. Also, even though he's 17 he doesn't have his license yet, and you should have seen the rigmarole I had to go through to let him see Ted 2--even with me buying the tickets--because I wasn't going in with him to watch it. Good Lord. You would have thought he was trying to sneak into AdultCon.
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Post by yoursweetwhimsy on Jul 8, 2015 18:35:00 GMT
My youngest just graduated from high school. I grieved because this time of my life is over. I regretted the times I wished they would hurry and grow up, not be so needy, not be so messy, because now that time will never return. I wish I could have looked at my future self and slowed things down a bit.
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Post by lucyg on Jul 8, 2015 18:35:03 GMT
Not everyone's kids are assholes. Snort. You may want to wait until your little one reaches adolescence before you start freely criticizing the parents of teens around here. People have long memories and even your snowflake could turn out to be an asshole, too. Although if he does, you still have your ex you can blame it on.
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Post by Dori~Mama~Bear on Jul 8, 2015 18:41:07 GMT
any body can be an ass hole at any time. doesn't matter the age it is what we do about it as parents that can change their behavior.
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momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,153
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Jul 8, 2015 18:45:46 GMT
My guess is that a lot of the 'sad empty nesters' felt exactly the same as you did....and then their new reality kicked in.... Who knows, even you might be a little teeny weeny bit sad when your wish is granted! Yeah, I know I might miss them some when they're gone....especially because by then they won't be annoying teens, lol. Not necessarily, my 20 yo DD tried to take her 17 yo brother and they wouldn't let him in without an adult over 21. Also, even though he's 17 he doesn't have his license yet, and you should have seen the rigmarole I had to go through to let him see Ted 2--even with me buying the tickets--because I wasn't going in with him to watch it. Good Lord. You would have thought he was trying to sneak into AdultCon. I just had her to the movies last week and she didn't GET the policy so I asked while we were there. The policy in our state at least is under 17 can get in with a 21 yo adult.
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Post by mrsscrapdiva on Jul 8, 2015 18:50:43 GMT
Yeah, I think the same thing too sometimes. Mine are 5 & 10 - energetic, messy, lovey, non stop talking boys. If someone said to me in my 20's that someday I would crave peace and quiet, I would think no way, that would be way to boring. lol joke's on me now. Never a dull moment in this household!
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927
Jun 25, 2014 20:06:48 GMT
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Post by freebird on Jul 8, 2015 18:53:55 GMT
Ta-da! Most teenagers go through an asshole stage. It's what makes kicking them out of the nest so much easier. They are SUPPOSED to be assholes.
FYI: if you cave to your kids to prevent the asshole stage, then YOU are the asshole.
(how many times can I say asshole in one post? a lot apparently. asshole)
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akathy
What's For Dinner?
Still peaing from Podunk!
Posts: 4,546
Location: North Dakota
Jun 25, 2014 22:56:55 GMT
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Post by akathy on Jul 8, 2015 19:00:54 GMT
My kids weren't assholes but DH and I married at 19 after having known each other only 6 months. We had our first baby 15 months after we got married with the second only two years later. We were done doing the day to day parenting and loved being empty nesters. It gave us a chance to rediscover each other and why we married in the first place. It was finally " our" time.
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Post by freecharlie on Jul 8, 2015 19:05:35 GMT
I wouldn't count on them not being able to get into the movie. It's going to depend onnpolicy, but I caould buy mutiple tickets without the person there. The person actually taking the tickets doesn't have to card.
Seems like you need to re-teach them how to behave and how to act with you.
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Post by Dori~Mama~Bear on Jul 8, 2015 19:06:07 GMT
all of daughters life she has gone to her dads so half the time we have always been empty nesters. but she always had a return date. can came home.
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iowgirl
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,274
Jun 25, 2014 22:52:46 GMT
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Post by iowgirl on Jul 8, 2015 19:08:07 GMT
He is an adult. But I agree - he does need to let you know his comings and goings.
I actually very much enjoy having my kids around, but they work long and hard hours, so they are generally too tired to give me much grief! LOL The late nights are bothersome. I know where they are, but it still give me a little worry. There have been so many bad wreck and tragedies around here, that it makes you think of terrible things late at night. Oh .. but I was young and free once upon a time. You (think) you are bulletproof at that age.
I would be troubled by a 19 year old boy dating a 15 year old girl. That could go tragically wrong - as in sex-offender-for-life wrong.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 5:32:23 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 8, 2015 19:08:43 GMT
I'm jealous of empty nesters. I'll never go through that stage.
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caro
Drama Llama
Refupea 1130
Posts: 5,222
Jun 26, 2014 14:10:36 GMT
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Post by caro on Jul 8, 2015 19:08:51 GMT
For me, I miss the day to day stuff before they were teens. Teen years can be difficult even with the best teen attitude. But, I do love the time DH and I have together. We started our marriage with a 3 year old and an 11 month old, I was a young widow, so now has been our time. And there are grandchildren to enjoy but still, I miss the young years.
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Post by donna on Jul 8, 2015 19:11:34 GMT
I wasn't really sad when they youngest left for college. As soon as we got home from moving him into the dorm I started cleaning so the house would reflect just me and dh. We have really enjoyed our empty nest. It did not last though because the oldest just moved back in after finishing AIT.
I did experience some intense sadness when the oldest went off to basic training. I had a very hard time dealing with the limits on communication with my son. AIT was much easier because we could talk or text as we wanted to.
My dh has always said the teen years are difficult so it is easier to have them leave the nest.
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Post by foolana on Jul 8, 2015 19:13:48 GMT
Probably because some of us really enjoy being a mother. It's certainly not wonderful all the time and there are challenges and bad days but (for me) being a mother is most amazing and satisfying job I've ever had. I feel lucky to have one adult child still at home and the other very close by.
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Post by choppedliver on Jul 8, 2015 19:15:45 GMT
I guess I'm one of those weird ones. My daughter is going to college in the fall and even though she's technically staying home, I already don't see her much and it makes me sad.
My son is 16 and he's definitely the one who keeps me on my toes. I'm in no hurry to have him leave me either. As long and he works and helps out (after he graduates), he can stay as long as he wants.
But I've never been one of those parents that wants to keep her kids small. I enjoy watching them grow. I just don't want them to go anywhere, lol. And don't get me started on the sports withdrawals. I'm going to show up at random hockey games and cheer comps.
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Post by choppedliver on Jul 8, 2015 19:19:06 GMT
I'm jealous of empty nesters. I'll never go through that stage. Since you put it out there, I'll ask. Do you have a disabled child? I always feel bad for parents that will have to care for a child their whole lives and then I feel like an asshole for feeling bad for them, because I figure they don't want my pity.
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gloryjoy
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,332
Jun 26, 2014 12:35:32 GMT
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Post by gloryjoy on Jul 8, 2015 19:21:41 GMT
I wasn't a sad empty nester, but I did miss their company.
I'm still a mother, just in a different way now.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 5:32:23 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 8, 2015 19:22:15 GMT
I'm jealous of empty nesters. I'll never go through that stage. Since you put it out there, I'll ask. Do you have a disabled child? I always feel bad for parents that will have to care for a child their whole lives and then I feel like an asshole for feeling bad for them, because I figure they don't want my pity. I do. It's okay to feel bad for me. Your feelings are your feelings. Just don't show a parent with a disabled child pity in front of them, then you're an asshole.
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back to *pea*ality
Pearl Clutcher
Not my circus, not my monkeys ~refugee pea #59
Posts: 3,149
Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
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Post by back to *pea*ality on Jul 8, 2015 19:22:42 GMT
I am an empty nestor and I think the sadness comes as a realization that life as you knew it is over. At first you enjoy the quiet, the house being less messy, the freedom but after awhile you miss the hustle and bustle, laughter, friends.....
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Post by choppedliver on Jul 8, 2015 19:25:21 GMT
Since you put it out there, I'll ask. Do you have a disabled child? I always feel bad for parents that will have to care for a child their whole lives and then I feel like an asshole for feeling bad for them, because I figure they don't want my pity. I do. It's okay to feel bad for me. Your feelings are your feelings. Just don't show a parent with a disabled child pity in front of them, then you're an asshole. Nope, I'm good then, lol. I've never said that aloud before but this seemed like the right time and place. Thanks for the info.
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Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
MississipPea
Posts: 4,792
Jun 25, 2014 19:33:19 GMT
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Post by Rhondito on Jul 8, 2015 19:27:25 GMT
I guess I'm one of those weird ones. My daughter is going to college in the fall and even though she's technically staying home, I already don't see her much and it makes me sad. This is kind of where I am too. My daughter will be 19 in a couple of weeks and I rarely see her anymore. She's either staying with friends or comes home after I've gone to bed. It's just the two of us so I get pretty lonely already.
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Post by anxiousmom on Jul 8, 2015 19:36:50 GMT
all of daughters life she has gone to her dads so half the time we have always been empty nesters. but she always had a return date. can came home. Same here. They left, I got my peace and quiet. They came home; it was loud, messy and chaotic. I think though, for me, the empty nest thing is because I am totally having to redefine my place in the world. I no longer get to define my day to day person as 'mom' but rather as me, and after a million years of being 'mom' I am not sure who that is anymore. It is uncomfortable, and easier to call 'sad' than freaked the hell out.
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scorpeao
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,521
Location: NorCal USA
Jun 25, 2014 21:04:54 GMT
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Post by scorpeao on Jul 8, 2015 19:42:25 GMT
I've been a single parent for 10 years. My dd leaves next month for a 6 year enlistment. I won't miss the late nights and her messes all over the house, but I'll sure miss her. She's been my whole reason for living for these last 10 years. I'm excited for her future, but a little scared for mine. Like anxiousmom said, I'm not sure who I am if I'm no longer playing the role as mom, and it freaks me out!
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