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Post by ingrid6 on Jul 8, 2015 20:22:04 GMT
Dh and I have 6 kids. Only one is left at home but she's off to college soon. Our house has always been the hang-out place for our kids and their friends. I don't miss the super high food bill but there are times when I really miss all the noise. It's usually after a holiday when they've all gone home/back to school that the quiet sets in and I realize how much I miss the laughter and appreciate what a close family we have.
That being said, I'm definitely not a sad empty nester - there are just moments when I realize that I blinked and my kids grew up.
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Post by polz on Jul 8, 2015 20:27:50 GMT
DD is 15 and off to university in 2.5 years (not that I'm counting lol). She is my only child and I love her to bits but she is not a homebody and is ready to fly the nest. Yes, lately, she has been particularly assholian. I will still miss her.
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georgiapea
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,846
Jun 27, 2014 18:02:10 GMT
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Post by georgiapea on Jul 8, 2015 20:38:36 GMT
I had no idea empty nesters were sad. Ever. Isn't the goal of raising children to launch them into adulthood, where they can stand on their own 2 feet and live their own lives, make their own success? Anytime I've ever encountered anyone saying "We are empty nesters", it's done with a big smile.
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mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253
Jul 3, 2014 18:13:13 GMT
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Post by mallie on Jul 8, 2015 20:52:28 GMT
I had no idea empty nesters were sad. Ever. Isn't the goal of raising children to launch them into adulthood, where they can stand on their own 2 feet and live their own lives, make their own success? Anytime I've ever encountered anyone saying "We are empty nesters", it's done with a big smile. Yes, that is the goal. But surely, you can imagine missing loved ones who no longer live with you, can't you?
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Post by choppedliver on Jul 8, 2015 20:57:47 GMT
I had no idea empty nesters were sad. Ever. Isn't the goal of raising children to launch them into adulthood, where they can stand on their own 2 feet and live their own lives, make their own success? Anytime I've ever encountered anyone saying "We are empty nesters", it's done with a big smile. Yes, that is the goal. But surely, you can imagine missing loved ones who no longer live with you, can't you? No kidding. I didn't realize I was an anomaly for missing my kid, lol.
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Julie W
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,209
Jun 27, 2014 22:11:06 GMT
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Post by Julie W on Jul 8, 2015 21:02:15 GMT
This is a timely thread not as DD (age 9) will be leaving anytime soon - but she has been away for the first time at YMCA overnight (3 nights) camp and I've had time to reflect. Certainly I've had to travel for work and be away from her (I am her only parent), but when she was at camp, I couldn't even talk to her. I know she will grow up and move away and I won't talk to her everyday, and I will miss it. Though I do appreciate her growing independence that allows me time to myself - I miss her sense of humor, wonder, fun and in general her joy of life.
I enjoy her as a person, and while I'm sure I'll celebrate her adulthood, I'll miss that presence in my life as age takes time away from our relationship.
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Post by wallyagain on Jul 8, 2015 21:12:00 GMT
Our boys live 500 miles away and we miss them terribly. However, that's normal. I LOVE our empty nest and have done since the start. The pain in the butt behavior makes them the really annoying roommates that you can't wait until they move out.
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Post by gar on Jul 8, 2015 21:17:27 GMT
I am an empty nestor and I think the sadness comes as a realization that life as you knew it is over. At first you enjoy the quiet, the house being less messy, the freedom but after awhile you miss the hustle and bustle, laughter, friends..... I didn't. Love my girls to bits but when they moved out we thoroughly enjoyed the empty nest and that novelty didn't really wear off to be honest. We enjoyed that feeling of coming home to just each other, sitting down to eat just the two of us, not having to even consider anyone else etc. Little things, but it felt great being a couple again Having said that, our youngest has just moved back after living away doing her degree and it's taking a little adjustment. I love her company, she pulls her weight around the house etc but it's different, another adjustment. I think there are ups and downs to them leaving or staying/returning!
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J u l e e
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,531
Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Jul 8, 2015 21:33:52 GMT
I imagine that it'll be a bit of both for me. I truly enjoy my daughter. She is such an interesting person and I absolutely love being with her. She is completely easy to be around. I will miss her like crazy and don't know how I'll spend days without her. If her assholian days are still ahead of us, I reserve the right to delete this.
My husband and I are very good about having time by ourselves while she's here. We don't want our time to be when she leaves and we've forgotten what it means to just be together. I'm going to love just hanging out with him. This marriage and becoming a mom happened late in life for me. I was well familiar with my friends losing who they were and neglecting their relationships with their husbands. I haven't done it perfectly, but I didn't want to wake up when my daughter left and forget who I was before I was a mom. I do a lot by myself or with friends, away from being a mom. But that's due, a lot, to the fact that I have just one child.
But man am I going to miss living with her here. Five more summers!
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jenkate77
Full Member
Posts: 427
Jun 26, 2014 1:33:16 GMT
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Post by jenkate77 on Jul 8, 2015 21:42:42 GMT
Not everyone's kids are assholes. Hahahahahahaha. Hahaha! Just you wait! I have the PERFECT child. Everyone, for his entire life, marveled at how perfect he was. My husband I were so pleased, because his younger brother has been hell on wheels for his entire life. We figured we had one "easy" and one "hard." Then he turned 13, and developed a very asshole-like attitude. It's not all the time, and he's not doing drugs or getting arrested but MAN is he a jerk sometimes. We're at 15 now, and it's changed somewhat, but very often I still want to throttle the child. I'm sure I will be very happy/sad to be an empty nester, but it's a long ways off for me. We were married young and had our kids young.. but last year at 37 we had another. So we'll have had kids at home for 32 years by the time he turns 18!
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Post by gmcwife1 on Jul 8, 2015 22:38:25 GMT
I wasn't a sad empty nester, but I did miss their company. I'm still a mother, just in a different way now. This is how I think I'll be so I've worked harder at developing my own hobbies to keep me busy and moving.
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Post by papersilly on Jul 8, 2015 22:45:21 GMT
I think when so much of your life has revolved around your kids, that void is deeply felt when they are gone. all of sudden, you don't have to drive anyone anywhere. no making dinner for anyone other than yourself. you may feel your sense of purpose is gone. your time becomes your own and you don't know what to do with yourself.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Jul 8, 2015 22:48:26 GMT
We were empty nesters from Sept thru May. Now we have both girls home for the summer. One grad'd and looking for a job,and the other will go back to college in Sept. We really didn't mind the empty nest during that time! I could do whatever the heck I wanted. No..what's for dinner, or drama, or all this other stuff. Dh and I got along WAY better with the girls gone. I think it's just less stress. As well as WAY cheaper! They pull their weight while here. But it's just a different way of life when they are home. Just hoping oldest dd gets a job soon!
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Post by gar on Jul 8, 2015 22:56:53 GMT
I think when so much of your life has revolved around your kids, that void is deeply felt when they are gone. all of sudden, you don't have to drive anyone anywhere. no making dinner for anyone other than yourself. you may feel your sense of purpose is gone. your time becomes your own and you don't know what to do with yourself. I found I was eased into that during the later teen years when the amount they need you reduces gradually. They drive or got lifts often, I still cooked for all of us quite regularly but as their activities changed or became more time consuming they looked after themselves more and more. Also their social lives developed and they were out and about without me more and more so although I missed their company initially I had got used to my life not revolving around them.
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Post by Merge on Jul 8, 2015 23:05:32 GMT
LOL. Teenagers are biologically programmed to be assholes so you won't miss them so much when they leave home. That's what I keep telling myself anyway. Mine are only 12 and 14. I have professional development tomorrow and Friday and I'm looking forward to it just to have a break from the attitudes, whining and complaining (mostly the 14 year old - my 12 yo is still pretty sweet).
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 3:24:54 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 8, 2015 23:07:16 GMT
I think it also depends on when you had your children...how old were you, how long were you married before you starting having children. Because of reasons out of our control, we were nine years married before our only son came along so we had almost a decade of being a couple. DS is now 19 and 1/2 and is starting to talk about moving out with some college buddies and I get that completely....I was gone by the time I was 19 and 1/2.....will I be sad? Not really, I'll miss him but I'm excited for him. DH and I will just go back to the way it was in the almost decade of our marriage when he didn't have him, we're just older and wiser now.
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Post by padresfan619 on Jul 8, 2015 23:08:06 GMT
I still go home for dinner twice a week, my parents can't get rid of me yet!
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Post by fiddlesticks on Jul 8, 2015 23:26:31 GMT
I know it will be a double edged sword when my DD gets to that age. It will be a great start to a new time of life but an ending to another.
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Post by Basket1lady on Jul 9, 2015 0:00:29 GMT
I have my oldest going off to school in the fall. So my nest isn't empty, but it will be much, much quieter. He's a loud talker, a loud walker, a loud eater... Just loud. And it was really only a year ago that we decided it might work for him to be in a dorm. He has Aperger's and we really thought that he would always live with us. So much of my time has been put into this kid over the years. But I'm also joyful because he is ready. He will have some problems, but I'm confident that he can work through them. And I never really thought that day would come. Some parts of me will be glad for the quiet and shedding that daily caregiver role. But he's really an awesome kid and I will miss him terribly.
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Post by anxiousmom on Jul 9, 2015 0:12:23 GMT
I had no idea empty nesters were sad. Ever. Isn't the goal of raising children to launch them into adulthood, where they can stand on their own 2 feet and live their own lives, make their own success? Anytime I've ever encountered anyone saying "We are empty nesters", it's done with a big smile. Absolutely the goal is to raise independent, well adjusted kids. But as someone who has been single for a good portion of the raising of those kids, a large part of my identity over the last almost 20 years has as a mother. The majority of decisions I have made were in relation to how they effect not just me, but the kids as well. It isn't so much that I am sad, it is that I am going to have to relearn who I am independent of being a parent. It is kind of scary in a way. The empty nest thing is more about me than it is about the kids.
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Post by papersilly on Jul 9, 2015 0:14:09 GMT
I think when so much of your life has revolved around your kids, that void is deeply felt when they are gone. all of sudden, you don't have to drive anyone anywhere. no making dinner for anyone other than yourself. you may feel your sense of purpose is gone. your time becomes your own and you don't know what to do with yourself. I found I was eased into that during the later teen years when the amount they need you reduces gradually. They drive or got lifts often, I still cooked for all of us quite regularly but as their activities changed or became more time consuming they looked after themselves more and more. Also their social lives developed and they were out and about without me more and more so although I missed their company initially I had got used to my life not revolving around them. this is exactly what is easing the empty nest syndrome for my sister. her daughter became more independent in high school and after she started driving, she was even less reliant on my sister to take her places. my sister started having more and more time to herself so she started filling it with hobbies and time with friends. my niece is still living at home so the nest isn't completely empty yet. it's a good slow transition.
on the other hand, I have a couple of helicopter friends who will probably throw themselves off a bridge when the kids leave the house. IF they leave the house. talk about birds in a gilded cage because she can't won't let go of them.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 3:24:54 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2015 0:24:27 GMT
I confess to being one very,very,very happy empty nester. My kids are not as shoes (ty spell check) but my life is so much easier and more peaceful. We married young and had kids right away, too, so we are happy to have "us". I do see them often. We text or call almost every day and we get together with all the grandchildren and in laws every year. Our next get together is in 3 weeks and we are all looking forward to it.
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mimima
Drama Llama
Stay Gold, Ponyboy
Posts: 5,064
Jun 25, 2014 19:25:50 GMT
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Post by mimima on Jul 9, 2015 0:27:16 GMT
My kids weren't any more assholian than the norm, but yet I still enjoy an empty nest
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Nanner
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,987
Jun 25, 2014 23:13:23 GMT
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Post by Nanner on Jul 9, 2015 0:38:57 GMT
I love my kids and I love spending time with them, but they are adults and need to be independe.t DH and I are very happy being empty nesters.
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Post by ntsf on Jul 9, 2015 0:39:01 GMT
I am on a journey to get our last child at home out of the house. we are so ready for her to move out. I need to get state help and ssi for her so she can move into supportive housing. her therapist just told us that she doesn't think she will ever live an independent life or hold a full time job. autism..she wants to move out too.
dh is 65 and wants to retire...and it causes a lot of stress between the two of us.
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Post by peasapie on Jul 9, 2015 1:04:43 GMT
I have to say I loved (almost) every minute of having my kids at home. I was infertile for a few years when I was first married, and I probably over-appreciated them when they came along. But anyway, I loved the soccer games and the school plays and the swim meets. I loved when their friends were all over the house, and I was feeding 10 kids instead of 2, and all the noise and mayhem. And then suddenly the house was empty. And it felt sad.
But then Thanksgiving came, and I realized that they never really go away...
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Post by lisacharlotte on Jul 9, 2015 1:15:23 GMT
I wasn't a sad empty nester, but it was an adjustment and I was sad for a few weeks after he left. it's only natural to live with someone you love for 18-25 years to be sad when they are not in your life daily. However I was quite happy once I got over that initial hump.
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Post by scrapbookdiva on Jul 9, 2015 1:30:16 GMT
I think like all aspects of parenting being an empty nester is bittersweet. I miss my kids when they are gone, but they are off to college and playing junior hockey. I'm ridiculously proud of them. I cried all the way home when we left them with their new lives. Then I dried my eyes and got on with my own life. It's just a new normal. It's all as it's supposed to be.
And then they came home for summer break. Oy vey! The house is always dirty. Who knew four adults in one house could generate so much dust! The dishwasher is always full and the fridge is always empty. I'm trying not to wish the summer away but is it August yet?
I'll probably cry again when they leave. Lol!
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happymomma
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,078
Aug 6, 2014 23:57:56 GMT
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Post by happymomma on Jul 9, 2015 1:51:18 GMT
Well, I have been an empty-nester since about a week after my son graduated high school in 2007 and packed it up and moved 1149 miles away, except for the period after that summer when he came home to attend college. He was here for those two years and split right back to Montana about a week after THAT graduation. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss him...a LOT. Truthfully, my best accomplishment in life was him, and I say that without worrying how that will be looked upon here. To this day, I am alive because he is on this earth. One of the factors that may be in play with me is that he is SO far away and I only get to see him a few times a year. Also, most of you know his health (heart) issues by now, and though his heart is now fixed and is better than it has been since conception, the worry I have always felt about that made me wish for him to be close all the more. Besides...he makes me laugh! I miss being around him because his views on things are often quite different than mine, and sometimes through our conversations he really gives me food for thought. It's getting easier now. He is 26. Has a good job. He has an incredible girlfriend who I know 'takes care' of him in ways like packing his lunches and whatnot and their respect for each other is exactly what I have always wished for for him. He keeps in touch with me at least every few days, and as funny as it seems, I think he actually does so to keep a 'check' on me. Make sure mom is ok, yanno. He is a loving son and I just MISS him. I'm not sad to the point of crying all the time or anything but there is always a wish that he could be closer to home, which *fingers crossed* might happen soon as he interviewed for a great job here in Michigan while they were here on vacation last week. I cannot imagine not missing him, ever.
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Post by maryland on Jul 9, 2015 1:51:53 GMT
OP, I don't want to be an empty nester, but I totally understand! My middle child was the sweetest child ever, seriously, she was so sweet. Until she turned 13, then she changed. She is like a totally different person. She is quite the teenager! Not moody, just not so friendly to mom/dad/younger sister. She has a friend that is bad news and I do not like that girl at all. So I can totally see where you are coming from. For me, I want them here, but I want their sweet younger selfs here! Now all the 15 and 17 yr. old do is go on their stupid phones. I wish we never got them the phones. Not my idea, my husbands. And he won't take their phones away. I truly think if it wasn't for the phones, they would be nicer kids!
Thanks, it felt good to vent!
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