Why are empty nesters sad?

My kids are both in respite care tonight and tomorrow night and for the first time since I got married 17 years ago, this is my first night alone in the house - dh is at ComiCon this week/weekend.  I am enjoying every second of it with my puppy.  

I can't tell you how amazing it feels NOT to have to bathe and put my 13 yo special needs child to bed - along with the requisite 3 trips back upstairs to bring him something or another.  Or to have my 15 yo keep coming into the room spouting random facts that will eventually help him win on Jeopardy, but are exhausting to listen to for hours on end. 

I am relishing every precious moment of this, because it might not happen again for 17 years...

Enjoy your night on your own Elaine. Everyone needs that. And I really hope it isn't 17 more years before you get another night off. I'm fortunate (not sure that is the right word tbh) that my DD spends a fair amount of time in hospital, and I enjoy knowing that during that time she is someone else's responsibility. She actually ended up not staying at her friend's tonight, as she had 'run out of spoons'.


ETA How's your pup doing? And how are your bites? 

My dh and I didn't become empty nesters until we were in our mid 70's. Four months before our youngest was going to graduate from high school and leave for college in the fall our dil (now exdil) left our son for a man she met at work. Our grandson was 16 months old at the time and the new man in her life gave her the choice of him or the baby. She chose the new man. Our son was in the service so she brought the baby to us and said you can have him I don't want him anymore.

We raised him for the next 18 years. We loved this child so very much and knew we were doing what the Lord would want us to do, but it wasn't quite the same as it was when we were raising our own children. All our friends were now empty nesters and could do what they wanted at the drop of a hat and we always had to find a baby sitter if we wanted to do things with them. We were always older than any of the parents at school functions and sports activities. Our plans to travel when dh retired had to be put on hold because grandson was in school. At times having lots of his friends at our house at once was a little nerve wracking but I think it helped keep us young. He is 29 now and out on his own, and as I look back on our missed empty nest years I don't regret what happened for one minute. He was and is worth everything we weren't able to do because of raising him. We are now enjoying our empty nest but a big part of the time it is filled with grandkids and that's what makes the world go round.


I applaud all grandparents who take on the role of parent, for whatever reason. Your story sounds just like the one involving my aunt and uncle except they took on three grandkids. My cousin joined the military to better provide for his family and just days after he left, his wife left the kids(they were living in a basement apartment) with my aunt and uncle to run away with my cousin's best friend. The kids did not hear from their mother until they sought her out as young adults. When my cousin returned from his service, he was not in a place, nor interested, in taking back his children so my aunt and uncle continued raising them to adulthood. Sadly, my uncle passed away in december of the youngest's senior year. I know that they would not have changed a thing and would have gladly done it all over again. I think they were even better parents to those grandchildren than with their own because of all they learned along the way and just flat out were more relaxed. I think generally speaking it made them feel younger and kept my uncle going longer than we would have ever anticipated.They still took some over their planned empty nester trips but with modifications. My aunt now ives with the eldest granddaughter and her family. 


As for becoming an empty nester myself at some point - I will need to relearn putting myself first because that has not been the case in a long, long time. My children have always been my whole life and not having them around and having more time for myself is a challenge. I am on the side that loves having them around and have never been one who can't wait for them all to flee the nest.

I started reading this thread and realized it was old when I saw AKathy's beautiful face. I didn't know her long but I miss her.

This is kind of where I am too.  My daughter will be 19 in a couple of weeks and I rarely see her anymore.  She's either staying with friends or comes home after I've gone to bed.  It's just the two of us so I get pretty lonely already.

What kills me that are parents who just can't let go. I was talking to one mom who's daughter is going away to college. The mom says she isn't allowing her DD to take her car. I was puzzled. Why wouldn't you let your daughter take her car? (the car belonged to dd).. She was like, I am not letting her have that freedom. WHAT THE HELL?

Another parent.. who's two kids were in college.. can't leave them alone. At the college almost every other weekend doing this and that with their kids. Making the kids come home on the other weekends. This isn't a hour away school. This is like 2 states from each other. Holy crap.. let your kids be adults. Nope. Now the daughter got herself in trouble with boys more than once. And it was scary. Because she has no idea how to take care of herself because mom/dad won't leave her alone. The mom posts about crying because she is so sad her kids are growing up. UGGGGG.. seriously?

Sorry.. I may be a little hard on this, but crap people we need to let our kids out in the real world.

EDITED: Holy crap I didn't realize this thread was so old!!!