Do you tell your DH/SO stuff even if asked not to? EDIT OP

Try to forgive your friend, that two becomes one thing is real in many marriages. Besides, your friends husband is, most likely, somewhere watching cartoons, he is not thinking about you nor your issues. If at all possible, keep your friendship but remember to only confide in her what you don't mind her dh knowing.

To answer your question, yes, I would tell my husband. Sorry, I tell him everything.

Personally If I want to keep it a secret I don't tell anyone. However if someone specifically asks me not to share I don't. Actually I really try not to anyway. I don't want people going around telling my business, so I don't share theirs. For some reason people confide in me, I really don't like to know a lot of the stuff I know. I hate when they confide about relationships, it is hard not to think about it next time I see them. I do try to tell people not to tell me stuff, but they won't stop!!

My sharing with DH is not a compulsion or need to share every detail of our lives - he's my best friend, my sounding board and we talk alot. Would I set out to share, not necessarily but if it came up, I would not keep it from him. That's just not how we work. But again, if you ask me to keep your secret, I will tell you point blank my situation and let you decide if the conversation continues. And yeah, if I was thinking of you and or concerned, even a few days later, my husband might ask what I was thinking about and I would tell him.

Because it is common -- and many in this thread admit they would tell their spouse -- it's probably best to always ask before confiding a secret to a friend if there's any question about it. That way neither party is operating on assumptions.

Unless it directly affected my spouse (and that's highly unlikely), I would not tell him a secret that a friend told me in strictest confidence.

My friends (meaning any friend i have who would tell me somethibg in confidence) and I all have an agreement that we don't keep anything from our spouses and that 'don't tell anyone' doesn't mean our husbands.

There have been times when a friend says 'don't tell anyone' and I don't tell dh because he wouldn't care about the topic at all and we have more interesting things to talk about and there are times a friend says 'don't tell anyone' and I do tell dh because it is something we would discuss.

If a not as close friend tells me 'don't tell anyone' I sometimes ask if I can tell dh. I would say 100% of the time my friend says yes.

If it is something so private then don't tell a friend. I can't imagine what I couldn't share with my dh. If my friend was telling me something about her breasts or period or something like that, I'd probably not tell dh about that. Not only would he not want to know but that seems very private.

This. 

Yes but it's not a secret that I tell him stuff. My friends know that if they tell me things I'm probably going to tell my husband. Especially if it is upsetting information.

Nope. If I'm asked not to share, I don't share. I don't share much that's a "secret" or personal but if I did and found out a friend shared when I asked her/him not to, even to a spouse, I would reconsider the relationship. To *me* it seems kind of immature and gossipy. But then again, DH and I are both very independent and arent in the middle of each other's business constantly so I think our relationship is much different than many.

OP-I'm sorry you felt betrayed. That really sucks.

I agree 100%!  And my husband would not want me to be telling him my friends private information either.

No, I don't share confidential information with my hubby if a close friend asks me not to; and as others have said, it would have to have a baring on either my hubby or myself for me to break that confidence. If you are someone who can't keep a confidence (other than an in extenuating circumstancse of course) you should politely turn down the position of being secret keeper.

DH gives me perspective that I often don't have about situations.  If my friend is looking for advice, sometimes that additional perspective helps me support in a way that I otherwise might not be able to.  If my friend is just looking to dump information on me, then I don't feel like that's a fair thing to carry.

But more important, it can lead to important "what if" discussions between DH and I about our values, problem solving, and how we would handle situations.

Like I said, it's generally understood that I share with my DH, but if someone has a problem with that, they are going to have to find someone else for support or advice.  I'm not going to agree to keep a "secret" that might burden me emotionally when I don't even know what it is.  

"I'm going to tell you a secret and you can't tell anyone, but you have to agree before I even tell you the nature of what it is."  WTF.  Maybe it's something that really would upset me because of a past experience I've had.  That's not a deal that I would agree to.

ITA. That said, I do assume that if I tell someone something and they have a spouse, that they may tell that spouse. I would ask that question first. Of course that doesn't help you now  and I'm sorry. I would feel SO betrayed. I mean if she was so visibly distracted, she could have said "Spiffie told me something in confidence that is upsetting. I don't want to betray her trust by telling you." Seriously. 

For those of you who don't keep secrets from your spouses, that's fine. I hope you are open and honest with your friends about that when they confide in you. Then it's fine.

OP: I would just stay away from her for a while. I don't know how serious your secret is, but I'm guessing it's big since your friend was "visibly upset." I'm sure you need her, but you can't trust her right now. I hope you have a sister or someone else in your life with whom you can talk. Perhaps and hopefully you can be friends again, but I've been in your shoes and I have to say, I was so disappointed in that person, that our relationship changed. 

That.

Although, I don't tell him things he doesn't want to know.  For example - his little sisters and I are extremely close.  We talk about everything - and he does NOT want to know the details of his sister's sex lives, especially the "baby" of the family, his youngest sister. (Those three nieces of his that he's obsessed with?  I'm sure he believes they were all immaculate conception!)  Similarly, anything sexual with a friend I don't think he wants to know.  But usually he doesn't care enough to remember!