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Post by Outspoken on Dec 3, 2015 2:49:04 GMT
Outspoken I'm sorry that happened! How did you find out that she told her dh? Something in our conversation slipped, and she caught herself. So, I just outright asked her if she told him and she confirmed that she did. I have not seen her since (due to holiday travels, etc).
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Post by 950nancy on Dec 3, 2015 4:06:34 GMT
My husband would be very sad if I started telling him all the details of my interactions with other people - he's not that chatty, and not that listeny. I mean, he listens just fine, but if I busted out a list of my friend's life's details, he would die of boredom and disinterest and the effort required to be polite and attentive. I assume what I share with friends might come up with their spouses, and that's been fine thus far. OTOH no one needs to tell me not to tell my husband about personal details that might embarrass them. I'm trying to think of a situation where I would need to tell him something shared with me in confidence, and I can't. I remember reading Ann Landers where a lady was complaining that her husband really didn't listen to everything she said. The advice was to say less because men in general don't want to hear every single detail of their wife's life. For some reason, that column stuck with me. Now if I have a bunch of girlfriends over and we get a little gossipy, my husband will happily sit and listen, but overall, he's more like a reporter who needs to know the five W's and the How. I spare him the drudgery of the rest. We still have plenty to share.
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AmeliaBloomer
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,842
Location: USA
Jun 26, 2014 5:01:45 GMT
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Post by AmeliaBloomer on Dec 3, 2015 7:46:19 GMT
I'm intrigued by this "Well, of COURSE! Everyone should assume I'll tell my husband" mantra. How is one supposed to just know this? Seems like it's blaming the secret-teller for being foolish or obtuse.
This thread makes me think I need to find more single friends.
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theshyone
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,422
Jun 26, 2014 12:50:12 GMT
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Post by theshyone on Dec 3, 2015 8:00:58 GMT
I assume that if I can't even keep my own secret and have to blab to someone, then they will. And they, will, and they will and then EVERYONE knows. Only prevention for this is keeping your own secret...secret.
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Post by gar on Dec 3, 2015 10:07:39 GMT
I assume that if I can't even keep my own secret and have to blab to someone, then they will. And they, will, and they will and then EVERYONE knows. Only prevention for this is keeping your own secret...secret. Obviously it varies depending on the type of secret but is it unreasonable to expect that you can share things with a close friend when maybe you need a shoulder to cry on or a little support? I'm bemused by the assumption that everyone should expect a friend will tell their Dh.
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Post by Really Red on Dec 3, 2015 12:38:45 GMT
I read with interest your explanation.
Guess what? Years ago I told a friend in confidence about something my daughter did. She shared it with her son who was in school with my DD.
We were the closest friends. She could have effusively apologized and told me she was insane to have said anything and I would have been okay with that, but she didn't think there was anything wrong. She said it was a warning statement to her son what could happen.
We are not friends anymore. I totally get what you're saying.
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,402
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Dec 3, 2015 12:47:16 GMT
It depends on the magnitude and seriousness if the secret. Generally through, if someone asks me not to say anything, I don't. My husband has the memory of a goldfish anyway, so even if I did tell him something, he would have forgotten by teatime.
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Post by maryland on Dec 3, 2015 13:02:19 GMT
My husband would be very sad if I started telling him all the details of my interactions with other people - he's not that chatty, and not that listeny. I mean, he listens just fine, but if I busted out a list of my friend's life's details, he would die of boredom and disinterest and the effort required to be polite and attentive. I assume what I share with friends might come up with their spouses, and that's been fine thus far. OTOH no one needs to tell me not to tell my husband about personal details that might embarrass them. I'm trying to think of a situation where I would need to tell him something shared with me in confidence, and I can't. I remember reading Ann Landers where a lady was complaining that her husband really didn't listen to everything she said. The advice was to say less because men in general don't want to hear every single detail of their wife's life. For some reason, that column stuck with me. Now if I have a bunch of girlfriends over and we get a little gossipy, my husband will happily sit and listen, but overall, he's more like a reporter who needs to know the five W's and the How. I spare him the drudgery of the rest. We still have plenty to share. Yes! I know many men and women that are not interested in knowing every detail of their spouse's life/their friends life. My husband and I are like that. He really isn't interested in what my friend did on her day off and what her favorite laundry detergent is. And I am not interested in my husband's friends hunting adventures or their opinion of our football team's back up quarterback. But we have plenty of other things to talk about (current events, weather, our kids, etc.). I admit that I am a little envious of how many husbands/wives are so interested in each others friends. As long as they aren't sharing friends business that their friend doesn't want shared, it's sweet! I do have a friend that I can call and if her husband answers, we could talk for 20 min.!
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Post by maryland on Dec 3, 2015 13:03:59 GMT
I'm intrigued by this "Well, of COURSE! Everyone should assume I'll tell my husband" mantra. How is one supposed to just know this? Seems like it's blaming the secret-teller for being foolish or obtuse. This thread makes me think I need to find more single friends. I was thinking the same thing!
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