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Post by Merge on Mar 24, 2016 1:05:15 GMT
My youngest daughter is 13, and has attended church a couple of times with a close friend (as a cultural experience since we do not share their beliefs - generally after a sleepover). Friend mentioned that my DD could attend the church's summer camp with her. DD asked me about it, and I said if she brought me more information (like dates, cost, location, etc.) we could discuss it. I hadn't thought about it since then.
Tonight I received an email out of the blue from friend's mom, saying that she was so excited DD could attend camp with them, and that because registration closes next week, she had gone ahead and paid DD's fee and that I could just pay her back. All I need to do is fill out these forms and send them to her by the 28th. She said they would certainly make sure DD had a ride if she wanted to go.
I talked with DD, and she says she never told the mom she definitely could go - that she repeated what I said about being able to discuss it. Now, I know my daughter, and how much of a pleaser she is, and she very well could have given the impression that I had definitely said yes if she thought that's what her friend and/or the friend's mom wanted to hear. I spoke with her about being very clear in situations like this.
I emailed the mom back and very politely explained the miscommunication, and told her that because we did not yet know our travel plans for this summer, I was not comfortable paying for a camp my child might not be able to attend. I said I hoped she would be able to get a refund for the fee she had paid.
My question is this - would you have signed up another child for sleepaway camp, and forked over a couple of hundred dollars to pay for that child's camp fee, with the expectation of being paid back, on the possible word of a 13 year old, without having spoken to the child's parent about any of this? And if you were in my shoes, would you think this was strange? Maybe I'm overly sensitive, but it feels like a very aggressive sort of proselytizing/conversion attempt to me.
What would you do? Would you feel obligated to pay this woman back? If your family doesn't share their beliefs, would you let your very impressionable young teen attend church with them again? My gut feeling is that after this very odd email, there is no way I would let her go even if the dates worked for us.
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mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253
Jul 3, 2014 18:13:13 GMT
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Post by mallie on Mar 24, 2016 1:10:55 GMT
I would never register and pay for another child to attend anything without having written confirmation of their intention to attend. (Actually, to be honest, I would not register and pay for anyone else's kid under any circumstances because I have been burned before by people who at the last minute decide not to attend and never paid me back. I have learned that it's best that everyone make their own arrangements and pay for things themselves since I am not an ATM.)
I would feel absolutely no obligation to pay this woman money when i as the parent did not commit to my child attending.
If, however, I found out that my child DID tell the woman that she would be attending, then my kid would be paying the woman back.
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Post by mom on Mar 24, 2016 1:16:02 GMT
The other mom way over-stepped. She should have never paid any money without talking with you first.
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Deleted
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May 4, 2024 0:33:54 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2016 1:16:56 GMT
I would never pay for someone else's child to be registered for something that I hadn't personally spoken to and had an arrangement with the parents for. Also, how can someone who is not a parent or legal guardian register a child for anything? I wouldn't feel obligated to pay for something that I didn't agree with in the first place.
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Post by shanni on Mar 24, 2016 1:17:05 GMT
Definitely strange. There is no way I would pay for that. And no, I wouldn't have registered your dd for a camp without talking to you personally first. Honestly, I wouldn't have invited her without talking to you first. I would want you to know exactly what the camp was like and make sure you were comfortable with it before inviting your daughter to a church camp.
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lesley
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Jul 6, 2014 21:50:44 GMT
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Post by lesley on Mar 24, 2016 1:17:23 GMT
I wouldn't pay another child's deposit for anything either, as I too have been burnt in the past. And I certainly wouldn't take a child's word on something like this, I would check with the parent, and give them details on how to book.
I would feel no obligation to reimburse this woman for any deposit she may lose. Even if she says your daughter did tell her she was going, I would point out that your daughter is not in a position to make commitments like that, and she should have spoken to you before going ahead with booking. It's called common sense!
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Post by Chips on Mar 24, 2016 1:20:50 GMT
Wow, I am shocked that she was even able to register your daughter. Maybe she just put down a deposit? When I sign my kids up for stuff I have to sign as their parent and I wonder how she got past that. Crazy if you ask me!
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Post by mlynn on Mar 24, 2016 1:20:51 GMT
My youngest daughter is 13, and has attended church a couple of times with a close friend (as a cultural experience since we do not share their beliefs - generally after a sleepover). Friend mentioned that my DD could attend the church's summer camp with her. DD asked me about it, and I said if she brought me more information (like dates, cost, location, etc.) we could discuss it. I hadn't thought about it since then. Tonight I received an email out of the blue from friend's mom, saying that she was so excited DD could attend camp with them, and that because registration closes next week, she had gone ahead and paid DD's fee and that I could just pay her back. All I need to do is fill out these forms and send them to her by the 28th. She said they would certainly make sure DD had a ride if she wanted to go. I talked with DD, and she says she never told the mom she definitely could go - that she repeated what I said about being able to discuss it. Now, I know my daughter, and how much of a pleaser she is, and she very well could have given the impression that I had definitely said yes if she thought that's what her friend and/or the friend's mom wanted to hear. I spoke with her about being very clear in situations like this. I emailed the mom back and very politely explained the miscommunication, and told her that because we did not yet know our travel plans for this summer, I was not comfortable paying for a camp my child might not be able to attend. I said I hoped she would be able to get a refund for the fee she had paid. My question is this - would you have signed up another child for sleepaway camp, and forked over a couple of hundred dollars to pay for that child's camp fee, with the expectation of being paid back, on the possible word of a 13 year old, without having spoken to the child's parent about any of this? And if you were in my shoes, would you think this was strange? Maybe I'm overly sensitive, but it feels like a very aggressive sort of proselytizing/conversion attempt to me. What would you do? Would you feel obligated to pay this woman back? If your family doesn't share their beliefs, would you let your very impressionable young teen attend church with them again? My gut feeling is that after this very odd email, there is no way I would let her go even if the dates worked for us. In the woman's shoes, I would have called you and told you of the deadline. I would not have just gone ahead and paid it. Now, if it was my best friend of many decades and we had talked about her child going, I might go ahead and pay. No...actually I think I would be making a phone call first.
I think your highlighted reaction is a bit much. Aggressive? Proselytizing? Step back and take a deep breath.
At 13, if your daughter is interested in going to church with her friend, I would let her. It isn't like they are feeding her chicken blood or something. For the girls, it is probably more about being with their friend than anything else.
And no...I would not be paying her back. For one thing, I cannot afford it. But while it was a kind thought to ensure your dd could be at the same session as her dd, the action was not authorized.
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Post by maryland on Mar 24, 2016 1:30:19 GMT
I would never register a child without talking to a child's parent first, much less pay.
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Post by Merge on Mar 24, 2016 1:31:56 GMT
*shrug* maybe it is overreacting, I don't know. It was something in the tone of the email that felt like, "We will do absolutely anything to make sure your unchurched daughter can attend our Christian camp!" This also stems from things DD has said when she comes home from the church services - they've been asking her already if she's accepted Jesus as her lord and savior, and offered to baptize her "when she is ready." She's been there twice. Plus she was already baptized, TYVM, and just because her mother's become a heathen since then doesn't mean she needs a do-over.
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Post by JustCallMeMommy on Mar 24, 2016 1:36:35 GMT
I actually did pay for another child to go to a church camp recently, but I had a firm yes first, and I didn't ask to be reimbursed. Several posts have said that they would not pay for another child, but I did it for my DD. She was going to back out for fear of not knowing anyone after her closest friend from our church cancelled, and getting another friend to go was a way to get my DD to try it out. It was last minute, and I didn't want to invite and ask the parent to shell out a bit of money.
If the dates work and your DD really wants to go, I would find out why your DD has been invited, ask for an itinerary, and maybe even some videos from previous years to see what the kids do.
ETA: I would be hesitant to let DD go to some denomination's camp. Ours is one that is really about having fun in a Christian environment, but when I was a teen, I attended some that were all about "saving" the attendees.
One more thing: I'm finding it hard to get communication right with my 13 year old. I've been encouraging DD to do as much of the communication as possible then following up by text with the other mom to make sure details were communicated correctly. However, for a big thing like this, I would probably ask the mom before I even mentioned it to DD so that the girls would never even know the invite on was extended if the answer was no.
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Deleted
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May 4, 2024 0:33:54 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2016 1:37:11 GMT
I think your response was perfect. I would not pay it, and honestly I was wondering reading your post if protheletizing was the mothers intent, so I don't think you're overreacting.
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Post by lucyg on Mar 24, 2016 1:38:47 GMT
Yeah, I would not care if my kid had told her yes, she was going to attend. (Well, I would care, but I would take that up separately with my child.) Under no circumstances would I pay her back or would my child pay her back. Any adult with a check book ought to have the sense to get confirmation from the parent, not the child. A kid can't make that kind of commitment.
And like you, I would feel very uncomfortable about the whole thing, as though I were being railroaded. I've had acquaintances try to browbeat me into participating in some "non-religious" activity at their church. I don't like it.
I'd like it even less if they were proselytizing my impressionable child.
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MDscrapaholic
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Jun 25, 2014 20:49:07 GMT
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Post by MDscrapaholic on Mar 24, 2016 1:42:03 GMT
It'll be hard to get to the bottom of this unless you and your daughter go talk to them.
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Post by originalvanillabean on Mar 24, 2016 1:42:49 GMT
I wouldn't have paid without talking to a parent first.
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johnnysmom
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Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Mar 24, 2016 1:44:57 GMT
How bizarre. No I'd never register a kid for camp without talking to the parents. With your latest update it seems like these people are a little (or even a lot) crazy.
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Post by Sassenach on Mar 24, 2016 1:45:13 GMT
I agree with your suspicion that it could be an attempt at proselytizing/conversion/trying to get new members for their church. They probably see your daughter as someone "in need" of their brainwashing (oops, I mean religion)
I would keep my child away from this. People like this creep me out. They seem nice but they have a hidden agenda.
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Post by jemmls4 on Mar 24, 2016 1:47:10 GMT
Ditto what Lucyg said.
Seems a little too enthusiastic to get your DD involved.
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Post by txdancermom on Mar 24, 2016 1:50:54 GMT
No, I would never presume that another parent, who I don't know well, would want their child signed up for a sleepover camp without asking first. IMHO she should have forwarded the info on the camp to you and asked if your dd wanted to go and that she would help get her signed up.
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daisydonna
Full Member
Posts: 265
Sept 5, 2015 11:45:16 GMT
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Post by daisydonna on Mar 24, 2016 1:51:47 GMT
Wow, I am shocked that she was even able to register your daughter. Maybe she just put down a deposit? When I sign my kids up for stuff I have to sign as their parent and I wonder how she got past that. Crazy if you ask me! Totally agree! Surely she had to sign something. And maybe there was even a waiver of some sort (health or safety type waiver). Not sure what the belief is, but no I wouldn't have my child go to a camp of another belief. Kids are impressionable. And yes, as a parent it is my job to teach them. Including my faith. No way do you owe the money.
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Post by hop2 on Mar 24, 2016 1:59:40 GMT
NO, I would never do that
Heck I never even signed up one of my girl scouts for ANY thing without a signed permission slip.
I'm not really sure I'd assume it was pushy proselytizing. Maybe it is, maybe she just thinks her DD would really do better with a friend there.
Either way in your shoes I'd think of limiting my child's time with that friend under that mother's supervision because the mother has zero common sense not to have checked with you. I'd always wonder what other things she's failing to check with you.
No I would not pay her back. I might not have that kind of money!
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Post by Merge on Mar 24, 2016 2:05:27 GMT
Sorry I wasn't clear - mom "signed her up" in the sense that she put her name on the list and paid the deposit to hold her spot. All the paperwork she sent me was all the stuff a parent has to do - permission, medical stuff, etc.
I followed the link she sent (and frankly, the fact that she sent one means that she knows I don't know jack about this camp) and the activities include, among other things, "small group time spent exploring our faith and the power of prayer." Which is great if your child already belongs to said faith, but it's going to be really uncomfortable for a young teen who identifies as atheist IMO. Plus - outdoor activity camp in south Texas in July. This is a child who has to be moved out the door with a cattle prod to walk the dog around the block if it's more than 80 degrees. Even if there wasn't a hint of religion about it, I know my daughter, and she would hate every minute of this camp.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2016 2:12:17 GMT
She absolutely should have talked to you first.
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msliz
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Jun 26, 2014 21:32:34 GMT
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Post by msliz on Mar 24, 2016 2:14:05 GMT
DD had a friend whose mom did a similar thing, and it definitely felt like an attempt to proselytize. I called her back and told her I didn't feel it was appropriate for my Jewish DD to spend a week at a Christian camp. She didn't understand why, and I didn't care that she didn't.
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Nanner
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,962
Jun 25, 2014 23:13:23 GMT
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Post by Nanner on Mar 24, 2016 2:15:04 GMT
I think your response was perfect. I would not pay it, and honestly I was wondering reading your post if protheletizing was the mothers intent, so I don't think you're overreacting. That's what I thought, as well.
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Post by alexa11 on Mar 24, 2016 2:15:51 GMT
The other mom way over-stepped. She should have never paid any money without talking with you first.
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Post by peano on Mar 24, 2016 2:17:17 GMT
My youngest daughter is 13, and has attended church a couple of times with a close friend (as a cultural experience since we do not share their beliefs - generally after a sleepover). Friend mentioned that my DD could attend the church's summer camp with her. DD asked me about it, and I said if she brought me more information (like dates, cost, location, etc.) we could discuss it. I hadn't thought about it since then. Tonight I received an email out of the blue from friend's mom, saying that she was so excited DD could attend camp with them, and that because registration closes next week, she had gone ahead and paid DD's fee and that I could just pay her back. All I need to do is fill out these forms and send them to her by the 28th. She said they would certainly make sure DD had a ride if she wanted to go. I talked with DD, and she says she never told the mom she definitely could go - that she repeated what I said about being able to discuss it. Now, I know my daughter, and how much of a pleaser she is, and she very well could have given the impression that I had definitely said yes if she thought that's what her friend and/or the friend's mom wanted to hear. I spoke with her about being very clear in situations like this. I emailed the mom back and very politely explained the miscommunication, and told her that because we did not yet know our travel plans for this summer, I was not comfortable paying for a camp my child might not be able to attend. I said I hoped she would be able to get a refund for the fee she had paid. My question is this - would you have signed up another child for sleepaway camp, and forked over a couple of hundred dollars to pay for that child's camp fee, with the expectation of being paid back, on the possible word of a 13 year old, without having spoken to the child's parent about any of this? And if you were in my shoes, would you think this was strange? Maybe I'm overly sensitive, but it feels like a very aggressive sort of proselytizing/conversion attempt to me. What would you do? Would you feel obligated to pay this woman back? If your family doesn't share their beliefs, would you let your very impressionable young teen attend church with them again? My gut feeling is that after this very odd email, there is no way I would let her go even if the dates worked for us.
I think your highlighted reaction is a bit much. Aggressive? Proselytizing? Step back and take a deep breath. __________________________________________________________________________________________________
I completely disagree--excessive religious zeal was my very first thought when I read the OP.
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Post by bc2ca on Mar 24, 2016 2:19:25 GMT
I'd never sign up another kid for camp unless I had a good relationship with both the parents and child and had an explicit request from the parent to help them out. I'm getting an enthusiatic conversion vibe off this situation and would not feel obligated to pay for the spot.
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Post by Really Red on Mar 24, 2016 2:22:20 GMT
What the fork?!
I don't care if my 13yo said YES MA'AM - PUT ME ON THIS LIST!!! I MUST GO!!!
She is 13 years old!!! What the hell is wrong with that parent? She is insane if she did that without talking with you. I can see any of my kids saying yes they'd love to go to some super fun camp, but without talking to the mom or dad, what normal parent would agree to that.
if your child said yes, I would remind myself she is a child. She has no responsibility one way or the other.
Crazy ass woman. Do not pay. You were very nice to her.
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Post by femalebusiness on Mar 24, 2016 2:22:54 GMT
*shrug* maybe it is overreacting, I don't know. It was something in the tone of the email that felt like, "We will do absolutely anything to make sure your unchurched daughter can attend our Christian camp!" This also stems from things DD has said when she comes home from the church services - they've been asking her already if she's accepted Jesus as her lord and savior, and offered to baptize her "when she is ready." She's been there twice. Plus she was already baptized, TYVM, and just because her mother's become a heathen since then doesn't mean she needs a do-over. This was my first reaction when I read the OP. Sounds like they are trying to force a religion on your daughter. You owe them nothing.
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