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Post by crazy4scraps on Jun 14, 2016 17:28:12 GMT
For those of us who are saying it didn't come up in our childhoods, how old are you? I wonder if a part of the reason it was not something we talked about is because of the times we grew up in. I am almost 50-grew up in the 70's and early 80's and gayness just didn't really come up all that often. Every once in a while you might hear something about a 'funny uncle' but that pretty covered everything from gay, pedophilia, drank too much, mental illness, too many cats... I'm 49 and this describes my experience as well. It just didn't come up as a topic of general discussion very often at all. AIDS was just becoming a thing when I was in my last year or so of high school. I was raised Catholic where any kind of unmarried sex was a sin, but go figure, I have several nieces and nephews that were conceived outside of marriage. I have one openly gay nephew and his dad (my brother) referred to him in a pretty hateful manner earlier on. I think now that he's more aware that this just is who his kid is (and being older himself now) he's mellowed out somewhat. I think his current wife and his other kids have called him out on it and that has had something of an impact. Personally I never really thought anything of it, people are who they are and you either like them for the person they are at their core or you don't, and sexual orientation (or race, or gender or any other trait) doesn't really matter to me one way or the other. It's in how someone treats others and how they conduct themselves, those are the things that matter to me.
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Post by lucyg on Jun 14, 2016 17:38:34 GMT
I'm 57 and grew up in the South, in a conservative town, but we were Jews. So my upbringing was radically more liberal than that of many of my friends, and focus on sin was something we left to the Christians. I don't remember speaking about homosexuality one way or another in my family and I wasn't aware of any gay couples. My mother was very involved in an organization promoting education and services to developmentally delayed children and their primary fundraiser was to put on a annual theatrical variety show production, for which they imported a director from NYC who was invariably gay. (Of course, at this time, it was covert, not overt). Over the years we often had the directors over for dinner. I guess the general sentiment in my family was "Yeah, he's a little different" but it wasn't looked at as a bad thing. My great-aunt and great-uncle who split their time between NYC and Bucks County owned one of those theatrical production companies. I wonder if your mom knew my uncle or any of the other guys who worked with him? To answer the OP: I grew up in California in the '60s exposed to a fair amount of gay/lesbian people. My mom had a very flamboyant decorator (who was one of early AIDS deaths.) There was a gay couple next door. My dad's secretary lived with her (wink wink) "sister." The 8th grade girls PE teacher (that was supposition, not fact). And then we would spend summers in Bucks County with the afore-mentioned theatrical people, who were mostly gay. I would say our attitude was somewhere in between "normal" and "sinful." (We didn't do sinful in my Jewish family, anyway.) It was more an attitude of homosexuality being kind of exotic and a little more interesting than our humdrum lives. Perhaps slightly forbidden, but then so was smoking and drinking. Not unforgivable, just not what kids were supposed to do. Anyway, my parents weren't anti-gay. They were more matter-of-fact about it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2016 17:38:48 GMT
This has been a fascinating thread and I do appreciate all the responses as most gave me something to think about.
I am nearly 60 so raised in the mid 50's in N Texas all my life. My mom took me to the Methodist Church on occasion when I was a child...and probably raised me with those values. Homosexuality was never discussed in my childhood. I'm pretty sure I didn't know about it until I was in my 20's...maybe even when AIDS hit the news. However, my father was unfaithful and sex outside of marriage was an issue discussed (over and over)... I would say that racial issues were more discussed in my home (and DH's) as we were in middle/high school during desegration. And it was never in a positive tone.
My kids are adults (31 and 28 now) and my DH (met him in high school...raised in a similar way) and I decided early on to raise our kids in a racially diverse community. But I must admit, that my son was invited home after school to his friend's house....he was black....and I said no. At the time, it was because I didn't know the boy's family. Which was true. I wish I had made an effort to get to know them... Then a few years later, my DD had a guy friend in her circle of kids that came out. That didn't bother me at all, because I knew the boy's parents.
I tried to raise my kids to be accepting and respectful of everyone. But I probably could have done better sometimes. But I KNOW I did better than my parents. My Dad and my MIL both still make ugly remarks about race. I always tell them to stop...as do my kids.
Now, I'm taking care of my nearly 2 year old grandson and will have another grandson soon. I hope to do a better job with this generation.
I'm still a Christian. I still attend a Methodist Church. But I'm a big believer in "judge not". I'll find the answers to my questions when I get past the gates in Heaven. Until then....I try hard to not judge.
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theshyone
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Post by theshyone on Jun 14, 2016 17:43:46 GMT
I was raised with close family friends being homosexual. It just was. It wasn't until I was a teen and watched Threes Company that I even realized there was stigma attached to it. That Jack had to pretend to be homosexual in order to live with two girls led to a whole new viewpoint.
I graduated with with a huge class of 16 kids in a very small very rural very redneck province, at least four classmates are homosexual and were open about it at a very young age. It just was. Im not sure if that's the Canadian way, or if I'm just overly open.
Forgot to to say I still believe it's not a big deal. At all.
I dont want to see any couples over doing any public displays of affection.
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Post by mollycoddle on Jun 14, 2016 17:53:31 GMT
I don't think that it was ever mentioned.
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mvavw
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Jun 25, 2014 20:21:43 GMT
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Post by mvavw on Jun 14, 2016 17:55:39 GMT
I'm in my mid 40s of Italian descent, and was raised in a "cultural" Catholic family in Brooklyn (went to Catholic school, went to church on holidays, religion/prayer/God was more personal rather than public in our family).
In my family, homosexuality was different, but not a big deal. My father had two cousins that were homosexual and we knew that "sometimes boys like boys and girls like girls." (I think everyone just assumed you were born with that preference.) Religion was never a big deal either, we were raised to respect others beliefs and told that "God loves everyone, we all just have different thoughts about what he is to us." When my aunt married my Jewish uncle, it was a complete non-issue. At the time, in my area, not many people married outside of their religion.
Recently, we were takling about same sex marriage with my 96 year old grandmother and she couldn't understand why anyone would care who anyone marries, as long as they are happy together.
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Post by freecharlie on Jun 14, 2016 18:08:50 GMT
I wasn't raised one way or the other. I apparently never came up.
I admit to being weirded out when I first saw to guys kiss and I was stupidly in support of amendment 2 in colorado (I wasn't even voting age, but the propoganda for it was "funny" and interesting).
Now? Full support and I teach my children that as well. Doesn't hurt that I have a lot of cool gay friends
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Post by melanell on Jun 14, 2016 18:16:56 GMT
There was absolutely no discussion about sexuality in my house growing up. So there was nothing said one way or another.
However, we did spend every summer in a town with a prominent LGBT community, so they certainly weren't trying to hide the fact that the LGBT community indeed existed. So in terms of growing up viewing same sex couples as "normal", yes, I did. In fact I had no idea that there was anything about it that one might find bothersome until another kid said something to me once upon hearing my summer plans. I was in Middle School and the kid said something like "That's where the gay people are!" and then commented that he went there once and his parents couldn't get him out of there fast enough. He said something (jokingly, I thought, although I wasn't sure) about his parents keeping their hands over his eyes. I recall walking away from that conversation really baffled about why this was a big deal.
(ETA: I am in my 40s and grew up in the northeast.)
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RosieKat
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Post by RosieKat on Jun 14, 2016 18:20:52 GMT
As to the age question, I'm 44, and yes, I was one of the ones who the issue just didn't come up for. As is said in "The Color Purple," "God don't make ugly." And I firmly believe God made each one of us, and each one of us is beautiful.
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The Great Carpezio
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Post by The Great Carpezio on Jun 14, 2016 18:22:04 GMT
I wasn't directed either way and we didn't talk about it, but my parents would not have taught me it was perfectly normal.
They are coming to accept it now in their late sixties. Not that they thought it was immoral---just "not right."
I've been ok since I was a late teen. I'm teaching my kids that it is perfectly normal and a nonissue.
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Post by 950nancy on Jun 14, 2016 18:31:04 GMT
It was never mentioned in my house. I am fifty and grew up in the Midwest. When my boys were younger, I made sure they knew I was okay with whatever lifestyle they chose. We watched Will and Grace together and talked about gay people we knew so they could see that the world was filled with people who loved the same sex. As they got older, they got more judgy about it, but thankfully have met and really like some of the people who we spend time with at the lake who are gay. I think exposure really helps.
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Post by gmcwife1 on Jun 14, 2016 18:43:07 GMT
Subject line is too short. Subject line should read: Were you raised to believe that gay and lesbian couples are normal or were you raised to believe that they are doing something wrong/sinful? Now, as an adult, I know there are some/many who hate others for who they love. And part of me is still completely dumbfounded. How could who other people love possibly affect other people? So, I wanted to ask, were you raised believing that gay couples are just as normal (yeah, whatever that is) as hetero couples? Or were you raised believing that they are wrong/sinful?And do you still believe as you were raised? (For the record, I still believe as I was raised.) Neither, I don't remember being raised with any knowledge of anything regarding gay people. I don't ever remember it being brought up in my household. The first time I ever knew anything about anyone being gay was when me and my sisters brought a good friend home that was gay (in the 80's). My mom didn't have any different reaction to him then she did to any of our other friends. My mom also had a gay work partner that has become a very good friend. I have never believed being gay is wrong or sinful. I have friends or know people that are straight, bi, gay and trans. We are all people to me. ETA: I'm 53. My 17 yr old is a member of GSA in school and all of my children are supportive of LGBT people. My 34 yr old ds just recently found out his 17 yr old sister's boyfriend is transgender. It didn't bother him, he just wondered if he was the last to know.
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finaledition
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Post by finaledition on Jun 14, 2016 18:48:35 GMT
I don't recall it being a subject of conversation. It's not that it was taboo, but they did not know anybody. Honestly, I kind of think my exposure to gay people was more about individuals, not couples-like so and so is gay, never really the issues of gays being couples was more a subject in my adulthood.
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Post by 505scrapper on Jun 14, 2016 18:57:30 GMT
I don't remember the conversation ever really coming up much. My parents had these two couple friends who each had a daughter that was a lesbian. As far as we were concerned, they were just like the rest of us. Their sexual orientation was never the topic of conversation other than yeah, they are lesbians. I believed my brother who is two years older than I was gay since I was in high school. He only came out to us last year at the age of 47. However, his coming out wasn't a big shock as everyone always suspected. Not sure why he waited so long to come out, and his coming out has not changed our relationship at all.
So I guess what I'm saying is that I was raised not believing there was anything wrong and I still believe there is nothing wrong with being LGBT.
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Post by chlerbie on Jun 14, 2016 19:03:06 GMT
We didn't talk about it--until I was about 13 and found out that my best friend's uncle was gay. He moved in with them, and was only about 10 years older than us, so he hung out a bit with us and became a good friend of mine and answered any and ALL questions I might have about it. My mom expressed that she thought it was sinful and that we were not to associate, but she never stopped me in any way and we just never talked about it further and I was happy that she let me make my own decisions on it and for me, it was always normal. I honestly don't think she'd really been exposed that much to it--she lived a very sheltered life. (Oh, and I grew up in NE Ohio and I was 13 in 1980.)
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Post by fiddlesticks on Jun 14, 2016 19:08:21 GMT
I don't really remember. There wasn't anything specific but I know that my parents "don't believe in it" whatever that means. They are very conservative. I think the first time I even knew what "gay" was is when I was in high school and AIDS was first becoming news. When my younger sister was in high school a friend of hers came out and my mom was still kind to her but always thought it was a phase.
A couple of summers ago, we went to a wedding of a lady I worked with. My daughter, who was four, said, "Wait! There are going to be two moms in that family? They are going to be very organized and get lots done." She, now 7 says things like "When I get married to my wife or husband...." so, yeah, I think it is safe to say that we now believe (and are raising our daughter to believe) that gay couples are normal.
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stittsygirl
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Post by stittsygirl on Jun 14, 2016 20:10:15 GMT
I'm another who never had to think about it, growing up a very sheltered Mormon girl in Utah. As a young adult I discovered I had some gay coworkers, and that was really my first encounter with homosexuality. I knew my church was against it, but I never believed it was a choice for them, and have always been a live-and-let-live kind of person. It wasn't until I realized that I might have a gay child myself that I started researching for myself what my church leaders past and present taught about gay people, and that's what started me out of Mormonism. Most of my extended family still believe it's wrong and sinful, even if legal marriage is involved. ETA: going out today to get our family T-shirts for the local Pride Parade this weekend, so I guess that shows where we stand now .
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Post by jeremysgirl on Jun 14, 2016 20:27:26 GMT
My parents never said a word about it. I am 40. I remember when my cousin Steve got married and his marriage lasted six months. I was in college at the time. We were on our way to our Aunt and Uncle's house and my mother said, just to let you know, Steve got a divorce. Then she made the remark that she didn't even know why. My sister and I both laughed our asses off. It was very obvious to us that my cousin was gay. My mother was in disbelief. Until the following Christmas when he brought Corey home and they were wearing wedding rings. My mom was very naïve. I have another cousin who is gay also and she is probably 10 years older than me. She has brought partners around since I was a preteen. So it just seemed normal to me.
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tracylynn
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Post by tracylynn on Jun 14, 2016 20:33:31 GMT
It wasn't one thing or another. As I got older I realized my favorite Aunt was gay. She lived with the same woman for many years and I remember thinking it was fun that they slept in the same bed. When I got old enough to realize she was gay it was just normal. It wasn't talked about much in our family because my grandparents (her mom/dad) are very religious. It was never a secret, and her partner (now wife) has always been accepted as part of the family.
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Post by ilikepink on Jun 14, 2016 20:37:22 GMT
I'm in my late 50s - and it wasn't really talked about. My mother would occasionally make a comment/joke about Liberace and one of the women she worked with, but it was a long time before I "got it". Her attitude was it was "different", but not wrong. I'd like to think that she would be more open were she still alive.
When my sons were in MS, that was a time when the word "gay" was used all the time - synonymous with stupid - and I did what I could to get them to stop. One boy in particular was the butt of their jokes and teased a bit - and by high school he had come out. They were all still friends.
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Post by snugglebutter on Jun 14, 2016 21:11:54 GMT
My mom never said much about it so I didn't really know how she felt. I remember one time when some random person's divorce came up and she said in a hushed voice (no one else was around) "I'm pretty sure her ex-dh is gay" like it was a major embarrassment. A couple of years ago she left her church of 20 years when the congregation voted to allow membership to gays. She literally walked out that Sunday and didn't look back - so that told me how she felt after all.
My dad (they are divorced) is pretty homophobic. This became apparent to me as an adolescent. He seems to have quieted down about it but we aren't that close.
I would be pretty anxious about their reactions if they had a grandchild come out. :-(
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Jun 14, 2016 21:15:55 GMT
i was raised Catholic in the 60's and 70;s and I guess at some point I knew it was against the teachings of the church. I also went to see Rocky Horror Picture show 100 times, I was a huge fan of David Bowie, who I believed at the time was gay, and afraid to admit it. I don't remember any discussions at home.. later when I was in my 20's or 30's I remember my Dad telling me about his gay uncle, around the time that my cousin came out. He had no issue with any of them, and he was a pretty religious man. My Mom was all about live and let live. I think what sticks out to me the most was I attended an all girls catholic high school and most of my male friends attended an all boys catholic high school and they thought it was funny to go to the area in KC where gay men hung out and gay bait them and beat them up. I found the behavior appalling but it seemed everyone around me thought it was hysterical. I found it confusing. Then my best friends Dad came out while still married to her Mom, and I loved her parents like my own. Next my former college boyfriend, the first guy I had sort of sex with, died of Aids. It would be a few years before I realized he had aids and that I should be tested. He died at home over the summer and his parents did not tell any of his college friends. We only found out by calling to see why he didn't come back to school. During the AIDS epidemic I realized that it was no big deal that love is love and I became an advocate for Gay Marriage at that time. On Sunday we were at a Tony Party. Two of the guys there a couple had both performed in La Cage aux Folles, that afternoon, and they talked about how emotional it was. I realised then that there were 2 gay couples at the party, one parent was bi-sexual, there were one gay woman, one straight woman, and three straight couples. And amongst the kids who were 13 and under one was a lesbian, and one was bi-sexual both having come out this year. To every person at that party there are no labels, no right, no wrong. Just a real belief that love is love is love. I am happy to be raising my daughter where love is.
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Post by M~ on Jun 14, 2016 21:32:46 GMT
Sex and sexuality were never discussed in my home or with family. It wasn't until the 80's that I became aware that homosexuality existed. Since I come from a VERY conservative Catholic family, obviously it was talked about like it was a "sin," and AIDS was a punishment. I never believed that and sought to read as much about it as I could-with the limited resources I had back then. When I started college and with the advent of the internet, I did a LOT of reading on my own.
Some family members still talk about it like that. Lesbians for some reason are more disgusting than gay men-I really cannot figure out why. My grandmother believes that either 1) homosexuality isn't real and people just use this label as an excuse to have sex with anyone 2) it does exist and can be treated with hormones 3) it's unnatural. Variations on the them abound in not-so nice terms between various family members.
I absolutely do not share this view. I like women.
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anniebygaslight
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Post by anniebygaslight on Jun 14, 2016 21:34:28 GMT
It was never discussed when I was growing up.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Jun 14, 2016 21:44:08 GMT
I don't remember it ever coming up and as we grew up, it still was not an issue. We grew up with "people are people" and I don't remember ever having anyone "labeled." Me too. Except there was the added component of church. I was taught from the youngest of ages that God loves everyone. I think my mom differed from the church teaching that you had to be "saved" to go to heaven. She taught me that it didn't matter what religion or faith a person had, as long as they had a good heart. We are Catholic, and I never remember hearing our priest or parents talk about gay's ever! We just grew up not knowing (or believing) anyone was different.
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scrapaddie
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Post by scrapaddie on Jun 14, 2016 21:44:52 GMT
My parents were born in rural middle iowa in '18 and '26. It was nor considered normal.. May be sinful, but I am not certain because it wasn't discussed. That being said, they had friends and family who quietly lived as same sex couples. We just didn't talk about it. Most of my thinking probably comes from my church ... That God loves all of us sinners and expects us to love one another..
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2016 21:48:30 GMT
I was extremely sheltered as a child and was brought up that being gay was sinful. I actually have an aunt who was gay and didn't know that until I was 15. I was told that they were just good friends and roommates.
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azredhead
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Post by azredhead on Jun 14, 2016 21:59:45 GMT
I am in my 40's. I am LDS/Mormon. My moms best friend is gay and gave my me first name. My brother has his partners middle name He (the partner), passed away from AIDS 5yrs after he was born. Growing up it was more conservative in that it was wrong and sinful-they could be gay but never act on it. We still loved and accepted them. We are still very close friends and have many gay friends. My mom is not as conservative as she was. Some of siblings are active some are not and some are very liberal. It has complicated things sometimes. Our holidays get very fun too! I HATE getting into the religion debates about. For me i have come to decision a long time ago that it's not up to me but that my mom is right in that we just love them and accept them like everybody else. We've been to a few gay partys/ celebrations.That seems to surprise some.
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MsKnit
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Post by MsKnit on Jun 14, 2016 22:09:52 GMT
My family will be the mess in this group. It's as if they all fell out of the 50s or something. To illustrate, I have a cousin who was disowned because he had the audacity to marry a black woman. This happened in the 90s, so totally backward.
Thankfully, I was taught that all races were equal by my mother. She grew up hearing otherwise from her dad. My father on the other hand would sometimes use derogatory terms regarding other races from time to time. My mother would have a fit if she heard him.
I remember how proud my mother was that she broke the racist cycle in our family. However, she is quite nasty regarding those that are LGBT.
Her religion is everything in her life. And, I basically grew up with everything was a sin. I am not kidding...the only sex that wasn't a sin was vanilla sex between a husband and wife. Anything other than penis in a vagina was sin. Homosexuals were bound for damnation as illustrated in the bible with Sodom and Gommorah (sp?). The AIDS epidemic was proof that what we were taught was correct.
My timeline is skewed. However, I remember mom making derogatory remarks because I liked Elton John's music. She was absolutely devastated when it was revealed that Rock Hudson was gay. The most recent I heard her hateful remarks was regarding Ian McKellan when the last LOTR movie had been recently released, my guess, on DVD.
Unknown to her, I had a good friend in middle/high school who turned out to be gay. I knew before he came out. He was the nicest guy. One of my bosses was also gay.
Despite the effort of my upbringing, I have always seen people as people. I could never understand how people could be so easily dismissed and condemned because they were born gay. Nor could I understand being yourself as something sinful.
My mom's remarks regarding persons who are LGBT are just one more reason that I no longer talk to her if I can help it.
My son has been raised to believe that being gay is normal.
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Post by ntsf on Jun 14, 2016 22:10:05 GMT
I just remembered something..my dad gave us three teens for christmas maybe in 1970 or 71 --I don't remember --in our stockings.."everything you ever wanted to know about sex"... that book talked about everything. I remember we were all sort of embarrassed...
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