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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Jun 14, 2016 12:28:32 GMT
Subject line is too short.
Subject line should read: Were you raised to believe that gay and lesbian couples are normal or were you raised to believe that they are doing something wrong/sinful?
I was raised knowing that gay and lesbian couples are just as normal as hetero couples. I have a lesbian aunt, and it was never a family secret, because it never needed to be. She was "out" long before I was born. She and her girlfriends (different ones throughout the years) had Thanksgiving with us, or just visited us for no reason at all.
It was never a taboo. Never something I thought was out of the ordinary.
I remember being in elementary school and being shocked when I heard my classmates call each other faggot or lesbo as an insult.
And then as I got older, and hearing about hate crimes against the LGBT community. And I was still young enough to be absolutely dumbfounded.
Now, as an adult, I know there are some/many who hate others for who they love. And part of me is still completely dumbfounded. How could who other people love possibly affect other people?
So, I wanted to ask, were you raised believing that gay couples are just as normal (yeah, whatever that is) as hetero couples? Or were you raised believing that they are wrong/sinful?
And do you still believe as you were raised?
(For the record, I still believe as I was raised.)
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Post by dulcemama on Jun 14, 2016 12:39:40 GMT
I don't really remember being directed one way or the other. I have an aunt who is gay and lived with the same woman for many years. Nobody told me that they were a couple it became clear after a while. They were accepted in the family but it wasn't really talked about. When I met gay people in college it just seemed like so much fuss over no big deal.
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Post by lbp on Jun 14, 2016 12:41:14 GMT
No. I was raised believing that they were sinful and someone I should not associate with. I do not feel that way as an adult.
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Post by KikiPea on Jun 14, 2016 12:42:38 GMT
Being raised Southern Baptist, it was absolutely taboo. These people were sinning in a BIG way.
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iluvpink
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Jul 13, 2014 12:40:31 GMT
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Post by iluvpink on Jun 14, 2016 12:42:49 GMT
My parents divorced when I was very young and both remarried. My dad quite quickly and my mom when I was eight (though she dated/lived with my stepfather for a few yeas before that). I was raised with two different sets of belief. Though honestly neither of them talked about this subject much at all, until I was in high school and then very hush hush. It just never came up in my small town world. It was only once I was out on my own and of college age that it was openly talked about (early 90's).
My dad and stepmom both believe it is wrong/sinful. My mom and stepdad think it's fine. I agree very strongly with my mom and stepdad (though we don't get along and I rarely see them for other reasons).
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Post by secondlife on Jun 14, 2016 12:42:51 GMT
I was absolutely raised with the idea that homosexuality is a sin. I grew up in the rural South and that is absolutely what we learned.
This is why I don't believe that homophobia is evidence of latent homosexuality. The incredible homophobia that existed in that time and place was like segregation. I still hear it occasionally when I read news stories from my hometown - one of the reasons I left.
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Post by 2peafaithful on Jun 14, 2016 12:44:17 GMT
I am in my mid 40's. I grew up in the NE. I honestly don't remember talking about gay couples. I didn't know one and have no memory of ever seeing one or talking about it with family or friends.
I remember when I was an older teen hearing that my future dh uncle was gay. That was my first connection. I met him and his partner. That was it. It was different, new to me but OK that was who he was.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Jun 14, 2016 12:46:35 GMT
I don't remember it ever coming up and as we grew up, it still was not an issue. We grew up with "people are people" and I don't remember ever having anyone "labeled."
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Post by padresfan619 on Jun 14, 2016 12:50:21 GMT
Totally normal. My mom had me volunteer with a meal delivery service that delivered meals to people with cancer and AIDS. An overwhelming amount of clients in the 90s were gay men. I still donate food and time to that organization to this day.
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Post by anxiousmom on Jun 14, 2016 12:53:57 GMT
Honestly, I don't remember the subject coming up one way or the other until I was adult. I grew up in weird combination of liberal college town and conservative southern thinking with a mother who falls on the side of a fairly religious hippie who taught us kids that God created us all in his image and to judge one judges God. As an adult, I realized that she was talking about race and homosexuality and homelessness and mental illness and pretty much everyone who walks with her under her sun.
As a parent myself, I tried to teach the boys the same.
She is 69 now and still feels that way. When there was all the angst of the passing of the same sex marriage laws, her pastor fell on the side of the being for performing those services in her church. She was so proud of him and said that she would have likely left her beloved church if they hadn't.
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Sarah*H
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Post by Sarah*H on Jun 14, 2016 12:54:44 GMT
I think it was something we didn't talk about. My dad's best friend for most of my childhood was a much older gay man who eventually died from ALS. I don't think he was publicly "out" and to this day, I don't know that we've ever talked about his sexual orientation. He did not have a long term partner. Among my grandmother's best friends was a lesbian couple who lived next door to each other for their entire lives. Again, it wasn't something that we talked about, it just was what it was and it was normal to us. I can't find the right word exactly but in my family, it would have been considered classless or boorish to judge someone on his or her sexual orientation.
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Dalai Mama
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Post by Dalai Mama on Jun 14, 2016 12:55:28 GMT
My parents were very liberal but still coloured by the times. So, neither? I think my parents were comfortable not having an opinion until my aunt and then my brother came out. A year after that they were marching with PFLAG in the pride parade.
My kids were raised to not see a difference.
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RosieKat
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Post by RosieKat on Jun 14, 2016 12:58:55 GMT
It was a nonissue in my family - it wasn't discussed, but not because of it being bad or anything, it just wasn't really on our radar. We have a small family and always a pretty close circle of friends - statistically I'm sure someone, somewhere was gay (I have suspicions about one person), but it just didn't come up. I think I was in college when I really knew anyone who was gay. (At least openly.) But my parents have ALWAYS been about seeing the person inside, which has always been the attitude I picked up. As an example, I remember when we were filling out adoption paperwork, and DH and I were checking off that we didn't care about race. I figured we'd better absolutely double check that everyone in the family was OK with that, rather than just assume. I asked my mom if she would be OK if we ended up adopting a baby of some other race, and her response was so cute. She sounded truly bewildered when she said "Of course I would be fine with it. That's your child!" I do suspect my dad has a certain level of uncomfortableness with homosexuality, probably in large part due to being raised in the Army, but he also knows better and would never consciously treat someone differently because of it.
In my family now, we just approach it as "Every family has a different story, and that's OK."
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msliz
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Post by msliz on Jun 14, 2016 12:59:52 GMT
Growing up in the Catholic Church, I was told homosexuality was sinful, but was never told why. (Because God said so was never enough of a reason for me.) I checked out of the church when I was a teenager, primarily for their stance on gays and abortion. The atmosphere in the church grew so hateful anytime one of those was the topic of the day.
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schizo319
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Post by schizo319 on Jun 14, 2016 13:04:08 GMT
I was raised in a very "free thinking" (i.e. not religious) household. I don't recall ever having a discussion about homosexuality at all - as a matter of fact, I was probably WAY older than I should've been before I ever even knew that same sex attraction existed. I do recall a cousin of mine bitching about seeing a gay couple kiss in a bar once and how utterly disgusted she was by it and I just remember wondering what the big deal was and why it was "gross".
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Country Ham
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Post by Country Ham on Jun 14, 2016 13:04:12 GMT
We never talked about it one way or the other to be honest.
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scrappyesq
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Post by scrappyesq on Jun 14, 2016 13:07:39 GMT
I grew up in NYC. Hanging out in the Village. I don't ever remember having a conversation during my younger years it was just a part of life, kinda like everyone is not quite normal here anyway so who cares.
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Post by anxiousmom on Jun 14, 2016 13:08:51 GMT
For those of us who are saying it didn't come up in our childhoods, how old are you? I wonder if a part of the reason it was not something we talked about is because of the times we grew up in. I am almost 50-grew up in the 70's and early 80's and gayness just didn't really come up all that often. Every once in a while you might hear something about a 'funny uncle' but that pretty covered everything from gay, pedophilia, drank too much, mental illness, too many cats...
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Post by Linda on Jun 14, 2016 13:11:21 GMT
perhaps I was a sheltered child but I had never encountered the idea of homosexuality until I was in mid-high school and we had an assembly on AIDS (this was in the 80s). I have no idea what my parents' views on homosexuality are/were - it's never come up.
My religion teaches that sexual acts are reserved for marriage - and that sexual acts outside of marriage are a sin. My takeaway on that was that unmarried sex was a sin irregardless of your orientation...and that there are lots of sinners in this world (myself included). It also teaches that we are to love one another.
The first several people that I knew who identified as homosexual - I was friends with long before their sexual orientation was known to me. In one case, I didn't know he was gay until his partner died of AIDS. I'm not sure if this is because I'm oblivious (quite possible) or because people tended to be quieter about their orientation back in the 80s/early 90s (also possible). Finding out that they were homosexual didn't change anything, imo. They were still the same person that I knew and cared for.
I guess I see sexual orientation as no big deal. I don't need to know what yours is - but it's not going to change my opinion of you either way if I do know.
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Post by pastlifepea on Jun 14, 2016 13:14:05 GMT
Absolutely not. My father is a preacher and he believes that being homosexual is a sin and that it is a choice vs. something people are just born with. We totally disagree on this and he has told me that until he can see some sort of scientific proof that it isn't a choice, he will not believe it. My argument has been why would people "choose" to live in a way that would make them targets of hate, ridicule, possible family abandonment, etc. While we are in 100% disagreement, he is respectful of my opinion and I am respectful of his. He does NOT condone hurting people because of this nor does he think the recent events are some twisted work of God.
My daughter has always been brought up to accept people for WHO they are vs. what color/gender/religion/sexual preference they have.
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scrappyesq
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You have always been a part of the heist. You're only mad now because you don't like your cut.
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Post by scrappyesq on Jun 14, 2016 13:15:58 GMT
I'm in my early forties, but there was a huge gay presence when I was a kid; one of my HS best friends was gay. I went to my first drag show when I was a teenager.
In contrast DH was raised to believe that homosexuality was a sin (he grew up in the suburbs, LOL) so when I tell him these stories he is horrified. He doesn't have a problem with gay people at all now, but he can't imagine thinking the same way when he was young.
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Post by Linda on Jun 14, 2016 13:16:17 GMT
For those of us who are saying it didn't come up in our childhoods, how old are you? I wonder if a part of the reason it was not something we talked about is because of the times we grew up in. I am almost 50-grew up in the 70's and early 80's and gayness just didn't really come up all that often. Every once in a while you might hear something about a 'funny uncle' but that pretty covered everything from gay, pedophilia, drank too much, mental illness, too many cats... I was born in 1970 and my parents were on the older side (dad was born 1925, mum 1936). I think until AIDS came along in the 80s, homosexuality wasn't really in the news etc... the way it is today (but as I posted earlier - I was a sheltered child and tend towards obliviousness). I was also raised overseas until 1980 which may have been a factor- I have no idea if the British Army had similar policies to the the US one but if it did, that may have played a role as well.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Jun 14, 2016 13:16:56 GMT
I don't remember it ever coming up and as we grew up, it still was not an issue. We grew up with "people are people" and I don't remember ever having anyone "labeled." My father was a minister in the ELCA (Lutheran) church, but it was certainly never addressed as a sin by him. In fact, my parents had several gay friends. One man in particular, my family was very close to -- he came to eat with us; we dined at his house. The culture of the south around us was predominantly anti-gay, but in my little insular world, it was a non-issue. We have people in openly lesbian marriages now on both sides of our family -- my husband's cousin and my second-cousin. It remains a non-issue. We are down in Florida now with one of those couples enjoying a week at a beach house.
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valleyview
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Post by valleyview on Jun 14, 2016 13:19:42 GMT
I grew up thinking that sex outside of marriage was sin. That applied to everyone. So for me, it was the act, not the person. I believe that we are all God's creatures, and like anxiousmom's mom, we can't question any of that. I cannot imagine anyone choosing a life without love, and I cannot imagine that anyone ever born could be sentenced to a life without love. ETA : I grew up during racial tensions in the South, and those changes probably took more attention than homosexuality.
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Post by jackie on Jun 14, 2016 13:19:48 GMT
I'm 52 and was raised in NE Ohio. I believe that my parents didn't hate gays and definitely didn't teach me to hate them. But I do feel they didn't consider it "normal". I remember my dad saying to me once something to the effect of we shouldnt mistreat or be cruel to them because "they can't help how they are". So I think he felt they were born gay OR something traunatic happened that "turned them gay". So they felt they had no choice but that it was "abnormal".
I don't remember them speaking of it being sinful. I did go to church and I feel my parents believed in God, but wouldn't describe them as religious. Regardless, I think they know we are all sinful so it would be ridiculous to single out homosexuality, even if they did think it was a sin.
I did have a gay uncle who my parents were very close to. My aunt (mom's sister) actually was briefly married to him but I considered him my uncle all my life. He played cards with my parents every Friday night. When my mom told me he was gay and that my aunt married him knowing that, I remember being baffled and questioning why. My mom said everyone loved him and he was so much fun--Aunt Glenna thought she could change him.
So short answer is no, I was not taught to think it was normal but was still taught to love and accept them. They've both been gone for years but i often wonder what they would have thought about having two out of their ten grandchildren be gay.
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Post by mom on Jun 14, 2016 13:21:11 GMT
I was raised Southern Baptist and my parents were Missionaries to Mexico....I was most definitely taught that homosexuality was wrong.
My oldest brother is 15 years older than I am, and I remember when he went to college my parents basically kicked him out. Back then my parents didn't talk about why he never came home...but they basically just didn't approve of his lifestyle - and never said what his lifestyle was.
I was in my late twenties before I figured out my brother was gay. (Yes. I am a slow learner). I always thought they were best friends....lol
As my parents got older, they would have a 'hands off' approach with my brother. They loved him but I think they hoped this phase would go away.
My brother has been with his partner for 26 years now. About 4 years ago before my mom died, my parents realized that they had best accept my brother or lose him....and they did. They rebuilt the relationship with my brother and his partner. When my mom learned she only had a few weeks to live, my parents and my brother all sat down, and hashed things out. My mom gave her approval for them to be married. My dad wasn't thrilled, but he went along.
Fast forward to now, and my dad has remarried an ultra conservative Baptist and she does not approve of them, and will not be connected to them as a couple. Like, she refused to go to their wedding and drew a line in the sand with my dad if he went. So, my dad didn't go and it caused a bunch of hurt. My dads wife decided at the last minuet to not even go to their wedding reception (it was held at a later date than their wedding). She made a huge scene.
My brother and his partner have NEVER flaunted their lifestyle. In fact, they go out of their way to not flaunt. My boys were 12 and 14 before they knew about their uncle - not that I was hiding it - they've just always known their Uncle Thom and Joey. Its always been both of them are their uncles.
For me and my family, we are ok with it. Its really a non-issue.
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Post by jackie on Jun 14, 2016 13:21:38 GMT
I'm 52 and was raised in NE Ohio. I believe that my parents didn't hate gays and definitely didn't teach me to hate them. But I do feel they didn't consider it "normal". I remember my dad saying to me once something to the effect of we shouldnt mistreat or be cruel to them because "they can't help how they are". So I think he felt they were born gay OR something traunatic happened that "turned them gay". So they felt they had no choice but that it was "abnormal".
I don't remember them speaking of it being sinful. I did go to church and I feel my parents believed in God, but wouldn't describe them as religious. Regardless, I think they know we are all sinful so it would be ridiculous to single out homosexuality, even if they did think it was a sin.
I did have a gay uncle who my parents were very close to. My aunt (mom's sister) actually was briefly married to him but I considered him my uncle all my life. He played cards with my parents every Friday night. When my mom told me he was gay and that my aunt married him knowing that, I remember being baffled and questioning why. My mom said everyone loved him and he was so much fun--Aunt Glenna thought she could change him.
So short answer is no, I was not taught to think it was normal but was still taught to love and accept them. They've both been gone for years but i often wonder what they would have thought about having two out of their ten grandchildren be gay.
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Dalai Mama
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Post by Dalai Mama on Jun 14, 2016 13:28:47 GMT
For those of us who are saying it didn't come up in our childhoods, how old are you? I wonder if a part of the reason it was not something we talked about is because of the times we grew up in. I am almost 50-grew up in the 70's and early 80's and gayness just didn't really come up all that often. Every once in a while you might hear something about a 'funny uncle' but that pretty covered everything from gay, pedophilia, drank too much, mental illness, too many cats... I grew up in the '70s in a community that was equal parts conservative farmers and free-loving, hippie artists.
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Post by gar on Jun 14, 2016 13:33:08 GMT
I wasn't told it was sinful because there was no religious aspect to my upbringing but they definitely thought it was 'not normal'.
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Post by triplejscrapper on Jun 14, 2016 13:33:10 GMT
I grew up and still live in the Deep South. I was raised by very liberal parents (my father has since done a 180 and is now a tea party conservative) who were not homophobic. I had gay and lesbian cousins. My middle sister is bi-sexual and my youngest sister is gay. I as well as my youngest brother think people are people and we don't give a rat's behind who they love. My middle two brothers are both in the "it's a sin and an abomination" camp. One of those same brothers is a Pentecostal minister. You can just imagine what fun Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners are like at our house!!!
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