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Post by jmurray on Aug 13, 2014 14:41:49 GMT
OMG you're having such a rough time - I am very sorry. I think it's so good that you've managed to find the time (and energy!) in all that's gone down to seek some counselling. It would have been so much easier to crawl into bed and throw the covers over your head and wish it all away, but you're obviously a strong person - maybe stronger than you're giving yourself credit for?
The counsellor may have sounded like you should pepare for the worst outcome with your marriage, but they need to cover all the bases to help you equip yourself with the tools to navigate it, whatever the outcome. I'm hoping it helps, and wish you well.
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tiffanytwisted
Pearl Clutcher
you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave
Posts: 4,538
Jun 26, 2014 15:57:39 GMT
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Post by tiffanytwisted on Aug 13, 2014 17:08:11 GMT
No advice, just ((((Hugs))))! From me too. Hang in there.
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Post by megop on Aug 14, 2014 5:29:08 GMT
Anyway, we have decided I am going to work on me. ----------
In sincere and complete honesty, of those who I have witnessed in surviving marriages, this is completely the best effort you can make. Just make sure you do so, for yourself, and not with a mindset of "I'll change me and then...."
Your spouse is lost right now. Find you.
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Post by CarolineO'Sullivan on Aug 15, 2014 6:05:27 GMT
I also believe that infidelity can be something a couple can get over, we went through this in our time together, probably around 14 years ago and it was with his ex GF. Anyway I just had to work out what would make me more upset, a life of missing who I believed I was meant to spend the rest of my life with or being with him and working through it. I decided that we had to try and I am so glad we did, we have been together 16 years this year and have an amazing life, yes we fight now and again just like the next person but I trust him 100%, he was honest back then and actually I had a feeling anyway. I know some say people can not change, but they can if they want to.
You really need to take time for yourself and work out what YOU need, not him, not the kids but YOU. Best of luck, and you are in my thoughts.
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Post by totravel on Aug 15, 2014 6:50:57 GMT
Anyway, we have decided I am going to work on me. ---------- In sincere and complete honesty, of those who I have witnessed in surviving marriages, this is completely the best effort you can make. Just make sure you do so, for yourself, and not with a mindset of "I'll change me and then...." Your spouse is lost right now. Find you. Hugs to you!!!
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Post by ladytrisha on Aug 15, 2014 17:20:26 GMT
A friend of mine who is a marriage counselor told me that some counselors specialize in saving marriages and others specialize in providing a neutral arena in which to divorce. Ask your counselor what they specialize in or even believe in. It can make a huge difference.
My BIL/SIL went to an appointment - he was never prepared for the laundry list of items he did wrong. She was out already, just needed a place to get it rolling. So their "counseling" was never about saving the marriage. While we place blame directly at both of their feet - lots of popcorn sitting on a fence - we can see both sides and where it went wrong. What they needed was counseling on how to communicate their needs, their frustrations, their complaints in a general way instead of "you suck, i hate you" manner.
good luck on what you decide.
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