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Post by jameynz on Feb 20, 2017 0:39:16 GMT
When my youngest son had a girlfriend - he was 18/19 she was 17/18 - we would NOT let her sleep over - however, they did spend time in his room during the day, with the door shut (younger daughter 7years younger than him) however, I had no hesitation in walking into his room with only 1x warning knock as my hand was on the door handle. I did interuppt them a couple of times....
However, when he was invited to stay over there one night after a party - he asked her father where he would like him to sleep. Her father said - in there, with her. He had no qualms, hesitation, concerns about my son and his daughter....
My older sons knew that we did not like it, and wouldn't accept casual sleepovers, however, they did manage to sneak them in once or twice.
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AllieC
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Post by AllieC on Feb 20, 2017 0:49:27 GMT
Yes I would and yes I have. I realise that I will be in the minority here. I am with you. I wouldn't allow my daughter to bring random people home (which she is not interested in) but she has a serious boyfriend and I don't have a problem with them sleeping together in the house. She is 19, boyfriend 20 and they have been together for a year. Her boyfriend's parents are the same. We have a very open and honest relationship and talked about protection, healthy relationships etc but I was not going to have her navigate the sex issue like I had to.
Interesting that most of the "yes" responses have been from people that don't live in the US.
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Post by giatocj on Feb 20, 2017 0:51:14 GMT
Nope.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Feb 20, 2017 0:55:56 GMT
High school aged, my answer is no. But once they are an adult I am OK with it given the caveat that it is a long term relationship. I fully expect that my kids are going to go to community college after high school. It is something that we have discussed as we just can't afford to send them away to school. When they are adult I will treat them like adults.
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Post by snappinsami on Feb 20, 2017 0:56:43 GMT
Yes I would and yes I have. I realise that I will be in the minority here. I'll sit with you. Make room on that bench for me too. |
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Post by epeanymous on Feb 20, 2017 0:58:10 GMT
If they were both college aged, and it was very occasional/on breaks, and it was an actual relationship, I would be fine with it. I would not be ok with an extra person essentially moving into my house, regardless of the age, and I would not allow sleepovers if one of the people in the relationship still was in high school/under 18.
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peabay
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Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Feb 20, 2017 1:00:57 GMT
No. I'm just not comfortable with younger siblings in the home (or even ME in the home!)
My oldest is almost 25 and lives with her 26 year old boyfriend. They can share a room in my home. My 17 year old and her 18 year old boyfriend? Nah. Just not something I would be thrilled with.
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kate
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Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Feb 20, 2017 1:09:26 GMT
Not when one is still in high school.
Probably not even after that, absent some extenuating circumstance.
Regarding same-gender partners, I would still have them is separate beds - whether they could share a room is an interesting question.
Part of my hesitation is that I would want to make it easy for younger non-committed people to choose NOT to have sex. I would not want to abet any pressure from one of the couple on the other. This is a big deal to me personally.
ETA - cohabitating 25/26-yr-olds? Yes, they can share a bed.
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Post by canadianscrappergirl on Feb 20, 2017 1:13:26 GMT
Yes if it is a serious relationship I wouldn't have a problem with it.
I lived with hubby before marriage seems a bit hypocritical to think it's different rules for my kids.
I can tell you whether you allow it or not they're going to have sex where ever they can manage be it the other parents/parties/vehicle/park. I'd rather they be safe then sneaking around.
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 21:22:16 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2017 1:14:49 GMT
My ex would've never allowed that in our marital home.
Post divorce, when DD#2 (a college junior) lived with me, her boyfriend did spend the night once. They shared a bedroom, but he slept on a mattress on the floor. I don't recall why it was necessary, but there was a valid reason and it was not just so that they could have sex. But with that said, they've also taken several trips together, so they've been alone, sleeping together many other times.
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Post by Linda on Feb 20, 2017 1:18:41 GMT
this is still theoretical here - neither of my older two are dating nor have they dated.
But NO - not while still in high school and not with small children at home. Now my oldest? he's 25 and in the Navy...if he brings someone home, then I'm not policing sleeping arrangements (but I also doubt he would bring someone home unless it was serious).
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Post by canadianscrappergirl on Feb 20, 2017 1:23:11 GMT
this is still theoretical here - neither of my older two are dating nor have they dated. But NO - not while still in high school and not with small children at home. Now my oldest? he's 25 and in the Navy...if he brings someone home, then I'm not policing sleeping arrangements (but I also doubt he would bring someone home unless it was serious). So does him being older the difference isn't the confusion for younger kids the same regardless just curious not judging. |
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Feb 20, 2017 1:31:47 GMT
Yes I would and yes I have. I realise that I will be in the minority here. I am with you. I wouldn't allow my daughter to bring random people home (which she is not interested in) but she has a serious boyfriend and I don't have a problem with them sleeping together in the house. She is 19, boyfriend 20 and they have been together for a year. Her boyfriend's parents are the same. We have a very open and honest relationship and talked about protection, healthy relationships etc but I was not going to have her navigate the sex issue like I had to.
Interesting that most of the "yes" responses have been from people that don't live in the US.
I was just noticing that. I have a 14 year old.. so we are not there yet. Her bff just came out to his parents... her first thing was now can he sleep over at my house... I'm not sure if I would allow it in high school, but I wouldn't blink in college, if in a committed relationship. I don't want random guys in my house. |
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Post by coaliesquirrel on Feb 20, 2017 1:43:18 GMT
DH and I started dating in January 1996 when I was 24, he was 23. I moved into his parents' house (at their invitation - they actually bought one with a separate apartment almost in the basement purposely for this) in April of 1997. DH bought a house (fully with my input, but it was technically all in his name) in March 1998 and we moved in together. The first time my parents (who live about 1.5 hrs away if that matters to people) let us share a bed in their home was in June 1999 when my brother was getting married because with family in town they literally needed to make another bed available. Most often since that time (and since we married in September 2001), he sleeps downstairs on the couch because "my" room is uncomfortably warm, so they really never needed to worry about funny business going on in there anyway!
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Post by polz on Feb 20, 2017 1:48:15 GMT
Teens have sex. They are not overly concerned about if it's convenient or not. If DD had a boyfriend (she is 16) he could stay over. I remember being a teen. I remember a friend giving oral in a bathroom stall and another friend having sex with her boyfriend in the limo going to the school ball. Neither of these people were allowed boys staying over. They made it happen.
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Post by roxley on Feb 20, 2017 2:04:28 GMT
If one is high school- no. Once they are collage age - yes. It isn't so much the idea of sex that bothers me, I have no desire to control that. But more about being treated as an adult. They are adults at that point not so much in age (nothing magic happens at 18) but as in how they are living their life. They are in the real world having to make their own good choices. A younger sibling wouldn't bother me because they are learning that those are "adult" decisions you get to make when you have graduated and become an adult.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Feb 20, 2017 2:16:36 GMT
To me, the reason why I'd say no is not really because of their ages but more the length of the relationship. After only 6 months? No way. Now if they were in a committed relationship of longer than that? I'd consider it. DH and I lived together for two years before we were married, and for the two months between the time when our apartment lease ended and the closing on our house we both went back to our respective parental homes (we were engaged and getting married a couple months after we moved into our house). Even though it was obvious we were sleeping together, we didn't at my mom's house out of respect for her because it was against her house rules. His parents didn't care.
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carhoch
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Post by carhoch on Feb 20, 2017 2:17:41 GMT
My sons were allowed to have a girlfriend over at that age ,honestly if they are sexually active and you know it what's the difference if they do it in your house or somewhere else .
I prefer to have that happen in my house where there is condoms then in the car and with the risks of being caught by the cops for indecent exposure or something .
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Post by stacmac on Feb 20, 2017 2:22:05 GMT
Yes I would and yes I have. I realise that I will be in the minority here. I agree with you. |
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carhoch
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Post by carhoch on Feb 20, 2017 2:22:20 GMT
Yes I would and yes I have. I realise that I will be in the minority here. .
Interesting that most of the "yes" responses have been from people that don't live in the US.
I think the difference is that people in the USA are significantly more religious then people in Europe where nobody never talks about religion . |
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Post by Linda on Feb 20, 2017 2:27:07 GMT
this is still theoretical here - neither of my older two are dating nor have they dated. But NO - not while still in high school and not with small children at home. Now my oldest? he's 25 and in the Navy...if he brings someone home, then I'm not policing sleeping arrangements (but I also doubt he would bring someone home unless it was serious). So does him being older the difference isn't the confusion for younger kids the same regardless just curious not judging. There's a 15 year gap between my oldest (25) and the little one (10)...he's been an adult for as long as she can remember and she sees him as an adult and knows that there are plenty of things that adults can do that kids can't (drink alcohol for one). But like I said - all theory here so far |
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Post by bc2ca on Feb 20, 2017 2:41:48 GMT
Interesting question. We have had nieces and nephews stay and bring along a SO and didn't hesitate to let them share a room. They were a year or too older, but it honestly wasn't a question, just an assumption that they would sleep together. My kids were 10/11 when that started. My instinct is to say I would allow it if the relationship was serious and the SO was familiar with and comfortable with our family.
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Post by Really Red on Feb 20, 2017 2:56:51 GMT
No. Because one is in HS and has a younger sibling.
I might change my mind if it were college. Haven't had to deal with that yet.
And I can say that my kids have argued with me and thoroughly exhausted me. I put them on BC and I am not blind. I am just not going to have my kids having sex 2 doors down from me and one from their brother. I'm NOT going to make life easy for them. When they pay the bills and take care of their own lives, then it's fine, but NOT in high school. Just not.
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Post by maryland on Feb 20, 2017 3:11:22 GMT
My 17 yr. old daughter's boyfriend has stayed over a few times. He lives 30 min. away, and once he stayed over because he was going on vacation with us the next day and we had to leave early. His mother doesn't drive, and I didn't want to have to get up even earlier to pick him up. Another time he was going with us to our daughter's dance comp. the next day and we had to leave early. He slept in the basement and our daughter slept in her room on the second floor. She is very respectful of him, and him of her.
She has stayed over at his house a couple of times. It's a small house with no basement. He shares a room with his two brothers. My daughter sleeps on the sofa in their family room.
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Post by freecharlie on Feb 20, 2017 3:22:54 GMT
Interesting that most of the "yes" responses have been from people that don't live in the US.
I think the difference is that people in the USA are significantly more religious then people in Europe where nobody never talks about religion . while I may be true for some, I am not religious, had sex before marriage, and am not blind to the fact that teens can be having sex. My Ds is only 15 and doesn't have a girlfriend. When he is 18, if she is over 18, it might be different. Plus, if you let them sleep together at your house, how are they going to answer thed where is the craziest place they've ever had sex question? |
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used2scrap
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Post by used2scrap on Feb 20, 2017 3:29:03 GMT
Sleepover in the same bed/room or sleepover overnight guest?
Grew up in a rural area with lots of friends that lived far out of town, so often there were coed "overnights," but not full on sleeping together type situations.
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Post by refugeepea on Feb 20, 2017 3:36:40 GMT
To be certain no laws are broke, there would be no sleepovers with the minor and legal adult at my home. Honestly, if I was in that relationship, I do not see the appeal in any way of sharing a room in my boyfriend's parents house. I'd rather pay for a room and have some alone time than the chaos of a family home especially in a long distance relationship.
ETA: Or is it even a long distance relationship? How did the 2 meet? I was thinking if it's high school and a college student they had met in high school because of the 1 year age difference. If so, wouldn't they be somewhat near each others parents homes to begin with?
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Post by 950nancy on Feb 20, 2017 4:15:19 GMT
My parents had some pretty strict rules about sleepovers. Guests were allowed to stay downstairs (if opposite sex). Fast forward several years and I am married, mom has passed away and my dad brings out a new lady to visit us. There wasn't even a question where they would both sleep. She got upstairs. He went downstairs. Ha. What goes around comes around.
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Post by chlerbie on Feb 20, 2017 4:51:50 GMT
My stepdaughter, at 18, had her boyfriend stay over here numerous times and it didn't feel like a big deal. But then again, my second bedroom is my office, so they were sleeping in the living room on an air mattress, with just glassed french doors, so it's doubtful that they did anything, but if they had,again, it wouldn't feel like a big deal.
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paigepea
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Post by paigepea on Feb 20, 2017 5:14:03 GMT
In my house growing up if my now Dh was over for the night in my parents home he slept in a different room. When now Dh and I were engaged my mom came when I moved across country to be with Dh a month before we were married. Mom and I slept in the bed and Dh slept on the pullout. He wouldn't have slept in the bed with me with my mom there.
It isn't about sex. It's about respect.
That said, times are changing and perhaps nowadays things are done so differently. My girls are too young to date but I don't want to say never happening on this issue. I don't know how I'll feel at the time, but how Dh acted with me around my parents made me feel special. It wasn't just about being in the bed with me and I knew that.
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