Mary Kay Lady
Pearl Clutcher
PeaNut 367,913 Refupea number 1,638
Posts: 3,116 
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Post by Mary Kay Lady on Feb 20, 2017 5:17:02 GMT
No. It wouldn't happen at my house. Never. Not in a million years.
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Post by MalleyCat on Feb 20, 2017 9:15:46 GMT
Nope, not gonna happen at my house! If for some reason one of them needs to sleep over, then one would be sleeping on couch.
That being said. My niece who is 25 slept overnight at our house with her boyfriend. They were moving from Oregon to SAN Diego and our house was on the way. They had been dating for 7 years. I was fine with them sleeping in the same bed. I have 3 DDs, 5, 11, and 14. My husband and I also lived together for 6 years before getting married.
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Post by mommaho on Feb 20, 2017 11:13:36 GMT
Sometimes it is just a matter of respect - DDs had a few situations where it was too late for them to drive the 1 1/2 hours home or whatever the situation. They knew to get out the stash of pillow, sheet and blanket for the couch. I'm not naïve, but the stairs in our house creak and we never repaired them for a reason.  |
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johnnysmom
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,687
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Feb 20, 2017 11:18:09 GMT
I think the difference is that people in the USA are significantly more religious then people in Europe where nobody never talks about religion . while I may be true for some, I am not religious, had sex before marriage, and am not blind to the fact that teens can be having sex. My Ds is only 15 and doesn't have a girlfriend. When he is 18, if she is over 18, it might be different. Plus, if you let them sleep together at your house, how are they going to answer thed where is the craziest place they've ever had sex question? This. Word for word. Thanks for saving me the time to type it out |
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momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,156
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Feb 20, 2017 11:25:44 GMT
If one is high school- no. Once they are collage age - yes. It isn't so much the idea of sex that bothers me, I have no desire to control that. But more about being treated as an adult. They are adults at that point not so much in age (nothing magic happens at 18) but as in how they are living their life. They are in the real world having to make their own good choices. A younger sibling wouldn't bother me because they are learning that those are "adult" decisions you get to make when you have graduated and become an adult. I get where you are coming from, 18 and their technically adults living an "adult" life. But this is a college student, living at home. Sure he works part-time and takes classes, but Mommy just made his class schedule for him. Adult, eh... To be certain no laws are broke, there would be no sleepovers with the minor and legal adult at my home. Honestly, if I was in that relationship, I do not see the appeal in any way of sharing a room in my boyfriend's parents house. I'd rather pay for a room and have some alone time than the chaos of a family home especially in a long distance relationship. ETA: Or is it even a long distance relationship? How did the 2 meet? I was thinking if it's high school and a college student they had met in high school because of the 1 year age difference. If so, wouldn't they be somewhat near each others parents homes to begin with? Good point while I certainly wouldn't go the route of the laws, she's a minor, he is not! To answer your questions since you had a few, lol. They live 15 minutes away from each other. Met over the summer through a friend. Completely no reason for a "sleepover" other than they think they're way more mature than they are I think. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:07:48 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2017 11:35:09 GMT
I wouldn't have a problem with it at all. I don't understand the 'let them sneak around' or 'at least I'll make it hard for them' attitude at all.
Teens will ahve sex anyway. it has nothing to do with your rules. Sex is part of a healthy relationship and they need to learn to deal with the physical and emotional aspects of it to be a normal happy adult. If they are in a committed relationship, why would you want to make this as difficult as possible?
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Feb 20, 2017 12:09:17 GMT
I wouldn't allow it.
Being able to sleep together is a privilege you earn when you are mature and able enough to provide your own home/apartment.
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carhoch
Pearl Clutcher
Be yourself everybody else is already taken
Posts: 3,115
Location: We’re RV’s so It change all the time .
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Post by carhoch on Feb 20, 2017 12:58:31 GMT
while I may be true for some, I am not religious, had sex before marriage, and am not blind to the fact that teens can be having sex. My Ds is only 15 and doesn't have a girlfriend. When he is 18, if she is over 18, it might be different. Plus, if you let them sleep together at your house, how are they going to answer thed where is the craziest place they've ever had sex question? This. Word for word. Thanks for saving me the time to type it out @jhonnysmom I don't understand people that say oh I know that my kids are sexually active and I am fine with it but by golly they are not doing it at my house . It's illegal to have sex In a public park or in a car they can get in a lot of trouble if they get caught . |
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Post by jamielynn on Feb 20, 2017 13:08:25 GMT
I'm not very old, so it's not an old lady opinion but NO.
If you want adult sleepovers be an adult and get your own place like an adult.
If you can't do that for any reason you can't have adult sleepovers.
I guess the sibling thing weighs in for me when I think of a 24-30 year old unmarried sibling living at home. Then I still say no. Once again if two people want that someone can be an adult in the relationship and get their own place as I still find it unacceptable.
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Post by pierkiss on Feb 20, 2017 13:08:36 GMT
No.
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Post by Tamhugh on Feb 20, 2017 13:30:09 GMT
Under the circumstances you described, no. If they were older and in a long term relationship, maybe. Both of my boys are older now but when they have had girlfriends, they tended to be local and they never asked to have them sleepover. DS#1 had a female bff who slept here on occasion and he at her house, but they never asked to share a room and I am 99.9% sure that they weren't "friends with benefits". They used to joke that she was his "girlfriend without benefits".
And as for the argument that you know they have sex anyway, it doesn't matter to me. It is not my job to make it easy for them.
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johnnysmom
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,687
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Feb 20, 2017 13:44:05 GMT
This. Word for word. Thanks for saving me the time to type it out @jhonnysmom I don't understand people that say oh I know that my kids are sexually active and I am fine with it but by golly they are not doing it at my house . It's illegal to have sex In a public park or in a car they can get in a lot of trouble if they get caught . I can't speak for freecharlie but imo a sleepover is taking things to a different, very adult, level. We're not talking a quickie before mom and dad get home from work. And not all places are public or illegal, just check out our thread here from a couple weeks ago. Also, freecharlie and I both have 15yos, this is uncharted territory for us. Our rules now may not be the same once they're 17/18 and likely won't be the same when our younger ones are in their late teens either. |
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 20:07:48 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2017 13:45:54 GMT
Absolute no in my house whether or not there was younger siblings..
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:07:48 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2017 13:51:53 GMT
I wouldn't have a problem with it at all. I don't understand the 'let them sneak around' or 'at least I'll make it hard for them' attitude at all. Teens will ahve sex anyway. it has nothing to do with your rules. Sex is part of a healthy relationship and they need to learn to deal with the physical and emotional aspects of it to be a normal happy adult. If they are in a committed relationship, why would you want to make this as difficult as possible? Sex outside of marriage is dirty and wrong? Save |
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Post by Scrappyhappy on Feb 20, 2017 14:00:21 GMT
No way.
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sueg
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,140
Location: Munich
Apr 12, 2016 12:51:01 GMT
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Post by sueg on Feb 20, 2017 14:24:32 GMT
Interesting that most of the "yes" responses have been from people that don't live in the US.
I think the difference is that people in the USA are significantly more religious then people in Europe where nobody never talks about religion . Just because we don't talk about it, doesn't mean we are not religious. A person's religious beliefs are seen as a personal thing - you simply don't see that discussion happening. To the question at hand - it wasn't an issue for us; my now DiL's parents wouldn't have allowed her to sleep over at our place, or my son at their's anyway. They were both over 18 when they started dating anyway, so it wouldn't have bothered me if they did. |
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julieb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,845
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Post by julieb on Feb 20, 2017 14:50:42 GMT
My ds's 25 yo girlfriend (she lives in NYC - we live in Chicago) sleeps in the guest bedroom when she is here. They always spend a night downtown and hang out with other son, who lives in the city. If they want to have sex, they have to have it elsewhere. Call me old-fashioned...which my kids do.  I will add that my 29 yo dd got married recently. If her then bf slept her, which wasn't often, he slept on the couch. When they got engaged I told her we didn't care if he slept with her. And they lived together for 4 years before getting engaged. lol I agree with peapaige, it's about respect. My kids understood where we stood and they respected us. Never a question. |
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peabay
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Posts: 9,975
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Feb 20, 2017 14:58:48 GMT
Interesting that most of the "yes" responses have been from people that don't live in the US.
I think the difference is that people in the USA are significantly more religious then people in Europe where nobody never talks about religion . I'm not religious at all and I'm one of the people who said no. For me, it's about judgement and high school relationships vs. college and older relationships. OMG, if my mother had let my high school boyfriends sleep with me? Jeez - I went through boyfriends like Kleenex. Putting a stamp of approval on sexual relationships for younger teens I think assumes maturity that not all kids have and adds so much more pressure and responsibility. |
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carhoch
Pearl Clutcher
Be yourself everybody else is already taken
Posts: 3,115
Location: We’re RV’s so It change all the time .
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Post by carhoch on Feb 20, 2017 15:12:09 GMT
I think the difference is that people in the USA are significantly more religious then people in Europe where nobody never talks about religion . Just because we don't talk about it, doesn't mean we are not religious. A person's religious beliefs are seen as a personal thing - you simply don't see that discussion happening. To the question at hand - it wasn't an issue for us; my now DiL's parents wouldn't have allowed her to sleep over at our place, or my son at their's anyway. They were both over 18 when they started dating anyway, so it wouldn't have bothered me if they did. I live in the US but I was born and raised in Switzerland and live there the first 30 years of my life . in the US 60% of people go to church very regularly (90% in Bible Belt )not 20% of Swiss go to church and I agree with you religion is a personal thing but it has less influence and every days life over there . |
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carhoch
Pearl Clutcher
Be yourself everybody else is already taken
Posts: 3,115
Location: We’re RV’s so It change all the time .
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Post by carhoch on Feb 20, 2017 15:18:22 GMT
I think the difference is that people in the USA are significantly more religious then people in Europe where nobody never talks about religion . I'm not religious at all and I'm one of the people who said no. For me, it's about judgement and high school relationships vs. college and older relationships. OMG, if my mother had let my high school boyfriends sleep with me? Jeez - I went through boyfriends like Kleenex. Putting a stamp of approval on sexual relationships for younger teens I think assumes maturity that not all kids have and adds so much more pressure and responsibility. With or without our consent the kids are doing it I just choose to give them a safe place . |
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momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,156
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Feb 20, 2017 15:28:53 GMT
Since this is headed in a religious direction...i'll just add that for me it has nothing to do with religion. Interestingly enough since it's been brought up, the person who would allow it and has the younger siblings present in the home are the more religious set of parents.
Those who expressed they would allow it were more expressive in they'll do it anyway type thing. For those who way no way, what is your reasoning? I mean you can't very well say to your kid i'm not about to make it easy for you...I don't want to hear you having sex, etc. Is it more of a moral thing? Age? Does actually spending the night make things more solid in their relationship?
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Post by myshelly on Feb 20, 2017 15:36:16 GMT
I wouldn't have a problem with it at all. I don't understand the 'let them sneak around' or 'at least I'll make it hard for them' attitude at all. Teens will ahve sex anyway. it has nothing to do with your rules. Sex is part of a healthy relationship and they need to learn to deal with the physical and emotional aspects of it to be a normal happy adult. If they are in a committed relationship, why would you want to make this as difficult as possible? I agree. The "I don't have to make it easy" comments have left me baffled. It just seems so unnecessary. Almost vengeful. I also hate the "be an adult, get your own place" comments. In today's economy that's harder than ever before. It's not uncommon for kids to move back home after college. I want my attitude to be "this will always be your home whenever you need one". Not "I'm going to lord it over you and make you feel inferior because you still live here". Why do people want to treat their adult children that way? And then there's all the posts that mention "it's about respect". Respect for what, exactly? I truly don't understand that comment. |
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Post by ihaveonly1l on Feb 20, 2017 15:37:58 GMT
For me it has to do with that one is in high school and the other in college. My answer may change if they were both in college.
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Post by craftsbycarolyn on Feb 20, 2017 15:43:29 GMT
I'm looking for opinions on whether you'd let this go on in your house or your feelings on the appropriateness/inappropriateness of it. 17 1/2 yo hs senior and 18 1/2 college freshman dating for 6 months. Both live at home. One has younger middle/young high school age at home. If you were the parent of either would you allow them to have their girlfriend/boyfriend sleep over? No illusions that there isn't sex so it's more a factor of age, siblings, living at home, etc. Sometimes I feel like I might be the only one with a certain opinion...figured i'd see what the peas think! Nope. I'm aware that teens have sex. But making it easy isn't part of my plan. In my house we follow the "if you permit it, you promote it" mantra. I agree with this. Not making it easy. Save |
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Post by Sparki on Feb 20, 2017 15:51:25 GMT
I wouldn't allow it for a 17 yr old. If they are both out of the house, and coming home to visit, sure, why not. But there are some legal implications for under 18.
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Post by freecharlie on Feb 20, 2017 15:54:57 GMT
freecharlie @jhonnysmom I don't understand people that say oh I know that my kids are sexually active and I am fine with it but by golly they are not doing it at my house . It's illegal to have sex In a public park or in a car they can get in a lot of trouble if they get caught . I can't speak for freecharlie but imo a sleepover is taking things to a different, very adult, level. We're not talking a quickie before mom and dad get home from work. And not all places are public or illegal, just check out our thread here from a couple weeks ago. Also, freecharlie and I both have 15yos, this is uncharted territory for us. Our rules now may not be the same once they're 17/18 and likely won't be the same when our younger ones are in their late teens either. you did very well speaking for me. |
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Enna
Full Member
Posts: 304
Location: PNW
Jan 26, 2016 14:55:35 GMT
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Post by Enna on Feb 20, 2017 16:20:39 GMT
Yes I would and yes I have. I realise that I will be in the minority here. I am with you. I wouldn't allow my daughter to bring random people home (which she is not interested in) but she has a serious boyfriend and I don't have a problem with them sleeping together in the house. She is 19, boyfriend 20 and they have been together for a year. Her boyfriend's parents are the same. We have a very open and honest relationship and talked about protection, healthy relationships etc but I was not going to have her navigate the sex issue like I had to.
Interesting that most of the "yes" responses have been from people that don't live in the US.
I'm not suprised about this. I spend one semester abroad in the US during university and noticed the differences regarding in this issue. How would I put this? Here parents are much more relaxed about this issue and trust that their children can make smart desicions. There's no need for controlling sleeping arragements. Tallenna |
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sueg
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Posts: 9,140
Location: Munich
Apr 12, 2016 12:51:01 GMT
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Post by sueg on Feb 20, 2017 16:25:29 GMT
I wouldn't allow it for a 17 yr old. If they are both out of the house, and coming home to visit, sure, why not. But there are some legal implications for under 18. I wonder if this is also a part of the US/non US difference. Age of consent is lower here, so legal issues don't come into it. |
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Post by myshelly on Feb 20, 2017 16:30:31 GMT
I wouldn't allow it for a 17 yr old. If they are both out of the house, and coming home to visit, sure, why not. But there are some legal implications for under 18. I wonder if this is also a part of the US/non US difference. Age of consent is lower here, so legal issues don't come into it. I think a lot of Americans just don't know the law so they always throw this around as it "might be a legal issue". In the vast majority of states a 17 1/2 year old with an 18 year old is not a legal issue at all. |
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Feb 20, 2017 16:50:19 GMT
No, I would not be ok with that.
My husband and I were 22 when we started dating and my mom and stepdad would not let us sleep in the same room when we visited them until we were married. I think that was partly because there were younger siblings.
I had a boyfriend in college whose parents let me stay overnight (it was a long distance relationship). I thought it was very odd, and still do.
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