momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,153
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Feb 19, 2017 22:04:47 GMT
I'm looking for opinions on whether you'd let this go on in your house or your feelings on the appropriateness/inappropriateness of it.
17 1/2 yo hs senior and 18 1/2 college freshman dating for 6 months. Both live at home. One has younger middle/young high school age at home.
If you were the parent of either would you allow them to have their girlfriend/boyfriend sleep over? No illusions that there isn't sex so it's more a factor of age, siblings, living at home, etc.
Sometimes I feel like I might be the only one with a certain opinion...figured i'd see what the peas think!
editing to add: college aged lives at home, not school. And new question: Would having younger kids in the house factor into your response?
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Post by alexa11 on Feb 19, 2017 22:06:04 GMT
Not in my house!
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Post by christine58 on Feb 19, 2017 22:07:45 GMT
Nope...
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ModChick
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Jun 26, 2014 23:57:06 GMT
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Post by ModChick on Feb 19, 2017 22:08:49 GMT
I'd say no as well.
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Post by myshelly on Feb 19, 2017 22:09:27 GMT
Eh, it's not a huge deal to me.
I guess it would depend on the circumstances. If the college kid goes to school out of town and they get limited time together I could see the need/desire for a sleepover and wouldn't have a problem with it.
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AnotherPea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,968
Jan 4, 2015 1:47:52 GMT
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Post by AnotherPea on Feb 19, 2017 22:10:11 GMT
I'm looking for opinions on whether you'd let this go on in your house or your feelings on the appropriateness/inappropriateness of it. 17 1/2 yo hs senior and 18 1/2 college freshman dating for 6 months. Both live at home. One has younger middle/young high school age at home. If you were the parent of either would you allow them to have their girlfriend/boyfriend sleep over? No illusions that there isn't sex so it's more a factor of age, siblings, living at home, etc. Sometimes I feel like I might be the only one with a certain opinion...figured i'd see what the peas think! Nope. I'm aware that teens have sex. But making it easy isn't part of my plan. In my house we follow the "if you permit it, you promote it" mantra.
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Post by debmast on Feb 19, 2017 22:16:03 GMT
Eh, it's not a huge deal to me. I guess it would depend on the circumstances. If the college kid goes to school out of town and they get limited time together I could see the need/desire for a sleepover and wouldn't have a problem with it. She said they both live at home. It'd be a nope in my house
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Post by supersoda on Feb 19, 2017 22:17:07 GMT
No, absent special circumstances and under my conditions. For instance, if they live in separate towns or have a late night event where it makes more sense to sleep in the same house. But there would be separate rooms.
I'm not sure at what age/relationship stage I'll be cool with my daughters' partners' staying overnight, but its going to be a while.
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paget
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,767
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:39 GMT
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Post by paget on Feb 19, 2017 22:17:57 GMT
Not happening at my house.
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NoWomanNoCry
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Posts: 5,856
Jun 25, 2014 21:53:42 GMT
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Feb 19, 2017 22:25:33 GMT
Eh, it's not a huge deal to me. I guess it would depend on the circumstances. If the college kid goes to school out of town and they get limited time together I could see the need/desire for a sleepover and wouldn't have a problem with it. I agree....but I will say I basically raised myself so my views on things like this are usually not popular.
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Post by mom on Feb 19, 2017 22:27:26 GMT
Nope.
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
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Post by zella on Feb 19, 2017 22:31:04 GMT
If you already know they are having sex, why does it matter where they do it?
I'm very liberal about this, as my daughters can attest. I wouldn't and didn't encourage sleepovers with casual dates, but when there is a long-term relationship, and when I know they are having sex anyway, then it's fine. I'm also a big proponent of very open communication within a family, so that your kids feel good about talking to you when problems or questions arise.
And here's an interesting factoid: one of my daughters first had sex at 14 (totally NOT okay with that, and happened when boyfriend's parents were supposed to be supervising). My other daughter is in her mid 20's, has had sleepovers with boyfriends, and is still waiting for the right person and time. Which to me shows that whether or not I allow sleepovers has nothing to do with my kids' sexual activities (or lack thereof).
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Post by threecs on Feb 19, 2017 22:32:36 GMT
I would say no.
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lesley
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Jul 6, 2014 21:50:44 GMT
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Post by lesley on Feb 19, 2017 22:39:21 GMT
My DS went out with a girl for about 18 months. When she stayed over, (every bloody weekend), they slept in the same bed. They did the same when they stayed with her parents. To me, it's not about "making it easy" for them. My ex-DH and I came back to my flat with me the night I met him - we were 19 and 20 - and he never left. (Until we separated last year, that is!) To me, it would feel hypocritical to insist on my kids having a different arrangement. And I know that when we stayed with my mum and his parents, the last thing we wanted to do was have sex when the grown-ups were in the house!
Out of curiosity, for those who wouldn't allow it, how would you feel if the partner is the same sex as your son/daughter? Would that make any difference to you? DD21 has been with her girlfriend for just over a year. They currently live 400 miles apart, so of course when she comes to visit they share a bed.
I don't see it as a big deal.
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Post by freecharlie on Feb 19, 2017 22:39:47 GMT
Absent other circumstances, not in my house.
You want to be an adult and have sleep overs? Get an apartment.
I had guys stay the night at my house after a concert or what not, but they slept in a different room.
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Post by myshelly on Feb 19, 2017 22:41:47 GMT
Eh, it's not a huge deal to me. I guess it would depend on the circumstances. If the college kid goes to school out of town and they get limited time together I could see the need/desire for a sleepover and wouldn't have a problem with it. She said they both live at home. It'd be a nope in my house She added that info after I made my post.
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Post by freecharlie on Feb 19, 2017 22:42:44 GMT
They currently live 400 miles apart, so of course when she comes to visit they share a bed. That would be a situation where I would allow it. Normal sleepover? Nope. Same sex doesn't matter if they are dating, they wouldn't be sleeping over in my house.
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Post by shamrock on Feb 19, 2017 22:55:46 GMT
One person of the couple is still in high school? Nope. Both live locally? Nope.
Don't see a need for the sleepover. I'm not going to make it easy for them to have sex when that's something I feel is best saved for a committed relationship. (I know that can happen at those ages, but often doesn't. DH and I were good friends all through high school & started dating as college freshmen. )
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Post by jemmls4 on Feb 19, 2017 22:59:00 GMT
Nope. It wouldn't matter to me if there were younger kids or not. I think having younger kids in the house is even more of a reason to say no.
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Post by 950nancy on Feb 19, 2017 23:07:02 GMT
My son and his gf have been dating for almost 7 years. We have taken her on vacation with us several times. I have always made sure that she had her own space. This summer we are planning on a trip to Costa Rica where she will be invited. I have mentioned to my son that I am not going to be assigning sleeping spaces for this trip. She will be 20 and my son 21. I think they are old enough now to share a room. However, prior to this trip, I wasn't okay with it. My husband was her teacher and it just didn't feel right. I think you have to go with your gut. There isn't a right answer.
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SabrinaP
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Jun 26, 2014 12:16:22 GMT
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Post by SabrinaP on Feb 19, 2017 23:08:34 GMT
Nope, sneak around like we did. I will buy condoms and oral contraceptives, but other than that I'm out!
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Post by threegirls on Feb 19, 2017 23:08:36 GMT
No to sleepovers
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milocat
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Location: 55 degrees north in Alberta, Canada
Mar 18, 2015 4:10:31 GMT
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Post by milocat on Feb 19, 2017 23:18:40 GMT
My teen DD is dating and we've been open about sex. She's had a few doctor appointments for other things we've gone together to and I've asked her if she wants/needs to go on the pill and she said not yet. So while I"m fine with being open with that she can find her own place to have safe sex. She's cramping our sex life by staying up later than us so I don't need to make things easier for her With a younger sibling in the house it would definitely be a no.
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Post by MZF on Feb 19, 2017 23:23:19 GMT
Not here....
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Post by AussieMeg on Feb 19, 2017 23:26:25 GMT
Yes I would and yes I have. I realise that I will be in the minority here.
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Post by ihaveonly1l on Feb 19, 2017 23:30:05 GMT
Not in this situation-with no other circumstances.
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StephDRebel
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Jul 5, 2014 1:53:49 GMT
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Post by StephDRebel on Feb 19, 2017 23:30:52 GMT
Im a general no, but weve had girlfriends sleep over in a long distance situation. She slept in his room, he slept in an air mattress in my room, they stayed in common areas, and he went to bed when I did with a great dane sleeping with me that loses his shit anytime the door is opened.
The other child had his girlfriend sleep over on christmas eve. They're 18 amd 19, same rules.
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Post by gar on Feb 19, 2017 23:34:44 GMT
Yes I would and yes I have. I realise that I will be in the minority here. I'll sit with you.
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Post by workingclassdog on Feb 19, 2017 23:37:08 GMT
A couple of times we let BF sleep on the couch. DD and BF were up late watching movies or something... so we let them do that a couple of times. Both are out of high school at that point or she was close to it.. I can't remember exactly the timeline.
If DD brings home BF they do watch TV in her room. Always with the doors open and we have a very small house. So between me, DH and her younger sister going up and down the stairs all the time nothing is happening. He's pretty respectful. Although I know they have relations (UGGGG) but not when we are home!! She may sneak him in if we are home but that is nothing I need to know about and she is of age. But there is no 'spending' the night all night in the bedroom or anywhere else for the most part, except stated above.
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Post by Miss Ang on Feb 20, 2017 0:35:02 GMT
No. My daughter is 21 (22 in April). Her boyfriend lives 5 hours away and comes to visit once a month or so. He sleeps at my in laws house. They know this is a guideline and respect it. It's not an issue for either of them and they wouldn't even ask if they could sleep overnight in the same bed. As a matter of fact, the first time he visited (which was last year) my daughter had already spoken to her grandma about the sleeping arrangements before finalizing his travel plans.
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