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Post by mrst on Jun 11, 2017 16:23:43 GMT
Don't be pissed in Scotland....it means really really drunk!,
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Post by sunnyd on Jun 11, 2017 16:25:25 GMT
At what point should I start getting pissed? NOW! |
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Post by papersilly on Jun 11, 2017 16:27:50 GMT
to be honest, i'd probably be more pissed at myself for even inviting him along, buying his ticket, and get invested in him coming along. he doesn't sound super interested in going that that would make me even more pissed at myself.
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Post by mom on Jun 11, 2017 16:29:57 GMT
I am curious about this as well. Also? Did he ask you to pay for it? Not gonna lie - red flags are going off. You just recently started dating this guy and you're willing to drop $1800 for a ticket for him? Thats a pretty big commitment for just starting to date this guy. Money isn't a problem. I told him he can pay me back whenever, or never at all. The problem is my heart and having it set on him going. If he doesn't show, the whole trip would have a rain cloud over it (even more than normal in Edinburgh). Ok gotta run. Will be back later. Money may not be a problem for you....but maybe it is for him? Perhaps you buying the ticket has made him really uncomfortable? Especially if you are not that serious? His actions are saying he doesn't want to go. I think it could be wise of you to sit back and watch with an open mind. I know you want him to go, but nothing he has actually done (vs. just talked about) says he wants to go. |
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oaksong
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,167 
Location: LA Suburbia
Site Supporter
Jun 27, 2014 6:24:29 GMT
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Post by oaksong on Jun 11, 2017 16:31:58 GMT
Since no one else has asked, I will. Are you sure he doesn't have another relationship that is holding back his ability to go on the trip? Maybe he doesn't want a plane ticket to show up on his credit card, or a passport to show up in the mailbox? Just putting it out there...
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 21:32:55 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 11, 2017 16:32:34 GMT
I think you already know the outcome. I would figure out how to get your money back on that ticket.
I would really like to know why people do this kind of stuff. Commit or don't , just stop playing games.
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Post by bc2ca on Jun 11, 2017 16:35:18 GMT
I'd be pissed, but would not be reminding him daily to get it done because I don't think he is going to take any action until it really is down to the wire and he is in a State Department office applying for a 24 hour expedited passport. Or misses his flight because he doesn't get the passport. Giving you the responsibility to remind him to do it makes it your fault if he doesn't get it done. All that the daily reminders will do is raise your blood pressure.
My DH is used to having people take care of these "administrative" details in his life and I've learned to walk away from reminding/nagging him.
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River
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,627
Jun 26, 2014 15:26:04 GMT
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Post by River on Jun 11, 2017 16:41:59 GMT
I'm an unorganized and very forgetful person and always have been, but even I would be getting pissed by now. You are doing an amazing thing for this man, I mean wow, this is a great opportunity for him. He sounds like he realizes this with words, but his actions just are not showing it. It's up to you to decide if he is worth the trouble of "babysitting", not just now but in the future also.
I hope you have a fabulous trip!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 21:32:55 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 11, 2017 16:46:36 GMT
Oh and as far as my son goes - he just knows that we are going with 2 of my friends - 1 guy and 1 girl. He's a go-with-the-flow type of kid and is cool with it. I have never introduced him to anyone as my boyfriend. This trip was going to determine how we proceed with all of that. I would never consider a trip to Scotland as the deciding factor on how to proceed with introducing a man into my son's life. If they don't get along, there is no escape. You are stuck together in a foreign country. This is a bad idea all the way around. On the romantic side of this question...it sounds like you are being used. I second the other pea who posted that he might have somebody else in his life. He also sounds like he can't get his shit together. Walk away now and enjoy your trip with your best friend and your son. You do not need this drama. |
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Post by mom on Jun 11, 2017 16:49:01 GMT
And on a logistics side - you have a 2bedroom place. Who's sleeping with who?
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wellway
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,203
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Jun 11, 2017 16:50:39 GMT
Oh and as far as my son goes - he just knows that we are going with 2 of my friends - 1 guy and 1 girl. He's a go-with-the-flow type of kid and is cool with it. I have never introduced him to anyone as my boyfriend. This trip was going to determine how we proceed with all of that. Is your best friend ok with him tagging along? If he does come along, will she feel like a gooseberry? |
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Post by Yubon Peatlejuice on Jun 11, 2017 16:50:50 GMT
And on a logistics side - you have a 2bedroom place. Who's sleeping with who? My man-friend gets the couch. |
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Post by Yubon Peatlejuice on Jun 11, 2017 16:51:15 GMT
Oh and as far as my son goes - he just knows that we are going with 2 of my friends - 1 guy and 1 girl. He's a go-with-the-flow type of kid and is cool with it. I have never introduced him to anyone as my boyfriend. This trip was going to determine how we proceed with all of that. Is your best friend ok with him tagging along? If he does come along, will she feel like a gooseberry? she's excited |
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Post by Basket1lady on Jun 11, 2017 16:53:53 GMT
And on a logistics side - you have a 2bedroom place. Who's sleeping with who? My man-friend gets the couch. But what about when he wants to hold your hand? Kissing (even casually)? How old is your DS that he won't catch on to what is happening? I'd say even my DS (who is as clueless as they come!) would know something was up by the time he was 3-4 years old, if I were holding hands and smooching some guy. |
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PrettyInPeank
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,691
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Post by PrettyInPeank on Jun 11, 2017 16:56:05 GMT
I would not utter another word about anything and see what he does.
If you don't remind him, will he blame you? (It's incredible to me a grown man would put it on YOU to remind him. It's not like you're married with shared responsibilities.) Will he take care of the passport in time? If he misses the trip, will he apologize and take responsibilty, or will he blame other factors? Will he pay you back, especially if he misses the trip? I can picture him blaming this whole thing at the last minute on some ridiculous scenario like my job cancelled my vacation time or something.
I would be incredibly turned off by this man, and pissed. What an ass. He's thinking only of himself right now. Consider that $1,800 the price it took to find out this man's true colors before it got more serious. Money well spent if you ask me.
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Post by phoenixcov on Jun 11, 2017 16:56:23 GMT
Why don`t you write what you would say to another pea who started a thread like this,
and then follow your own advice.
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Post by mom on Jun 11, 2017 16:57:27 GMT
damn. This is two threads on a Sunday AM that the peas all agree.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 21:32:55 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 11, 2017 16:59:20 GMT
I'm surprised no one has mentioned this is a scam. If he was honest and sincere he wouldn't be asking for you to remind him. Seriously this is not a man of character I would want around my son.
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Post by Yubon Peatlejuice on Jun 11, 2017 17:01:28 GMT
My man-friend gets the couch. But what about when he wants to hold your hand? Kissing (even casually)? How old is your DS that he won't catch on to what is happening? I'd say even my DS (who is as clueless as they come!) would know something was up by the time he was 3-4 years old, if I were holding hands and smooching some guy. Youll have to just take my word for it that I'm not worried about this at all. I'm not big on PDA and my son is used to his dad kissing and inviting home every woman he meets. He will go into the trip understanding that mommy is a big girl but he won't see anything like that happening. He's totally cool with it already. Don't worry about my DS and my friend or any other detail. It's all planned out and I've thought about all of this already. He just needs to show up. His actions not matching his words are the problem here. |
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Post by scrapmaven on Jun 11, 2017 17:03:35 GMT
I'm gonna join the peas who are suspicious of him having another relationship. Are you sure he's completely, 100% single? He is acting sketchy.
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Post by Yubon Peatlejuice on Jun 11, 2017 17:05:47 GMT
I'm gonna join the peas who are suspicious of him having another relationship. Are you sure he's completely, 100% single? He is acting sketchy. Yes I'm positive he's single. We have about 50 mutual friends on Facebook and there are plenty of pics of me and him together on there. My parents go to church with his parents. I talk to him every night. I'm sure that if I don't know about another woman by now, she sure as heck would know about me. |
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PrettyInPeank
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,691
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Post by PrettyInPeank on Jun 11, 2017 17:07:05 GMT
Let me put it this way. If this was my boyfriend (now husband) in this scenario, I'll tell you what he'd have done. He would have hinted just like your boyfriend. He may have even let me buy the ticket to 100% ensure he got that dang seat. But that's where the similarities end.
Afterwards, he would have taken care of that passport that next week. Because he would have wanted to go with me so much, and would not want to let me down over some trivial passport.
He would be embarrassed he couldn't buy that ticket on his own, and would sell whatever wasn't nailed down and take extra shifts to pay me back IMMEDIATELY. I cannot stress that enough. This would be priority #1. It's a responsibility and pride thing.
He'd also ask if there were any bookings that needed help, or things he could buy beforehand to help. Because he loves me and would want to ease the stress of travel planning.
This is what you want out of a man. You don't want a selfish child. Don't settle for anything less.
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Post by Yubon Peatlejuice on Jun 11, 2017 17:07:31 GMT
This thread is gonna get derailed by peas missing the forest for the trees. LOL.
I'm not sure what I was looking for here but I do feel justified in being angry now and know how to proceed. Thanks Peas!
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Post by Yubon Peatlejuice on Jun 11, 2017 17:09:20 GMT
Let me put it this way. If this was my boyfriend (now husband) in this scenario, I'll tell you what he'd have done. He would have hinted just like your boyfriend. He may have even let me buy the ticket to 100% ensure he got that dang seat. But that's where the similarities end. Afterwards, he would have taken care of that passport that next week. Because he would have wanted to go with me so much, and would not want to let me down over some trivial passport. He would be embarrassed he couldn't buy that ticket on his own, and would sell whatever wasn't nailed down and take extra shifts to pay me back IMMEDIATELY. I cannot stress that enough. This would be priority #1. It's a responsibility and pride thing. He'd also ask if there were any bookings that needed help, or things he could buy beforehand to help. Because he loves me and would want to ease the stress of travel planning. This is what you want out of a man. You don't want a selfish child. Don't settle for anything less. Great post, thank you. He did offer to (and I accepted) arrange our transportation to and from the airport and to buy all meals for the 4 of us while there. But of course first he has to show up! Edited to add: seriously great post. Thank you. |
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Post by mom on Jun 11, 2017 17:11:11 GMT
This thread is gonna get derailed by peas missing the forest for the trees. LOL. I'm not sure what I was looking for here but I do feel justified in being angry now and know how to proceed. Thanks Peas! The same could be said about you. You are so hell-bent on him going, you are missing some key signals. You actually wrote: It's all planned out and I've thought about all of this already. He just needs to show up. His actions not matching his words are the problem here.
Think about that for a second. You are (rightfully) worried that 1) he wont show up and 2) he has a problem with his actions matching his words. |
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PrettyInPeank
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,691
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Post by PrettyInPeank on Jun 11, 2017 17:14:07 GMT
Let me put it this way. If this was my boyfriend (now husband) in this scenario, I'll tell you what he'd have done. He would have hinted just like your boyfriend. He may have even let me buy the ticket to 100% ensure he got that dang seat. But that's where the similarities end. Afterwards, he would have taken care of that passport that next week. Because he would have wanted to go with me so much, and would not want to let me down over some trivial passport. He would be embarrassed he couldn't buy that ticket on his own, and would sell whatever wasn't nailed down and take extra shifts to pay me back IMMEDIATELY. I cannot stress that enough. This would be priority #1. It's a responsibility and pride thing. He'd also ask if there were any bookings that needed help, or things he could buy beforehand to help. Because he loves me and would want to ease the stress of travel planning. This is what you want out of a man. You don't want a selfish child. Don't settle for anything less. Great post, thank you. He did offer to (and I accepted) arrange our transportation to and from the airport and to buy all meals for the 4 of us while there. But of course first he has to show up! Edited to add: seriously great post. Thank you. I say this gently, but I would not allow this man to be in charge of my transportion plans, especially since my son would be with me. He has not demonstrated any follow-through whatsoever here, and you have to be in charge of your trip until he proves otherwise. |
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georgiapea
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,846
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Post by georgiapea on Jun 11, 2017 17:17:10 GMT
This guy may need more hand holding than you will be comfortable with long term. If that's the case, this trip will likely tell you that. Another factor is you are a careful, financial planner. What if he's not and you end up picking up the slack for other things. Things that could cause resentment to build. I would agree to remind him daily as he requested, to have the opportunity to observe him during this trip. To me it would be worth the investment to know if I'd linked my heart to someone who would cause me too much aggravation down the line.
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Post by Yubon Peatlejuice on Jun 11, 2017 17:17:23 GMT
Great post, thank you. He did offer to (and I accepted) arrange our transportation to and from the airport and to buy all meals for the 4 of us while there. But of course first he has to show up! Edited to add: seriously great post. Thank you. I say this gently, but I would not allow this man to be in charge of my transportion plans, especially since my son would be with me. He has not demonstrated any follow-through whatsoever here, and you have to be in charge of your trip until he proves otherwise. Worst case scenario - I drive to and from Detroit instead of him and I hail cabs to and from Edinburgh airport instead of him. And I can buy food. He's not in charge of anything important. |
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kibblesandbits
Pearl Clutcher
At the corner of Awesome and Bombdiggity
Posts: 3,305
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Post by kibblesandbits on Jun 11, 2017 17:22:24 GMT
Honestly, given the persona you put forth here, I can't even imagine why you're putting up with this guy at all. He sounds like he needs a babysitter, not a girlfriend. Boot him to the curb. You can't possibly be this desperate.
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Post by sean&marysmommy on Jun 11, 2017 17:23:39 GMT
I think you're letting your feelings for this dude cloud your normally sound, logical judgement. Hey, we all do it, men and women. It's so different when it's your own heart, your own emotions.
I see a lot of red flags. My husband is this way (needing to be nagged to get shit done), and while I love him, it's hard to live with. Just remember that the things that irritate you while you're dating and still on cloud nine will infuriate you when you're married and trying to enjoy daily life together. Especially if there is a child involved.
Hope I'm wrong, but just look out for yourself and your son. Don't settle.
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