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Post by Lexica on Jun 11, 2017 21:26:13 GMT
It may surprise you to know that I actually see a lot of my younger self in you. I was also a single mother of a son, and as a fiercely independent person, to a fault perhaps. I have found myself agreeing with a lot of the context of what you have posted over the years, just not in the way you choose to word them. I think I can get the same or at least very similar message across without the need to draw blood. I really believe that kindness matters in life. Especially between women. I believe we need to have each other's backs.
Anyway, what I have learned about myself in my life is that I absolutely cannot remain attracted to someone I don't respect in some area. It can start out really promising, but will die a quick death if I learn something about them that causes me to lose respect. If I were in your current situation, I know that is what would be happening to me right now. And all the hoping can't revive that. I predict you will never be able to see him the same way again.
My advice here is to stop the reminding. He's a big boy. And if this is his dream trip, let him act like it. I love the post above about how her husband would have responded in the same situation. I don't have a husband, but I can tell you, I would accept nothing less than that same level of consideration of my feelings. I am nobody's fool anymore. For me, as independent as I am, I need a man who is equal to or more together than I am. I think you will find out that you feel the same. You are too far apart from this foot dragger. I suppose you could let him know straight out that you don't respect the way he is handling this and see if he can step it up. But he had better take the warning to heart and get his shit together from now on. Is there someone else you would consider giving that ticket to instead of this guy? It might be time to think about that.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Jun 11, 2017 21:45:57 GMT
Cut him loose now - seriously - are you looking for a partner or another child? A million times this. You are just in the beginning of a relationship and he is waffling around when you are bestowing a huge gift to him. Nope. Total turn off. The start of a relationship is when a person is on their best behavior, so to speak. This is his best. It will only get worse from here. |
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Post by 950nancy on Jun 11, 2017 22:03:21 GMT
No advice. It is what it is right now. I hope he shows up and pulls his head out of his arse. Sometimes guys (and girls) are just like this. Glad the money isn't a big deal. I can see the end of the relationship being more hurtful. Good luck.
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Post by flanz on Jun 11, 2017 22:06:10 GMT
I say this gently, but I would not allow this man to be in charge of my transportion plans, especially since my son would be with me. He has not demonstrated any follow-through whatsoever here, and you have to be in charge of your trip until he proves otherwise. Worst case scenario - I drive to and from Detroit instead of him and I hail cabs to and from Edinburgh airport instead of him. And I can buy food. He's not in charge of anything important. you are cutting this guy an awful lot of slack and seem to be willing to take a lot of $hit from him. You asked when you can be angry? Long ago! I'd be out of there in a hurry, it seems pretty obvious that heartbreak lies ahead if you try to build a relationship with someone this immature, irresponsible and uncommitted. And you've got your son to think about! |
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Post by flanz on Jun 11, 2017 22:07:57 GMT
I think you're letting your feelings for this dude cloud your normally sound, logical judgement. Hey, we all do it, men and women. It's so different when it's your own heart, your own emotions. I see a lot of red flags. My husband is this way (needing to be nagged to get shit done), and while I love him, it's hard to live with. Just remember that the things that irritate you while you're dating and still on cloud nine will infuriate you when you're married and trying to enjoy daily life together. Especially if there is a child involved. Hope I'm wrong, but just look out for yourself and your son. Don't settle.  |
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PaperAngel
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,843
Jun 27, 2014 23:04:06 GMT
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Post by PaperAngel on Jun 11, 2017 22:28:40 GMT
You? Your son & best friend should be pissed at you for highjacking their trip to accomodate a freeloader!
After you generously invited & committed to paying for his alleged dream trip, including $1800 for a plane ticket (=1.5 times the total cost of the tickets for you, your son, & best friend), with no expectations for reimbursement, I can understand your frustration with him putting off renewing his passport!
Hope everything works out...
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Post by Yubon Peatlejuice on Jun 11, 2017 23:06:45 GMT
You? Your son & best friend should be pissed at you for highjacking their trip to accomodate a freeloader! Ummm, they're all freeloaders. |
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PaperAngel
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,843
Jun 27, 2014 23:04:06 GMT
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Post by PaperAngel on Jun 11, 2017 23:11:16 GMT
You? Your son & best friend should be pissed at you for highjacking their trip to accomodate a freeloader! Ummm, they're all freeloaders. I apologize for missing that you are also paying for your best friend to accompany you & your son on this trip. You are kind to include others, so they can see the world. Hope you & your guests enjoy this upcoming trip! |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 19:59:27 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 11, 2017 23:14:09 GMT
And I totally missed the whole point....
Have a lovely time on you trip! And I really hope that everything works out with you man friend.
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janeinbama
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,257 
Location: Alabama
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Post by janeinbama on Jun 11, 2017 23:34:26 GMT
You are a smart woman and a caring, loving Mother. For the price of the airline ticket, you have learned quite a bit about this guy.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Jun 11, 2017 23:43:49 GMT
You? Your son & best friend should be pissed at you for highjacking their trip to accomodate a freeloader! Ummm, they're all freeloaders. Well, in that case if he flakes, I'll take his place. I'll sleep on the couch, too.  |
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Post by ~summer~ on Jun 11, 2017 23:46:58 GMT
My first red flag would be someone who had difficulty coming up with $1800. Now there are a bunch more red flags.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Jun 12, 2017 0:20:55 GMT
First off, I would not totally write the poor guy off, just because the Peas are dreaming him up to be a felon. He may just be that sort of disorganized guy. There ARE some red flags though. You keep saying you have known him since HS. That doesn't matter. Are you the same person you were in HS? Was anyone? You said you have "recently" started seeing him. HOW recently. I think it was a horrible idea to invite him along. Esp so soon, and then paying more for just HIS ticket, then you did for the other 3 combined??? WTH? That doesn't even make sense to me. Yes, it's not about the money, to YOU, but yes, it is. If he had bought his own ticket, he would be invested. Right now he's not. He has nothing to lose.
Also to take a recent relationship on vacation with your ds, and best friend. SMH. IF this relationship works out, you would have plenty of time to do this again, or go with just him. It all seems just rushed, impulsive.
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Post by peace on Jun 12, 2017 0:39:42 GMT
I can only hear the "advice" you would be giving someone sharing this same story in my head. It wouldn't be nice. I hope you are able to resolve it.
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Post by ilikepink on Jun 12, 2017 2:26:05 GMT
As someone else said, it's hard when people disappoint you. For whatever reason - lack of money, lack of gumption, or shear laziness - he isn't living up to what you expect in a friend/more than friend. Is that what you are looking for in a relationship? Can you handle being disappointed by this man on a regular basis?
Let him do-or not do-what is necessary for this trip. Let go of your expectations both for the trip and your relationship. If he steps up, including paying you back for the ticket, you will be pleasantly surprised, and if he doesn't, if you have no expectations you won't be further disappointed. Whether or not not you need the money, he should pay you back--it sets an awkwardness for your relationship/friendship.
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Post by annabella on Jun 12, 2017 2:36:10 GMT
So of course I booked his $1800 ticket and paid for it myself. Aren't you the dumb bitch. 8 weeks out he can still purchase his own plane ticket. There was no reason for you to rush and buy it for him. If he wanted to go he would have bought his own ticket. |
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gram2sojo
Junior Member
Posts: 72
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Post by gram2sojo on Jun 12, 2017 2:42:07 GMT
 please think of these flags as red!!! run away as fast as you can even though it will hurt like hell. A big hug to you and cyber shoulders to cry on if needed. |
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Post by Zee on Jun 12, 2017 2:45:44 GMT
That must be gold-plated D to pay for the ticket and put up with those shenanigans. I hope he holds up his end of the bargain, whatever that is.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Jun 12, 2017 2:56:34 GMT
That must be gold-plated D to pay for the ticket and put up with those shenanigans. I hope he holds up his end of the bargain, whatever that is. Z*G!! are you implying he has a huge ass Dick? and it's all about SEX??!! LOL...go girl. |
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Post by jumperhop on Jun 12, 2017 3:16:04 GMT
Yubon,
You deserve better!
Jen
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Post by annie on Jun 12, 2017 4:27:37 GMT
This is not the type of guy that you want to be involved with long-term. No way. I think you just dodged a bullet by figuring this out now.
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Post by MichyM on Jun 12, 2017 4:51:07 GMT
Ok, I've only made it through the first page so far but I'm just scratching my head at this. I wish women would stop doing this to themselves. Sheesh. You're smarter than this,
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Post by leftturnonly on Jun 12, 2017 9:01:51 GMT
Is it wrong of me to be more than a little pissed right now? Who are you and what have you done with Yubon? |
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Post by leftturnonly on Jun 12, 2017 9:13:16 GMT
Just remember that the things that irritate you while you're dating and still on cloud nine will infuriate you when you're married and trying to enjoy daily life together. Especially if there is a child involved.  |
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Jun 12, 2017 10:13:13 GMT
My thoughts...
You are a leader. Organized. The lead and take charge type. Get things done. Leaders have no tolerance, for things not getting accomplished.
He is a follower. He is content being a follower. Happy to let a leader take charge. Happy to go along with anything, as long as someone else is the leader, and does the planning, organizing, and is the task do-er.
He will never change.
Leader or follower, or anywhere in-between... people are wired, they way they are wired. Most are content with who they are, and have no desire to change. He is the "it'll get done, when it gets done" type. You are the "why is it done already type".
It sounds like the foreplay of your upcoming trip, is showing you some of his true colors, and behavior patterns.
You have to decide, if you can accept him as he is, or cut your losses and simply remain friends(with or without benefits).
Personally, I don't see this situation as a "red flag" issue. I see it as a "opposite attracts". The question is...do his other qualities make up for and/or balance out, the areas in which you feel he is lacking or not as compatible to you?
The dating phase, is the time in which, to learn, get to know, experience another's true self and true colors.
Like with anything....beauty, love, personality, etc... in the eye of the beholder. One woman's trash, is another woman's treasure.
Enjoy your journey, whether it's the three of your or the four of you.
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Post by Florida Cindy on Jun 12, 2017 10:29:12 GMT
Don't be pissed in Scotland....it means really really drunk!, |
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scrapaddie
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,090
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Post by scrapaddie on Jun 12, 2017 11:47:39 GMT
You can come up with the money for the entire trip and he can't come up with a mere $1800.?? That is a red flag in itself! Can't get his passport renewed without being reminded? Puhleeeeeeze! Flag 2! You are using the trip to decide how to proceed with your son? Unless your son is very young, he is going to have an inkling... What if his presence ruins the trip for your son?
You need to watch more Jedge Judy!!!
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Post by peano on Jun 12, 2017 12:06:32 GMT
Oh good Lord. Unless you want another son, lose this guy. You come from an abusive family. Get yourself some therapy so you don't continue to pick losers--if not for you, then for your DS. Consider your ass kicked.
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Post by SockMonkey on Jun 12, 2017 12:17:47 GMT
Okay. You said this trip is about you and your son, yet you invited your boyfriend along and then you're put out because he clearly can't afford it but your "heart is set on it." Whose trip is this, anyway? And don't give me the whole "we're doing our own thing" biz. If you were doing your own thing with your son, you wouldn't have invited dude in the first place. If another pea had posted this, you'd have called her stupid and told her to dump the chump. And you'd be right. This is a hot ass mess. Girl.  |
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Post by jassy on Jun 12, 2017 12:36:34 GMT
Sounds to me like he's flat broke, and can't come up with the money to expedite the passport.
Run! You and your son don't need this.
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