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Post by sleepingbooty on Jun 11, 2017 17:26:36 GMT
Money isn't a problem. I told him he can pay me back whenever, or never at all. The problem is my heart and having it set on him going. If he doesn't show, the whole trip would have a rain cloud over it (even more than normal in Edinburgh). But it *is* about the money. You bought him a ticket which he couldn't afford. For his alleged dream trip he couldn't afford. And now he's not doing his part of the deal to enjoy this very generous gift. Being a dreamer or a procrastinator does not explain talking/texting you about the trip daily but then not "remembering" to take care of his passport. There's a missing link there. And said link is a major red flag, whatever it is. He sounds like one of those guys who will sweet-talk their way into someone's life but never actually live up to the persona they're pretending to be (in the first months/couple years of the relationship). Walk away ASAP. The big issue here is you having your heart set on him going. That's straight out of a teenager's handbook on how to have one's priorities upside down. You're deluding yourself if you think this person will be an asset to your life. I'd rather tell it to you straight because even if he makes the plane and is pleasant during the trip, you're in for major trouble afterwards once the magic fairy dust of infatuation settles. This is the trip you've carefully planned for you, your son and your friend. Not having him there ought not to be some rain cloud over it. If you persist in this mode of thinking and feeling, you're going to do yourself (and your son) a major disservice down the road. I'm more worried about how you're talking about him making it after all than his lousy attitude (because that can be solved by snapping your fingers and letting him go). Buyer of other people's tickets beware! |
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Post by Yubon Peatlejuice on Jun 11, 2017 17:34:28 GMT
Money isn't a problem. I told him he can pay me back whenever, or never at all. The problem is my heart and having it set on him going. If he doesn't show, the whole trip would have a rain cloud over it (even more than normal in Edinburgh). But it *is* about the money. You bought him a ticket which he couldn't afford. For his alleged dream trip he couldn't afford. And now he's not doing his part of the deal to enjoy this very generous gift. Being a dreamer or a procrastinator does not explain talking/texting you about the trip daily but then not "remembering" to take care of his passport. There's a missing link there. And said link is a major red flag, whatever it is. He sounds like one of those guys who will sweet-talk their way into someone's life but never actually live up to the persona they're pretending to be (in the first months/couple years of the relationship). Walk away ASAP. The big issue here is you having your heart set on him going. That's straight out of a teenager's handbook on how to have one's priorities upside down. You're deluding yourself if you think this person will be an asset to your life. I'd rather tell it to you straight because even if he makes the plane and is pleasant during the trip, you're in for major trouble afterwards once the magic fairy dust of infatuation settles. This is the trip you've carefully planned for you, your son and your friend. Not having him there ought not to be some rain cloud over it. If you persist in this mode of thinking and feeling, you're going to do yourself (and your son) a major disservice down the road. I'm more worried about how you're talking about him making it after all than his lousy attitude (because that can be solved by snapping your fingers and letting him go). Buyer of other people's tickets beware! Youre totally right |
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 19:43:29 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 11, 2017 17:36:19 GMT
You can't possibly be this desperate. It is quite possible that she is this desperate. Given her behavior on this board and the vile things that she has said to peas in the past, I would think that she treats people in her real life the same way. It is hard to attract a quality man when you treat others like crap. |
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Post by Yubon Peatlejuice on Jun 11, 2017 17:37:22 GMT
Ok I'm changing my outlook starting now. Let me re-write my OP:
I'm very excited to be going to Edinburgh with my son and best friend! We have it all planned out. August just needs to get here already!
(There might be a 4th person going but that's up to him at this point. If he shows up, he can sleep on the couch and hang out with us or totally do his own thing while there. Who cares!)
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YooHoot
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,471 
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Post by YooHoot on Jun 11, 2017 17:39:33 GMT
Ok I'm changing my outlook starting now. Let me re-write my OP: I'm very excited to be going to Edinburgh with my son and best friend! We have it all planned out. August just needs to get here already! (There might be a 4th person going but that's up to him at this point. If he shows up, he can sleep on the couch and hang out with us or totally do his own thing while there. Who cares!) *fist bump* Have a good time! |
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Post by anniefb on Jun 11, 2017 17:40:33 GMT
Cut him loose now - seriously - are you looking for a partner or another child? That ^^ SaveSave |
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 19:43:29 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 11, 2017 17:44:34 GMT
You can't possibly be this desperate. It is quite possible that she is this desperate. Given her behavior on this board and the vile things that she has said to peas in the past, I would think that she treats people in her real life the same way. It is hard to attract a quality man when you treat others like crap. |
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Post by Drew on Jun 11, 2017 17:46:02 GMT
Hey, nice to see you posting. I know some don't care for you but you're part of this board.
I see that the peas have come through to remind you of who you are and that you don't tolerate this kind of behavior. I dislike this phrase but I think it's applicable in this case - you do you. Get your plan b ducks in a row. Pfft to the daily reminders... I'd only do that for one of my minor children.
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scrapngranny
Pearl Clutcher
Only slightly senile
Posts: 4,948
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Post by scrapngranny on Jun 11, 2017 17:54:57 GMT
Yes, you should be pissed. At this point I would do nothing more to make this trip possible for him. This is the perfect time for him to show you who he really is. If he has to be prodded every step of the way to get something done for a trip he is looking forward, imagine what he's like with everyday hum drum stuff.
He's a big boy. He can set his phone to remind himself as often has he wants to be reminded. I'm seeing lots of flashing red lights. Hopefully, it's a fluke and he will taking responsibility to make things happen. Have an awesome time in Scotland.
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J u l e e
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,531
Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Jun 11, 2017 17:58:04 GMT
I think someone has hacked Yubon's account. No way she has her heart set on a dude like this. She doesn't even let women who are complete strangers on a message board act this flaky without ripping them a new one.
(Just kidding - we have all done/put up with something ridiculous in our lives that someone else would skewer us for. Live and learn.)
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,412
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Jun 11, 2017 18:10:35 GMT
You have been played by a player. Dump him toot sweet.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 19:43:29 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 11, 2017 18:38:54 GMT
I've read all the replies to your thread and I'm just thinking..
Have you actually seen his expired passport? So you know for sure he has one? I don't have a passport as I haven't traveled out of the country. Are there restrictions for getting a passport? Like convicted of a felony? Owe the IRS or back child support? Something he doesn't want you to know? I can't for the life of me imagine why an adult with the opportunity to travel, basically for cheap, wouldn't make passport renewals a priority. I think just the fact that you started this thread shows you see the red flags.
I hope you & your son have a fabulous trip.
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Post by lisacharlotte on Jun 11, 2017 18:43:11 GMT
I'm not going to tell you what to do. I will advise that only you can decide if you want this type of relationship. If you are good with being the caretaker then go for it. But you really can't claim later, when the infatuation had worn off, that you're tired of making all the plans, doing all the follow up, and paying all the bills. He's given you a good example of what life will be like with him. The rest is up to you.
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Post by heathers on Jun 11, 2017 18:43:38 GMT
I'm just amazed it cost $1,800 for one person to get to Edinburgh. Hot damn.
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eleezybeth
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,784
Jun 28, 2014 20:42:01 GMT
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Post by eleezybeth on Jun 11, 2017 18:44:53 GMT
Money isn't a problem. I told him he can pay me back whenever, or never at all. The problem is my heart and having it set on him going. If he doesn't show, the whole trip would have a rain cloud over it (even more than normal in Edinburgh). Ok gotta run. Will be back later. You have always shown yourself to be a fiercely independent person who gives it straight. Sometimes full of assholic tendencies, but straight. So... I say this with the love of your personality in mind. Are you fucking kidding us? You are putting a man above a trip with your son and best friend? You can afford it so you think it is no big deal, but you know it is a big deal. You would absolutely tell any of us that same thing. You put the success of this trip on a man coming - a man who can't pay his own way and needs reminders to get his passport. You've never travelled with him so you do not know if he will be so laissez faire about getting his ass out of bed in the morning to go see and do things. I am glad your perspective on your trip has changed that if he comes it is a bonus and not a cloud. But seriously - you know this is going to end in disaster as you babysit a grown ass man on his "bucket list dream trip" that he can't even be bothered to get a passport for. Grab some adderral before you go and maybe you can drug him into caring. Also, I hope I'm wrong! Good luck. Have a great time. Edinburgh is one of my favorite cities! |
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Post by Yubon Peatlejuice on Jun 11, 2017 18:51:45 GMT
I'm just amazed it cost $1,800 for one person to get to Edinburgh. Hot damn. It costs that much if you wait too long. It's up to 2000 now. When I booked our flights last winter, the tickets were only 400. |
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Post by quinlove on Jun 11, 2017 18:51:53 GMT
The trip is in two months, will you be seeing him before the trip ? Have you decided ( think you've decided) how you are going to engage with him In the meantime ?
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Post by Yubon Peatlejuice on Jun 11, 2017 18:52:59 GMT
I've read all the replies to your thread and I'm just thinking.. Have you actually seen his expired passport? So you know for sure he has one? I don't have a passport as I haven't traveled out of the country. Are there restrictions for getting a passport? Like convicted of a felony? Owe the IRS or back child support? Something he doesn't want you to know? I can't for the life of me imagine why an adult with the opportunity to travel, basically for cheap, wouldn't make passport renewals a priority. I think just the fact that you started this thread shows you see the red flags. I hope you & your son have a fabulous trip. ive seen pics of international trips he has taken in the last 5-10 years |
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Post by Yubon Peatlejuice on Jun 11, 2017 18:53:40 GMT
The trip is in two months, will you be seeing him before the trip ? Have you decided ( think you've decided) how you are going to engage with him In the meantime ? i see him in two weeks. I think I will just play it cool. |
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Post by Yubon Peatlejuice on Jun 11, 2017 18:58:04 GMT
Money isn't a problem. I told him he can pay me back whenever, or never at all. The problem is my heart and having it set on him going. If he doesn't show, the whole trip would have a rain cloud over it (even more than normal in Edinburgh). Ok gotta run. Will be back later. You have always shown yourself to be a fiercely independent person who gives it straight. Sometimes full of assholic tendencies, but straight. So... I say this with the love of your personality in mind. Are you fucking kidding us? You are putting a man above a trip with your son and best friend? You can afford it so you think it is no big deal, but you know it is a big deal. You would absolutely tell any of us that same thing. You put the success of this trip on a man coming - a man who can't pay his own way and needs reminders to get his passport. You've never travelled with him so you do not know if he will be so laissez faire about getting his ass out of bed in the morning to go see and do things. I am glad your perspective on your trip has changed that if he comes it is a bonus and not a cloud. But seriously - you know this is going to end in disaster as you babysit a grown ass man on his "bucket list dream trip" that he can't even be bothered to get a passport for. Grab some adderral before you go and maybe you can drug him into caring. Also, I hope I'm wrong! Good luck. Have a great time. Edinburgh is one of my favorite cities! I guess I need to explain how this trip is laid out, and has been explained to my best friend and this guy. My son and I already had a complete iteniary. It's only 5 nights in Edinburgh. The first 3 days we are just walking up and down the Royal Mile, going to Holyrood and Edinburgh Castle and the Royal Military Tattoo. We will see whatever we think looks interesting. On days 4 and 5 we have day trips planned out of the city (to Stirling Castle and to Loch Ness). I told the others that "this is what my son and I are doing, you are welcome to come along or do your own thing on your own." This trip is about me and my son. My best friend is great with my son and she knows he is #1 and she has plans with us and on her own. My guy friend was informed of all of this too and from his words he is more than ok with it. |
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Post by Yubon Peatlejuice on Jun 11, 2017 18:59:11 GMT
I can't keep up with all of the questions! Sorry. Thanks for all of the advice and perspective so far though.
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quiltz
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,086
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Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Jun 11, 2017 19:32:20 GMT
I've read all the replies to your thread and I'm just thinking.. Have you actually seen his expired passport? So you know for sure he has one? I don't have a passport as I haven't traveled out of the country. Are there restrictions for getting a passport? Like convicted of a felony? Owe the IRS or back child support? Something he doesn't want you to know? I can't for the life of me imagine why an adult with the opportunity to travel, basically for cheap, wouldn't make passport renewals a priority. I think just the fact that you started this thread shows you see the red flags. I hope you & your son have a fabulous trip. ive seen pics of international trips he has taken in the last 5-10 years Are you sure that these are legit pictures or have these photos been altered a bit? A lot can happen since he last used his passport and perhaps he is unable to obtain one now. I do remember your post about how happy you were to get these tickets at such a low price. I cannot understand why you would purchase such expensive tickets for someone that you haven't known for a long time. The decisions are yours to make and the results are for you to live with. Have a great trip and make wonderful memories with your son & friend(s). |
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gramma
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,332
Location: Sacramento, Ca
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Post by gramma on Jun 11, 2017 19:42:56 GMT
I've been thinking about this all morning so I came back to add a different thought. What sort of relationship are you looking for with the guy? A long term "going to the chapel" kind of thing or a you're a nice guy I'd like to have you as a friend (maybe with "benefits")? How would you feel if this was a gal pal that was having this procrastination issue? How would you feel if the gal pay couldn't or didn't pay you back right away?
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Post by christine58 on Jun 11, 2017 19:43:04 GMT
You have every right to be pissed off at him.
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Post by Yubon Peatlejuice on Jun 11, 2017 19:57:10 GMT
I've been thinking about this all morning so I came back to add a different thought. What sort of relationship are you looking for with the guy? A long term "going to the chapel" kind of thing or a you're a nice guy I'd like to have you as a friend (maybe with "benefits")? How would you feel if this was a gal pal that was having this procrastination issue? How would you feel if the gal pay couldn't or didn't pay you back right away? Up until a few hours ago, I thought there was a lot of potential with him. |
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Post by Yubon Peatlejuice on Jun 11, 2017 19:58:42 GMT
ive seen pics of international trips he has taken in the last 5-10 years Are you sure that these are legit pictures or have these photos been altered a bit? A lot can happen since he last used his passport and perhaps he is unable to obtain one now. I do remember your post about how happy you were to get these tickets at such a low price. I cannot understand why you would purchase such expensive tickets for someone that you haven't known for a long time. The decisions are yours to make and the results are for you to live with. Have a great trip and make wonderful memories with your son & friend(s). I've known him since 1985. I was excited for him to get his dream trip. Now, I might just end up really sad for him. |
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Post by chaosisapony on Jun 11, 2017 20:18:16 GMT
I'd be pissed and re-evaluating the entire relationship because I couldn't handle being with someone like that.
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PrettyInPeank
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,691
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Post by PrettyInPeank on Jun 11, 2017 20:45:14 GMT
I'm really sorry Yubon. It sucks hard when a dream or fantasy crashes into flames.
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Post by heathers on Jun 11, 2017 21:12:52 GMT
I might be the lone dissenter but I wouldn't string him up just yet. You still have two months until the trip, which is enough time to use the expedited passport services.
However, if he had really wanted to go on this trip, I would've had him buy his own ticket so there would've been no skin off my nose if he didn't show up.
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Post by librarylady on Jun 11, 2017 21:22:27 GMT
Only thing I have to add---
He is looking for someone to manage his life and treat him as a child.
I am 100% sure you want an adult, not a child and another person to manage.
If you want to keep him in your circle of HS friends--let that be all there is, just HS friends.
I will be 100% amazed if you ever see one dime of money from him to pay for the trip.
I hope you, your son and GF have a good time.
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