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Post by yivit on Jan 9, 2018 23:46:40 GMT
I can't believe she doesn't have a dress! This is the Disney princess bride, right? With family coming in for the event, I think you should concentrate on planning a rehearsal dinner/BBQ for out of town guests and maybe a few local excursions (winery tour?). If they have the venue & caterer, then you know when & where at least part of the day is taking place. If they are getting married at the venue, then all the major details are covered and everything else is up to them to make things look pretty or not. I think she bought a dress, decided she didn't like it and sold it or something like that. I can't get a clear answer on the dress - I stopped asking.
I like your idea of concentrating on the things I can do - I will talk to DH about planning something the night before with the out of town guests. We can do dinner the night before and make sure they have a nice breakfast the day of. I think I may also call the local hotel and try to block their rooms or book them all together.
I bolded an important part (IMO) . The groom's side is typically responsible for the rehearsal dinner which includes wedding party, parents of bride and groom, and usually the out of town guests. Yes DEFINITELY block of rooms, although this should have been done sooner to make sure there's a block available - also may be able to get a discount rate for the guests who need a room (if they book by a certain date). |
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Post by Skellinton on Jan 10, 2018 1:47:14 GMT
Just be clear though so they don't think you are doing all this planning and then be surprised when nothing is done closer to their wedding date. I have been very clear many times over.
Here is the list of things YOU need to do. Here's a timeline of when you should have them done. If you would like me to call vendors or help you find prices, please let me know. When I ask if someone on the list has been done, I get the same answer "no".
Hence my frustration.
You told them what they needed to do, if they don’t do that it is on them. Period. You have told them to ask if they wanted you to call vendors. I am assuming they haven’t, so there isn’t really anything you can or should be doing. I wouldn’t ask or offer any more assistance. I would concentrate on the rehearsal dinner and that is it. I wouldn’t ask for their input on it either, I would make the arrangements and give them the time and date, if they show up wonderful, if they don’t That is 100% on them. You have done everything you can do regarding the wedding. All you have left is to find a dress and show up and smile. |
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Post by flanz on Jan 10, 2018 1:57:03 GMT
Hugs to you Mom. I remember your story with this young couple. I haven't read all of the replies but I would wash my hands of the whole thing if I were you. They sound so very immature. Not ready to be married if this is beyond them. Good luck!
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Post by cindyupnorth on Jan 10, 2018 1:59:11 GMT
Who's paying for the wedding again? is it a money thing? do the bridesmaids have dresses? even if they have never been to a wedding, they have seen plenty of weddings on tv, and movies. I mean...I guess you will just have to say. OK. if stuff doesn't get done, by end of next wk, you will have to cancel the wedding because you won't have anyone to marry you. just lay it on the line.
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Post by MichyM on Jan 10, 2018 2:02:06 GMT
Break it down for them. Start with a theme or colors. Tell them to pick one by tomorrow. Take the colors/theme and pick 3 cakes. Text the 3 photos. Which is your favorite? Then call shops in town. Say the cake pictured would be $350. Does that work? Yes, okay, when would you like to do tasting, 3pm Saturday or 6:30 Tuesday.Just give no more than 3 options with every step. If they don't like any of the 3 you narrow it down to, say, "okay, find one you do like and email me the picture by Thursday." Do NOT let them take advantage of you and send you on a wild goose chase for a perfect cake. That's where they will need to step up. Just be firm. Here's 3, pick one. None work? Find one that does and get back to me. Rinse and repeat. I love how optimistic you are (bolder parts mine), and I truly mean that in the nicest way possible. Based on this thread and prior posts, I just can't see this happening. |
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PaperAngel
Prolific Pea
Posts: 7,920
Jun 27, 2014 23:04:06 GMT
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Post by PaperAngel on Jan 10, 2018 2:06:51 GMT
IMHO you've fulfilled your duty as a volunteer coordinator. You've communicated a checklist of planning tasks & deadlines. It's now up to the couple to make the necessary decisions for their wedding. Only help in the future if asked & convenient with your schedule (ie. Do not feel obligated when they inevitably expect you to drop everything the week of the event & deliver your son's fiance a dream wedding without any effort from them or her parents).
My advice is to focus on you & your family. Be certain to have clothing & accessories for the groom/you/your husband/other children & plan a rehearsal dinner (perhaps the backyard bbq you suggested to avoid possibly losing deposits if the wedding is postponed or canceled) for the couple & their immediate families, wedding party, & out of town guests. You could also consider ordering a groom's cake/renting a fondue fountain/etc for the wedding reception in a theme & flavors your son likes, buying him monogrammed cuff links to wear on his special day, &/or other gesture(s) that would personalize the ceremony for him.
Best wishes & (((hugs)))...
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Post by mom on Jan 10, 2018 2:15:15 GMT
I think she meant they said Yes they want the help, YES, they want to get married and YES, they have money to spend. Thanks for clarifying - they are saying YES to getting married, having the money and wanting my help.
I agree...to a point. I feel if you are inviting people to an event, you should make it enjoyable for them. Regardless of the event (birthday party, wedding, baby shower) people are taking their time to travel, show up, buy a gift - you should make it as nice as you can and keep their needs in mind. They aren't doing that at all. When I mentioned you would need to provide drinks with the dinner they looked at me like I was nuts. Imagine their look when I also suggested appetizers and more than water.
Their whole world revolves around them and what's in it for them. I should have never offered to help - I knew better but I always try to be the "best" mom and mother in law possible.
Well technically YOU are the one inviting. It sounds like you are more vested in this party than they are. Step away. SaveSave |
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Post by mom on Jan 10, 2018 2:17:09 GMT
They still have three months. I've seen beautiful weddings come together from proposal to weddings in just a few weeks. Their options and vendor selection will be limited and they may end up paying more but it is not impossible. I agree. I planned my wedding (out of town, no less), in less time than 3 months. It can be done & done well. But the OP probably shouldnt have agreed to be the coordinator if she isn't willing to go along with their 'wait til the last minuet' plan. SaveSave |
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Post by mom on Jan 10, 2018 2:27:41 GMT
The part that gives me pause is that they asked you to help and you agreed to be coordinator. I think they probably have very different expectations of what that meant. I have known several young brides who literally showed up at their wedding having made no decision after picking the groom. One of my cousins was this way - her mother planned the entire wedding - and it wasn't at all because she was overbearing - the bride just didn't have an opinion on anything and thus couldn't actually make a decision. Personally I'd sit down and ask what items they needed me to take care of and just do it. I know you said your busy, but I wouldn't be surprised if you're spending more time and stress on their non-decisions than just making the decision yourself. Or at least make the initial calls and set up a meeting with whoever you think is the best option for a vendor and then let them "pick" them. Or alternatively take your husband's advice and just stop worrying about it. After reading the thread, this is what I think as well. The bride to be thinks you are to handle all the decisions (thats why people hire coordinators). If she has never been to a wedding, so probably doesn't know what she wants. SaveSave |
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Post by NanaKate on Jan 10, 2018 2:42:24 GMT
Job of the MIL: Shut up and wear beige. This. It will all work out! ETA: But I do understand your frustration. |
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marimoose
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,282 
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Post by marimoose on Jan 10, 2018 4:01:42 GMT
I eloped and then had the most low-key reception ever for friends/family. You would have been horrified, I'm sure. There were deli sandwiches and a sheet cake, it was in the basement of a local bar, and decorations were from the card and party store.  There was a DJ and three kegs of beer--priorities! No photos, no flowers, no wedding party or theme. I had a cheap guest book and a wire cage for the cards. Everyone seemed to have fun, though. We were young and had no money. I wore my wedding dress so everyone could see me in it. It was so short. I LOVED IT. No regrets. My mom was so mad that my dad showed up in a sleeveless t-shirt I'm surprised he showed up at all, since he knew she was going to be there. I would be totally find with that but they aren't saying that's what they want. They keep saying they want this beautiful wedding but won't make the arrangements.
Our initial suggestion was a BBQ in our back yard but they shot that down immediately.
I would sit them both down and maybe read a few of your posts to them then ask what they hoped for from their wedding. Maybe it isn't all that important to them and if it is, they need it put right under their noses. If they don't react and kick into gear, it isn't your problem. If they get married and they are happy, that is what is important, not a fancy wedding. I am guessing it is their age. I just had a HUGE conversation, well one sided talk, tonight with my 22yo who made a huge life changing choice with little thought and then many tears. I want to comfort but I said what did you expect would come of such choices. I swear it is the age and this group that have phones up in their faces that they see and hear little else. Sometimes it is these life lessons that aren't so great that will make them stronger (hopefully). Good luck with the two of them. They may be your monkeys but you don't have to be part of the circus acts. |
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milocat
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,586
Location: 55 degrees north in Alberta, Canada
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Post by milocat on Jan 10, 2018 4:40:54 GMT
People that are saying a wedding can be pulled together in 89 days or a few weeks, yes it can it you are motivated to do so. Which it seems like the bride and groom are not since they haven't done anything yet.
How many people should be invited to this wedding? If and when anyone gets invited.
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Post by tamaraann on Jan 10, 2018 5:02:31 GMT
I totally feel you. My oldest DD got engaged a year and a half ago. Wedding is NEXT WEEK!!!! They booked the venue last summer. She got her dress in September. Nothing else had been done. On October 1, I said they needed to get their act together. I refused to have to worry about it over the holidays and stressed that many vendors would be so busy over the holidays it would be hard to meet with them. Her fiancée promised me they would focus on it in October and have everything done by Nov 1. Nope. They finally got most the vendors booked by the end of December and the rental stuff just last week. The guys are still scrambling to get their suits. Playlist isn't done yet. Wedding is a week from Friday. But you know what? It will all happen and it will be ok. I am finally at peace with it after spending months agonizing. Hang in there momma!!!
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FurryP
Drama Llama
To pea or not to pea...
Posts: 7,249
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 19:58:26 GMT
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Post by FurryP on Jan 10, 2018 5:35:33 GMT
needmysanity....when it is all over (because it's gonna happen)...come back and show pictures. The peas need to see the finale of this (Disney) fairy-tale story.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Nov 1, 2024 19:31:28 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 10, 2018 5:38:16 GMT
My husband is tired of hearing me complain so I guess you all get to hear it instead.... 
My son and his fiancé are getting married in 89 days and the only thing they have done is 1) book the venue 2) hire a caterer. NOTHING ELSE HAS BEEN DONE!
No DJ, no wedding party clothes, no flowers, no bar tender, no invitations, no cake, no guest book, no plan for anything
I'm so frustrated with them and I just don't know what to do.
They asked me to help and be the coordinator. I have been on them since October to get things done. I have given them lists, offered my weekends to meet and help plan. They have been so non committal about everything.
I finally asked them point blank if a) they don't want my help b) don't really want to get married c) don't have the money. They continue to say yes to all 3 so I don't know what the problem is. I told them if I was a real wedding planner I would have fired them because they are horrible clients.
My husband tells me to just drop it and let them figure it all out by themselves. I want to...I really do. But we have family that are flying in from all around the US and I feel bad that they are spending thousands of dollars to attend and they are going to get a crappy wedding. I'm embarrassed at their lack of planning or caring about their guests and I want to tell my family and our friends not to come. I tried explaining it to my son and fiancé but they just don't seem to get it. Right now the guests are getting taco, beans, rice on a paper plate with water bottles. No appetizers, no drinks, no dancing, no table decorations, nothing. It's embarrassing!!!
My husband is probably right and I just need to back out of it but ugh! I really wish they would have eloped.
Your title says they have literally done nothing, yet they HAVE done two of the biggest items. You are dismissing what IS done. Take a cue from the bride's mother, let them alone to figure it out. You've given them a time line of when things "should" be done so you have fulfilled your part. My daughter was married under a pavilion in a state park. A friend did the officiating per Alaska's laws, no flowers other than a bridal bouquet of grocery store flowers tied up with ribbon the morning of the wedding, a friend did the DJ-ing and he had a play list, no bar (sodas, beer and the small bottles of wine in coolers), a simple bakery cake with white frosting, invitations by word of mouth/email. I'm pretty sure there was no guest book either as dd sees those kinds of things as just stuff you feel guilty about getting rid of but have no use for later. They've been married 14 years now and someone recently commented about how much fun they had at that wedding. A really fun wedding can be done quickly, easily and inexpensively. Maybe they want something they feel you will disapprove of (like having a nerdy friend you haven't met do the dj) It is their money, their wedding. |
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on Jan 10, 2018 6:30:50 GMT
At the end of the day, what counts is the fact that they will be married. Paper plates or fine china, tacos or lobster, iPhone playlist or 10 piece band...they'll be just as married whatever they choose.
I think your frustration with the relationship and your dislike of your future daughter in law are informing your attitude here. I think your attitude about the mother of the bride is kind of nasty. You don't appear to know anything about these people; how do you know the mother is using illness as an excuse? And why is it her responsibility to plan in the first place?
I get wanting your guests to be comfortable, but, since you are not the bride or the groom, that burden isn't yours.
My mother in law was flabbergasted at many of my choices. Bright yellow dress. "But how will people know you're the bride?" No wedding cake (amazing dulce de leche cheesecake instead). No to most of the stupid crap most people think should happen and yes to a great party that we got married at.
We did not need or accept financial help from either of our families, though. Obviously, they gave you a voice when they asked for your help.
Stop being a martyr and leave this up to them. They might surprise you, and they might not. But it's not your responsibility. You've been generous enough with your time and monry.
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Post by needmysanity on Jan 10, 2018 15:40:49 GMT
Thanks everyone for the comments, advice and suggestions. I didn't reply last night because I was really trying to step back and make sure I'm not being unrealistic or over bearing. In the end...you are all correct - it's their wedding and they need to plan it the way they want it. I will still be available to them if they want to run ideas by me but I need to let them handle it. They have the list, they know what needs to be done and I can't force them to do anything.
Someone asked who was paying for the wedding. They are. Her parents don't have the money to pay for it. We could easily pay for the wedding but we aren't. They are financially immature and we don't feel it's our job to pay for it (I'm sure that will start a whole new storm of controversy).
In the past year since they have set a wedding date they have gone to Disneyland 5 times. Each time has been 3 days/2 nights in a hotel (the last time saying at the California Grand Hotel). We feel (and have vocalized it to them) that if they can afford to go to DL that many times in a year they can afford to pay for their wedding. They live with her parents, have no expenses except a $250 car payment. He works full time and she works 16 hours a week. Based on this we have chosen not to give them money for the wedding.
We have offered $200 toward the invitations and my mother in law has offered $500 to cover some of the costs. Everything else they will have to pay for. They say they have the money and based on what they make, they should. But based on how much they spent on DL and eating out (almost every night) we aren't sure what they really have saved up.
The fiance tells me her mom is sick and she is the one that uses it as an excuse. We have invited them many times to family things or to meet them and they decline. I never said it was the mom's responsibility. When I have asked fiancé if her mom has any ideas or suggestions she is the one who says her mom is ill and she doesn't want to ask her. I'm not trying to be nasty - I would really like to have a relationship with them.
The guest list is 65 people. It's not huge and I know we can pull it off in 89 days if they would start committing to things.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jan 10, 2018 16:04:34 GMT
to me, what PrettyInPeank said is giving them waaaaay too much assistance and benefit of the doubt, rewarding their lack of input up to this point, in essence, by giving them extra effort on your part to actually DO the planning. But that's just me.  They’re not toddlers who should need everything broken down into baby steps. My DH and I got married young (21/22) and because he bailed on the idea of eloping which we had initially agreed to (and which was what I wanted to do), I got stuck planning the whole thing pretty much by myself. My one sister helped me a lot but all of the decisions were made by me because DH just didn’t care about any of the trappings after deciding the church wedding was something he needed to do.  Yes I had been to weddings before, but no I had never planned one or even had any real input into one prior to that but you know what? With a few Bride magazines and attending a wedding fair, I figured things out real quick. Our whole wedding was planned in about six months because the one thing DH did do was arrange for the church and reception room in the basement where he attended school because he got a discount there, and he went and picked the earliest weekend after school let out for the summer. Again, and  . I think given their lack of interest in putting any work into this major life event, I would do what I could to ensure the comfort and happiness of the out of town guests and otherwise just throw the ball right into their court and leave it there. They can pick it up and run with it or not, but what happens next is entirely up to them. If it ends up being tacos on paper plates and cupcakes from the grocery store, oh well. It seems to me that needmysanity has already done a lot for these two and it’s time to step back and let them work things out on their own. I would also remind them that their lack of planning does not constitute an emergency on my part, so if they put things off too long it will be too bad, so sad. |
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AmeliaBloomer
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,842
Location: USA
Jun 26, 2014 5:01:45 GMT
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Post by AmeliaBloomer on Jan 10, 2018 16:22:29 GMT
The fiance tells me her mom is sick and she is the one that uses it as an excuse. We have invited them many times to family things or to meet them and they decline. I never said it was the mom's responsibility. When I have asked fiancé if her mom has any ideas or suggestions she is the one who says her mom is ill and she doesn't want to ask her. I'm not trying to be nasty - I would really like to have a relationship with them. Wha...huh? You still haven't met these people? I remember being incredulous way back when that these parents never even reached out to you to let you know your son was safe and sound. Wouldn't they expect the same minimal courtesy if the situation was reversed? Wouldn't anybody? And after all these years, you still haven't met them? That's crazy. You really are in a hard place with this planning thing. While many here are reassuring you that weddings can be casual and hastily thrown together, I think the missing link is that the couple hasn't communicated that they WANT the kind of features that can be hastily thrown together. Until they actually say out loud that they DON'T want something that needs time and effort, you don't know that you can stop worrying about the time and effort that isn't being spent on something they genuinely want...or will regret. Amirite? Amiconvolutedsentencewriter? Good luck. And of course, keep us in the loop. Some of us have been watching this saga for...what?... four years. I'm probably not the only one who feels invested. Yeah, I sense several virtual heads nodding in agreement. LOL. |
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Post by caspad on Jan 10, 2018 16:23:36 GMT
you said they have a venue and a caterer booked
sounds to me the marriage license is the only thing they still really NEED to do before the wedding
surely the venue and/or caterer has recommendations for florists, bartenders and DJs
let the bride and groom work with those two vendors to get the rest done
I'm not sure what state you are in but you can have someone ordained on the internet the day of to perform the ceremony so that can be last minute too.
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Dalai Mama
Drama Llama
La Pea Boheme
Posts: 6,985
Jun 26, 2014 0:31:31 GMT
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Post by Dalai Mama on Jan 10, 2018 16:38:15 GMT
you said they have a venue and a caterer booked sounds to me the marriage license is the only thing they still really NEED to do before the wedding surely the venue and/or caterer has recommendations for florists, bartenders and DJs let the bride and groom work with those two vendors to get the rest done I'm not sure what state you are in but you can have someone ordained on the internet the day of to perform the ceremony so that can be last minute too. An officiate would probably be nice, otherwise it's just a whole lot of standing around looking at each other.  |
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Post by donna on Jan 10, 2018 17:03:03 GMT
If this were my son and his girlfriend, I would have no problem stepping in and just planning it all myself. I planned my own wedding in 3 weeks and my brother’s wedding in 2 weeks. It sounds like they are overwhelmed and really need some help. Sit down with them and tell them they appear to be overwhelmed and if they truly have no opinion on the arrangements that are left that you will do it all. They will just need to supply the funds for you to use. This is what my Mom and I did for my brother. They were perfectly fine with just showing up for the rehearsal and wedding.
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Post by MichyM on Jan 10, 2018 17:19:56 GMT
At the end of the day, what counts is the fact that they will be married. Paper plates or fine china, tacos Stop being a martyr and leave this up to them. They might surprise you, and they might not. But it's not your responsibility. You've been generous enough with your time and monry. Thank you for saying this. There was a sentence or two in a later post by the OP which (to my eyes) was one of the most martyred thing I've seen written here in a long time. OP, I know it may be difficult not to be angst ridden over this. I hope you can relax and leave the remainder of the wedding planning to them. |
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Post by giatocj on Jan 10, 2018 17:20:47 GMT
I kind of agree with you husband...let the kids deal with it. Somehow they always seem to land on their feet and get things done. I bet it will turn out beautifully-although I did kind of break out into a cold sweat about the lack of invitations  . Seriously, though...let them handle it and enjoy your role as mom of the groom! |
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Post by mom on Jan 10, 2018 17:32:40 GMT
Thanks everyone for the comments, advice and suggestions. I didn't reply last night because I was really trying to step back and make sure I'm not being unrealistic or over bearing. In the end...you are all correct - it's their wedding and they need to plan it the way they want it. I will still be available to them if they want to run ideas by me but I need to let them handle it. They have the list, they know what needs to be done and I can't force them to do anything. Someone asked who was paying for the wedding. They are. Her parents don't have the money to pay for it. We could easily pay for the wedding but we aren't. They are financially immature and we don't feel it's our job to pay for it (I'm sure that will start a whole new storm of controversy). In the past year since they have set a wedding date they have gone to Disneyland 5 times. Each time has been 3 days/2 nights in a hotel (the last time saying at the California Grand Hotel). We feel (and have vocalized it to them) that if they can afford to go to DL that many times in a year they can afford to pay for their wedding. They live with her parents, have no expenses except a $250 car payment. He works full time and she works 16 hours a week. Based on this we have chosen not to give them money for the wedding. We have offered $200 toward the invitations and my mother in law has offered $500 to cover some of the costs. Everything else they will have to pay for. They say they have the money and based on what they make, they should. But based on how much they spent on DL and eating out (almost every night) we aren't sure what they really have saved up. Honestly, after reading this, if I was the bride, I would just let you plan what you want to do. You don't seem to like anything they do and its possible they feel like they can't win with you. From other posts you have made, its pretty clear the dislike you have for your future DIL. If a stranger, across the internet can see it then I am sure your future DIL can see it. That makes me really sad for her, and honestly, you.No one grows up, dreaming of marrying a man who's mom doesn't love them and support them. I married my DH, knowing his mom did not like me. And it has tore my husband up our entire marriage that his mom hasn't welcomed me or my boys into her family. As a result, DH has put limits on how included she is in our family. As a fellow pea, I am urging you to step back and adjust your attitude. Its quite possible your son will one day grow a spine and cut you out completely. SaveSave |
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ginacivey
Pearl Clutcher
refupea #2 in southeast missouri
Posts: 4,685
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Post by ginacivey on Jan 10, 2018 17:44:17 GMT
Honestly, after reading this, if I was the bride, I would just let you plan what you want to do. You don't seem to like anything they do and its possible they feel like they can't win with you. From other posts you have made, its pretty clear the dislike you have for your future DIL. If a stranger, across the internet can see it then I am sure your future DIL can see it. That makes me really sad for her, and honestly, you.No one grows up, dreaming of marrying a man who's mom doesn't love them and support them. I married my DH, knowing his mom did not like me. And it has tore my husband up our entire marriage that his mom hasn't welcomed me or my boys into her family. As a result, DH has put limits on how included she is in our family. As a fellow pea, I am urging you to step back and adjust your attitude. Its quite possible your son will one day grow a spine and cut you out completely. this is exactly how this thread makes me feel i know it's your money and you can do what you want with it we paid for my son's wedding - regardless of how they spend their own money they didn't have to 'earn' a wedding from us it was our gift to them i think you just don't really like you future DIL or even care to meet her parents you can figure out a way to meet them - in four years - if you really wanted to i wish you luck gina |
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Post by 950nancy on Jan 10, 2018 17:52:48 GMT
Can you provide a great groom's dinner the night before and invite all of the out-of-town relatives for a nice sit down dinner at a nice restaurant? Not that you want to overshadow the wedding, but it might make you feel better about all of those people who traveled so far. I'd offer to pay for that and make it a family party.
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Post by jennrs on Jan 10, 2018 17:55:36 GMT
I understand your frustrations and know how hard it is to step away and let them figure it out. I hope they get it together soon.
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Post by burningfeather on Jan 10, 2018 18:03:11 GMT
Here's what I would do . . . take it or leave it as advice.
I would give them a monetary gift of whatever you feel comfortable with and tell them that it's to help them with whatever part of the wedding they wish. Don't put limitations on it, don't ask for an accounting of what they did with it - it's a gift. Make it as small or large as you want to make such a gift.
Tell them that it looks like they have things under control for the wedding so if it's okay with them, you would like to plan the traditional wedding rehearsal dinner and ask if they have any input on what they would like. Traditionally, I don't believe all of your out of town guests would attend this, but since they are coming from a distance, I would ask the bride and groom if they have an issue with inviting them (since it won't cost them - I assume you are paying for that).
Then I would close the door on worrying about it or helping them unless you are specifically asked for help. It's their wedding, not yours. It's their problem, not yours.
Last but not least, I would ask you to reflect back to a couple of years ago when your son left your home and your life and try to find the joy that he is back in your life now and just appreciate that fact and try to let the rest of it go. Because he has chosen her over you once and he will do it again if pushed. At that time, if I recall correctly, you would have given anything to be involved in his life in any way, even if it meant "shut up and just participate." So do that. Stop trying to micromanage your son's life and his choices and just enjoy the fact that he's open to a relationship again.
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Post by Susie_Homemaker on Jan 10, 2018 18:15:04 GMT
I knew better but I always try to be the "best" mom and mother in law possible. You might want to rethink the idea of "best" mom and MIL here. Maybe the best thing you can do is just hand it all over to them and then just leave it alone. Let them figure it out and let them plan it or not. Their idea and your idea of 'best' may not be the same thing or may importantly you need to reevaluate what is best for them to grow and learn and mature. |
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There was a DJ and three kegs of beer--priorities! No photos, no flowers, no wedding party or theme. I had a cheap guest book and a wire cage for the cards.
They’re not toddlers who should need everything broken down into baby steps. My DH and I got married young (21/22) and because he bailed on the idea of eloping which we had initially agreed to (and which was what I wanted to do), I got stuck planning the whole thing pretty much by myself. My one sister helped me a lot but all of the decisions were made by me because DH just didn’t care about any of the trappings after deciding the church wedding was something he needed to do. 
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. Seriously, though...let them handle it and enjoy your role as mom of the groom!
