|
Post by finsup on Jan 23, 2019 17:30:44 GMT
This thread brought this to mind. I wish you all love for your broken selves. Attachments:![](//storage.proboards.com/5645536/thumbnailer/zNsM0BGXvxNZcrsqmNOQ.png)
|
|
|
Post by roundtwo on Jan 23, 2019 18:15:34 GMT
I’m at that point. I think I’ll become mean and bitter and broken if I stay in my marriage any longer. We’re still trying to work things out but it’s starting to feel hopeless ![:(](//storage.proboards.com/5645536/images/mYSUyHtG9Jrcmm_ydVcK.jpg) . I'm sorry to hear this - it's not an easy decision and probably even more difficult for you since you have been apart and essentially on your own for so long. In some ways I was lucky - I found out he was cheating so it was easy to walk away before I became even more mean and bitter and broken.
|
|
|
Post by Really Red on Jan 23, 2019 18:27:17 GMT
Not at all. With all I have gone through I should be, but I'm not. I think some people are (and I hate to use this word, but I don't know of another) more fragile than others. I don't mean that in a bad way at all. Sort of like some people are the bulls and some people are the china. You need everyone, but different people fall in different categories.
What I'd like to know is if it's a nurture or a nature state of mind.
|
|
|
Post by crimsoncat05 on Jan 23, 2019 18:38:37 GMT
while I have plenty of issues, my answer to that question is 'No.' That phrase, to me, is a bit trite / cliched and it really seems like quite an over-simplification to label all the various facets of my personality and my past experiences, which make me *me* so to speak, as only either 'broken' or 'not broken.' eta: and after becoming an adult seeing life with the eyes of an adult, and talking to a number of counselors over the years about my own various issues, I do not believe there is only ONE definition of 'normal' out there. There might be a difference in what constitutes normal for me vs. anyone else, but that doesn't mean one of us is *not* normal. Normal is different for different people. ETA2: I should have just quoted Merge and said 'yeah, that.' lol.
|
|
|
Post by elaine on Jan 23, 2019 18:39:28 GMT
Most definitely. To the core.
|
|
|
Post by cindyupnorth on Jan 23, 2019 18:44:34 GMT
I guess for me “broken” might be different than what it is for others... But, just this perception that life has busted me in ways that I’m not sure are reparable. That no matter what I do, I’m never going to respond to things the way a “normal” person would. Like I’m always trying to play catch up to others that just seem to know how to function better than me. I’m not depressed, I consider myself happy, intelligent and generally capable. I don’t know that this is even a self esteem thing. For me, I guess it’s more of a trauma thing. Something inside me has been broken and I really don’t know that it will ever be... put back together again This thread makes me sad, to think that more than half of the people who have responded feel that they are or were "broken". I agree, I think it's sad that so many people feel they are broken?! But it's all in your state of mind. IF you think that, you are, KWIM? There are plenty of people out there with worse problems, and things in their life, yet they would not say they are broken. It's all subjective. Isn't going thru stuff like that all a part of life? That makes us...US. Not broken, yet changed. Good and bad. I guess what I'm saying is I just want to support all of you that say you are broken, and even though you might feel that way, I think/hope you are not, and things will change.
|
|
|
Post by crimsoncat05 on Jan 23, 2019 18:45:48 GMT
What is Oprah? I've seen it a couple of times in polls now and wondered- I must have been off sick that day. It is a misspelling of Other? no, it's not a misspelling of Other. It's just a random-type answer to choose if someone doesn't want to *really* answer the poll. it's just for fun. (I think, anyway...)
|
|
|
Post by elaine on Jan 23, 2019 18:50:19 GMT
I guess for me “broken” might be different than what it is for others... But, just this perception that life has busted me in ways that I’m not sure are reparable. That no matter what I do, I’m never going to respond to things the way a “normal” person would. Like I’m always trying to play catch up to others that just seem to know how to function better than me. I’m not depressed, I consider myself happy, intelligent and generally capable. I don’t know that this is even a self esteem thing. For me, I guess it’s more of a trauma thing. Something inside me has been broken and I really don’t know that it will ever be... put back together again This thread makes me sad, to think that more than half of the people who have responded feel that they are or were "broken". I agree, I think it's sad that so many people feel they are broken?! But it's all in your state of mind. IF you think that, you are, KWIM? There are plenty of people out there with worse problems, and things in their life, yet they would not say they are broken. It's all subjective. Isn't going thru stuff like that all a part of life? That makes us...US. Not broken, yet changed. Good and bad. I guess what I'm saying is I just want to support all of you that say you are broken, and even though you might feel that way, I think/hope you are not, and things will change. I know you *think* this is supportive, but it isn’t. It makes things worse. Until you go through what I am going through with my child right now, don’t you dare give me platitudes that someone out there has worse problems, blah, blah, blah.... I can deal with my own issues, including my cancer just fine, but these issues with my son have broken me. Broken me. Utterly. and your post just makes me feel stabby and like you are clueless.
|
|
|
Post by padresfan619 on Jan 23, 2019 18:55:20 GMT
I do not feel broken but I do understand why others would feel that way about themselves. For anyone who is struggling or feels hopeless - I am so sorry and I hope you know there are people out there who would do anything they could to make you feel like you can keep going, even when you’re facing the absolute worse.
|
|
|
Post by crimsoncat05 on Jan 23, 2019 18:56:23 GMT
I know you *think* this is supportive, but it isn’t. It makes things worse. I agree- there should be no *comparing* between one person's struggles and another person's, because doing that is pointless. Comparing issues in that way is like comparing apples and oranges, and somehow 'dilutes' or 'discounts' the person's feelings about whatever issues they're going through. If something is bad in your opinion, then it's bad. Period. That's how you see it, so that is your truth, your reality. Your perception is your reality. It does no good to compare different people's experiences as somehow 'not as bad' 'better' or 'worse' than something else that someone else went through. Each person's experiences are either good or bad for THEM, when compared only to their *own* best existence. eta: I came to this realization a number of years ago after speaking to my older sister, who has been through a LOT in her life, and is one of the most grounded, wisest, *zen* type people I know.
|
|
Gennifer
Drama Llama
![*](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/stars/star_green.png)
Posts: 5,039
Jun 26, 2014 8:22:26 GMT
|
Post by Gennifer on Jan 23, 2019 19:10:05 GMT
I’m just sending out love to so many people on this thread who feel broken, but I find smart, and funny, and truly inspiring. Love to all of you.
|
|
ashley
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,400
Jun 17, 2016 12:36:53 GMT
|
Post by ashley on Jan 23, 2019 19:16:02 GMT
I guess for me “broken” might be different than what it is for others... But, just this perception that life has busted me in ways that I’m not sure are reparable. That no matter what I do, I’m never going to respond to things the way a “normal” person would. Like I’m always trying to play catch up to others that just seem to know how to function better than me. I’m not depressed, I consider myself happy, intelligent and generally capable. I don’t know that this is even a self esteem thing. For me, I guess it’s more of a trauma thing. Something inside me has been broken and I really don’t know that it will ever be... put back together again This thread makes me sad, to think that more than half of the people who have responded feel that they are or were "broken". I agree, I think it's sad that so many people feel they are broken?! But it's all in your state of mind. IF you think that, you are, KWIM? There are plenty of people out there with worse problems, and things in their life, yet they would not say they are broken. It's all subjective. Isn't going thru stuff like that all a part of life? That makes us...US. Not broken, yet changed. Good and bad. I guess what I'm saying is I just want to support all of you that say you are broken, and even though you might feel that way, I think/hope you are not, and things will change. I agree with this in spirit, after being in therapy for ten months.
|
|
keithurbanlovinpea
Pearl Clutcher
Flowing with the go...
Posts: 4,285
Jun 29, 2014 3:29:30 GMT
|
Post by keithurbanlovinpea on Jan 23, 2019 19:18:03 GMT
Feeling broken can only come from comparing who I am, or what I have / don't have to others. Remove the comparison means that I am whole (and worthy) in my own right
|
|
|
Post by twistedscissors on Jan 23, 2019 19:45:16 GMT
I guess for me “broken” might be different than what it is for others... But, just this perception that life has busted me in ways that I’m not sure are reparable. That no matter what I do, I’m never going to respond to things the way a “normal” person would. Like I’m always trying to play catch up to others that just seem to know how to function better than me. I’m not depressed, I consider myself happy, intelligent and generally capable. I don’t know that this is even a self esteem thing. For me, I guess it’s more of a trauma thing. Something inside me has been broken and I really don’t know that it will ever be... put back together again. I was physically and mentally abused as a child. Married at 18 to get out of my parents house. My first husband continued that abuse for the next 22 1/2 yrs. So yes I feel very broken sometimes. On an average day I’m happy and healing but it will always be in the back of my mind. Im very happily married to a wonderful man now. Own my own business that has been successful enough to support me and my DD. Even now that I’m remarried I choose to pay my own way at all times because that was one of the biggest things with my ex. He swore I couldn’t make it financially on my own.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 26, 2024 11:02:37 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 23, 2019 19:52:41 GMT
I feel broken. Not because I compare myself to others, but the comparison of who I had been and the then expected trajectory of my life with who I am now and the altered trajectory {compared to the previous trajectory} due to events I had no control over.
eta: I have found happiness in a new life. But from time to time I still run into the brick wall of "what should have been"
|
|
|
Post by ilikepink on Jan 23, 2019 20:10:49 GMT
I was broken. Felt that the very basis of my life was pulled out from under me by my XH. What I had thought the last part of my life as a wife, woman and mother would be changed because of his decisions. I then made my own decisions and changed to what my life now is, and I’m happy. All about plan B.
I’m inspired by you who have had worse struggles than I, and are perceiving through your own brokenness.
|
|
|
Post by refugeepea on Jan 23, 2019 20:13:02 GMT
I think the better word for me is resigned; not hopeful.
|
|
wellway
Prolific Pea
![*](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/stars/star_green.png) ![*](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/stars/star_green.png)
Posts: 8,877
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
|
Post by wellway on Jan 23, 2019 20:15:35 GMT
I’m just sending out love to so many people on this thread who feel broken, but I find smart, and funny, and truly inspiring. Love to all of you. I couldn't agree more. Adding my love too.
|
|
MaryMary
Pearl Clutcher
Lazy
Posts: 2,975
Jun 25, 2014 21:56:13 GMT
|
Post by MaryMary on Jan 23, 2019 20:16:32 GMT
I feel like this got a little PVMish and that wasn’t my intention at all. I read a comment on another thread that said “maybe I am broken, but...” and I went, “Huh. I wonder if that sentiment is more common than I think?”. Because like I said, deep down I have always classified myself that way.
So, I was interested to find so many others share that feeling. Maybe I am normal after all.
Anyway, I love the teapot analogy. I would say I am broken, but still functional. And the Japanese pottery is also lovely. More beautiful because of my cracks is an idea I will have to ponder for awhile.
Anyway, (gentle hugs) to my fellow sisters with gold-filled cracks.
|
|
|
Post by lovinlife on Jan 23, 2019 20:24:37 GMT
I said no to being broken. I for sure have some cracks though ![:)](//storage.proboards.com/5645536/images/MNrJDkDuSwqIMVw33MdD.jpg) .
|
|
|
Post by refugeepea on Jan 23, 2019 20:28:04 GMT
I’m at that point. I think I’ll become mean and bitter and broken if I stay in my marriage any longer. We’re still trying to work things out but it’s starting to feel hopeless ![:(](//storage.proboards.com/5645536/images/mYSUyHtG9Jrcmm_ydVcK.jpg) . I'm sorry. ((hugs))
I know you *think* this is supportive, but it isn’t. It makes things worse. Until you go through what I am going through with my child right now, don’t you dare give me platitudes that someone out there has worse problems, blah, blah, blah.... I can deal with my own issues, including my cancer just fine, but these issues with my son have broken me. Broken me. Utterly. and your post just makes me feel stabby and like you are clueless. Right there with you elaine. You know I can relate to what you are going through (besides the cancer!).
For the record, I stopped comparing myself to others years ago. I've accepted I'll never have a normal, exceptional, or average life. I still feel broken.
|
|
|
Post by chlerbie on Jan 23, 2019 20:30:55 GMT
I'm sort of in between. Certain things have broken me for times and I've come through it--but they've also changed who I am and I feel like I won't really ever get that back. But I don't think of myself as a broken person--just someone who's been cut and carries the scars.
|
|
Judy26
Pearl Clutcher
MOTFY Bitchy Nursemaid
Posts: 2,884
Location: NW PA
Jun 25, 2014 23:50:38 GMT
|
Post by Judy26 on Jan 23, 2019 21:19:46 GMT
I am broken. Shattered, actually. Losing my father has left me with a hole in my life that can’t be filled. He was the one person in this world who loved me unconditionally. And at the age of 60 I am slowly realizing that my youthful dreams will never come to fruition. But that’s okay. Being broken means I no longer have to worry about perfection. I no longer have a need for control.
Being broken has opened my eyes to the everyday pain that so many live with so my empathy for those I disagree with has grown. I no longer feel the need to win every argument or solve every problem. I’m not a savior. I can only try to positively impact those in my small world.
I like to think that each small piece of me that is broken off will live on in the hearts of those I choose to love. Maybe that’s the way it’s supposed to be. As we age, we grow smaller... piece by piece... so that when we’re finally gone we will live on in those we touched in our lives.
|
|
sharlag
Drama Llama
![*](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/stars/star_green.png)
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,574
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
|
Post by sharlag on Jan 23, 2019 21:34:49 GMT
What is Oprah? I've seen it a couple of times in polls now and wondered- I must have been off sick that day. It is a misspelling of Other? I started adding it to my polls years ago. I'm glad to see it was contagious! I *do* feel more fragile and unable to take things in stride like I used to, mainly because of the ongoing trauma of my son's untreated mental illness. My inclination to insulate myself from anything that might cause additional pain has shrunk my ability to embrace life as fully as before his illness. I *am* strong enough to be there for him when he needs me, but after an episode of dealing with that, my strength is pretty sapped for any other challenge. I think experiencing the suffering of a loved one is hard to recover from. Sometimes I feel like one of those nervous little dogs, flinching at any new stimuli for fear that it will be hurt.
|
|
Anita
Drama Llama
![*](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/stars/star_green.png)
Posts: 5,676
Location: Kansas City -ish
Jun 27, 2014 2:38:58 GMT
|
Post by Anita on Jan 23, 2019 21:47:38 GMT
Irreparably. But boy, do I fool people.
|
|
craftykitten
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,304
Jun 26, 2014 7:39:32 GMT
|
Post by craftykitten on Jan 23, 2019 21:50:50 GMT
Physically - yes. It's been hard coming to terms with the fact that my body does not, and will not, do the things I want it to. Emotionally - no. There have been times when I have felt beyond repair, but so far I have managed to keep going.
Lots of love to the people on this thread who need it ((hugs))
|
|
oaksong
Drama Llama
![*](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/stars/star_green.png)
Posts: 6,164
Location: LA Suburbia
Site Supporter
Jun 27, 2014 6:24:29 GMT
|
Post by oaksong on Jan 23, 2019 21:55:17 GMT
Yes, broken. DH of 26+ years told me a few months ago that he was done with our marriage. After putting up with his foul temperament for so long, it actually came as a relief. Still, this is not where I thought I'd be as I face my retirement years. There is so much inside of me that I never faced or fixed, and I can now see that making everyone else in my life a priority has not served me well. I'm trying to figure out the next steps, but mostly I'm in shock right now.
Hugs to all of my fellow broken peas. And to those (or maybe it's just one) who think that we just need to change our attitude, f*ck you, seriously. You lack compassion and empathy. Please leave this thread and go be emotionally superior somewhere else.
The sweet support that you have all shown here really warms my heart. Thanks so much, lovely peas!
|
|
|
Post by peano on Jan 23, 2019 22:16:27 GMT
Feeling broken can only come from comparing who I am, or what I have / don't have to others. Remove the comparison means that I am whole (and worthy) in my own right I may be misinterpreting your point because this sounds like total and utter bullshit to me. There's no comparison AT ALL in my experiences--just the legacy of abuse and neglect and poor parenting that left me having to learn how to be human rather than a frightened animal. It's lifelong work. My answer to the question is I used to be broken and learned how to be human by virtue of lots of hard, intensive work in therapy, and through my intelligence, code of ethics, humor and stubbornness. Like many here have said, I was left with cracks, and when my stress levels are high, the cracks strain a little bit.
|
|
|
Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Jan 23, 2019 22:28:15 GMT
Losing my father has left me with a hole in my life that can’t be filled. He was the one person in this world who loved me unconditionally. My father died in 1994 and not a day has gone by that I don't miss him and feel the absolute void that left in my life. I understand your statement about the unconditional love -- I felt that and more. I am so grateful for the childhood he gave me and the many years of his guidance that I benefited from. Someone told me once, when I was reflected on the ache I felt at missing him, to think about if 'he' had lost 'me' first. She said, "Your father never would have survived that. He would have died of grief shortly after losing you. I am certain his heart would literally have burst with it." And believe it or not, I took some comfort in her words. His passing before me was the natural order of things. I would have loved more time with him... once more day even. But death is inevitable. So now I make a conscious effort to focus on the time and experience I did have with him instead of what I missed since then. I find some peace in that. I share this because maybe you will, too.
|
|
|
Post by elaine on Jan 23, 2019 22:38:13 GMT
What is Oprah? I've seen it a couple of times in polls now and wondered- I must have been off sick that day. It is a misspelling of Other? I started adding it to my polls years ago. I'm glad to see it was contagious! I *do* feel more fragile and unable to take things in stride like I used to, mainly because of the ongoing trauma of my son's untreated mental illness. My inclination to insulate myself from anything that might cause additional pain has shrunk my ability to embrace life as fully as before his illness. I *am* strong enough to be there for him when he needs me, but after an episode of dealing with that, my strength is pretty sapped for any other challenge. I think experiencing the suffering of a loved one is hard to recover from. Sometimes I feel like one of those nervous little dogs, flinching at any new stimuli for fear that it will be hurt. (((Hugs))) I hear you, Sharla. My Dh and I have had the discussion numerous times that we feel like the dogs in the Learned Helplesness psychology experiments. No matter what the dogs do/which side of the cage they are on (cage divided by a net) , they get shocked. After enough times of being shocked no matter what they do to escape, they just huddle in a corner and take the shocks. Dealing with mental illness in one’s child(ren) in today’s fucked up mental health system is enough to break the strongest of people. You can’t just walk away from your sick child. You can’t. And so you stand there and get battered mentally (and in some cases like mine, physically), again and again. And you plead, beg and literally cry for professionals and agencies to help you and your child, and nothing happens except hours of meetings, but no actual tangible help comes. And then well-meaning idiots on a message board tell you you just need to change your attitude because others have it worse, you know...
|
|