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Post by elaine on Jan 23, 2019 22:39:10 GMT
I’m at that point. I think I’ll become mean and bitter and broken if I stay in my marriage any longer. We’re still trying to work things out but it’s starting to feel hopeless . I'm sorry. ((hugs)) I know you *think* this is supportive, but it isn’t. It makes things worse. Until you go through what I am going through with my child right now, don’t you dare give me platitudes that someone out there has worse problems, blah, blah, blah.... I can deal with my own issues, including my cancer just fine, but these issues with my son have broken me. Broken me. Utterly. and your post just makes me feel stabby and like you are clueless. Right there with you elaine. You know I can relate to what you are going through (besides the cancer!). For the record, I stopped comparing myself to others years ago. I've accepted I'll never have a normal, exceptional, or average life. I still feel broken. (((Hugs))), my sister in this life.
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Post by Zee on Jan 23, 2019 22:49:22 GMT
I was at a low point in 2016. 2017 was about recovery, but I thought I had lost the joy in living. I was existing. Then 2018 came along and everything got better; I found my joy again. I was accused of being a narcissistic sociopath here once (actually that might have been on the smack board, which I forgot about until the other thread) so maybe I'm emotionally broken? It's true I do separate myself emotionally from many situations. It's a defense mechanism. You can't be rejected or hurt if you never get attached in the first place.
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jayfab
Drama Llama
procastinating
Posts: 5,538
Jun 26, 2014 21:55:15 GMT
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Post by jayfab on Jan 23, 2019 23:17:33 GMT
I didn't think I was broken. But ever since the Kavanaugh hearings, yeah, pretty broken. It brought some bad memories to the forefront. And some things "friends" said about Dr Ford that could have been about me really really broke my heart. Add in some physical things that I'm going thru and the fact that my dr is just not getting me. I've been pretty broken this last year.
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Jan 23, 2019 23:19:35 GMT
Not anymore. I was when I first left my now ex-husband. From childhood and marriage, I was a broken and lost soul. Very beaten down emotionally, mentally, verbally, financially. I had no self esteem, no confidence, I had no idea who "I" was.
I humbly say, I have healed, grown, matured, found myself, in the last 23 years. The first several years were rough, as I was so lost and had no idea who I was or where I was going in my life. When someone verbally puts you down and berates you daily, childhood and marriage...it becomes a way of life. Words hurt immensely. You learn to remain quiet, because it's easier. Nowadays, I limit my Family time severely, because the verbal abuse is still an issue. Insecure people still need to verbally hear themselves say "I am the favorite(s)" almost every time, I am in their presence. I have learn to let go, in one ear out the other, but in all honesty it still hurts.
Life wasn't always easy. I've had my share of setbacks and financial struggles. I am now a strong confident women, who no longer worries about what others think of me. I now put my well being first. I have learned to say "no". I now live my life, my way. If someone doesn't like me because of it, then they can feel free to excuse themselves from my life.
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trollie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,580
Jul 2, 2014 22:14:02 GMT
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Post by trollie on Jan 23, 2019 23:20:15 GMT
For a long time I felt like a square peg that was trying to be hammered into a round hole. Now I am just me and am just fine with that. Take it or leave it. 🙂
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Post by mustlovecats on Jan 23, 2019 23:27:21 GMT
Broken isn’t a word that resonates with me... I think I am like hammered steel. I’ve taken some knocks and they have made me stronger and more unique.
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Post by wordfish on Jan 23, 2019 23:36:13 GMT
I got pretty mangled up there for a while a year or two ago. I think most people who know me well would say I was a little bit broken if not shattered. The scars are pink and bumpy but healing okay right now. I found that I too did not respond to my brokenness like a "normal" person but I ended up deciding that's okay, maybe even good in a lot of ways. I wish peace to everyone who is in the midst of feeling actively broken.
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AnotherPea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,968
Jan 4, 2015 1:47:52 GMT
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Post by AnotherPea on Jan 24, 2019 0:29:55 GMT
I’ve never felt broken or damaged. I’ve had hurts and disappointments; “broken” sounds more related to trauma which I do not feel I have had in my life to this point. I’ve experienced trauma. More than most , sadly less than some. But I’ve never felt broken. I’ve been sad, mad, tired and confused. But not broken.
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J u l e e
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,531
Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Jan 24, 2019 0:47:54 GMT
No. But I also know that I don't feel my feelings very well. I am a world class avoider. I really just like to be happy.
So I could be broken and I just can't tell.
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Post by mollycoddle on Jan 24, 2019 1:17:55 GMT
A lot of cracks, but not broken. I have had some very bad times, and my life hasn’t turned out the way that I thought that it would. But I have made it through the dark places, and I am grateful for that. I wish all of you the best of luck through those dark times.
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msladibug
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,533
Jul 10, 2014 2:31:46 GMT
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Post by msladibug on Jan 24, 2019 1:39:30 GMT
I remember my mom telling me “In Japan, broken objects are repaired with gold, believing that when something suffered damage and history, it becomes more beautiful.”
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Nanner
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,987
Jun 25, 2014 23:13:23 GMT
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Post by Nanner on Jan 24, 2019 3:24:00 GMT
I certainly have my issues. When I think of the word "broken", I think "can't be fixed", and that does fit my recent diagnosis. But I don't consider myself to be broken, because of the great support system I have around me. For some reason, they can still help me repair the cracks, at least enough to get me through.
I've had times in my life when I felt absolutely and completely broken (when my DD tried to take her life) and sometimes I'm amazed that those pieces have been able to be put back together in some semblance of order.
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shawsee2
Shy Member
Posts: 39
May 12, 2015 23:49:50 GMT
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Post by shawsee2 on Jan 24, 2019 3:35:12 GMT
Suffered with feeling totally broken after a really bad relationship with a sociopath (no not a serial killer kind..the master manipulator kind...). That left me feeling emotionally, mentally, socially, and physically broken for about a good 18 months. Gotta say I no longer feel like that most days. Not sure really how it changed or what I did necessarily but I am definitely in a better place with myself. No longer feel so powerless and damaged. Hugs to all that are feeling broken. I wish I had some magic to help turn it around for you. : :
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Post by Bobomommy on Jan 24, 2019 4:05:19 GMT
I’m like the figurine at grandma’s house that has been glued back together. I’m back in one piece, but the crack is still visible if you know where to look.
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Post by lesserknownpea on Jan 24, 2019 8:41:58 GMT
I am currently reading a book entitled “The Body Keeps the Score”, about how trauma rewires and trains our entire brain and nervous system differently. You can’t just “change attitudes “. My therapist loaned me this book, it is full of science and fascinating. I also agree whole heartedly with elaine ‘s analogy of the dogs shocked into learned helplessness. And voltagain ‘s trajectory explanation. And I was one who stubbornly refused to believe I was affected by all the crap because I had the hubris to think I alone of my siblings was different. Until my childhood, my marriage, DV, and learning of DD’s molestation as a child brought me to my knees. It turned out I never had the power to make my life better or protect my children. You don’t just stamp a happy face sticker over all that and call it good.
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AmeliaBloomer
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,842
Location: USA
Jun 26, 2014 5:01:45 GMT
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Post by AmeliaBloomer on Jan 24, 2019 11:59:34 GMT
Of course.
Well, at the least, cracked.
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Post by gar on Jan 24, 2019 13:33:48 GMT
This thread makes me sad, to think that more than half of the people who have responded feel that they are or were "broken". I was blessed to have had a lovely childhood, and I feel after reading a few threads here tonight that I should ring my parents right now and thank them for that. Me too! Also my lovely husband for his part in our happy marriage. I am shocked that so many people have suffered and are continuing to suffer so much 😢
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Post by leslie132 on Jan 24, 2019 14:09:37 GMT
Broken yes, but determined to fill in these cracks with love, memories and blessings. When you have a child who dies you have to be broken. This is my opinion.....I will never have my old normal back. Every part of my life is changed. I have made it my life mission to make sure that while it has changed, it can’t all be for the worse. I have 3 additional children who I need to share love, memories and blessings with.
So I am broken.... but determined to always pick up the “glue” and hold it together for my family!! Some days that glue is sloppy and all over the place....other days I don’t even have to take the cap off. I live for the cap on days! They come more and more frequently.
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rickmer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,130
Jul 1, 2014 20:20:18 GMT
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Post by rickmer on Jan 24, 2019 14:20:16 GMT
yesterday, yes, i certainly did...it was a bad day
today is a new day, and i don't think i am. just slightly bent.
so i couldn't answer the poll...
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Post by workingclassdog on Jan 24, 2019 14:44:01 GMT
Yes. I know why and it's really dumb. But yeah it broke me.
Edited to add after reading a few posts. I do feel broken but not in a traumatic way like losing a parent/child or having any kind of medical issues. So me feeling broken doesn't mean I am not happy. I am happy and feel blessed with my friends/family/kids/husband stuff like that. Just one thing that happened to me (again not in a traumatic way) that just left me with a huge crack in my heart and although that crack is very very small now, once and awhile I am aware of it. I hope that makes sense.
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Post by scrapnatya on Jan 24, 2019 15:53:20 GMT
I have felt shattered at times in my life. And when I felt like things were slipping away from me or I just couldn't hold it together anymore, I went to therapy. It helped. I am good at self-repair. I try to live in a state of gratitude. I am thankful to the universe for my past lessons. I have learned from them and will not repeat them. What makes others feel broken are not my experiences so while part of my feeling whole is a mindset, I know part of it is also luck of life circumstance. Sending lots of support and glue to those that feel broken.
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mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253
Jul 3, 2014 18:13:13 GMT
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Post by mallie on Jan 24, 2019 15:55:44 GMT
I do not consider myself broken.
But the other day a close family member and I were talking about our life paths. I was talking specifically about my work path and how many times I've had to start over, never due to my own failures (as unbelievable as that may sound.) She made a comment about me that resonated. It was, "You keep starting over and clawing your way up. Over and over. I see how that has worn you down over the years."
It is true. I hadn't been able to articulate how I feel these days. But she nailed it.
I feel worn down.
I feel like an old teapot that has been used and used and used over the years until it is getting worn and thin in places and you start to worry that very soon it can't hold water any longer because a tiny hole has formed in that worn spot.
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sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,574
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Jan 24, 2019 16:08:34 GMT
I feel worn down. I feel like an old teapot that has been used and used and used over the years until it is getting worn and thin in places and you start to worry that very soon it can't hold water any longer because a tiny hole has formed in that worn spot. DAMN! People are so articulate on this thread. Almost poetic.
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Post by karinec on Jan 24, 2019 16:42:04 GMT
Looking back, I do consider myself at one point in my life to be "broken". But I have worked so hard to be the person that I am today, a person I like. I refuse to let the memories of how I once was bring down the person I am.
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Post by karinec on Jan 24, 2019 16:43:38 GMT
Comparison is the thief of joy. Comparing yourself to others who haven’t suffered the way you have is unfair to you. You’re doing the best you can with the cards life has dealt you. Beautifully said. I need to write this down!!!
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Elsabelle
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,625
Jun 26, 2014 2:04:55 GMT
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Post by Elsabelle on Jan 24, 2019 17:04:21 GMT
I have felt shattered at times in my life. And when I felt like things were slipping away from me or I just couldn't hold it together anymore, I went to therapy. It helped. I am good at self-repair. I try to live in a state of gratitude. I am thankful to the universe for my past lessons. I have learned from them and will not repeat them. What makes others feel broken are not my experiences so while part of my feeling whole is a mindset, I know part of it is also luck of life circumstance. Sending lots of support and glue to those that feel broken. I like that. Self-repair. It's a life skill that not everyone has or even knows is possible. I also wanted to touch on therapy. Specifically cognitive behavioral therapy. Nothing can change what we've been through but we can change our thought patterns about it. For those who feel damaged or broken, especially those who have been damaged by other people, consider CBT. If therapy won't work for you for whatever reason look into a book called Feeling Good by Dr. David D Burns. It can help you identify negative thought patterns and change them. That can help you with self-repair.
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Post by scrapcat on Jan 24, 2019 17:17:46 GMT
As an intuitive empath, it's hard to read some of these replies, my heart def hurts and goes out to any of you who answered yes.
Please consider your intrinsic value. The example I learned was of a $100 bill. Even if it's ripped and crumbled and dirty, it's still a $100 bill. It still has value.
Not to compare but all we can do is share our experiences and maybe it will help someone else. Going through grief and sorrows, I've learned to just accept the emotions where they are at. I loathe the idea of "happy life". Happiness is an emotion, and like all things, emotions are balanced, so there are highs and lows. It's not a way of being. It's ok to have hurts and sadness, it doesn't make you less than or not normal. If anything, I think it makes you real. To steal from brene brown, you are out there in the arena, doing life, not sitting on the sidelines just watching and judging.
The only other thing I can think to offer if you are into or open to eastern philosophy is the chakras. Learning about your different energy centers and how to heal them. It seems like a lot of people are referring to childhood which is going to affect your root chakra, your base, the one thing that matters to make you feel safe before anything else can happen. There are parallels to Maslow's hierarchy of needs if you want a more western approach.
be well.
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MaryMary
Pearl Clutcher
Lazy
Posts: 2,975
Jun 25, 2014 21:56:13 GMT
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Post by MaryMary on Jan 24, 2019 18:17:38 GMT
I am currently reading a book entitled “The Body Keeps the Score”, about how trauma rewires and trains our entire brain and nervous system differently. You can’t just “change attitudes “. My therapist loaned me this book, it is full of science and fascinating. I also agree whole heartedly with elaine ‘s analogy of the dogs shocked into learned helplessness. And voltagain ‘s trajectory explanation. And I was one who stubbornly refused to believe I was affected by all the crap because I had the hubris to think I alone of my siblings was different. Until my childhood, my marriage, DV, and learning of DD’s molestation as a child brought me to my knees. It turned out I never had the power to make my life better or protect my children. You don’t just stamp a happy face sticker over all that and call it good. I read that book as well. I know that they are still making progress in treating PTSD, but in my small town I haven’t found any resources available. I do feel that trauma in childhood has irreparably screwed up my wiring. I’ve been to therapists off and on over the years and feel like I truly can function as a person and a human and a mother just fine... until I can’t. And something will just totally knock me down. But, I always have been able to get back up and dust myself off. Maybe that is just life? Everyone gets knocked down. I guess my cracks have been on my mind more recently due to my upcoming divorce, as I try to figure out what brought me to this point and if I’m too broken to ever maintain a healthy relationship.
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Post by Lindarina on Jan 24, 2019 20:53:46 GMT
Life has flung a decent amount of poo at me these last years. I’m exhausted beyond words, sad and scared. But I’ve never considered myself broken. The world keeps pushing but I have my shield up and my sword ready. I might be a bit dented, a bit worse for wear. But not broken.
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Post by roundtwo on Jan 24, 2019 22:52:26 GMT
I guess my cracks have been on my mind more recently due to my upcoming divorce, as I try to figure out what brought me to this point and if I’m too broken to ever maintain a healthy relationship. I wondered that too - the ex did quite a number on me but once I left my marriage, I seemed to have been able to lift the fog that was clouding my judgement for far too long. Happily that extended to my ability to be in healthy, wonderful relationships with family, friends and new dh. I truly hope the same for you and others who are questioning this as well.
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