huskergal
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,231
Jun 25, 2014 20:22:13 GMT
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Post by huskergal on Feb 4, 2019 16:13:27 GMT
Lots of love and hugs being sent your way.
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Post by elaine on Feb 4, 2019 16:19:11 GMT
We know in our heart of heart it is the right thing. That is minor compared to some of what has happened this past year. We have had to call 911 and had the police come to us several times over the past year when he is out of control. Once was over the summer at a Bath-and Body Works store because they didn’t have the Christmas scents in yet in August that he wanted (BBW another of his obsessions). I was in the midst of chemo and weak and he threw me into a brick wall. The police had to come and my husband leave work to get him home and then we still ended up in the ER with him that night. They still sent him home because no one has any room for mentally ill teens. Especially those with an IQ of 50 (intellectually disabled). Even though we know it is the right thing, it is still so hard. My Dh and I mean the world to him. He will feel beyond betrayed and hurt. And due to being intellectually disabled, he really won’t understand all of the why this is happening to him. There is no winning here, only survival. My love to you, your husband and your boys. How is your other son handling all of this? He is troubled by Eli’s behavior, but he doesn’t know about what is happening tomorrow yet. We can’t tell him because he literally, due to his autism, cannot keep a secret. So, he won’t find out until after the fact.
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Post by christine58 on Feb 4, 2019 16:23:45 GMT
Even though we know it is the right thing, it is still so hard. My Dh and I mean the world to him. He will feel beyond betrayed and hurt. And due to being intellectually disabled, he really won’t understand all of the why this is happening to him. I have a friend who's youngest child is 20 years old and sounds very much like your son. He became very violent at home, at school, and no interventions helped. He now lives in a group home about 20 mins from his house. He is thriving there and doing exceptionally well. It was harder on his parents and siblings than on Cody. He was no longer safe at home or out with his parents. I hope it all goes well and if he has to stay for longer or permanently, you'll be ok. Cody's parents can visit whenever they want.
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Post by 16joy on Feb 4, 2019 16:30:28 GMT
It's with love you're making this change for your son and I hope it brings Eli to a better place.
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Post by mom on Feb 4, 2019 16:35:55 GMT
elaine , just out of curiosity because I don't know how this works - what happens after three months? Will Eli have an option of staying there if he is doing better there? Or does he have to come back home, no matter what?
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Post by elaine on Feb 4, 2019 16:40:29 GMT
elaine , just out of curiosity because I don't know how this works - what happens after three months? Will Eli have an option of staying there if he is doing better there? Or does he have to come back home, no matter what? He may be able to stay there longer, but if all involved in his treatment feel that a group home setting would be better than coming home, we would most likely find another place - that focuses mostly on the residential - to move him to. Where he is going has a hospital component that will be focused on his medication.
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Post by mom on Feb 4, 2019 16:46:41 GMT
elaine , just out of curiosity because I don't know how this works - what happens after three months? Will Eli have an option of staying there if he is doing better there? Or does he have to come back home, no matter what? He may be able to stay there longer, but if all involved in his treatment feel that a group home setting would be better than coming home, we would most likely find another place - that focuses mostly on the residential - to move him to. Where he is going has a hospital component that will be focused on his medication. Ahh ok. That makes sense. I hope they are able to get his medicine lined out and that he's able to be comfortable there.
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Post by beebee on Feb 4, 2019 16:50:00 GMT
Hugs and prayers Elaine. I cannot imagine how hard this must be.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 30, 2024 9:33:44 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 4, 2019 16:50:00 GMT
My mother’s cousin was in a home. He was a 3 y/ in a 18 y/o body. He tried to seriously harm his mother.
He thrived in the home. He become an artist. He father went to visit once a month, that’s all He (the son) could handle. His mother couldn’t directly visit, he could not handle her at all.
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Post by twinks on Feb 4, 2019 18:55:11 GMT
(((Hugs!))) You are doing what is best for you son and your family. You are a great mom! Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Tomorrow will not be a good day for anyone. Take care of yourself in this transition.
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moodyblue
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,247
Location: Western Illinois
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Feb 4, 2019 20:10:15 GMT
My heart aches for you having to make this decision. Though I believe, as you do, that it’s the right thing to do, sometimes the right thing is so very painful.
And, please, when you get home, allow yourself to feel whatever you feel - and some of it may be relief - without any guilt. He needs help and so do you and it’s okay to feel that some of the stress has lifted and you can breathe again.
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on Feb 4, 2019 20:23:43 GMT
There is no winning here, only survival. My love to you, your husband and your boys. How is your other son handling all of this? He is troubled by Eli’s behavior, but he doesn’t know about what is happening tomorrow yet. We can’t tell him because he literally, due to his autism, cannot keep a secret. So, he won’t find out until after the fact. I wish things were easier for all of you. I hope today has been at least bearable, and that your other son is able to process his brother's absence.
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The Birdhouse Lady
Drama Llama
Moose. It's what's for dinner.
Posts: 7,340
Location: Alaska -The Last Frontier
Jun 30, 2014 17:15:19 GMT
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Post by The Birdhouse Lady on Feb 4, 2019 20:29:55 GMT
Sending good thoughts your way that this transition will be smooth for all involved. Hugs.
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Montannie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,486
Location: Big Sky Country
Jun 25, 2014 20:32:35 GMT
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Post by Montannie on Feb 4, 2019 20:30:28 GMT
Hugs to you, Elaine. I wish you peace and positive experiences with this. What a hard road for you all.
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Post by maryland on Feb 4, 2019 22:30:30 GMT
Thinking of you and your family. Hope everything works out for the best for all of you. I hope they are able to help your son and that your son has an easier than expected transition. I can't imagine going through that and know we support you!
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Post by peace on Feb 4, 2019 23:44:43 GMT
Hoping for an easy transition for all of you- and that you get those much needed answers. Positive thoughts and juju coming your way!
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Post by KikiPea on Feb 5, 2019 0:02:03 GMT
Sending prayers and big hugs!
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Post by shescrafty on Feb 5, 2019 1:16:38 GMT
elaine I am so sorry you have to make this difficult decision. You are not doing this to him, you are doing it for him. I hope you are able to find some peace during this time. Much love to you and your family. 💕
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Post by femalebusiness on Feb 5, 2019 1:32:24 GMT
Thinking of you and your family and wishing you peace.
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Post by flanz on Feb 5, 2019 1:32:42 GMT
Sending so much love to you and your entire family elaine. Wishing you all the very best as you move forward. (((HUGS)))
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Post by Darcy Collins on Feb 5, 2019 2:17:31 GMT
elaine I know tomorrow will be tough - know that we're all thinking of you.
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Post by Basket1lady on Feb 5, 2019 3:02:21 GMT
I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and tomorrow. I hope you find some peace with it all.
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pudgygroundhog
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,648
Location: The Grand Canyon
Jun 25, 2014 20:18:39 GMT
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Post by pudgygroundhog on Feb 5, 2019 14:32:51 GMT
Oh my Elaine, what a road you and your family have traveled. You are a strong woman and an amazing mom doing her best for her kid in an incredibly difficult situation. In no way should you feel like a failure. The right decisions aren't always the easy ones and I hope the facility and doctors help and this is the start of a more peaceful time for all of you. Lean on us when you need to vent or need us to lift you up. Big ((hugs)).
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Post by pierkiss on Feb 5, 2019 15:09:44 GMT
Big hugs to you today Elaine. I hope everything goes as easily as possible, for all of you.
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Post by quietgirl on Feb 5, 2019 15:21:24 GMT
I'm thinking of you and wishing things go ok.
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Post by keesha on Feb 5, 2019 16:09:13 GMT
Thinking of you on this tough day for your family -- your son is lucky to have parents fighting/advocating for him .
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peasquared
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,674
Jul 6, 2014 23:59:59 GMT
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Post by peasquared on Feb 5, 2019 16:23:47 GMT
Thinking of you today and hoping it goes well.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 30, 2024 9:33:45 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 5, 2019 16:38:31 GMT
Thinking of you today, Elaine. I can't imagine what you're going through.
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Post by NanaKate on Feb 5, 2019 16:46:46 GMT
Elaine, been thinking of you and your family constantly. Please up date when you can. ❤️
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Post by liya on Feb 5, 2019 17:07:06 GMT
Thinking of you and crying with you. Sending you love and hugs on this difficult day.
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