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Post by Basket1lady on Sept 13, 2019 21:16:26 GMT
He must have heard me better than I thought he did. I came home last night and he had cleaned the bathroom and loaded the dishwasher. Yay! Baby steps... it would help you if you can just see him actually trying to help! I do have one comment on “training” our DH/SO/kids to help. I try not to think of it as training them/teaching them what needs to be done, but to meet and decide as a family how we want to live and the environment we want to live in. I think that approach helped some. Frequently I’d set the timer for 15 or 30 minutes and everyone would participate in cleaning up. And when the timer went off, we would play outside or play a game. Surprisingly, when the kids were home from college, they still expected things to work the same way. So I guess the expectation was set that sometimes it was easier if we were all cleaning. I was determined that my son would not be one of those men who don’t help around the house. He dusted, vacuumed, and cleaned the bathrooms just like anyone else. But I do think my efforts to raise DD to not be the cleaner backfired a bit. She’s the messy one and needs to reaccomplish a task multiple times. And DS cleans really well when he’s home from school, but his dorm room was a nightmare. I’ve just accepted that others can be fine living in squalor, but in the family home, we clean up!
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Post by lisacharlotte on Sept 13, 2019 23:39:50 GMT
Did anyone else grow up with Saturday morning chores had to be done before anyone was allowed to do anything? Why not get buy in for that? Everyone is doing chores at the same time which is much more palatable that doing chores while someone else sits on the couch watching TV. Misery loves company...
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Post by crazy4scraps on Sept 14, 2019 4:30:00 GMT
Did anyone else grow up with Saturday morning chores had to be done before anyone was allowed to do anything? Why not get buy in for that? Everyone is doing chores at the same time which is much more palatable that doing chores while someone else sits on the couch watching TV. Misery loves company... (Waving my hand wildly!) This was my life growing up too. We each had a list of chores we had to get done before we could go hang out with friends, or do anything fun on Saturdays. What sucked was that sometimes my mom would give us a list and then think of things to add to that list as the day went on, so it was impossible to actually finish the list by the time I needed to leave to meet up with my friends. It would have been so much better to just know from the start that I had too much to do to be able to go and get my hopes up for nothing. Needless to say, I won’t be doing that to my own kid (by that I mean adding to an existing chore list, we do expect our kid to pitch in and help us out within reason).
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Post by jeremysgirl on Sept 14, 2019 11:03:31 GMT
That was not the way I grew up. I was the oldest child and when my mom went to work I was 11. I was expected to do nearly everything to keep our house looking nice. Daily chores were onerous. And my dad was an angry, violent bipolar man who often came unglued if the chores weren't done to his satisfaction. There is a lot of anxiety for me surrounding a house that isn't clean. There is a lot of anxiety surrounding the actual cleaning. I know that my childhood experience is affecting my adult experience. And of my mom, my dad, and my sister (my brother was a mess but he's gone) I am the messiest with the dirtiest house. Among my friends, I have one of the cleanest homes.
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Post by mikklynn on Sept 14, 2019 11:14:32 GMT
jeremysgirl My dad was similar, but not bipolar. We tiptoed around him. We never knew what would set him off. He's not the same person now, thank God. I know it gave me serious control issues. When my house is disorganized, my stress level goes sky high. I can live with dust bunnies, but not disorganization. I need to feel in control of my home. I was thinking of you this Saturday morning. I hope you find a way to get your family to help out.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Sept 14, 2019 11:49:39 GMT
Thank you mikklynn. It's funny but I didn't even think of it and how that might be affecting me until I read the last few comments. My therapist says that I have like PTSD from my childhood. I hate to use PTSD so lightly. So I'm not quite owning it. But when my DD goes off on a rant I feel like I'm a child again.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Sept 14, 2019 14:09:13 GMT
And of my mom, my dad, and my sister (my brother was a mess but he's gone) I am the messiest with the dirtiest house. Among my friends, I have one of the cleanest homes. It just goes to show you that it’s really all relative to what is being compared, and it’s hard (and not fair) to have an apples to apples comparison when people are at different stages of life. I think it would be way easier to keep a home neat when there are no kids or pets living in it, and easier still if the adults are all naturally tidy. My sister and BIL are perfect examples. They’re both naturally neatniks, they’re not sentimental so they don’t save anything, they’re not crafty and they don’t have hobbies other than maybe walking and going to church activities so their house isn’t cluttered with hobby related stuff. It’s not fair to compare her life to mine, when I have a grade school kid who leaves a trail of stuff in her wake, a young dog that drags her toys all over the house, I’m sentimental and crafty so I have a lot of that stuff (mostly in my studio), and my DH is a borderline pack rat. It’s fair to say my house will NEVER be as clean and neat as hers. But then again, my house will also never be as messy as my brother’s because he’s just one step away from being a hoarder. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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Post by mikklynn on Nov 2, 2019 12:08:09 GMT
jeremysgirl Are things any better? I hope YOU are feeling better these days.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Nov 2, 2019 14:09:36 GMT
jeremysgirl Are things any better? I hope YOU are feeling better these days. Things are a little bit better. But honestly I have decided to let a lot of shit go. I just don't have it in me to keep my house right now where I want it. My husband has taken over bathroom cleaning. He's not doing it as often as I would like but I'm being quiet about it. My DD has really helped me with dishes. I'm kind of sad though because she is getting ready to move out. I'm still struggling a bit with the depression end of things. But I haven't had a mixed episode in a month. So that means my medicine seems to be working better. The mixed episodes are the worst ones to cope with. Thank you for asking and caring.
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