Julie W
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,209
Jun 27, 2014 22:11:06 GMT
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Post by Julie W on May 25, 2020 15:24:55 GMT
So sorry for your loss!
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garcia5050
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,729
Location: So. Calif.
Jun 25, 2014 23:22:29 GMT
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Post by garcia5050 on May 25, 2020 15:26:27 GMT
I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how painful this is. It’s good that you talked about your wishes with each other.
Was your husband a union member? My DH is a Calif state employee and a union member. The union once included a lengthy to-do list within one of their monthly mailings. It was years ago but I kept a copy (in my safe). I checked the calpers site right now, but didn’t see a comprehensive checklist. Without my husbands password, I couldn’t get into the union site.
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Post by redshoes on May 25, 2020 15:27:17 GMT
I’m so sorry
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tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,368
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on May 25, 2020 15:27:32 GMT
My condolences to you and your families. Such a sudden loss, you definitely have a reason to be reeling. I don’t know of anything that can’t wait a couple of days to address.
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Post by Crack-a-lackin on May 25, 2020 15:27:56 GMT
I’m so sorry for your loss. When my mom passed the funeral home was a great help, hopefully yours can give you advice and guidance. For example, they report to the Social Security office so that was one thing I didn’t need to do.
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Post by phoenixcov on May 25, 2020 15:28:31 GMT
I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. It seems like the world lost a good soul. My thoughts are with you and your family.
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Post by **GypsyGirl** on May 25, 2020 15:28:57 GMT
I am so very sorry for your loss.
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Post by sunshine on May 25, 2020 15:29:15 GMT
I'm so very sorry for your loss.
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Post by *sprout* on May 25, 2020 15:29:24 GMT
I am so very sorry for your loss. Gentle hugs and prayers for you and your family.
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Post by powderhorngreen on May 25, 2020 15:30:36 GMT
I went through something very similar 4 years ago. Husband died in a road accident while we were in the middle of our move to NC. It was obviously unexpected and I will never forget when the police showed up at our front door. Son was 21. Daughter was 2 weeks away from birth of first grandchild. It is hard to share useful info here in a post. We were 5 months short of our 25th wedding anniversary. I can tell you you will make it through, it just won't always feel like it in the moment. I have sent you a private pm on this board as I am happy to help you as I have been there, done that, and it sucks - especially to do it alone.
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,421
Jun 26, 2014 2:34:35 GMT
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Post by luvnlifelady on May 25, 2020 15:33:23 GMT
I am so sorry you are dealing with all this, especially mostly alone. Lean on his friends if you can. They will want to help. My kids are about the same age as yours and while they are adults, this will hit them hard. There is no "good time" to lose a parent. I will be thinking of you during this difficult time.
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ashley
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,400
Jun 17, 2016 12:36:53 GMT
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Post by ashley on May 25, 2020 15:33:33 GMT
I am so very sorry for your loss. I don’t have any advice, I just want to offer a hug during this tragic time.
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Post by shescrafty on May 25, 2020 15:33:42 GMT
I am so so sorry for your loss.
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Post by ntsf on May 25, 2020 15:34:15 GMT
sorry to heat this.. hugs.
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Post by crazy4scraps on May 25, 2020 15:34:22 GMT
OMG. I am so incredibly sorry for your family’s loss. I remember reading your original post when it happened and was so hoping for the best. I’m so sorry it has come to this. Huge hugs, and sending you wishes for peace and comfort in the most difficult days and weeks ahead. Just going off of what we had to do when our moms passed away nine years ago, you probably will need at least ten copies of the death certificate. You can have the mortuary order them for you and it’s easier to get more than you think you’ll need right off the bat vs. having to hassle with getting more later since it does take some time after the fact for them to be mailed out. You can split up his ashes however you like, MIL put some of FIL’s in an urn that went into a local columbarium, buried some under a big rock at our lake cabin and sprinkled the rest in the lake itself. I think what your kids want to do will be perfectly fine. Definitely contact Social Security right away, and his employer’s HR department to find out what benefits you will continue to qualify for going forward as a surviving spouse (your own health care, life insurance, dental etc.) and what you will have to find new providers for. You will need a death certificate to send to the life insurance company which should pay out fairly quickly to the named beneficiaries, and to take to the bank eventually to take his name off of any joint accounts. Individual retirement accounts have different rules, I think. If you have a financial planner that you use, you should get their help. Definitely cancel any bank cards. You probably will also want the help of an estate attorney to help with the probate process, in our state we have 45 days after the person passed to start the probate process with the court. Find someone who specializes in this kind of law, trust me it will save you money in the long run having someone who knows what they are doing. Those are the most important things IMO. Most of the other stuff like the title to the house and the utilities you don’t have to worry about right away especially anything you are jointly listed on. Those things will continue as long as the bills keep getting paid. Some stuff you can’t change until after you go through probate. One last thing that no one ever thought of doing when we were going through this with our parents was to run a search for your person with your state’s found money agency. Look in any state he lived in. We didn’t think to look for lost accounts and ended up finding several accounts that the attorneys missed years after the fact, and it was way more of a hassle then than it would have been at the time. Again, my sincerest sympathy. I can’t even imagine how hard this is. ((HUGS))
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Post by koontz on May 25, 2020 15:34:29 GMT
I am so very sorry for you and your family.
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peasquared
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,448
Jul 6, 2014 23:59:59 GMT
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Post by peasquared on May 25, 2020 15:35:04 GMT
I am so very sorry!! Sending you a big, warm hug. 😢
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Post by littlemama on May 25, 2020 15:35:21 GMT
I am so sorry for your loss. I believe when FIL passed away, I ordered 12 copies of the death certificate, but I did not need them all. The funeral director will help with those and also with any required newspaper listing. The funeral director will also separate the ashes into smaller containers so your children can have a small amount.
First, give yourself time to grieve. Nothing needs to be done immediately, other than notifying people.
Once you have the death certificate, file the life insurance claim, then take it to the bank to get that settled.
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breetheflea
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,905
Location: PNW
Jul 20, 2014 21:57:23 GMT
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Post by breetheflea on May 25, 2020 15:36:12 GMT
I'm sorry
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Post by sasha on May 25, 2020 15:38:08 GMT
I'm so, so sorry to hear about your DH. I'm a widow too, but mine had a battle with cancer and his passing was not a shock. I would advise you to consider getting you and your kids bereavement counselors.
On what to prioritize --
Getting death certificates -- yes, I bought 10 extra death certificates, but I didn't need that much. I was surprised how many were good with scanned versions. If I recall, each copy where $100. You'd probably be good with getting 3 or 4 just in case.
Registrar of wills -- I added this as an important step for you. Everything (except cars) were in both our names. It's pretty easy to do this esp since items are in both of your names, but you need to basically settle the estate and I think for a couple of items (car title) I needed the Registrar of wills letter.
Filing for his life insurance -- yes. Also consider getting life insurance for yourself.
Researching his retirement benefits - Definitely. I'm sure his HR people will help you.
Do I need to notify the banks right away? Our accounts were in both of our names but he is primary on many -- No, as long as your name is on everything as well, you're okay. Mine was also a primary. I eventually had the bank take his name off the account and ended up losing all of my electronic payment info! I had to start all over again to input payments electronically.
Car insurance -- if no one is driving his car, yes. I didn't do this, and my DD had an accident in his car but it wasn't an issue b/c the insurance was paid. Insurance follows the car, not the driver.
Do I have to notify Social Security? -- YES. Do this immediately after you get death certificates. I waited about 6 months and the agent said I missed out on payments.
Do I have to take him off the house deed right away? Car registrations and ownerships? -- No, don't need to do anything with this until paid off. Our house was in both our names and the loan officer said take care of this when you pay it off -- that's when you can change the title. Car registrations you can get changed, but I didn't do that with the cars in his name until they were paid off.
Utilities - doesn't matter as long as you are paying the bills. I still have some that are in his name just b/c I keep forgetting to change it. I suppose if you stopped paying, it could be an issue, but you don't have to prioritize.
Cancel his bank cards - Yes. Just safe side.
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Post by birukitty on May 25, 2020 15:38:58 GMT
I'm so sorry I don't have any advice to give you but I wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and will be praying for you and your family. I'm so sorry for your loss. May his memory be eternal.
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michellegb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,915
Location: New England and loving it!
Jun 26, 2014 0:04:59 GMT
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Post by michellegb on May 25, 2020 15:39:32 GMT
I know you'll get good advice from knowledgeable peas so I will only say how very sorry I am for your loss. There are no words that can comfort you, but I hope that you know you and your family will be in the thoughts and prayers of so many people as you navigate all this new path. Sending big, big hugs.
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on May 25, 2020 15:40:06 GMT
I'm really sorry for your loss.
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lindas
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,156
Jun 26, 2014 5:46:37 GMT
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Post by lindas on May 25, 2020 15:41:28 GMT
I am so sorry for your loss.
I might be be able to answer a few of your questions as my DH passed away last year.
Death certificates - I got 7 and that was just enough. A lot of places will take a copy. Social Secuirty - The funeral home took care of that but I did call just to be sure. Credit cards, bank accts, car titles, house deed, utilities, anything we were jointly on I did eventually change into my name. If your DH had a will then you want to contact the lawyer as soon as possible.
Take your time, except for any benefits from his job and life insurance the rest doesn't need to be done immediately.
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Post by mnmloveli on May 25, 2020 15:42:30 GMT
😠so sorry for the loss of your DH. The suddenness is just awful. My thoughts are with you during this terrible time.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 12, 2024 9:46:33 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 25, 2020 15:43:04 GMT
I wish I had some advice for you, but I did want to send my deepest sympathies. I hope others can help you out with the info you need, and that it will help bring you a little peace.
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moodyblue
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,175
Location: Western Illinois
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on May 25, 2020 15:43:30 GMT
I am so very sorry for your unexpected loss. My dad is trying very hard to die, so I checked to see how many death certificates we would need to order. Seems most people recommend 3 dozen copies, as everyone will want one. I have never seen that many recommended, and I found that I ordered way more than I have needed. Many places only needed to see it or didn’t actually need a physical copy. You also pay for every copy you order so that could be expensive. I'm in Illinois if that makes a difference. I can answer with what I’ve done, or not done. The funeral home notifies Social Security, but I found that when I went to the SS office in person, it had not received notice yet for some reason. Wasn’t a problem, I was able to do what I needed. I did not notify the bank right away (and through a family friend at the bank was recommended NOT to on the joint account). I have read that you should NOT remove his name from the accounts for a year, as there may be things that come in his name. The refund on our cell phone account, which was in his name, was made out to him when I closed it and opened a new one in my name - and that was many months after he died. I did not cancel credit cards immediately, as I needed to make sure that any recurring payments were shifted and any outstanding bills were cleared. We had all separate credit cards and we each paid certain bills for our household. Get the process started for the life insurance. That gives you money to deal with things in case you need it or other finds aren’t available. Do the same for work and also things like health insurance if that impacts your coverage. We were within a couple years of paying off the mortgage when my husband died. The lawyer recommended that I just keep paying the mortgage and wait to retitle the house in my name only until it’s paid off, which it will be in a few months. I made a list of things that would need to be done, and marked them as done when completed. Do the essentials and work on the others as you have energy and opportunity - and realize that some days you won’t get anything done, and that’s okay. My husband also wanted cremation. We were able to have a Celebration of Life because we weren’t in this virus situation. The funeral home handled the cremation and notified me when the ashes were ready to be picked up. I had my nephew do it because I just couldn’t. Please know that you can always message me if you like. I also know that reaching out is not easy and sometimes impossible. I can check in with you if you’d like.
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Post by librarylady on May 25, 2020 15:45:09 GMT
I send you a hug of condolence at the awful time in your life. I think it is especially hard because of covid19 and being alone in your grief.
Others who have walked in your shoes can give the advice. I send comfort and hope you can feel it winging its way to you.
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CeeScraps
Pearl Clutcher
~~occupied entertaining my brain~~
Posts: 3,827
Jun 26, 2014 12:56:40 GMT
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Post by CeeScraps on May 25, 2020 15:45:17 GMT
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Death certificates--for my dad ('96)we ordered 20 and had to get more. When my mom died ('01) the number was less because just a handful of places took copies.
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Post by tinydogmafia on May 25, 2020 15:46:36 GMT
I am so very sorry for your loss. I am thinking of you and your family.
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