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Post by CarolT on Aug 18, 2015 1:04:22 GMT
I'm sorry, but I think you're in the wrong here.
Once you knew your nephew was embarrassed to have his aunt post comments on his Instagram, that really should have been the end of it.
Chastising him via private message was really over-the-top. I don't blame your sil for being upset.
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Post by darkchami on Aug 18, 2015 1:05:43 GMT
I think your nephew was being a typical tween. He did try to tell you that it embarrasses him when you comment. You stepped over the boundary that he tried to set on his account. He did not fly off the handle at you. He simply deleted the comment.
In response, you went off on him first publicly, then privately. I think that once you sleep on it, you will see that you may have gone too far. You let your anger get the better of you. I think it might be best for your relationship with your nephew and sister if you stop following your nephew's account.
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gsquaredmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,080
Jun 26, 2014 17:43:22 GMT
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Post by gsquaredmom on Aug 18, 2015 1:11:28 GMT
Kids spend their days avoiding embarrassment. They are mortified by it. Please just stop.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 17:35:15 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2015 1:12:01 GMT
Why did you keep commenting when he told you it embarrassed him? Are your feelings more important than his?
I think you owe your nephew an apology for overreacting.
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Post by bluepoprocks on Aug 18, 2015 1:14:26 GMT
I agree with everyone who said you are the rude one. If you had sent a nasty message to my son we would have had a very serious problem. If you have a problem with my 12 year old child you need to talk to me not him.
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scorpeao
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,521
Location: NorCal USA
Jun 25, 2014 21:04:54 GMT
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Post by scorpeao on Aug 18, 2015 1:17:10 GMT
I reminded him he was being rude by deleting my comments and told him not to be a snotty brat about his instagram account and to get over himself. His mother, my sister in law, texted me at 5:30 am and said "Not sure what this message is all about...I found your words to be hurtful" And world war 3 has since ensued....
My dd deletes my comments off facebook all the time and it pisses me off. I told her it hurts my feelings, and now I just don't comment. I think you were out of line with the name calling, and if you were my sister I'd be pissed at you. You're the adult...Let. It. Go!
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Post by gritzi on Aug 18, 2015 1:18:05 GMT
Your nephew is 12 ... too old for a kid, too young to process as an adult. Aunts, parents, grandparents are an embarrassment publicly to most 12yos, esp on social media.
Both of my teenagers have Instagram accounts. The rule is that I have to follow in order for them to have an account. However, my agreement w/my older teen was that I would respect his page & never like or comment...period, no exceptions. I kept that promise, too. Now that he's a year older guess who responds to my Instagram and now asks "hey, why didn't you comment to my picture". I don't like every one nor do I comment on every one. Sometimes when I think a post or pic might be out of line I talk to him in person, we discuss his reasoning & I explain mine.
If you are still following your nephew STOP commenting & liking. Respect him enough to give him his 12yo space. Social media is HUGE in most teens' lives. It is difficult to comprehend the dynamics of what they go through daily, how they communicate, etc. Step back & let him be a 12yo w/o having to explain his aunt to his friends.
I will add that if you had private messaged my child a nasty note my Momma Bear instinct would be roaring & the effects would not be pretty! I understand sister/SIL's perspective on this one.
Good Luck! This should be an easy one to resolve w/an apology to your nephew, his parents & an agreement that his proud aunt will follow but not comment or like.
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Post by Gingergirl on Aug 18, 2015 1:18:53 GMT
OP I think you totally missed what your nephew said to you. He is not embarrassed by the comments, he's embarrassed that his Aunt follows him on Instagram and comments. You might be a bit rude by not honoring what he said (he likely didn't want to hurt your feelings by asking you not to post). But you sure did get rude by your own admission and flame out--probably something he may have feared from the get go! He's a young boy, whose aunt just doesn't need to be commenting on all his Instagram stuff!! All of this.
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LeaP
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,939
Location: Los Angeles, CA where 405 meets 101
Jun 26, 2014 23:17:22 GMT
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Post by LeaP on Aug 18, 2015 1:19:13 GMT
Twelve year olds are a whole other ballgame though. Comments from family adults can be mortifying to kids that age. They're so preoccupied with trying to fit in and adult aunts aren't really all that cool to tweens and young teens. I only like my 12 year old niece's pictures. I usually get follow requests on Instagram from her friends whom I never met and I just decline. Comments aren't the only things that mortify a 12 year old...try merely breathing or being polite by saying hello to a passing classmate you have known since kindergarten. I am a pox on my 12 year old x10!
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Post by moosedogtoo on Aug 18, 2015 1:21:57 GMT
It's his account. He can delete anything he likes. He told you how he felt about it and you kept doing it, so the problem is on your end.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 17:35:15 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2015 1:23:40 GMT
I have two teen boys, 14 and 13. Both have told me that grandma is the biggest reason why they won't get a Facebook account. They know she will like and comment on everything and get all butthurt like you if they told her to knock it off. I imagine the same would apply to any adult relative, me, ex, and dh included.
If any relative blasted my kid, I'd be pissed too.
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mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253
Jul 3, 2014 18:13:13 GMT
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Post by mallie on Aug 18, 2015 1:29:51 GMT
I'm close with my daughters and their friends all seem to like me a lot, yet all of my girls found anything other than a "like" on FB to be mortifying. Absolutely horrifying. And god forbid, i share something with them on social media. Apparently, life as we know it will come to an end if I do that.
Not gonna lie, it really hurt my feelings. It really did. But I do see how to them, it was like when I was a teen and my mother making comments while I was on the phone loud enough for my friends to hear.
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teddyw
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,866
Jun 29, 2014 1:56:04 GMT
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Post by teddyw on Aug 18, 2015 1:30:10 GMT
My nephews are my FB friends but I am not to comment on anything. Thems the rules. DD never comments on my stuff and I'm only allowed to like hers. I think it's an age thing. That's the rules with my kids & nephews accounts too. I think the OP totally overreacted.
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Tuttle
Junior Member
Posts: 85
Jun 26, 2014 0:50:39 GMT
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Post by Tuttle on Aug 18, 2015 1:31:33 GMT
you post a comment or a question to someone's instagram post and they delete it?
Do you think the deleter is rude to delete someone's comment? The posts are embarrassing to the instagram account owner so they just delete them. The commenter find this rude. The comments do not contain swears, inappropriate pictures, they were more often "cool", "fun" or asking simple questions "where are you" "who are you with" "did you have a good time" type of posts, fairly innocuous.
What say the peas? (I'm going to change the laundry but will be back to share the remainder of the story in a bit).
ETA - The instagram account owner is embarrassed by the comments, the commenter is not intending for the comments to be embarrassing.
The full story - instagram account owner is my 12 year old nephew and commenter is me. He repeatedly deletes my comments. He posts pictures of himself at the beach and I say "have fun" or pictures of his basketball team at a game and I say "who won" or a picture of sneakers and I say "nice". None of my comments are intended to be embarrassing but when I asked him why he deletes them, he said it was because it's embarrassing for him to have to explain to his other instagram friends who I am. I told him I thought it was rude. If I asked him a question to his face, it would be rude not to answer me. Yet these friends who are supposedly asking who I am, then ask to follow me, which I decline because I don't know them and I don't think it's appropriate for 12 year olds to follow someone they don't know. At the time of that conversation earlier this summer, I apologized for nephew for potentially embarrassing him, he apologized to me for deleting my comments and I consciously held back from commenting on his account.
Fast forward to yesterday...his aunt on the other side of the family had a baby and he posted a picture of her. I commented "Is that L's baby? what's her name?" and he deleted it. Later in the day I posted "don't be rude!" which he also deleted. (that one I know was rude, but I was pissed). DH and DS are in Florida on vacation and I was telling them about it and DS called me and said, send him a private message, which he walked me through doing (I didn't know it was an option). My private message was rude but I was pissed and offended. I reminded him he was being rude by deleting my comments and told him not to be a snotty brat about his instagram account and to get over himself. His mother, my sister in law, texted me at 5:30 am and said "Not sure what this message is all about...I found your words to be hurtful" And world war 3 has since ensued.... Seriously? You're the adult here and should act as such. You can't control how your nephew responds to you. Boundaries: they're a good thing.
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Post by melanell on Aug 18, 2015 1:34:28 GMT
It's like when a kid wants to go to the movies on their own and meet friends, but mom says "no" because she feels they still need supervision, so they negotiate that she'll drop them off, but then will later enter the theater on her own and watch silently from a dark corner where none of the aforementioned friends can see her. Or when a family go to the carnival, but the teens immediately scatter off and if the parents pass by the teens walking around the teens completely ignore them. Basically he wants you to pretend that you don't actually exist. He's fine with you seeing his photos, but he doesn't want his friends to see his adult family members hanging around. While you may see it as rude, it's not unusual for the age. And I don't really understand why you'd keep doing it if he asked you not to. Then, to make it worse, you admittedly engaged in rude behavior yourself. I am not surprised that his mother felt what you said to him was hurtful. I'm sorry, but I think you brought this war on yourself.
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J u l e e
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,531
Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Aug 18, 2015 1:42:32 GMT
I'm sorry. I hope all the above comments make sense to you and you think about it in a different way. An apology to your nephew about misunderstanding instagram boundaries would be a great move on your part. I agree with everything that was already posted above.
Different but similar, I am 48 and have a love/hate relationship with posting things on facebook. I really like comments that are just comments. However I have a sister who can never do that. She likes to post questions and have a conversation with me. On facebook. Where all 200 some people I share things with can read. I hate that! I get that everyone does it differently and has a different comfort level with social media, it's public, I'm putting it all out there in the first place, and all that, blah, blah, blah. But it seriously bugs me. And I'm an adult with a reasonably mature handle on things. Not a 12 year old boy just learning to navigate social media.
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AllieC
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Posts: 3,059
Jul 4, 2014 6:57:02 GMT
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Post by AllieC on Aug 18, 2015 1:53:34 GMT
OP I think you totally missed what your nephew said to you. He is not embarrassed by the comments, he's embarrassed that his Aunt follows him on Instagram and comments. You might be a bit rude by not honoring what he said (he likely didn't want to hurt your feelings by asking you not to post). But you sure did get rude by your own admission and flame out--probably something he may have feared from the get go! He's a young boy, whose aunt just doesn't need to be commenting on all his Instagram stuff!! Yes this, exactly this!
If you want to follow him on Instagram then I would only be liking his pics and not commenting. I pretty much don't have underage kids (no matter who they are) on any of my social media for this reason.
I think you are reading way too much into this and have started a war that was unnecessary. If you are wanting to know stuff then send him a private message or text him.
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Post by bc2ca on Aug 18, 2015 1:54:13 GMT
Oh dear, I have to agree with the majority here.
When I got on FB and Instagram I accepted if a niece or nephew friend requested, but I never approached them. The unwritten understanding is I get a peek into what is going on with them but don't comment. If I want more details about something I will email, text or private message them. I'm not even allowed to post & tag photos of my own DS.
My SIL's constant commenting on DD's FB photos is a big factor in her rarely using FB for anything more than organizing group events.
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,376
Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
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Post by cycworker on Aug 18, 2015 2:00:16 GMT
you post a comment or a question to someone's instagram post and they delete it?
Do you think the deleter is rude to delete someone's comment? The posts are embarrassing to the instagram account owner so they just delete them. The commenter find this rude. The comments do not contain swears, inappropriate pictures, they were more often "cool", "fun" or asking simple questions "where are you" "who are you with" "did you have a good time" type of posts, fairly innocuous.
What say the peas? (I'm going to change the laundry but will be back to share the remainder of the story in a bit).
ETA - The instagram account owner is embarrassed by the comments, the commenter is not intending for the comments to be embarrassing.
The full story - instagram account owner is my 12 year old nephew and commenter is me. He repeatedly deletes my comments. He posts pictures of himself at the beach and I say "have fun" or pictures of his basketball team at a game and I say "who won" or a picture of sneakers and I say "nice". None of my comments are intended to be embarrassing but when I asked him why he deletes them, he said it was because it's embarrassing for him to have to explain to his other instagram friends who I am. I told him I thought it was rude. If I asked him a question to his face, it would be rude not to answer me. Yet these friends who are supposedly asking who I am, then ask to follow me, which I decline because I don't know them and I don't think it's appropriate for 12 year olds to follow someone they don't know. At the time of that conversation earlier this summer, I apologized for nephew for potentially embarrassing him, he apologized to me for deleting my comments and I consciously held back from commenting on his account.
Fast forward to yesterday...his aunt on the other side of the family had a baby and he posted a picture of her. I commented "Is that L's baby? what's her name?" and he deleted it. Later in the day I posted "don't be rude!" which he also deleted. (that one I know was rude, but I was pissed). DH and DS are in Florida on vacation and I was telling them about it and DS called me and said, send him a private message, which he walked me through doing (I didn't know it was an option). My private message was rude but I was pissed and offended. I reminded him he was being rude by deleting my comments and told him not to be a snotty brat about his instagram account and to get over himself. His mother, my sister in law, texted me at 5:30 am and said "Not sure what this message is all about...I found your words to be hurtful" And world war 3 has since ensued.... Ouch. I wish I'd waited to post until after I saw the backstory. I'm sorry to say, while I get he was rude in his comments, he was also kinda right. You're his aunt. He doesn't want you posting comments on his Instagram, which, I have to admit, I can understand. As much as we may not like it, it's just NOT cool to have your aunt posting on your Instagram. You should be asking questions re: the baby and such to his mom, not him. And if you want to comment on something, PM him so he's not embarrassed.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 17:35:15 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2015 2:22:27 GMT
I know this isn't the same but my half sister deleted many of my comments when she first friended me so I simply stopped posting anything. Sometimes I 'like' something but that's it. It pissed me off and made me feel bad. Since your nephew is being a little tool I would just take myself off his instagram or whatever it is. No time for that, but I'd be taking him off my Christmas and birthday lists and anything else. I don't think the kid was "being a tool", it's his account. He nicely explained to her why he deleted her comments and she was still commenting. And taking him off Christmas and birthday list? I think that's over the top and downright mean.
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paget
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,757
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:39 GMT
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Post by paget on Aug 18, 2015 2:58:29 GMT
I find you in the wrong here. Instagram isnt really for adults to make comments to teens- especially when you know he doesn't like it. That just makes you the rude one, imo. My 21 and 19 year old love when I comment - -16 year does not so I don't.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 17:35:15 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2015 3:08:15 GMT
If it were adults doing it, yes, rude.
In this situation, I think you should take a hint and quite commenting. If you have questions, ask them elsewhere. Instagram is a HUGE deal amongst kids and I have no doubt he's getting teased about comments from his relatives. I'd respect that and back off. Not a place to make a point IMO.
Your DM to him was way, way over the top and if that came to my child from his aunt, I'd be seriously pissed. You're the one who is behaving badly, not him. Do you remember what it was like to be 12? Kids tease each other about EVERYTHING at that age. I can't believe you'd want to push this issue and make things uncomfortable for him. Have some empathy.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 17:35:15 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2015 3:16:32 GMT
WTF? Talk about petty and mean!
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Post by slicksister on Aug 18, 2015 3:19:51 GMT
This. Totally and utterly this. Leave him alone.
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Post by krazykatlady on Aug 18, 2015 3:28:12 GMT
I think he's 12 years old and has told you that it embarrasses him. Yes, probably ridiculous but I find it incredibly rude of YOU to continue posting on his account.
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Post by worrywart on Aug 18, 2015 3:44:18 GMT
I hope that you have straightened things out with your sister. Don't let this cause a long term blow up, it's not worth it. Apologize for overreacting and never post to his account again. It is obvious that he does not want you to, so I would respect his wishes whether you agree with it or not.
Social media can be overwhelming...don't read too much into it. I'm sorry and I hope that you can mend your relationship quickly.
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Post by scrapulous on Aug 18, 2015 3:51:03 GMT
OP I think you totally missed what your nephew said to you. He is not embarrassed by the comments, he's embarrassed that his Aunt follows him on Instagram and comments. You might be a bit rude by not honoring what he said (he likely didn't want to hurt your feelings by asking you not to post). But you sure did get rude by your own admission and flame out--probably something he may have feared from the get go! He's a young boy, whose aunt just doesn't need to be commenting on all his Instagram stuff!! Bingo. My kids delete comments from my mom all the time. She still doesn't get it. My ds will post pics of himself with his friends at a party, and she'll post "I love my guy." And she seriously doesn't get why he hates that. I have no problem with him deleting those comments.
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Post by penny on Aug 18, 2015 5:26:28 GMT
I think you're mistaking Instagram for email, or private message, or texting, or a phone call... Asking about other family members (who the baby was, their name), isn't cool... One, its information that he or the other family members might not want spelled out or shared, and two, he's not your peer... Why wouldn't you post on his mom's Instagram, or Facebook, or tweet, email, or call her?
You're a relative, not part of his social group - and Instagram, Facebook, etc, are primarily for social interactions... Family, work, and acquaintance correspondence doesn't usually fit in well on public boards...
I can't believe that after he explained his wishes you posted again... Let alone lost your sh*t and messaged him about that one being deleted... He is an individual... He has boundaries that he is comfortable with... You're breaching those boundaries after clearly knowing where they are... That's arrogant... You're being disrespectful and you're bullying...
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Post by anniefb on Aug 18, 2015 6:03:27 GMT
I would have stopped commenting the first time he told you it was embarrassing. I always let my teens set the ground rules for how they would like me to interact with them via social media. I do the same for my niece and nephew. Yeah this. ^^ I follow several teenagers who are Godchildren or the lids of good friends. I 'like' their posts on IG and FB but don't comment because I can see it's only their friends commenting and don't want to cause any embarrassment.
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,394
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Aug 18, 2015 6:07:59 GMT
Twelve year old boys do not want their aunts stalking them on social media. Why? Because it is embarrassing and a tiny bit weird.
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