cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,375 
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Post by cycworker on Aug 17, 2015 23:16:21 GMT
Yes, I do.
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MorningPerson
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,506
Location: Central Pennsylvania
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Post by MorningPerson on Aug 17, 2015 23:16:39 GMT
This has never happened to me, so I'm trying to imagine a situation where this would be done. Maybe a teenager who doesn't want their Mom up in her/his business? Maybe a political thing?
I do think I can imagine being offended or at least bewildered if an adult did that to me.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 17, 2024 22:06:23 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2015 23:21:13 GMT
you post a comment or a question to someone's instagram post and they delete it?
Do you think the deleter is rude to delete someone's comment? The posts are embarrassing to the instagram account owner so they just delete them. The commenter find this rude. The comments do not contain swears, inappropriate pictures, they were more often "cool", "fun" or asking simple questions "where are you" "who are you with" "did you have a good time" type of posts, fairly innocuous.
What say the peas? (I'm going to change the laundry but will be back to share the remainder of the story in a bit) It doesn't bother me. BUT, big BUT, I am one who sometimes deletes "innocuous" comments/questions because the answer isn't something that everyone on my account needs to know. What is innocuous to you may not be so much to me... or to the other people in the photo who don't want to be identified. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 17, 2024 22:06:23 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2015 23:29:15 GMT
I don't think I'd even notice if my comment was deleted
Depending on my relationship with the person, I'd probably react in one of two ways:
Acquaintance/online stranger: not leave a comment again and possibly unfollow.
Close family member: ask in person why they deleted and if I'd done something that bothered them.
I wouldn't be offended.
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Rainbow
Pearl Clutcher
Where salt is in the air and sand is at my feet...
Posts: 4,103
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Post by Rainbow on Aug 17, 2015 23:37:20 GMT
you post a comment or a question to someone's instagram post and they delete it?
Do you think the deleter is rude to delete someone's comment? The posts are embarrassing to the instagram account owner so they just delete them. The commenter find this rude. The comments do not contain swears, inappropriate pictures, they were more often "cool", "fun" or asking simple questions "where are you" "who are you with" "did you have a good time" type of posts, fairly innocuous.
What say the peas? (I'm going to change the laundry but will be back to share the remainder of the story in a bit) |
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marimoose
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,282
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Post by marimoose on Aug 17, 2015 23:53:58 GMT
I don't have an instagram but my daughter does and I know she has deleted comments off her posts but with good reason, at least for her. Recently she had taken a trip to Sea World Orlando, a place she loves, and shared a favorite picture of the Shamu show. Her account is not locked to just friends so a total stranger found her via the tags and went off on the politics of keeping sea animals for show, blah, blah, blah. The rest is unimportant. We all have opinions like other parts of our bodies but we don't need to share them with everyone. My daughter removed the offensive posts without acknowledging them.
I do think the same rules would apply if someone were making fun of the poster. Heck, it is the poster's account and I guess at the end of the day what they choose to do with their account is their business, even if it hurts my feelings when my comments disappear. Sometimes glitches happen, sometimes accidental removals happen, sometimes the poster just wants to remove it. Life is too short to worry what goes on in another's head about things like this. I doubt I would ever comment on any of their stuff in the future though.
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Post by darkchami on Aug 17, 2015 23:55:32 GMT
I have honestly deleted comments twice. Both were snarky comments towards my profession. They didn't include cussing. However, I found them hurtful. The people who made the comments would know that I found them hurtful. To others, the comments probably seemed innocuous.
If someone deleted my comment, I would ask them about it privately. They may have had a good reason for it that I don't initially understand.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Aug 18, 2015 0:09:07 GMT
OP I think you totally missed what your nephew said to you.
He is not embarrassed by the comments, he's embarrassed that his Aunt follows him on Instagram and comments.
You might be a bit rude by not honoring what he said (he likely didn't want to hurt your feelings by asking you not to post). But you sure did get rude by your own admission and flame out--probably something he may have feared from the get go!
He's a young boy, whose aunt just doesn't need to be commenting on all his Instagram stuff!!
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Olan
Pearl Clutcher
Enter your message here...
Posts: 4,046
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Post by Olan on Aug 18, 2015 0:11:25 GMT
you post a comment or a question to someone's instagram post and they delete it?
Do you think the deleter is rude to delete someone's comment? The posts are embarrassing to the instagram account owner so they just delete them. The commenter find this rude. The comments do not contain swears, inappropriate pictures, they were more often "cool", "fun" or asking simple questions "where are you" "who are you with" "did you have a good time" type of posts, fairly innocuous.
What say the peas? (I'm going to change the laundry but will be back to share the remainder of the story in a bit).
ETA - The instagram account owner is embarrassed by the comments, the commenter is not intending for the comments to be embarrassing.
The full story - instagram account owner is my 12 year old nephew and commenter is me. He repeatedly deletes my comments. He posts pictures of himself at the beach and I say "have fun" or pictures of his basketball team at a game and I say "who won" or a picture of sneakers and I say "nice". None of my comments are intended to be embarrassing but when I asked him why he deletes them, he said it was because it's embarrassing for him to have to explain to his other instagram friends who I am. I told him I thought it was rude. If I asked him a question to his face, it would be rude not to answer me. Yet these friends who are supposedly asking who I am, then ask to follow me, which I decline because I don't know them and I don't think it's appropriate for 12 year olds to follow someone they don't know. At the time of that conversation earlier this summer, I apologized for nephew for potentially embarrassing him, he apologized to me for deleting my comments and I consciously held back from commenting on his account.
Fast forward to yesterday...his aunt on the other side of the family had a baby and he posted a picture of her. I commented "Is that L's baby? what's her name?" and he deleted it. Later in the day I posted "don't be rude!" which he also deleted. (that one I know was rude, but I was pissed). DH and DS are in Florida on vacation and I was telling them about it and DS called me and said, send him a private message, which he walked me through doing (I didn't know it was an option). My private message was rude but I was pissed and offended. I reminded him he was being rude by deleting my comments and told him not to be a snotty brat about his instagram account and to get over himself. His mother, my sister in law, texted me at 5:30 am and said "Not sure what this message is all about...I found your words to be hurtful" And world war 3 has since ensued.... I think you should have taken a hint from your nephew and abstained from posting on his Instagram account once you realized he was deleting your comments. Confronting a 12yr old child via private message would not have went over well with the mothers in my family |
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Aug 18, 2015 0:12:49 GMT
you started WW3 so you have no one else to blame but yourself!
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Post by myboysnme on Aug 18, 2015 0:15:48 GMT
I know this isn't the same but my half sister deleted many of my comments when she first friended me so I simply stopped posting anything. Sometimes I 'like' something but that's it. It pissed me off and made me feel bad.
Since your nephew is being a little tool I would just take myself off his instagram or whatever it is. No time for that, but I'd be taking him off my Christmas and birthday lists and anything else.
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karenme
Shy Member
Posts: 11
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Post by karenme on Aug 18, 2015 0:17:07 GMT
I follow all my nephews on Instagram. I like posts, but I never comment. If I want to say/ask something about the post, I will text them. No tween/teen wants to explain who you are to his friends - especially a boy. Even my kids get annoyed when I comment on her posts. The fact that you didn't take his hint, kept posting, and then blasted him for being rude kind of makes you the rude one. Sorry.
ETA: If any family member had sent my kids a DM blasting them for deleting comments, I would not have taken it well. At all.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 17, 2024 22:06:23 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2015 0:20:13 GMT
you post a comment or a question to someone's instagram post and they delete it?
Do you think the deleter is rude to delete someone's comment? The posts are embarrassing to the instagram account owner so they just delete them. The commenter find this rude. The comments do not contain swears, inappropriate pictures, they were more often "cool", "fun" or asking simple questions "where are you" "who are you with" "did you have a good time" type of posts, fairly innocuous.
What say the peas? (I'm going to change the laundry but will be back to share the remainder of the story in a bit).
ETA - The instagram account owner is embarrassed by the comments, the commenter is not intending for the comments to be embarrassing.
The full story - instagram account owner is my 12 year old nephew and commenter is me. He repeatedly deletes my comments. He posts pictures of himself at the beach and I say "have fun" or pictures of his basketball team at a game and I say "who won" or a picture of sneakers and I say "nice". None of my comments are intended to be embarrassing but when I asked him why he deletes them, he said it was because it's embarrassing for him to have to explain to his other instagram friends who I am. I told him I thought it was rude. If I asked him a question to his face, it would be rude not to answer me. Yet these friends who are supposedly asking who I am, then ask to follow me, which I decline because I don't know them and I don't think it's appropriate for 12 year olds to follow someone they don't know. At the time of that conversation earlier this summer, I apologized for nephew for potentially embarrassing him, he apologized to me for deleting my comments and I consciously held back from commenting on his account.
Fast forward to yesterday...his aunt on the other side of the family had a baby and he posted a picture of her. I commented "Is that L's baby? what's her name?" and he deleted it. Later in the day I posted "don't be rude!" which he also deleted. (that one I know was rude, but I was pissed). DH and DS are in Florida on vacation and I was telling them about it and DS called me and said, send him a private message, which he walked me through doing (I didn't know it was an option). My private message was rude but I was pissed and offended. I reminded him he was being rude by deleting my comments and told him not to be a snotty brat about his instagram account and to get over himself. His mother, my sister in law, texted me at 5:30 am and said "Not sure what this message is all about...I found your words to be hurtful" And world war 3 has since ensued.... He is TWELVE. Adults by definition ARE embarrassing. Enjoy watching his life but realize it is embarrassing to him to be followed by an adult in his life (you are essentially seen as a spy or babysitter that he can't have an account with just his friends) You were rude all the way around. Time to own it an apologize for it. You need to be setting an example of how to behave and not get involved in pissy behavior yourself. |
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Post by leftturnonly on Aug 18, 2015 0:20:54 GMT
A 12 year old boy deletes comments from an older relative that would cause him to publicly talk about photos he posts.
Sounds about typical 12 year old boy behavior to me.
These public social forums are not the places he wants to have conversations with his older female relatives. To me, you've gotten completely bent out of shape over this.
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Post by cmpeter on Aug 18, 2015 0:22:45 GMT
I would have stopped commenting the first time he told you it was embarrassing. I always let my teens set the ground rules for how they would like me to interact with them via social media. I do the same for my niece and nephew.
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Post by lancermom on Aug 18, 2015 0:23:38 GMT
I agree with the last few posts. I would not comment to any of his posts. I have a lot of kids on social media, they are posting for their friends to see, not the 40 year old to comment.
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LeaP
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,939
Location: Los Angeles, CA where 405 meets 101
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Post by LeaP on Aug 18, 2015 0:30:29 GMT
I follow all my nephews on Instagram. I like posts, but I never comment. If I want to say/ask something about the post, I will text them. No tween/teen wants to explain who you are to his friends - especially a boy. Even my kids get annoyed when I comment on her posts. The fact that you didn't take his hint, kept posting, and then blasted him for being rude kind of makes you the rude one. Sorry.  I have a tween and a teen. I follow but do not partake because it is very hard to know what is considered embarrassing. The most innocuous thing can be a minefield. Text is the way to go. Both of my kids think it is weird when adults comment on posts. |
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Post by joylynaroundthebnd on Aug 18, 2015 0:32:02 GMT
I am friends with my niece (17) and my nephew (15) and some of their friends. Typically I only like their posts, unless they involve me or family things. I have told them, if I embarrass them to let me know. I would not send a private message going off on them.
When my oldest nephews were that age, they wanted nothing to do with me on FaceBook. It just depends on each person.
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Post by polz on Aug 18, 2015 0:32:06 GMT
My nephews are my FB friends but I am not to comment on anything. Thems the rules. DD never comments on my stuff and I'm only allowed to like hers. I think it's an age thing.
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Kerri W
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,769
Location: Kentucky
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Post by Kerri W on Aug 18, 2015 0:32:39 GMT
I agree with the last few posts. Ditto. Sorry, but you were in the wrong. He told you it embarrassed him and you continued. Not cool. Then to lose your shit and sent him a personal message?! If you were my sister you would have gotten an earful. You owe him, and your sister, an apology. |
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Post by mdpea on Aug 18, 2015 0:33:36 GMT
I have learnt from my own children - you can only 'like' (sorry, make that MUST 'like'), but do not ever comment. EVER.
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Post by Prenticekid on Aug 18, 2015 0:43:47 GMT
I think you are the rude one in this situation. Why are you posting anything after he told you what his issue is? And then take him to task over it? You going to kiss him in front of his friends too? LOL I do not comment on the accounts of kids I know unless I know they welcome it. But I don't usually find it necessary to butt into comments/convo between 12 year olds. Leave him alone on social media. Call him or text him your compliments.
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artbabe
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,042
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Post by artbabe on Aug 18, 2015 0:44:27 GMT
Yep, you are the problem. I have a 12-year-old nephew. I have access to his accounts. I don't post because I don't belong there. I'm the one who pays the phone bills, so I look at his stuff but never comment. If he ever did anything out of line I would talk to him in person.
Seriously, you are getting into it with a 12-year-old? I don't even understand that. You don't belong in a 12-year-old's world. It is nice that he lets you look but if he has a problem with you commenting, then don't comment. If I were him I'd unfriend you- you don't seem to understand boundries.
I don't even understand why you are letting a 12-year-old hurt your feelings. Seriously? He's 12!
If you were his mom then the rules would be different. But you are not... Take a hint.
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Post by padresfan619 on Aug 18, 2015 0:47:37 GMT
He's 12. Do you remember being 12? How embarrassing it would be to interact with your older relatives in front of your friends? Just leave him alone, let him get through this most awkward phase of his life. Be grateful you're allowed access to his Instagram at all.
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Post by AussieMeg on Aug 18, 2015 0:49:59 GMT
Yes sorry, but I think you overstepped.
I rarely post anything on my DD’s FB account, and never on her Instagram account. I usually just “like” stuff. I had to let my mum know NOT to tag DD in any FB posts. She couldn’t understand why. Teenagers and pre-teens don’t want “old” people posting (what they think are) dumb comments, even if we’re trying to be nice. It’s just the way it is.
I can understand why your nephew’s mum was peeved / hurt.
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Post by kat on Aug 18, 2015 0:54:10 GMT
I agree with the last few posts. Ditto. Sorry, but you were in the wrong. He told you it embarrassed him and you continued. Not cool. Then to lose your shit and sent him a personal message?! If you were my sister you would have gotten an earful. You owe him, and your sister, an apology. This. |
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Post by annabella on Aug 18, 2015 0:56:52 GMT
He's 12, he told you your comments draw attention among his friends, just stop commenting.
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Post by knit.pea on Aug 18, 2015 0:59:44 GMT
I would be surprised if someone deleted my comment, but I typically
only "like" on Instagram.
I Follow a number of my younger son's friends from his musicals
as I helped a lot during rehearsals, etc. But I feel I am their "guest".
I don't do family drama, so I would not post on my nephew's accounts
at all (we are not close, they live in another area).
The rest of my family would have no qualms about posting anything,
anywhere, anytime ... nosy, snarky, ridiculousness, call-out.
I would never engage any of them.
No way would I take it upon myself to reprimand my nephews.
Not my place.
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Post by annabella on Aug 18, 2015 1:00:44 GMT
send him a private message, which he walked me through doing (I didn't know it was an option). My private message was rude but I was pissed and offended. I reminded him he was being rude by deleting my comments and told him not to be a snotty brat about his instagram account and to get over himself. His mother, my sister in law, texted me at 5:30 am and said "Not sure what this message is all about...I found your words to be hurtful" And world war 3 has since ensued....
You sent her CHILD a nasty email, at this point you should be embarrassed that momma bear had to get involved to tell another adult (you) that you are out of line. Apologize and move on. Be lucky he hasn't blocked you on instagram yet. |
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Post by Flowergirl on Aug 18, 2015 1:01:04 GMT
My kids are teens. I like their pictures on Instagram (they very seldom post anything on FB anymore) and they don't care if I comment (which I only do occasionally) because I never say anything embarrassing and I only comment on the pictures that make sense for me to comment on.
My SIL, on the other hand, will comment embarrassing things on their FB posts and they used to have to explain the comments to friends. The comments are things that I can understand the kids being embarrassed about so I can imagine how my kids feel. They don't delete the comments though. They'd just explain to their friends (who all seem to have older relatives that don't get it) so it's not a big deal to them. She's not on Instagram, thankfully.
Twelve year olds are a whole other ballgame though. Comments from family adults can be mortifying to kids that age. They're so preoccupied with trying to fit in and adult aunts aren't really all that cool to tweens and young teens. I only like my 12 year old niece's pictures. I usually get follow requests on Instagram from her friends whom I never met and I just decline.
I think you are out of line here and need to respect the boundaries your nephew tried to establish. He will grow up and at some point these things won't matter, but in the mean time, I think you need to chill a bit.
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I have a tween and a teen. I follow but do not partake because it is very hard to know what is considered embarrassing. The most innocuous thing can be a minefield. Text is the way to go. Both of my kids think it is weird when adults comment on posts. 
Refupea #39