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Post by disneypal on Aug 18, 2015 15:37:43 GMT
I apologize in advance because I have not read 4 pages of replies
But....you said he was 12. ALL teens do not like adults following them or commenting on their Instagram pages. Not sure why they are embarrassed by this but they don't like it.
My Godson didn't realize I was following him I guess, one day I left an innocent comment (like "great photo" or something like that) and the next day he had deleted me and set his account to private.
That is just a teen. He has nothing to hide, they just don't want the other kids to know their mom, dad, aunt or any grown up for that matter is commenting on their instagram accounts. It takes away their "cool factor" I think.
I'd respect his wishes and just not comment any more.
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Post by agengr2004 on Aug 18, 2015 16:25:01 GMT
This thread makes me so glad I don't have a teenager on social media. I'll be honest here and say I find this thread strange. I get that the OP shouldn't be picking a fight over this with a 12 year old. On the other hand, I probably wouldn't be excusing that sort of behavior from my child. I wouldn't let them treat their family or younger siblings like that in a real public setting so I don't feel like I'd let them do it in a virtual one either. I have teenage cousins and a couple of close friends children on my facebook and they don't act this way.
If I found out that my children were adding family members just to be rude to them, I'd have them either a.) delete all family members except for parents or b.) delete social media all together.
I feel like there's a lesson here somewhere about navigating family and friends in a social setting that's being lost. But take my post with a grain of salt, I may be singing a different tune in 6 years when I'm actually in this situation.
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Post by gar on Aug 18, 2015 16:32:58 GMT
This thread makes me so glad I don't have a teenager on social media. I'll be honest here and say I find this thread strange. I get that the OP shouldn't be picking a fight over this with a 12 year old. On the other hand, I probably wouldn't be excusing that sort of behavior from my child. I wouldn't let them treat their family or younger siblings like that in a real public setting so I don't feel like I'd let them do it in a virtual one either. I have teenage cousins and a couple of close friends children on my facebook and they don't act this way. If I found out that my children were adding family members just to be rude to them, I'd have them either a.) delete all family members except for parents or b.) delete social media all together. I feel like there's a lesson here somewhere about navigating family and friends in a social setting that's being lost. But take my post with a grain of salt, I may be singing a different tune in 6 years when I'm actually in this situation. What sort of behaviour?
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Kerri W
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,772
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Jun 25, 2014 20:31:44 GMT
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Post by Kerri W on Aug 18, 2015 16:38:41 GMT
This thread makes me so glad I don't have a teenager on social media. I'll be honest here and say I find this thread strange. I get that the OP shouldn't be picking a fight over this with a 12 year old. On the other hand, I probably wouldn't be excusing that sort of behavior from my child. I wouldn't let them treat their family or younger siblings like that in a real public setting so I don't feel like I'd let them do it in a virtual one either. I have teenage cousins and a couple of close friends children on my facebook and they don't act this way. If I found out that my children were adding family members just to be rude to them, I'd have them either a.) delete all family members except for parents or b.) delete social media all together. I feel like there's a lesson here somewhere about navigating family and friends in a social setting that's being lost. But take my post with a grain of salt, I may be singing a different tune in 6 years when I'm actually in this situation. Yeah, I kind of don't get where you're coming from at all. Let's say Junior is hanging out at the movies/arcade/skatepark with his friends. Aunt sees him and comes over to join in their conversation. He answers the questions but later on, completely separate from hanging out with his friends, he says "hey auntie...I'd really rather just hang with my friends at the skatepark." He's nice and polite about it, but he draws a boundary. Low and behold Auntie is driving by the skatepark and there's Junior so she doesn't just wave and drive on by, she screeches to a halt and comes over and inserts herself in the middle of his friend time again. He doesn't have a right to say he isn't interested in Auntie being at the skatepark? Really?
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Post by agengr2004 on Aug 18, 2015 16:38:48 GMT
This thread makes me so glad I don't have a teenager on social media. I'll be honest here and say I find this thread strange. I get that the OP shouldn't be picking a fight over this with a 12 year old. On the other hand, I probably wouldn't be excusing that sort of behavior from my child. I wouldn't let them treat their family or younger siblings like that in a real public setting so I don't feel like I'd let them do it in a virtual one either. I have teenage cousins and a couple of close friends children on my facebook and they don't act this way. If I found out that my children were adding family members just to be rude to them, I'd have them either a.) delete all family members except for parents or b.) delete social media all together. I feel like there's a lesson here somewhere about navigating family and friends in a social setting that's being lost. But take my post with a grain of salt, I may be singing a different tune in 6 years when I'm actually in this situation. What sort of behaviour? As I said, I have no experience with this. But I liken it to inviting someone to a party, but then telling them that they can't talk to me, or anyone else, or acknowledge their existence. If you're going to be like that then don't invite them. If you don't want to interact with family on social media, that's perfectly fine. Don't friend them.
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Post by agengr2004 on Aug 18, 2015 16:40:14 GMT
she shouldn't This thread makes me so glad I don't have a teenager on social media. I'll be honest here and say I find this thread strange. I get that the OP shouldn't be picking a fight over this with a 12 year old. On the other hand, I probably wouldn't be excusing that sort of behavior from my child. I wouldn't let them treat their family or younger siblings like that in a real public setting so I don't feel like I'd let them do it in a virtual one either. I have teenage cousins and a couple of close friends children on my facebook and they don't act this way. If I found out that my children were adding family members just to be rude to them, I'd have them either a.) delete all family members except for parents or b.) delete social media all together. I feel like there's a lesson here somewhere about navigating family and friends in a social setting that's being lost. But take my post with a grain of salt, I may be singing a different tune in 6 years when I'm actually in this situation. Yeah, I kind of don't get where you're coming from at all. Let's say Junior is hanging out at the movies/arcade/skatepark with his friends. Aunt sees him and comes over to join in their conversation. He answers the questions but later on, completely separate from hanging out with his friends, he says "hey auntie...I'd really rather just hang with my friends at the skatepark." He's nice and polite about it, but he draws a boundary. Low and behold Auntie is driving by the skatepark and there's Junior so she doesn't just wave and drive on by, she screeches to a halt and comes over and inserts herself in the middle of his friend time again. He doesn't have a right to say he isn't interested in Auntie being at the skatepark? Really? I just see this as different. ETA: I recognize that if the child asks you to stop you should. The OP shouldn't have continued or called the child out on social media or email. That was wrong.
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Kerri W
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,772
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Jun 25, 2014 20:31:44 GMT
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Post by Kerri W on Aug 18, 2015 16:41:30 GMT
What sort of behaviour? As I said, I have no experience with this. But I liken it to inviting someone to a party, but then telling them that they can't talk to me, or anyone else, or acknowledge their existence. If you're going to be like that then don't invite them. If you don't want to interact with family on social media, that's perfectly fine. Don't friend them. Are you aware that you don't extend an invitation on Instagram? So she invited herself to the party in this instance.
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Post by agengr2004 on Aug 18, 2015 16:43:08 GMT
Are you aware that you don't extend an invitation on Instagram? So she invited herself to the party in this instance. You can set your profile to private. You don't have to approve them.
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Deleted
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Jun 1, 2024 18:03:46 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2015 16:45:55 GMT
Are you aware that you don't extend an invitation on Instagram? So she invited herself to the party in this instance. You can set your profile to private. You don't have to approve them. But why should the kid have to change/limit the way he uses social media with his friends just because his aunt can't rein herself in? She's the one whose behavior is causing the problem, not him. She's the one who should be respectful and stop what she's doing.
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Post by agengr2004 on Aug 18, 2015 16:49:24 GMT
You can set your profile to private. You don't have to approve them. But why should the kid have to change/limit the way he uses social media with his friends just because his aunt can't rein herself in? She's the one whose behavior is causing the problem, not him. She's the one who should be respectful and stop what she's doing. I get what you're saying and she should have when asked. Initially, I just feel that there's a better way to handle it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2015 16:50:13 GMT
I think that's what you're basing your opinion on and I can see no indication that that is what the OPs nephew was doing. He explained to her that he was embarrassed, she should have taken that and held back on further comments, being the adult in the equation she should have known better than to keep pushing it.
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Post by myshelly on Aug 18, 2015 16:49:56 GMT
OP, you sound incredibly immature.
Are there really *adults* who get this worked up over social media?
You're ridiculous.
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Post by knit.pea on Aug 18, 2015 16:50:14 GMT
And it's not her kid. It's her nephew.
And SIL told the OP her opinion of the OP's comments.
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Kerri W
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,772
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Jun 25, 2014 20:31:44 GMT
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Post by Kerri W on Aug 18, 2015 16:51:13 GMT
You're right, we see this differently. And that's cool. I am teaching my children that they can set boundaries. They need to be polite and respectful, but setting boundaries is not a *bad* thing. I want them to know their own limits and be comfortable asserting themselves within those limits. I see this as being in line with that.
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Post by agengr2004 on Aug 18, 2015 16:53:33 GMT
I think that's what you're basing your opinion on and I can see no indication that that is what the OPs nephew was doing. He explained to her that he was embarrassed, she should have taken that and held back on further comments, being the adult in the equation she should have known better than to keep pushing it. I agree with you.
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Aug 18, 2015 16:53:51 GMT
As the mother of a 12 year old... she would accept follows from her aunties and older cousins. But she would probably delete them if they embarrassed her.
i follow a lot of her friends on Instagram and her friends mothers follow her. It is a way for us to look out for each others kids but we NEVER EVER post or do more than like. I am not sure I have ever even liked her friends posts.
Kids need to learn how to handle social media. Having adults to help with that is important, as long as those adults don't start imposing themselves in the conversation.
One of my DD's friends had a friend who was throwing f bombs all over her Instagram comments. No parent needed to step in she handled it just fine on her own. That is how kids learn.
I think the response of don't friend a relative is not the best.
I belive it is perfectly acceptable to delete a comment you don't like on your page. It is not rude.
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Post by agengr2004 on Aug 18, 2015 16:55:40 GMT
You're right, we see this differently. And that's cool. I am teaching my children that they can set boundaries. They need to be polite and respectful, but setting boundaries is not a *bad* thing. I want them to know their own limits and be comfortable asserting themselves within those limits. I see this as being in line with that. I'm not necessarily talking about the boundaries, on that we can agree, I'm talking about the way they are set. If you have boundaries with people they need to know it. And they're best set up front. This may be some unwritten teenage rule, but not everyone knows that (as evidenced by my post).
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LeaP
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Jun 26, 2014 23:17:22 GMT
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Post by LeaP on Aug 18, 2015 16:56:01 GMT
I feel like there's a lesson here somewhere about navigating family and friends in a social setting that's being lost. But take my post with a grain of salt, I may be singing a different tune in 6 years when I'm actually in this situation. My 11, soon to be 12 loves me dearly, but at the same time she is mortified that we breath the same air molecules and that I speak. You can have lovely exchanges by text and email with tweens, participating in Instagram is off limits. Imagine if a bunch of husbands started posting here, it would ruin the vibe. Yes, technically it would be OK, but the kick them to the curb advice would taken differently not to mention diva cup discussions and such.
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Post by gar on Aug 18, 2015 16:57:54 GMT
But why should the kid have to change/limit the way he uses social media with his friends just because his aunt can't rein herself in? She's the one whose behavior is causing the problem, not him. She's the one who should be respectful and stop what she's doing. I get what you're saying and she should have when asked. Initially, I just feel that there's a better way to handle it. She's on his patch, if you like. He asked her politely to stop, she carried on. I agree with Kerri W - children need to be taught that it's ok to set boundaries and to politely re-state those when necessary. Important life skill imo. I don't know what he could have done differently really. You're right that not everyone knows the rules but he told her the rules...... and if you have kids you do know that by simply living you are an embarrassment
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sharlag
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Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Aug 18, 2015 16:59:07 GMT
Think about the olden days... say the 70s.
You're on the sidewalk with your 12 year old friends. I think if you saw your aunt across the street when she waved at you, you might wave back and hastily turn your attention elsewhere, hoping she wouldn't come trotting over for a personal face-to-face.
She DOES trot over, though, and starts a conversation. Your friends smirk, recede into the background, or join in. You try to keep it short, but she's RIGHT THERE on the sidewalk, with your friends witnessing the interaction.
If you HAD successfully walked away and she asked you about it at a family function later that week, would you say, "You embarrass me, aunt. I didn't want to talk to you with my friends there." ??
On Instagram, shes RIGHT THERE, joining the conversation, I guess. And with our new era of wanting privacy and control over who we talk to, but really having LESS privacy than EVER, we maybe have different expectations? Pushing the delete button is impersonal, but the OP asked the nephew directly, and he was honest.
Should we force our expectations of politeness on a little kid for our grown-up egos? Or not just for our egos, but because kids should be taught to sacrifice a little peer approval for the sake of being kind to the elderly?
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Deleted
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Jun 1, 2024 18:03:46 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2015 17:04:32 GMT
Deleting your comments is not rude. Repeatedly posting when you are well aware that he doesn't like it IS rude. And sending a snippy private message? If I was your sister, I would jump your shit too. You totally missed every single social media boundary clue, even the one that was put in front of you on a gold plate.
I hope you have a really strong relationship with your nephew because otherwise you have just secured yourself a position as "aunt I don't want anything to do with."
You are not the wronged party in this whole situation.
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Post by agengr2004 on Aug 18, 2015 17:07:27 GMT
Being embarrassed is fine. A quick note to her when you started deleting her comments asking her not to comment because it's embarrassing to explain to your friends why your aunt is commenting on your photo would have avoided a whole mess.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2015 17:14:31 GMT
Being embarrassed is fine. A quick note to her when you started deleting her comments asking her not to comment because it's embarrassing to explain to your friends why your aunt is commenting on your photo would have avoided a whole mess. Which he did!! And she continued to comment anyway. No only ask personal questions in the public forum but fired off a pissy (her word) private message after she finally learned how to send a private message. So far the 12 year old has acted more mature in the situation than the aunt. The kid know not to put too much personal info out (where are you, who are they, what is the baby's name) and just quietly remove the questions. He told her why. She is persisting. I didn't want my kids acting like jerks either. But I am also well aware they had a right to appropriate boundaries and if an adult insisted on overstepping those boundaries I was much more lax about requiring my kids to respect that adult.
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Post by gar on Aug 18, 2015 17:15:50 GMT
Being embarrassed is fine. A quick note to her when you started deleting her comments asking her not to comment because it's embarrassing to explain to your friends why your aunt is commenting on your photo would have avoided a whole mess. What Volt said.
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Deleted
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Jun 1, 2024 18:03:46 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2015 17:17:00 GMT
Being embarrassed is fine. A quick note to her when you started deleting her comments asking her not to comment because it's embarrassing to explain to your friends why your aunt is commenting on your photo would have avoided a whole mess. He did explain that when she asked, he's 12 writing a note to her probably wouldn't have occurred to him in a million years.
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Gravity
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Jun 27, 2014 0:29:55 GMT
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Post by Gravity on Aug 18, 2015 17:16:58 GMT
Being embarrassed is fine. A quick note to her when you started deleting her comments asking her not to comment because it's embarrassing to explain to your friends why your aunt is commenting on your photo would have avoided a whole mess. You obviously don't understand how 12 year olds work. He shouldn't have to ask her to stop commenting. With the continuing comments and nasty DM, OP is just being a bully to a child.
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Post by agengr2004 on Aug 18, 2015 17:22:08 GMT
As I have said 100 times she should have stopped when he asked. But she had to ask him why he was deleting her comments he didn't offer up that information.
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Post by myshelly on Aug 18, 2015 17:23:51 GMT
As I have said 100 times she should have stopped when he asked. But she had to ask him why he was deleting her comments he didn't offer up that information. She is an adult and he is 12. She should be more adept at recognizing and following social cues without needing a 12 yr old to spell things out for her.
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Post by wordsmith on Aug 18, 2015 17:27:05 GMT
OP I think you totally missed what your nephew said to you. He is not embarrassed by the comments, he's embarrassed that his Aunt follows him on Instagram and comments. You might be a bit rude by not honoring what he said (he likely didn't want to hurt your feelings by asking you not to post). But you sure did get rude by your own admission and flame out--probably something he may have feared from the get go! He's a young boy, whose aunt just doesn't need to be commenting on all his Instagram stuff!! This. ^ He's 12. You're an adult. Your messaging him rudely says more about you than his deleting your comments says about him. If I were your sister, I'd be telling you to back off and I'd advise my kid to block you on Instagram.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2015 17:28:28 GMT
As I have said 100 times she should have stopped when he asked. But she had to ask him why he was deleting her comments he didn't offer up that information. IMO, no one deserves to know why a boundary exists. Just the fact it does exist is enough. He told her it embarrassed him. That should have been the end of it. It definitely is not up to a non-parental adult to decide if a boundary is justifiable or not.
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