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Post by katiejane on Aug 18, 2015 7:22:29 GMT
Is he being rude?....no. By ignoring his wishes and sending overly dramatic messages you are being rude. I hope you can fix the relationship with him and his mum. It's great that he includes you to see his photos, but respect his wishes and don't comment. Certainly don't send him messages causing friction.
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Post by gar on Aug 18, 2015 8:09:47 GMT
I hope he and your sister accept your apology.....
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JustTricia
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,829
Location: Indianapolis
Jul 2, 2014 17:12:39 GMT
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Post by JustTricia on Aug 18, 2015 11:20:08 GMT
I can't believe it took until almost the last comment before someone brought up WHAT you were commenting. Asking where he is? Who he's with? What the baby's name is? Completely OPPOSITE of what we teach our children to do on the Internet. Why would you ask a 12 year old to publicly, even if it's a private account, tell you where he is? The first two questions are his parent's business. And to ask about someone else's baby? He's 12, he shouldn't be sharing someone else's info online.
If someone treated my son the way you treated your nephew, we'd have a problem as well. He told you it was embarrassing, and by continuing to do what he has asked you not to do you have shown you have absolutely no respect for him. Why should he respect you in the future if you've shown you don't respect him? I have taught my son to respect people older than him until they give you a reason to question it.
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Post by momstime on Aug 18, 2015 11:30:47 GMT
You should consider yourself lucky he allows you to follow him on Instagram. I would have blocked you. You do not understand the rules. You are that crazy Aunt that everyone has. Now that you are aware that you don't understand social boundaries, it is time for you to change your ways.
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Country Ham
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,313
Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
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Post by Country Ham on Aug 18, 2015 11:36:04 GMT
I do not post/comment on my family member's social medias if they are pretty much university age and under. They often add all family when they first start out and then they forget about us and we learn more about who they are if we stay in the background.
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Post by Florida Cindy on Aug 18, 2015 11:43:30 GMT
I agree with the last few posts. Ditto. Sorry, but you were in the wrong. He told you it embarrassed him and you continued. Not cool. Then to lose your shit and sent him a personal message?! If you were my sister you would have gotten an earful. You owe him, and your sister, an apology. ITA. You have the mind of an adult. He is still a child. To get on his level, you have to think of his level. You didn't do that when he told you he didn't want to explain comments to his friends. Since it's his account, he has the right to delete comments. I hope his Mother monitors his account since he is only 12 yrs old. I'd apologize, as recommended in the quoted paragraph.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Aug 18, 2015 11:52:45 GMT
I'm guessing this thread didn't go the way the OP was hoping. No validation here. I agree with what virtually everything posted -- except by the one or two bizarre responders... you know who you are.
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Dalai Mama
Drama Llama
La Pea Boheme
Posts: 6,985
Jun 26, 2014 0:31:31 GMT
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Post by Dalai Mama on Aug 18, 2015 11:58:28 GMT
You're arguing with a 12-year-old kid about his instagram account? He can do whatever the fu(k he wants with it.
And I probably would have blocked you long before the 'snotty brat' comment.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 17:49:14 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2015 12:03:57 GMT
You probably get that we all think you messed up. Apologise, explain that you don't quite get what it's like to be 12 years old in a world of social media, admit the private message was both stupid and hurtful and move on. Hopefully your nephew and his mum move on with you.
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Post by myboysnme on Aug 18, 2015 12:22:30 GMT
I know this isn't the same but my half sister deleted many of my comments when she first friended me so I simply stopped posting anything. Sometimes I 'like' something but that's it. It pissed me off and made me feel bad. Since your nephew is being a little tool I would just take myself off his instagram or whatever it is. No time for that, but I'd be taking him off my Christmas and birthday lists and anything else. I don't think the kid was "being a tool", it's his account. He nicely explained to her why he deleted her comments and she was still commenting. And taking him off Christmas and birthday list? I think that's over the top and downright mean. You're right and I wouldn't do it myself. I'd just feel like it.
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Post by myboysnme on Aug 18, 2015 12:27:17 GMT
You probably get that we all think you messed up. Apologise, explain that you don't quite get what it's like to be 12 years old in a world of social media, admit the private message was both stupid and hurtful and move on. Hopefully your nephew and his mum move on with you. I don't we all think that. The majority, yes. I think the kid is rude though I understand why he is doing what he's doing. And I understand why she got upset. I would too. I do agree with the rest of your suggestion though - its good advice IMO.
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Post by giatocj on Aug 18, 2015 12:31:23 GMT
I follow my 15 year old grandson on IG and have never, and would never, comment on one of his posts. I "like" them, but never leave comments since I feel that that account is for sharing with his friends and I respect that. If I were to see anything inappropriate I would address it privately with him and in person.
Your nephew is 12, let him have his social media contact with the kids his age and in his circle...he doesn't need his aunt "spying" on him through Instagram. I think if I were him I'd have blocked you after the first or second comment you left, since clearly you didn't get the message he was sending by deleting them.
And for the record, if my grandson ever got a private message from a relative with the tone of the one you sent your nephew, I would react the same way your SIL did...your behavior was seriously uncalled for.
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Post by myboysnme on Aug 18, 2015 12:32:24 GMT
WTF? Talk about petty and mean! I know. I was in that mood when I posted. You're right though.
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Post by Katie on Aug 18, 2015 12:36:37 GMT
I think you should not ever comment on his IG posts, because he'd already asked you to previously. If you can't handle seeing the pictures without commenting, you need to stop following him. He's 12, and IG is for his peers, not his stalker-ish Aunt.
ETA: I very well understand the urge to be involved in your nephew's life, but IG is not the way to do it.
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Aug 18, 2015 12:51:47 GMT
Funny my 12 year old and I were having a conversation about this just yesterday. Her account. Her choice who to "friend" and she can delete any comment she wants. (The only non-negotiable is me! ) I don't post on instagram and mainly use Facebook. It is my page, my content to curate, and if you don't like what I post and you feel the need to tell me. I will delete your post. I have a couple of childhood friends who want to post on my Ferguson posts. My niece is one of the legal observers there, she has been falsely arrested, and is one of the leaders in the movement. These "friends" think it is okay to spew their version of hatred on my post supporting her. Oh hell no! I asked them once not to post and they continued. So for the last year I just delete. I have no idea if they know, and I don't care. I fully support your nephews right to delete what he does not want on his Instagram account.
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Post by anxiousmom on Aug 18, 2015 13:07:13 GMT
I think there is another side to this that I have learned over the years. I have boys (now 19 and 17.)
I have followed them on various social media platforms over the years. I rarely ever get involved beyond liking a couple of photos on instagram. Why? Because the more I call attention to the fact that I am there, the more they remember that I am following them.
By being a (mostly) silent participant, I get a tiny little window into their world and see what they are doing and who they are doing it with. I get to monitor the pulse of what they are thinking and what they are doing while not hanging around. This is parenting GOLD.
I ignore a lot of stuff that makes me uncomfortable (language, videos for music I hate etc.) but have only stepped in one time (there was a photo on twitter that included my address and phone number.) Beyond that, I keep my big mouth shut and let them be who they are-or who they are learning to be.
Social media can be a great tool for us old people too. We grown ups have to learn to navigate it in a similar way that the kids do-but with a different set of rules.
Best thing to do with social media and pre-teen/teens is to pretend like it is a window that you watch the kids through. Every once in a while you can wave at them from the other side of the glass, but if you open the window and shout out "whooo hooo honey! What are you doing? Where are you going? Who are you going with?" be prepared for the teen scorn.
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Post by tinydogmafia on Aug 18, 2015 13:32:30 GMT
He expressed to you that it embarrassed him when you posted comments. Instead of taking the hint, you continued to ask prying questions. He continued to delete your comments. You still didn't take the hint and sent him an angry private message. You acted less mature than the 12 year old. I think that says volumes here. You owe him and his mom an apology.
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Post by mellowyellow on Aug 18, 2015 13:32:51 GMT
OP I think you totally missed what your nephew said to you. He is not embarrassed by the comments, he's embarrassed that his Aunt follows him on Instagram and comments. You might be a bit rude by not honoring what he said (he likely didn't want to hurt your feelings by asking you not to post). But you sure did get rude by your own admission and flame out--probably something he may have feared from the get go! He's a young boy, whose aunt just doesn't need to be commenting on all his Instagram stuff!! Bingo. My kids delete comments from my mom all the time. She still doesn't get it. My ds will post pics of himself with his friends at a party, and she'll post "I love my guy." And she seriously doesn't get why he hates that. I have no problem with him deleting those comments. I agree with both of these comments. My MIL comments on EVERYTHING that any of her family or friends post....everything and sometimes more than once. I think you owe both of them an apology.
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Post by utmr on Aug 18, 2015 13:36:21 GMT
A window is a very good description. You can watch, get a glimpse of things but if you call too much attention to yourself the blinds will be closed and you lose that line of sight.
I watch, occasionally like and never ever comment. The one time I saw something objectionable I spoke to my child privately and they took it down. I've seen things that I wasn't pleased about and bit my tongue, it was taken down shortly after. That pleased me, since it showed some maturity in rethinking and self-correcting.
My idiot brother tried to call me out once for the content on my kids Instagram. He made a big family scene about how I didn't know what was going on. I spoke to my kids and we just quietly unfriended and blocked him and his kid. It was a good lesson for them in setting boundaries and locking down your settings. I suspect nephew is learning that same lesson.
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tduby1
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,979
Jun 27, 2014 18:32:45 GMT
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Post by tduby1 on Aug 18, 2015 14:10:33 GMT
Once you said 12 year old nephew it all made sense. His reaction is fairly normal for all the reasons everyone else said. I monitored my sons now deactivated fb account but I refrained from commenting and didn't tag him in photos because he said it's embarrassing. He is 16. My nwphew is 20. He recently refriended me on fb. He unfriended me because a year ago and a half ago he was driving back to college and posted a post about horrible drivers. Honestly, I assumed he was at a gas station or something so I posted jokingly, "your not fbing and driving are you " complete with the smiley as a joke. I was unfriended within seconds. I know because I went to ask him another question and I couldn't. Come to find out, he was sitting in a ditch waiting for a wrecker after being run off the road and I think he thought I knew that (I hadn't heard yet) and was putting him in check, insinuating he was at fault. I felt horrible. I just don't posts to the younger generation anymore unless they initiate it. I enjoy them from afar.could you imagine if your parents/ aunts/ grandparents interjected themselves in all your phone or face to face convos when you were a kid? I kinda liken fb to that.
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LeaP
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,939
Location: Los Angeles, CA where 405 meets 101
Jun 26, 2014 23:17:22 GMT
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Post by LeaP on Aug 18, 2015 14:12:38 GMT
Best thing to do with social media and pre-teen/teens is to pretend like it is a window that you watch the kids through. Every once in a while you can wave at them from the other side of the glass, but if you open the window and shout out "whooo hooo honey! What are you doing? Where are you going? Who are you going with?" be prepared for the teen scorn. This bears repeating. Just watch and coach in real life when things go off the rails.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 17:49:14 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2015 14:23:29 GMT
My adult (almost 30 year old son) deletes 85% of his aunts post because she is really weird and I mean odd. She doesn't get the hint either and he is too kind to say anything
12 year olds are embarrassed by anything family! end of subject.
There is also a reason you have to be 14 or older to be on FB or IG or twitter - sometimes 14 isn't mature enough to be on social media either. I have a dear friend that has a 15 year old dd that still does not have any social media account - her reasoning first and foremost was because you have to be 14 to have an account, if you tell a 10 or 12 year old its ok to lie to have an acct they will expect you to allow them things they are not allowed to til they are 18 or 21 to do at a younger age. Plus with the bullying and crap that kids go thru in life and add social media and bullies - not worth it for her
After a few deletes you should have taken the hint - he is 12 and doesn't want an aunt posting - yes I'm sure your feelings were hurt not worth the drama - put your big girl panties on and move along
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Post by Susie_Homemaker on Aug 18, 2015 14:31:43 GMT
It's his IG account he can delete what he wants. Why are you bullying him about it? Like so many have said, he's 12 and doesn't want comments and esp questions from his "old" adult aunt where his friends can see (I don't know your age but to him you're old- all adults are!).
You acted way worse than the 12yo. He told you why he deleted your comments but you totally disregarded him and his reasons and did it anyway. No respect. I know he's 12 but he does deserve that respect for 'his' IG account.
You owe him a big apology for continuing to comment and then the rude message you sent.
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Post by BoilerUp! on Aug 18, 2015 14:39:13 GMT
I understand where you are coming from, yes - I am offended. But, it happens a lot with that age. I have a 14 dd that her and a lot of her friends will delete entire pics from isntagram if someone says something that they don't like or like in your situation don't want to have to explain.
Kids are weird! hahaha!
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tduby1
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,979
Jun 27, 2014 18:32:45 GMT
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Post by tduby1 on Aug 18, 2015 14:39:22 GMT
I don't think the kid was "being a tool", it's his account. He nicely explained to her why he deleted her comments and she was still commenting. And taking him off Christmas and birthday list? I think that's over the top and downright mean. You're right and I wouldn't do it myself. I'd just feel like it. But why?
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Post by STBC on Aug 18, 2015 14:47:14 GMT
He's TWELVE. You're getting offended by a 12-year-old.
Having an aunt post comments is the cyber-equivalent of you pinching his cheeks and giving him a big kiss in front of all of his friends.
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Post by scrapperal on Aug 18, 2015 14:51:33 GMT
This has been an educational thread. I hope that when my young nieces and nephew grow up, I can figure out the social media waters! Even with my adult nieces and nephews, my comments are limited to Happy Birthday and Congratulations, lol. I hardly ever see them and enjoy whatever little glimpse into their lives they're willing to share.
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Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
MississipPea
Posts: 4,677
Jun 25, 2014 19:33:19 GMT
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Post by Rhondito on Aug 18, 2015 15:03:59 GMT
I can't find any way to justify you being upset over this. Can't you see how commenting on your 12yo nephews posts is embarrassing to him? Many kids that age don't want to be seen with their parents in public, why would he want his aunt commenting on his posts? It's kind of like you are busting in on him when he's hanging with his friends. Back off, respect his boundaries, and maybe even unfollow him. He's 12 - there's nothing THAT important that he's posting anyway. :/
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Post by peanuttle on Aug 18, 2015 15:11:25 GMT
I can't find any way to justify you being upset over this. Can't you see how commenting on your 12yo nephews posts is embarrassing to him? Many kids that age don't want to be seen with their parents in public, why would he want his aunt commenting on his posts? It's kind of like you are busting in on him when he's hanging with his friends. Back off, respect his boundaries, and maybe even unfollow him. He's 12 - there's nothing THAT important that he's posting anyway. :/ Yes, yes, yes! I am 40 and will occasionally delete my mom's comments on my FB posts because she gets overboard and will share way too much or make inappropriate comments and it's embarrassing. That may be rude, but it's my FB and my post and if I don't like what someone posted, so be it. Edited to add... I purposefully refrain from commenting on my children, nieces and nephews FB and Instagram posts because I don't want to embarrass them.
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Post by anonrefugee on Aug 18, 2015 15:15:54 GMT
My DS deletes most the conversational posts including ones he's answered. Sometimes deletes the photos too.
This is something he came up with on his own to protect his privacy. I can't imagine anyone thinking he's rude.
Actually I think it would be presumptuous for anyone (but his parents:) to tell him how to manage his account.
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