Deleted
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Apr 28, 2024 4:56:28 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 28, 2016 1:30:08 GMT
But can't that be said for all of it? "Feel free to ignore if you don't like or disapprove"?And yes, it is bullying, whether or not you choose to acknowledge it as such.But, I know feel that the personal attacks are going to start (as seen by Z*g) and since this thread specifically speaks to why engage, I'm bowing out. Yes, you're correct.No, I don't believe it fits the definition of bullying, but if you do, I'm ok with that. And I also don't think Z*g was personally attacking you. I've seen you say far worse things to and about people and deny that you're attacking them. I'm not saying you're the only one, because I think we're all guilty of it to an extent at one time or another. But honestly, when someone is very habitual about it over a long period of time, it affects my opinion of them and colors how I view their posts.
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Country Ham
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,313
Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
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Post by Country Ham on Jun 28, 2016 1:38:35 GMT
Sometimes a question is just a question (say that in your best Freud voice!) I honestly was just wondering and was not trying to "out" anybody in particular. If I had I wanted to I just would have said it. . And many of the points about certain posters having what seem to be "personal" arguments within a thread were also on my mind-so definitely not just one or two people I was thinking of. Perhaps I didn't phrase it correctly (although many of you did seem to get my intent) so if my original OP made anyone uncomfortable I apologize. It was not my intention. Thank you to those that did respond to my question-there were many good ponts made for me to think about! Your question/thread was posted the same day as a heated 5 page thread where someone is accused of trolling and people actually posted "do not feed the troll" memes within the first 5 or so replies. I am not sure how we could not associate it with that poster/situation. But I know I didn't see any ill will in your original post, but like any discussion along this line it went south to some extent. Save
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Post by shescrafty on Jun 28, 2016 1:40:05 GMT
Sometimes a question is just a question (say that in your best Freud voice!) I honestly was just wondering and was not trying to "out" anybody in particular. If I had I wanted to I just would have said it. . And many of the points about certain posters having what seem to be "personal" arguments within a thread were also on my mind-so definitely not just one or two people I was thinking of. Perhaps I didn't phrase it correctly (although many of you did seem to get my intent) so if my original OP made anyone uncomfortable I apologize. It was not my intention. Thank you to those that did respond to my question-there were many good ponts made for me to think about! I'm sorry if you truly weren't intending this as a handslap thread. I think many bad feelings come about from posters who want to "say something" about someone, but who lack the guts to just address an issue and then quash it, or not. It annoys me. Women are the worst in this respect. However, they're also some really good people, and I think you're one of them. So, I will eat some crow or whatever it is humbler people do on occasion. There was a humongous crow perched atop our hook where I have two hanging baskets. I walked into our living room and it was literally staring at me-scared the poop out of me! Lol So don't eat crow-I bet they are gamey! (No worries and no hard feelings)
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Jun 28, 2016 1:46:12 GMT
It's sad that there are a few people who don't know what bullying really is, which is not posting pictures of food. (I really cannot fathom that a person really believes that posting photos of food is bullying) Just because you don't like it doesn't mean it's bullying.
Lauren is the last who should speak on bullying, she's done it over and over and over again here.
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Anita
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,642
Location: Kansas City -ish
Jun 27, 2014 2:38:58 GMT
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Post by Anita on Jun 28, 2016 1:49:52 GMT
Because baiting trolls is the international sport of peas.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 28, 2024 4:56:28 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 28, 2016 2:00:47 GMT
It's also "bullying" to intentionally derail a thread or trivialize someone's opinion by posting pictures of totally unrelated things...like food. At that point, if you're not interested or dislike the tenor of the thread, you leave. But to intentionally try to disrupt the thread is "bullying". It's not bullying any more than intentionally trolling or shit stirring. So feel free to ignore it if you don't approve. I think it's bullying when the group's intent is to drown out someone's opinion that they don't want to hear. It was different on a thread where you have an actual troll that stated his purpose was to "beat some record". (of trolling I guess) But when you have an actual Pea who's opinion's and style the group doesn't agree with and their answer is to gang up and drown out their thread, that's bullying.
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Country Ham
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,313
Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
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Post by Country Ham on Jun 28, 2016 2:06:58 GMT
It's sad that there are a few people who don't know what bullying really is, which is not posting pictures of food. (I really cannot fathom that a person really believes that posting photos of food is bullying) I had a classmate that was bullied in a similar manner just not online. Whenever she would start to talk the other kids would make some kind of repetitive sounds to cut her off. This happened pretty much constantly for 2 days. The message delivered was "We don't want to hear you, we don't care about your opinions etc". She was just a normal kid, not athletic, just a little "odd" maybe. This was pre spectrum days. I can't speak for Lauren but maybe she sees this as an online version of that. Your opinion is worth being mocked, we don't want to hear what you have to say. It can escalate into fully online bullying if not kept in check. And I concur that many folks call things bullying that in my day we just called teasing or making fun of someone. But as adults we shouldn't need to make fun of anyone, or demean anyone. SaveSave
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DEX
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,354
Aug 9, 2014 23:13:22 GMT
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Post by DEX on Jun 28, 2016 2:14:06 GMT
It's not bullying any more than intentionally trolling or shit stirring. So feel free to ignore it if you don't approve. I think it's bullying when the group's intent is to drown out someone's opinion that they don't want to hear. It was different on a thread where you have an actual troll that stated his purpose was to "beat some record". (of trolling I guess) But when you have an actual Pea who's opinion's and style the group doesn't agree with and their answer is to gang up and drown out their thread, that's bullying. I think that at some point in a long ass thread people get frustrated and need to release some frustration. Thus the food posts . I absolutely do not think it is bullying. I think it would be bullying if we always posted food pictures before the OP has a chance to explain their position. After 5 or so pages of the same hateful crap, it is time for food!
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Post by Zee on Jun 28, 2016 2:17:32 GMT
I'm sorry if you truly weren't intending this as a handslap thread. I think many bad feelings come about from posters who want to "say something" about someone, but who lack the guts to just address an issue and then quash it, or not. It annoys me. Women are the worst in this respect. However, they're also some really good people, and I think you're one of them. So, I will eat some crow or whatever it is humbler people do on occasion. There was a humongous crow perched atop our hook where I have two hanging baskets. I walked into our living room and it was literally staring at me-scared the poop out of me! Lol So don't eat crow-I bet they are gamey! (No worries and no hard feelings) Eeek! Thanks for letting me off the hook...They kind of scare me!
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Post by leftturnonly on Jun 28, 2016 2:20:18 GMT
I know we should all really take the high moral ground and just ignore certain threads but some days it's fun to poke the little puppies a bit. Now, the world don't move to the beat of just one drum, What might be right for you, may not be right for some.What you talkin' 'bout Willis? We do not interpret other people's posts the same way. The posters I have the strongest negative reactions to are not the same posters others react so strongly to. Conversely, I often see something a little differently in posts that enflame others. "I also believe that when some says or posts some offensive, remaining silent is akin to agreement." Nah. I don't agree. IRL, I react first with a look that says it all. The equivalent here would be more along the lines of responding to everyone but them.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Jun 28, 2016 2:25:09 GMT
I think it's bullying when the group's intent is to drown out someone's opinion that they don't want to hear. It was different on a thread where you have an actual troll that stated his purpose was to "beat some record". (of trolling I guess) But when you have an actual Pea who's opinion's and style the group doesn't agree with and their answer is to gang up and drown out their thread, that's bullying. I think that at some point in a long ass thread people get frustrated and need to release some frustration. Thus the food posts . I absolutely do not think it is bullying. I think it would be bullying if we always posted food pictures before the OP has a chance to explain their position. After 5 or so pages of the same hateful crap, it is time for food! Thank you. I did not posting pictures to bully anyone.
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Post by 950nancy on Jun 28, 2016 2:29:15 GMT
What you talkin' 'bout Willis? We do not interpret other people's posts the same way. The posters I have the strongest negative reactions to are not the same posters others react so strongly to. Conversely, I often see something a little differently in posts that enflame others. "I also believe that when some says or posts some offensive, remaining silent is akin to agreement." Nah. I don't agree. IRL, I react first with a look that says it all. The equivalent here would be more along the lines of responding to everyone but them. A perfect case and point about interpreting each other's posts. My Willis comment was due to the fact that this poster used the exact lyrics to the "Different Strokes" theme song. One of the major characters always said, "What you talking' 'bout Willis." It was my attempt at being clever.
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Post by leftturnonly on Jun 28, 2016 2:32:39 GMT
It's also "bullying" to intentionally derail a thread or trivialize someone's opinion by posting pictures of totally unrelated things...like food. At that point, if you're not interested or dislike the tenor of the thread, you leave. But to intentionally try to disrupt the thread is "bullying". Food pictures are like turning the hose on two fighting cats. What's not to like about that?
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~Lauren~
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,876
Jun 26, 2014 3:33:18 GMT
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Post by ~Lauren~ on Jun 28, 2016 2:40:23 GMT
Because it's only used to shut down certain people. It's not used to harass those doing the bullying.
You and I will have to disagree on this. I think it's incredibly rude. You're tired of a thread or what someone is saying? Leave the thread. To try to disrupt it or shut it down is childish and IMO, bullying.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Jun 28, 2016 3:16:45 GMT
Because it's only used to shut down certain people. It's not used to harass those doing the bullying. You and I will have to disagree on this. I think it's incredibly rude. You're tired of a thread or what someone is saying? Leave the thread. To try to disrupt it or shut it down is childish and IMO, bullying. Just like calling members of this group "c*nts" and telling them to "f@ck off" is rude?
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Post by leftturnonly on Jun 28, 2016 3:17:00 GMT
Because it's only used to shut down certain people. It's not used to harass those doing the bullying. You and I will have to disagree on this. I think it's incredibly rude. You're tired of a thread or what someone is saying? Leave the thread. To try to disrupt it or shut it down is childish and IMO, bullying. By the umpteenth page of 16 different derailments, especially if there is a cat-fight happening, I think food pictures are entirely within the community accepted guidelines of how to lighten the mood and try to ease the tension. I'm a huge fan of putting someone on ignore over saying nasty things to them thread after thread. I think I'll leave it there and not get into a discussion of what is and what is not bullying on these threads. That's a more nebulous than gelatinous discussion for another day, for me.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 28, 2024 4:56:28 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 28, 2016 3:20:36 GMT
That's a more nebulous than gelatinous discussion for another day You're killin' me Smalls!
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Jun 28, 2016 3:20:37 GMT
I've learned that it appears to be A-okay for a few to get a free pass in being mean, insulting, shutting down others because they don't agree with others, and the get away with it because the talk louder and meaner than anyone else. It's been that way for a longtime.
I've also learned that people who insult races, sexual orientation can also gave a free pass on deplorable behavior too, again because a few come in, shout over those who object to the despicable behavior.
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Post by peano on Jun 28, 2016 3:28:53 GMT
It's also "bullying" to intentionally derail a thread or trivialize someone's opinion by posting pictures of totally unrelated things...like food. At that point, if you're not interested or dislike the tenor of the thread, you leave. But to intentionally try to disrupt the thread is "bullying". Bullying?!!! Could you even consider the possibility that it's a healthy response that people are trying to defuse the high levels of frustration on those threads that devolve into "yes it is, no it isn't" that end up going nowhere. In my experience, humor works magic in conflict with teenagers AND on this board.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 28, 2024 4:56:28 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 28, 2016 3:29:12 GMT
Because it's only used to shut down certain people. It's not used to harass those doing the bullying. You and I will have to disagree on this. I think it's incredibly rude. You're tired of a thread or what someone is saying? Leave the thread. To try to disrupt it or shut it down is childish and IMO, bullying. You know, if you're talking about taking to an excess, then I can somewhat agree. But threads get derailed around here all the time, just like they did at the old board. I don't think most of it is intentional, except in the case of trolls. And TBH, I'm perfectly ok with someone derailing a thread that was obviously trolling from the get-go. The incredibly rude thing is so darned subjective that we (as in all peas) are never going to get even remotely close to some kind of consensus. I guess in the end it really does come down to having to roll on by at some point. Everyone's triggers are different, and I will totally cop to getting stabby when someone incessantly argues just to argue, or gets so damn insecure and grudgy and just won't stop their shenanigans. I've had to use the ignore feature with a very few so that I don't end up jibbering in a corner somewhere out of extreme frustration. I've also taken some off thinking that maybe I could try again with their posts, but then had to go put them on ignore again. I do completely disagree that it's only used on 'certain' people. Unless by certain people, you mean trolls.
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Post by leftturnonly on Jun 28, 2016 3:40:55 GMT
@ilovecookies - I heard trolls are on your most-wanted list, so I found this for you to play with.
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AmeliaBloomer
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,842
Location: USA
Jun 26, 2014 5:01:45 GMT
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Post by AmeliaBloomer on Jun 28, 2016 3:49:26 GMT
Food pictures are like turning the hose on two fighting cats. Would that we could skip the food pictures and go straight to the hose ....
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Post by Belia on Jun 28, 2016 3:49:44 GMT
I also believe that when some says or posts some offensive, remaining silent is akin to agreement. I was just going to post this exact same thing.
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Post by DinCA on Jun 28, 2016 4:37:13 GMT
I don't know. I'm always inclined to ignore and move along, regardless of whether I agree or not, after opening a thread that I know is sure to devolve into hateful comments and/or bullying or if I'm certain the thread was started by a troll or is clearly baiting. And I rarely view my silence as a nod of agreement.
That said, there is a clear distinction, to me at least, between a lively and spirited discussion and bullying. Repeatedly baiting and being hateful to someone is bullying. Trying to silence someone because you don't like what they are saying is bullying. Most people here are kind and respectful but there is a handful who are bullies. And if you are wondering whether you are one or not, you most likely are.
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LeaP
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,939
Location: Los Angeles, CA where 405 meets 101
Jun 26, 2014 23:17:22 GMT
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Post by LeaP on Jun 28, 2016 5:04:23 GMT
Quite frankly there are a couple of peas that scare me a little. The language they use when they post is designed to sow the seeds of discord. When the inevitable fight arises, they come back and ignore the answers to their "questions" and/or post further to fan the flames. It is like engaging with my teen and her teen-brain logic.
There are so many great people here. Most answer even the most serious questions with kindness and respect. I try to avoid the two or so that stir the pot. Bring on the merkins!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 28, 2024 4:56:28 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 28, 2016 5:06:22 GMT
I also believe that when some says or posts some offensive, remaining silent is akin to agreement. I was just going to post this exact same thing. I had thought of this as a possible reason to post but I also thought if no one said anything and their post disappeared then that is also a pretty powerful statement. I also think the longer the thread goes, the more people lose their cool and the insults start and then the issue gets lost and people are just trading insults and baggage. But I hold those views based on my own desire to lose it sometimes.
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DEX
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,354
Aug 9, 2014 23:13:22 GMT
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Post by DEX on Jun 28, 2016 5:10:14 GMT
I think that at some point in a long ass thread people get frustrated and need to release some frustration. Thus the food posts . I absolutely do not think it is bullying. I think it would be bullying if we always posted food pictures before the OP has a chance to explain their position. After 5 or so pages of the same hateful crap, it is time for food! Sorry I said ass.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 28, 2024 4:56:28 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 28, 2016 5:12:49 GMT
For me, I personally appreciate the 'don't feed the trolls' reminders because they have caused me to stop beating a dead horse. I see the posts as an external observation from someone that the thread may not be going in a good direction.
When you feel so right about your point of view, it's sometimes hard to see how ineffective you are being in saying the same thing only louder.
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Post by mzza111 on Jun 28, 2016 5:16:50 GMT
I don't have anyone on ignore and find it incredibly weird that so many peas use it. I'm able to scroll on by most of the time but there are definitely times I poke the puppy. I don't hold that move against anyone. What I do have a problem with are regular peas who create alter IDs to shit stir. I believe that is exactly who last weeks troll was. If you don't have the balls to post under your own ID, then I think admin should ban both your troll ID and real ID. These are the posts I don't understand why peas engage in.
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Post by pjaye on Jun 28, 2016 5:29:15 GMT
I also believe that when some says or posts some offensive, remaining silent is akin to agreement. I'm the same. Sometimes I'm at the point where I feel like I can only ignore offensive things for so long and then I feel like I have to actively respond because otherwise it feels like not saying something implies agreement. What's that saying? And while that's a bit OTT in referring to topics on a message board, the general sentiment is something I agree with. For example I wouldn't walk past and say nothing if someone was racially abusing another person in the street so I often don't feel comfortable in letting overtly racist comments and ideas slide past without comment here - no matter how much I tell myself that the person is a twat and to let it go. I also do think that some posters here live in very insulated little bubbles where they only interact IRL with others who have the same f'ed up ideas, and sometimes I think they do need to hear repeatedly that there are millions of others in the world who do not agree with their particular bat shit crazy ideas. Does it change their attitude or opinion?...probably not but at least I feel better that I spoke up, and just maybe if they hear it often enough from enough different people they may eventually learn something.
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