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Post by paperamy on Sept 6, 2017 19:26:43 GMT
I just viewed everything at AE and I got nothing. I wasn't even tempted by the stamps. I'll save my Christmas crafty money for Felicity Jane and possibly Feed Your Craft.
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Post by paperamy on Sept 6, 2017 15:32:45 GMT
We talked last night...it was amazing...I updated the original post.
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Post by paperamy on Sept 6, 2017 1:57:32 GMT
I'm going to share something that I probably shouldn't. Thank you so much for sharing. I really appreciate it.
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Post by paperamy on Sept 6, 2017 1:53:54 GMT
Has anyone seen how much the mini kits are going to be? I love the kids kit, and the paislee press kit. The main kit is not worth $50. I'm sure I'll pick up the Elle's Studio kit and felicity jane, plus I normally love Freckled Fawns Christmas kit. Mini kits are 19.99. Kids kit is 29.99.
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Post by paperamy on Sept 5, 2017 21:09:39 GMT
You have gotten some good advice! Any grief definately changes things. But I echo the words of the peas and see a Dr first and foremost!! Let your husband know you are seeing Dr if you're comfortable with him going so the dr can explain things. Some like that some don't or just go alone at first.. so you can tell him what's going on.. Grief and stress will change your life no matter what the grief is. From pet losses to losses of a person. (we've been through both as I've also shared some at the same time) Being through this you just have to know if your marriage is in tact you can help each other through it. BIG HUGS!! Don't feel guilty even though it's REALLY hard not too! and you can vent to the peas a lot of us have been there. Thanks. Usually he does go to the doctor with me ... I'm getting over a few months of regular headaches that finally seem to be resolved (damn sinuses), and he went with me to every doctor appointment. With that, I was comfortable talking to the doctor about with him present. For this, at least at first, I need to handle without him. I'll definitely let him know exactly what was said and what might be suggested, and follow up visits might involve him. I'm just not sure I could devote my attention to the doctor without worrying about how my husband is reacting or taking things. Not until I'm comfortable with this.
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Post by paperamy on Sept 5, 2017 21:02:40 GMT
Again, thanks to everyone who has responded. My husband has been texting me as normal, acting like nothing is wrong. I'm definitely going to talk to him tonight. I'll post an update on how it goes.
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Post by paperamy on Sept 5, 2017 19:19:34 GMT
I might grab stamps, but I'm not interested in any of those kits.
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Post by paperamy on Sept 5, 2017 18:57:54 GMT
I don't see it as you having to defend your grieving, at all... all the issues with your dog dying could have triggered clinical depression, which can be treated. A number of years ago, our first dog died while we were on vacation-- I think it was the kennel's fault, but that's not important to the story, here. I had such GUILT over not being there for her (we both had some) when she needed us that I could not let her death go, for a very long time. I couldn't even think about her without getting very upset, and I knew it was an issue that I needed to deal with. I was seeing a counselor for depression issues already, and finally talked to her about this particular 'triggering' issue and how badly it was affecting me. She helped me with a specific type of therapy related to traumatic incidents so that it wasn't nearly as painful for me to think about her, and I was able to let go of some of the guilt I felt associated with her death. I don't think anyone here is suggesting that you shouldn't grieve for your dog; rather, that you might want to seek some assistance for it, because this amount of grief that long after the event isn't necessarily healthy for the long term. Thank you for stating this much more clearly than I did. Thank you for your reply and I apologize that I misunderstood your original response. I've had so many friends (well not anymore) tell me that I care too much for my dogs and I spend too much on their food/vet. I misread your views as that, but I see what you were actually saying now. Again, apologizes and thanks.
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Post by paperamy on Sept 5, 2017 17:02:23 GMT
This is such a painful situation - I'm so sorry you are going through it. You aren't alone though, this is a very common issue in marriages all over. Michele Weiner-Davis is a wonderful clinical social worker, marriage and family therapist that has some fantastic information about this very thing! Here's her TED Talk: ((((hugs))) Thanks...I'll definitely watch this later.
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Post by paperamy on Sept 5, 2017 17:01:28 GMT
Our oldest dog, who was my dog before we got married, passed away in January after his body shut down after an emergency bladder stone surgery. He was 9 years old, and I'm still not completely over it. I was an emotional wreck for months, crying almost everyday, and I blamed myself. I still can't think about what he went through without crying. I'm going to say this as gently as possible - crying every day for months because your dog passed away and blaming yourself for his illness are not typical reactions. Talk to your doctor absolutely openly about all of this and he will be able to help you or refer you to someone to talk to. Well, there is more to his death, just didn't want to get into it. He had a broken toenail that I tried to treat at home. I let it get really bad before taking him to the vet. When I finally took him, my vet scheduled a surgery to remove it, even with it being high risk because of his age. He did the pre-surgery bloodwork and everything seemed fine. Exactly one week later, my dog became impacted with bladder stones. I was at the vet as soon as they opened, and he was taken for emergency surgery. I waived the pre-surgery bloodwork, because the vet tech told me she didn't think it was necessary due to us having the bloodwork one week prior. I should not have listened to her, and I will never waive bloodwork again. He didn't recover from that surgery, and his body shut down due to an elevated pancreas. They tried several doses of fluids and medications, but 3 days after his surgery, he died. So, yes. I blamed myself. If I had gotten the bloodwork the second surgery, maybe something could have shown up that could have given them a different treatment after surgery. Maybe waiting so long about the toenail put his body under stress that caused the bladder stones. I don't think I need to defend my grieving...we aren't the typical dog owners. Our dogs mean the world to us. My husband also grieved, maybe not crying everyday, but I saw him cry more after our dog's death than I think I've ever seen him cry. Even now, if we tell a story about our dog, one or both of us will probably tear up. I don't even think my husband cried when his grandmother died.
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Post by paperamy on Sept 5, 2017 16:20:11 GMT
you said: "Which wasn't fair to him...but I didn't want to say the truth because once I said it, I couldn't take it back and I didn't want him to know."
you sound like you know why, but you don't want to tell him. what is the "why"? if you really want us to help you, it would help if we knew what the problem really was. but if you don't want to disclose that here (which is totally your right, BTW!), take steps to deal with that. checking your hormones, meds etc to try to find out if something is dampening it is only going to do so much, when it sounds like there is a real reason that you ARE aware of and are avoiding dealing with. hugs..I've been in long phases of not wanting sex too for various reasons, and I hated the toll it took on my husband. it's a complex and difficult issue. I didn't want him to know that I didn't want to have sex. I knew he knew that I didn't...I didn't want to say the words to confirm it. I honestly don't know why I don't want to. I just don't.
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Post by paperamy on Sept 5, 2017 16:04:16 GMT
Are you by chance on a blood pressure medication like Lisinopril? That will kill your sex drive completely. I had to go off it. No, I'm not on any medication.
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Post by paperamy on Sept 5, 2017 16:02:54 GMT
Do you enjoy it once you get going? Are you just self conscious of your appearance? Do you like your husband? Are you attracted to him? I'm absolutely self conscious of my appearance, but no, I don't really enjoy it. I will do all the things that I know will make him come sooner, so that it doesn't last forever. If I don't rush him, I usually will orgasm (I never fake it), or at least come close to it...but it's hard to describe...even having the orgasm doesn't make it enjoyable. I love my husband more than I can ever explain. I think he's perfect in every way...and I'm absolutely attracted to him.
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Post by paperamy on Sept 5, 2017 15:54:06 GMT
You need a physical to rule anything health wise. Also, a psychological exam. Until then, if you do still love him, tell him that. Tell him that you know you need to see a doctor and go from there. But do let him know it's really and truly not him. You just don't have any sexual feelings at all. Are you under a lot of stress? I just got off the phone with my doctor's office. They had a cancellation this friday, so I now have an appointment. I'm going to talk to my husband and let him know, and try to explain what I'm feeling and how this isn't about him. Yes, I've been under a lot of stress. Our oldest dog, who was my dog before we got married, passed away in January after his body shut down after an emergency bladder stone surgery. He was 9 years old, and I'm still not completely over it. I was an emotional wreck for months, crying almost everyday, and I blamed myself. I still can't think about what he went through without crying. Work related, I've had a lot of management changes and the possibility of losing my job due to site closure (which was a possibility because to the poor performance at the site, due to bad management and terrible employees. I do 50% of the work on a 7 member team, and it can be overwhelming.) Hopefully, the newest management (he's starting today, actually) will make a lot of changes and the site has an extension, so closure isn't in the immediate future any longer.
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Post by paperamy on Sept 5, 2017 15:41:01 GMT
I'm going to respond to some comments separately, but I just want to thank each of you. Your responses mean the world to me right now. I've been ugly crying at work off and on all morning, and you all are saying exactly what I need. Even if I don't respond to your response, I am really listening to everything everyone has said.
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Post by paperamy on Sept 5, 2017 14:45:45 GMT
I feel like a horrible wife and I don't know what to do about it.
I have zero sex drive. None. I do not want to have sex. I can't remember the last time we had sex. My husband has been hinting at it, and I've been avoiding the subject or telling him I'm tired (which is horrible of me but it is not a lie, just not the whole truth). Last night, we went to bed late (around 11:30 where we usually are in bed around 10-10:30.) I kept waking up from him tossing and turning. At one point, I got up to go to the bathroom and when I returned, he said "What's going on?" I replied "What do you mean?" He said "Why don't you ever want to have sex with me?"
I didn't know how to answer. I have always had a hard time vocalizing feelings, and I just said "I don't know." Which wasn't fair to him...but I didn't want to say the truth because once I said it, I couldn't take it back and I didn't want him to know. He said "Well, okay then" and got up for awhile. When he came back to bed, he said "I'm not trying to accuse you of anything, I just don't understand why every time I try to initiate anything, you laugh it off or change the subject or just ignore me."
I was devastated and by this point, I was crying. I took a deep breath and said "I don't know why, but I don't want to have sex." He replied "You don't want to have sex or you don't want to have sex with me?" I felt like I couldn't breathe but I replied "It's the same thing." He responded talking about how it's not the same thing and some people are asexual. For some reason, I immediately felt like he thought there something wrong with me, and by this point, I was a mess, so I got up to go blow my nose. When I got back in the bed, he said pet my head and kissed my forehead and said "It's okay. We don't have to have sex if you don't want to. I'll stop bugging you about it. If you roll over, I'll scratch your back." My heart crumbled with the disappointment in his voice.
I don't know what to do. He deserves a wife that wants to have lots and lots of sex. But I don't. I used to but I just don't anymore. I don't get aroused at all. When we kiss, it's nice, but it does nothing for me. When he touches me, it's nice but it does nothing for me. I don't even masturbate anymore and don't want to. I've gained about 40 pounds since we got married 8 years ago, and I don't know if that is contributing to this.
I know that I should just have sex with my husband, but that feels like it is a chore, and he doesn't deserve that either. I know we need to talk about this again tonight when we get home from work, but I don't know how. I know we've been needing to talk about this, and I've been a horrible wife for not talking with him sooner. I just thought it would get better. I've thought about initiating sex. I've taken a shower after work and put on cute underwear under my nightgown that night, but then when it came down to it, there was nothing I could do to force myself into it. And typing that out, I feel like shit. I feel guilty and selfish as hell. And I don't know what to do about it.
Edit for Update #1: My husband in amazing. When I got home, we had errands to run and he wanted to take me out to eat. Before we left the house, he said "I'm sorry I made you upset." I told him "I want to talk later...not now, because we have things we need to do, but once we are home for the night, let's sit down and talk." We had a nice evening out, picked up a few groceries, and we both got preoccupied with things when we got home so we didn't talk until we went to bed.
We had an amazing talk. I told him that I was sorry. I should have answered him better, and he let me know that he knew that I can stumble my words and have problems expressing myself, and he wasn't worried about that. I made sure he knew that my lack of desire for sex was not him, it was me. He told me he wasn't trying to make this all about him and his needs, and he approached our discussion poorly. I told him it needed to happen. He made sure several times to let me know that he didn't think me not wanting to have sex had anything to do with him.
We talked until around 1am, laughing and seriously. I told him about my doctor appointment, and I'm going to try to figure things out. I told him it could be hormones, it could be mental, it could be anything. I brought up menopause...which he said he knows it happens but has no idea what is involved. So we talked about that for awhile. I didn't realize that I failed to mention in my original post that I'm 41...so it's a possibility. I've read up on perimenopause and I actually have more of the possible symptoms than just low sex drive. And when I made my appointment, I thought I was about 6 months overdue for my yearly wellness...I'm about a year and 6 months overdue. So, this appointment needed to happen anyway.
Anyway, we talked about a lot of things. It was good. Really good.
I'll post a further update after my doctor appointment Friday.
Update #2 : Post Doctor Appt. Just left my doctor. I forgot how much I love her. She's convinced it is my thyroid, due to other symptoms as well. We are starting with that, so I'll know more once bloodwork is back. She said she didn't want to start looking elsewhere, like hormones, until she rules out my thyroid.
She's also scheduling me for a uterine ultrasound. I've been experiencing extremely heavy periods for the past year or so. My prior periods would be 5 days, with day 2 and 3 mediumish. Now, my period is 7 days exactly, with days 1-2 extremely heavy (sometimes bleeding through a tampon in an hour). These first two days absolutely exhaust me and if on a weekend, I sleep 18-20 hours a day. After the ultrasound, she wants to talk more about NovaSure (a endometrial procedure to thin the lining of the uterus). Since my husband and I are not interested in children, she says I'm a candidate for this procedure and thinks it will improve my life. She gave me a pamphlet and wants to discuss further after we figure other things out.
So progress...I'll continue to update this post as I learn more. Thanks for everyone's suggestions and support.
In other news, my husband is still completely and totally awesome about this. We've even talked about him taking pictures of me for when he masturbates, something he's never asked for before. He has repeatedly told me how much he loves me and he's okay with our "dry spell" as he says, while we figure things out.
As far as my weight and self consciousness about it, I've decided to get a bike. I loved riding my bike when I was little and in college, and I think this would be a great tool to use to assist me in getting to a place where I'm more comfortable with my body...which could help with sex as well.
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Post by paperamy on Sept 4, 2017 22:19:24 GMT
So do we have a ship date on Ali's kit? This worries me tremendously. October. "October" is the only ship date they are saying.
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Post by paperamy on Sept 4, 2017 22:15:50 GMT
Elle's Studio had a new sneak today of some letter and word stickers that I really like. Not sure if we already knew this but her Christmas kit will launch at the end of September. (Sorry, don't know how to share a photo from IG. I wish businesses would share sneaks somewhere else where it's easier to find and share. ) Here you go (I generally just screenshot Instagram to share it. Doesn't get the description but it's good enough)
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Post by paperamy on Sept 4, 2017 14:00:40 GMT
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Post by paperamy on Sept 3, 2017 14:12:47 GMT
Have we talked about the imperfect rubber embellishments already? The grey and light blue ones had problems with poor colour mixing when they were made so AE will be marking those sets down from $9.99 to 6.99. If you don't mind some light marbling on some of your rubber pieces, you'll be snatching up a great deal. I can't believe I'm genuinely considering buying Liz's mini and the rubber pieces. Ugh, the new shiny products vortex... I don't know that I would call that a great deal. Honestly, those shapes aren't worth $1 each so $9.99 for 10 is ridiculous. $6.99 is better, but not a "great deal". $6.99 should be the price point without imperfections.
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Post by paperamy on Sept 3, 2017 14:07:01 GMT
I don't encourage drop-by visitors either. First time visitors always need directions (my house is a bit off the beaten path) and I make a point of saying - pleae let me know when you're planning to stop by. Subsquent visitors already know to give me a heads-up first. Most people who know us KNOW they better not show up at our house without calling first. We have 2 Great Danes. Our oldest girl can hear the UPS or mailman when they are a block away and she does not like for them to even drive by our house. In January, we lost our male Dane who was mostly blind and had fear anxiety. When he was in our life, if someone would knock on the door, it could take an hour for him to calm down. So people learned really quickly not to stop by without calling first (and I would walk outside to meet them). Not to mention, both my husband and I are private and antisocial. We don't invite people to our house.
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Post by paperamy on Sept 3, 2017 12:04:05 GMT
None. I will ring the doorbell. Everyone has a doorbell. I don't. Neither does anyone in my family.
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Post by paperamy on Sept 3, 2017 11:14:26 GMT
3 knocks and wait a minute or two. If no answer, 5 knocks. If no answer, leave.
But I never go to anyone's house without calling first.
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Post by paperamy on Sept 3, 2017 1:20:58 GMT
They mean the Hulu Live option, not the traditional Hulu subscription. I have Hulu Live and some apps accept that as a log in. Right now, Hulu Live can only be streamed from tablets and phones and through some apps. They will be adding desktops and smart tvs at some point in the (hopefully) near future They just added ability to stream from PC/Mac browsers. Like last week I think.
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Post by paperamy on Sept 2, 2017 18:57:27 GMT
I haven't shopped at SSS in years so I don't know if they have reevaluated their unethical shipping practices. One of the main reasons that I stopped shopping with them was their use of free Priority Mail shipping supplies to ship First Class packages. I emailed them about it, received no response, and then my next order they did the same thing. So I stopped shopping with them and even reported them to the USPS.
That was many years ago and they have hopefully quit doing this...but I can't do business with a company like that.
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Post by paperamy on Sept 2, 2017 15:06:36 GMT
Personally, I would never trust an electric fence. Even if it keeps your dog in the yard, it does not keep other dogs out of the yard.
And without the fence, your dog can appear that it is not contained. A dog was shot by police in my town because it was tied up and the officer in the next yard got too close to the dog, and "feared for his life." I don't trust police or any person when it comes to my dogs.
We have a 6 foot tall wooden fence where the gates can only be opened from the inside and our dogs are only outside when one of us is home. I know this fence doesn't completely protect them from people who could climb the fence, but they are safe from stray or loose dogs.
If your area has a problem with stray dogs or even dogs that wander, I would advise against the invisible fence. Our fence was pretty expensive to have installed and our yard is quite large, but I'd pay it again for their safety.
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Post by paperamy on Sept 1, 2017 23:59:54 GMT
I was really liking the stars albums when it looked black to me. Now that I see it's green, nah. I'll pass.
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Post by paperamy on Aug 31, 2017 21:06:31 GMT
Ali shared peaks of the album on her site today. I really like the stars.
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Post by paperamy on Aug 26, 2017 2:40:19 GMT
Ali has vaguely announced the timeline for sneaks and preorders.
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Post by paperamy on Aug 25, 2017 18:02:12 GMT
Definitely scrapping this weekend. I want to finish July project life and get a good start on August. My husband is playing D&D tonight from 6-11 so I'm getting a start on me time as soon as I get home. 😄
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