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Post by cindytred on Dec 17, 2019 23:23:22 GMT
I'm so glad that I'm not the favorite child! My dad moved in with my brother and his DH 3 years ago. Its been a nightmare for them. Luckily, they built a huge house so Dad would have his own area. The worst part is that Dad is a slob and leaves a trail of destruction everywhere he goes. My brother's home is pristine with only the nicest things - but my dad couldn't care less. Also mealtime is their biggest challenge because that is the highlight of dad's day and he's pickier than a 2 year old child. He's smoked his entire adult life (he's 83) and has no taste buds left so everything tastes bad to him. My mom has passed and I'm divorced so I don't have to deal with in-laws, so I guess I'm off the hook of having to care for elderly parents. I don't want to put that burden on anyone - and I wouldn't want to feel like I was a burden to anyone. I hope they put me in a home if needed.
Cindy
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Post by scrapmaven on Dec 17, 2019 23:38:28 GMT
If the only option was to put mil in a facility where the patients were in the hallway, being neglected and waiting to die I would have her live here in a heartbeat. We asked and she did not want to move in w/us. She's in a great independent living facility that my dh calls The Cruise Ship. She is adjusting well and it's a really fun and state of the art environment. If she gets to the point where she needs skilled nursing full time then we'll reevaluate.
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,398 
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Post by cycworker on Dec 18, 2019 2:00:57 GMT
Nope - we would kill each other.
That said, even if I thought it would work, I confess I can't imagine why anyone would unless there was no social safety net available where you live. I'm Canadian, though, and these issues are where I get labeled a crazy lefty - I see it as part of society's responsibility to care for our most vulnerable. We have a full range of options here, from in home care, all the way to extended care in a facility, subsided if necessary.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Nov 2, 2024 15:24:49 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 18, 2019 3:10:46 GMT
So many interesting stories here.
5 years ago, my mother was to the point that she needed care. She had no financial plans for her care & my sister is married to a difficult man. I was trying to figure out what to do when my dear sweet DH said bring her home. Even though we have a really small house, he said we will take care of her. So we did. For the last 6 months of her life. He was so kind to her. In the end, she took a bad fall on a Saturday while he was home & I was at the store. She never really recovered from that fall & she died in our home with me beside her, 10 days later.
My DH says he still feels badly that she fell when he was home. Even though it was not his fault.
His mother is 80 & quite active & healthy. But when her time comes to need care, I’ll be there just as my DH was for my mother.
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Post by alexa11 on Dec 18, 2019 3:34:14 GMT
My mom moved in with me 4 years ago- long story... It's just me and no DH/SO. She's 88 now and VERY fragile. She has started to fall a lot and I have no help at all unless the neighbors happen to be home. The last couple of times have been at 3 AM and I have struggled to get her up. I know I could call an ambulance, but neither of us want to wait on them to get here. I have to do many things for her, so I have become her caregiver. Somedays I want to scream and I know she does, too.
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tuesdaysgone
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,832
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Post by tuesdaysgone on Dec 18, 2019 10:27:18 GMT
In a very dire emergency situation, we would do it, but only then. I love my parents and my in-laws, but having either of them here would not be good. Right now my 89 year old FIL is in very poor health. My sweet SILs are taking turns living with the in-laws (in the in-law's home). It's working for now.
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teddyw
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,123
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Post by teddyw on Dec 18, 2019 12:38:14 GMT
Before we downsized a couple years ago I offered to have my parents move in with us. But we live 3 hours from all my siblings and they wouldn’t leave them.
My mom has passed away and my dad is deteriorating mentally. He’s still at home with help.
He made my sister promise to keep him at home. That may not be feasible forever.
My in-laws also live out of town. My fil would never move in with any of his sons. Not sure about mil. My dh and 1 of his brothers travel weekly for work so it would be up to me and his sil. I don’t think dh would ask me too.
My grandmother had Alzheimer’s and lived with us for 3 years when I was a teenager. It’s a hard thing for a family. My mom pushed it all off on us kids and my dad. It was her mom.
My younger sister resented it so much that she does hardly anything for my dad. She never brought her kids to visit them.
She tells her coworkers that she goes to my dad’s everyday after school to take care of him. Complete lie. But in her mind she’s doing it.
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Post by peasapie on Dec 18, 2019 12:44:28 GMT
Or vice versa.
Both my kids have their own homes and both have a room set aside for me and have outright said I'm welcome to live with their family's anytime. I love them all dearly but I'd never want to live with them.
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Post by tenacious on Dec 18, 2019 13:01:32 GMT
My mom has lived with us full tome for most of the 7.5 years since my dad passed away. She has cancer. I adore my mom, but, it is hard. Mostly because she has a very co-dependent relationship with my only sibling— it is so difficult to watch and I get sucked in. I have insisted she go to some counseling to deal with it, since it also affects our lives, and she has finally agreed.
It is complicated and emotional. But, there are good things, too. Just last week I was completely laid out with the flu/pneumonia and she waited on me hand and foot and took care of all the meals for the family, etc. She is also a wonderful influence on our children, and teaches them many things.
Erin
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Post by mikklynn on Dec 18, 2019 13:02:21 GMT
No. I can't and won't do it. I love that it works for some of you.
I have spent the last 12 years caring for my DH. I don't have it in me to do more.
I did get my MIL moved near us and drive her around twice weekly. I told her she needs to hire housekeeping help. She can afford it. DH's youngest brother lives with her, but works long hours.
My dad probably won't live too much longer with his advanced Parkinsons. Then, we'll have to figure out what to do about mom. She is very sweet, but has memory issues. She thinks she can come live with me. I gently tell her no, we'll find a great assisted living facility. Or, I tell her she can live with my sister!
ETA She tells everyone her oldest daughter (me) is putting her in the home. With her memory issues, she no longer censors anything she says.
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SweetieBsMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,767
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Post by SweetieBsMom on Dec 18, 2019 13:15:47 GMT
I was in this situation a few years ago when I had to fly to Florida to bring my sick Dad home. He had no business going as sick as he was, he had stopped taking his meds. I was DONE. He was in the hospital for a month and rehab for 6 weeks. He moved from rehab to assisted living 4 minutes from my house and was there until he passed this past May. DH, who was battling terminal cancer at the time, offered to let him stay with us. Though I appreciated the offer, no WAY I could have had my sick DH and sick Dad all under the same roof. I would have killed us all. Dad ended up loving assisted living, he was a social butterfly. DH and Dad passed within 3 months of each other earlier this year. My DS said “Dada isn’t going to be too happy grandpa is with him so soon. Grandpa makes him crazy’.  |
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Post by coaliesquirrel on Dec 18, 2019 14:57:37 GMT
We purposely included a main level mini master suite with ADA doorways, etc. when we were designing our house. The plan was for it to be a guest room, then a place for one of our parents if needed, until it was time for us to switch to single-floor living.
DFIL has already passed, though he would have been welcome. If we could talk DMIL into moving, she'd be there now. My dad would be welcome to live there, though he has several health issues that make me suspect he'll be the first of my parents to go. My mother will not be living with us in any circumstance, and she probably wouldn't want to anyway, as I imagine she'd prefer to live in her current town with my brother.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Nov 2, 2024 15:24:49 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 18, 2019 15:37:57 GMT
We have talked about it extensively and I think that is really important, having the communication piece. MIL-hell to the no. No way. She is an abusive alcoholic and my sweet DH doesn't need to relive his horrible childhood. FIL has already passed. I have already turned my father down after he asked (and I cannot BELIEVE he asked)-the list is too long and personal to go into here, but suffice it to say I have to protect myself and my kids. My mom is welcome any time, for as long as she chooses. Right now she lived in CA and I am in MN, but we are hopeful that after she is finished with her chemo treatments, we can get her to MN, at least for the summer. She hates the cold though, so how that is going to work I am not sure. We begged my gram to move in with us for years, literally stopped short of "gram-napping", but she wanted to be in her own home, and at 93 I just could not force her. She had a stroke and passed last winter. I miss her terribly and would have loved to have her living with me, although her TV watching habits were terrifying for me. She loved all manner of crime shows, the gorier the better.  |
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Post by refupea on Dec 18, 2019 15:39:11 GMT
Yes and we did!! I must precede this by saying I could not do this for all in-law's or family members. It takes a VERY specific dynamic for this to work. My mother lived with us the last six and a half years of her life. I am the youngest of ten siblings. My mom was 73 when she moved in with my husband and I and passed away a little more than a month before her 82nd birthday. My mom would spend some weekends with my husband and I. We have a three bedroom home and no children. We had a lot of fun with her!!!!! I told her to leave some things at our place so she didn't have to pack a bag each time. It was my husband that suggested she move in with us. I didn't know if I was ready for that. Then my mom had some health issues. She lived by herself in a four-family home across the hall from my sister and her family. She worked in the office at a small, private print shop and loved it. She began with a health issue of a really bad headache. After running tests, they "believe" she had a stroke, but could not confirm. She was okay, but her vision seemed to be affected very slightly. She did not make much money and her social security was less than $500.00 per month. So, we offered her to move in with us and she wanted to be certain WE were ready for that. Well, she did and we do not regret it for one second!!!! NOT AT ALL! She had another episode, still not classified as a stroke, but her vision was more affected this time and she could no longer drive. That was heart breaking, but she was a trooper about it. She and I both cried when we sold her car. My heart broke for her! I have tears in my eyes right now. My mom raised ten children and did not drive until I was around ten years old! Could you imagine?  That was her independence. I made sure that if I had errands to run after work to come home and get her to go with me. Heck, who wants to be confined inside every moment of every day? The three of us would go to dinner together and my husband would razz her something terrible and she would laugh. We have a unique neighborhood that is our own family that embraced her as well and lovingly called her "Momma Steph" (My name is Stephanie) I thanked my husband for having her live with us and told him I could never do that with his mom and he abruptly said, "Neither could I!" Lol My mom was very respectful of our time together and would tell the two of us to go to dinner together. We would tell her we don't do anything different if she is with us or not and tell her to join us. She would usually go to bed anywhere between 8:30 and 9:30 and we stayed up later, so we would chill at night together. Unless my husband would put a movie on my mom would get sucked into. I'll never forget one night I came home from being out and he had "Man On Fire" playing!!!!!! I was thinking, WTH? ?? I reached for the remote while asking, "What are you making mom watch? !!!" and my mom said, "Don't change that remote!!" Again, WTH??? LOL She stayed up until 10:40 watching that movie! LOL! It truly worked out for the three of us, but I certainly don't think that would be the case for most. We were very blessed! |
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Post by chaosisapony on Dec 18, 2019 15:46:25 GMT
My parents divorced after 19 years of marriage 4 years after my grandparents moved in.
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Gravity
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Jun 27, 2014 0:29:55 GMT
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Post by Gravity on Dec 18, 2019 15:53:13 GMT
Never in a million years!!!!
My MIL lived 10 hours from all four of her children who all live within an hour of each other. My MIL's health began failing so SIL packed her up and moved her to SIL's home without discussing it with the other siblings. SIL and her partner are retired and love to travel extensively. After about a month, SIL began telling the other siblings that she had plans for some extended trips and the siblings needed to step up and take their turns with MIL. Other siblings and their spouses all work full time. Needless to say, it caused quite a rift. MIL needed help toileting, eating, etc and couldn't be left alone for more than an hour or so at a time. My DH didn't understand why I refused to help out until he cared for her alone for about 12 hours. He never volunteered again.
I have been estranged from my dad for six years. His wife died back in July and I foolishly let my sister guilt me into attending her memorial service. Big fat mistake. I got sucked into helping out with him because I live 3 hours from him and my sister lives 8 hours from him. He is 80 and has some dementia and is a poorly controlled diabetic. His home is filthy and they were hoarders. My sister finally moved him to a nursing home in her town a few weeks ago. I have been going to his house once a week to look for important papers and throw crap in the trash. While on my way to his house yesterday, I was rear-ended by another car on the freeway. That's just the icing on this freaking mess of a cake.
My mother and step father both insist they are never living in a nursing home. I tell her that they better make some plans because they are not living with me. He is a horrible, horrible person and she puts up with him. For example, she once called my sister and I on Thanksgiving morning to tell us we were no longer invited for Thanksgiving because he decided he only wanted his family there. I have not spent any holidays with them since that. She doesn't understand why.
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Post by tentoes on Dec 18, 2019 16:10:21 GMT
When I was a child my sister and I shared a room. When my mother's mom had a stroke, she came to our home to recover for awhile. There was talk of her coming to live with us, and even some talk about us moving to a bigger home so she could have a room. That didn't happen. When she stayed with us, she stayed in the room with my sister and I--which meant my sister and I had to share a twin bed--or sometimes my mom made her a bed on our couch in the living room which helped avoid the fights between my sister and I!! I loved it when grandma was with us. She played games with my sister and I, and taught us how to crochet, and just loved on us all the time. I can imagine how difficult it was for my mom and dad though.
When my dad's mom lost her husband, she lived about 60 miles away. My father was a truck driver, so would manage to stop in at her home at least once a week to check up on her. She stayed with us for Christmas after that, but there was never any doubt that she wouldn't be living with us. My father did get her hooked up with an aunt, though, and she moved in with that aunt who lived about 5 miles from us. It was good for both of them to be together. (the aunt was my grandfather's sister). I'm sure them living together prolonged life for both of them!!
My father died at age 43, but after he died, my mom made sure my grandmother was well taken care of. She took her to her doctor appointments and cared for her. After the aunt died, my mom got my grandmother into a small apartment very close to her and my stepfather. She took care of her when needed.
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Post by LisaDV on Dec 18, 2019 16:27:52 GMT
FIL will never want to live with us. His new wife is about 7 years younger and in good health so I don't think he'll ever have to. My parents are gone. Although if my Dad were alive, my sister and I would both want him and do whatever. My mom, no way! DH had said that he'd take his parents in if something happened to one or the other. In 2010 his mom left his dad. He told her then that if she leaves he's not going to take her in. She's asked now that we're 1.5 hours from her, and DH still says no. It really upsets her that we just took in my older brother right before Thanksgiving who is getting divorced and moving from DC. He was a writer/editor and then freelanced, but when his freelance work dried up a few years ago, he hasn't been able to get a job since. DH told her, that this was a temporary thing to help him get back on his feet. She said she just wanted to move in temporarily, you know, until she dies. lol. Sometimes she is funny, but most of the time she is a pill. So I'm really hoping the no sticks, but I know we'll re-evaluate when the time comes that she needs actual help. Gravity, WOW to your step father. I wouldn't want to spend any time with him at all. SweetieBsMom, sorry for your double loss. |
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amom23
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,427
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Post by amom23 on Dec 18, 2019 16:40:58 GMT
Hell no!
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,402
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Dec 18, 2019 16:43:59 GMT
Absolutely not.
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snyder
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,323
Location: Colorado
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Post by snyder on Dec 18, 2019 18:24:01 GMT
My mother wouldn't want to live with us as we do not live up to her expectations and I could not handle her criticisms on a daily basis. She says she does not want to go to a nursing home or assisted living, but 2 years ago, she broke her hip and went to rehab. She loved the staff dotting on her to the point she didn't want to leave and made every excuse she could to stay longer. She wanted nothing to do with the other people there, would not go to the dining room, or common areas. It was like she was too good for that, but she sure enjoyed that attention she got from the staff. If it comes to that, its going to be a small nightmare.
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Post by catmom on Dec 18, 2019 18:38:38 GMT
Dear God no. My parents have passed, and the in-laws have been through this with their parents and they chose care facilities for them. I don't believe they would have any expectation of moving in with us since they didn't do it with their parents. We all enjoy each other but 3 day visits is all we can handle in close quarters - we are ALL very stuck in our ways.
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Post by Lexica on Dec 18, 2019 19:03:48 GMT
As everybody knows, I had my mom live with me for the last few years of her life. I am single, so there was no husband to be affected by the time and attention I gave her. Prior to living with me, my parents split their time between living with both of my sisters in home additions they built onto each sister’s home. Both sisters complained nonstop about them living with them. It was my oldest sister’s idea that they sell their home and move in with them, but I guess it became more than she anticipated.
Both sisters treated my parents poorly. At one point, I was working on the computer I had given my dad and saw a file with information about rental places they were looking into. I confronted them about it and told them that there was no way I would be okay with that. My home doesn’t have a downstairs bedroom or shower, but I told them I would convert my dining room to a bedroom and have a shower added to the downstairs bathroom if they were serious about moving out from both sister’s homes. My dad was unable to do stairs, so moving in with me wasn’t a viable possibility without modifications being made. Neither sister worked and I worked 2 jobs, so living with me wasn’t really an optimal option for them, but it would be better than an apartment. They agreed to stay with me. Then my sister heard about it and patched things up with them, so they remained moving between their two homes until Dad died. Since Mom had no issue with stairs, she was able to move into an upstairs bedroom in my home.
I loved the time spent with my mom. I had been deemed disabled from my job by then, so I was home full time and able to finally care for her. I wouldn’t trade that time for anything. And I guess as expected, both sisters wanted mom with them after she moved in with me. They had also complained that their marriages were rocky due to my parents living with them. My oldest sister said that after Dad died, she would not take Mom because her husband would leave her. Mom always said my BIL treated her well during her visits to their home after she moved in with me, so maybe my sister was just exaggerating the issues, I don’t know. My other BIL adored Mom. That marriage was in trouble, but it wasn’t attributed to my parents. They separated after Mom moved in with me. Mom admittedly had some quirks that really got to both of my sisters. For some reason, the quirks didn’t get to me. I knew I would miss them when she was gone, and I do to this day.
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Post by jubejubes on Dec 18, 2019 19:06:25 GMT
I grew up in a 3 generation family. It was so tough on my mom. We lived in the rural area and this was a family farm.
In 1968, the "new" house was built. My grandfather, who was a strong willed man, stated that he would never go into the new house. And he didn't as he died the day before we were supposed to move across the driveway. So, my grandmother stayed in the old house, BUT came over to the new house for almost every meal, except breakfast. My mom really never did get a break, at all.
In the late '70's, my grandmother made her own decision to move into a care facility, it was brand new and it was faith based. I remember her cleaning out the old house, giving her stuff to whom she wanted to have. Other family, from Europe, were appalled that she moved into a home. When they came to visit and then saw that some of her friends were there, how clean it was and all the activities that were provided for her, they did say sorry for being so negative. While in the home, my grandmother had a few strokes and was able to move into a full-nursing care unit, without much fuss.
Both of my parents have passed and neither of them would have come to live with me. My dad died 20 years ago and after that, my mom sold her home and moved into a retirement home, until she got very ill and had to have hospic. My fil has passed and mil is living in a wonderful facility in her own apartment, that is part of a larger senior "campus", the same one where my grandmother lived many years ago.
Me -- I have savings and the Ontario government does provide some support. I will never live with my grown children & their families. They don't have extra room and I would never want to inconvenience them at all.
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Post by jenb72 on Dec 18, 2019 19:19:07 GMT
DH and I both only have one parent currently living. We're both of the mind that you do what you have to for family, but the circumstances would be different depending on the person. We'd both be fine with my dad moving in with us if need be, but when push comes to shove I think that he'd probably move in with my brother first, if anyone. As for DH's mother, DH is only okay with it on a temporary basis or if we had a situation where she had her own "suite" or attached "apartment" kind of thing. He doesn't think it would work well to have her in our own living space full time. I trust his judgment on this since he's lived with her as an adult full time previously and because I know she can be quite immature at times. Right now she lives with DH's sister, and although it's been rocky at times, it seems to work for them. So I don't see that changing any time soon if ever.
At the moment DH's brother lives with us, mostly for medical reasons, and while I love BIL like my own brother, both DH and I agree that there are issues. We've all been looking into pooling some of our finances to finish our basement as an apartment for him to give everyone their own space. I think it would really help alleviate most of the little annoyances that crop up.
Jen
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
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Post by zella on Dec 18, 2019 19:21:51 GMT
Thankfully we wouldn't have to face this. Both our dads are dead. His mother is Canadian and lives near his sister in the Vancouver area. She wouldn't leave there. My mother, as she recently told me, is a multi multi multi millionaire. So she won't be needing us.
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Post by homeschoolmom on Dec 19, 2019 2:18:08 GMT
My mil lived with us for a few months. Never again. Fil? Oh, hells no.
My mom says if she gets to the point of needing a caretaker (her word), she's gonna drive off in her Subaru into the sunset. I truly think she'd do it, and go out in a blaze of glory somehow.
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Post by lisae on Dec 19, 2019 2:28:56 GMT
There is no precedence for this in my family at all. My parents helped out with my grandparents as long as my grandparents lived or until they went into nursing homes. The same has happened with my cousins taking care of their parents who stay in their own home. Often caregivers are brought in so the older person can stay in their own home as long as possible. Children sometimes stay the weekend or nights if caregivers can't be found to provide full time care but no one has moved their parent in with them. No adult child has moved back in with their parents either except one cousin with my aunt and uncle and that didn't last long. We are an independent bunch.
Mother and I have no plans for living together. I don't think we would last a week. She loves her home and I want to keep her there as long as possible. She lives close by so we can check on her and respond to problems - like last nights TV remote emergency - promptly. I really don't have a place for her anyway as I only have one extra bedroom and it is upstairs.
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Post by fredfreddy44 on Dec 19, 2019 2:52:51 GMT
No. Even thought it won't be an issue since both sets of parents are multi (probably multi multi) millionaires (even in the CA BAy Area, pretty good). My parents are in great health (at 80 and 78) and dh's parents are in pretty good health (at 72ish both).
I would not get along with my mom within 5 hours. She still treats me like I am 15, seems to think as the only daughter I will do all her caretaking (this has come up in random conversations with her even thought this isn't even an issue) and had no want to learn anything new about technology and just yells for my father whenever anything goes wrong. My dad...possible.
Dh's parents..nope. They have had a favorite for 20 years..their dd. My dh is secondary. Yes, their dd has health issues but also a loving husband. They have completely revolved their lives around her and have not bothered ONCE in 20 years to come visit us just to visit us (always a day trip for grandchild event or on their way to some vacation spot). It is mind boggling, the preferences that are obvious. PLus personality wise, we clash.
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mlana
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,523
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Post by mlana on Dec 20, 2019 3:13:56 GMT
My mom currently divides her time between my house and her house 200 miles away. My dad has lived with my brother since soon after he and Mom divorced.
Right now my mom has 2 long time friends left in my hometown, as well as an active church family. When her friends pass, she will most likely spend more time with us and eventually be here full-time. I have a pretty big multi—floor home and my plan is to have a stair chair installed when it;s needed.
My DH loves having my mom here. Mom loves to do laundry and hates to cook, but like to clean the kitchen. Seriously, sometimes I don’t have my clothes off before Mom has her hands out for them. LOL. She tells me what she wants as far as laundry detergent, and I buy it. At first I worried that she was doing what she did because she felt obligated, but she sat me down one day and explained that she was bored and wanted to have her own area of responsibility and she wanted the laundry. Far be it for me to deny my mom our dirty clothes!
I started working full-time last year, so I don’t have as much tie to do things with her as I used to. She asked if she could takeover more of the household chores so she would have something to do. I agreed with the caveat that she would let me know when she didn’t feel like doing something rather than make me try to guess. LOL She hasn’t hesitated to let me know when something isn’t to her liking, which makes me feel better about it.
We plan special things for when we know she’ll be here, and DD has got to where she’ll call and check Mom’s schedule and let her know we want to do xyz - is Mom going to be here for it? My mom absolutely eats it up that her GD calls to make sure she’s available.
Meanwhile, one of Mom’s oldest friends is having all sorts of health issues and is falling a lot. The friend’s kids are doing the best they can to deal with it, but Mom’s friend, Aunty B, is making their lives miserable. She wants to stay in her home, but she refuses to wear an alarm button and she won’t stay in rehab long enough to learn how to move with her injuries. When she fell 6 months ago, Mom want and stayed with her for 3 weeks, until she could manage on her own again. Aunty B got nasty and by the end of the stay, Mom wouldn’t even speak to her.
When Aunty B fell again recently, she called Mom to come help her escape the hospital where she said her bitch of a daughter was imprisoning her - this after she fell in the yard, into a pile of ants, and couldn’t get up on her own. Her daughter didn’t get an answer so she went over and found her mom had spent the night in the yard, on the ground. All her daughter asked was that she agree to wear her alarm and stay in rehab until she could move safely. Some bitch, huh? Mom and I agreed that she wouldn’t go down that time, but it was really hard for Mom to say no. As Mom is seeing what’s happening there, she’s becoming a lot more willing to discuss and plan for the next few years.
My dad can’t live with me. He tried to move in after he and Mom separated, but that wasn’t happening. Mom lived here for a year and Dad had it in his mind that he would live in the basement while she lived on the upper floor and he would woo her back. He showed up at the house one morning at 6am and opened my bedroom door and laughingly demanded coffee. I came out of bed, naked as a jay bird, and threw everything I could get my hands on at him. There’s a reason my family is careful how they wake me up! Afterwards, dressed and calmer, I sent him on his way and changed all the locks. He moved in with my brother who had just gone thru a divorce and they got along really well. When my brother remarried, he made sure his new wife understood that Dad was there to stay - he has nowhere else to go. She seems to be okay with it, but that may be because she went into the marriage with this already being in place.
My in-laws are gone, but I offered my MIL a place anytime she wanted. She had my BIL move into her home with his family, and they did very well together until she passed.
Marcy
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That was her independence. I made sure that if I had errands to run after work to come home and get her to go with me. Heck, who wants to be confined inside every moment of every day? 
