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Post by peano on Oct 1, 2020 22:20:55 GMT
I've been on 2 Peas for 18 years and this is the first time I feel moved to stir some shit. Oh, I know it won't change @leowife 's mind, but I think my experience may be an enlightening cautionary tale for people who have never done the Christmas Card Swap before and may be planning to do it in the future.
I decided that this would be the year I finally did the swap, and for the past two weeks or so began to purchase what I planned to use to make cards, a not insignificant amount of money. Cards and envelopes, printables, presentation paper for printing, and I've already gone through one set of printer cartridges, and installed another. Oh, and spray fixative as well. Oh yes, and let's not forget a couple of books of stamps (so far).
I've spent the past week prepping my supplies: downloading and printing and then 2-3 hours a night of cutting out printables.
And then the official post for the Christmas Card Swap came out and I read it and clicked on the link for the sign up sheet. And was dismayed to find that I was asked to supply my full name and street address. I have always been a private person, especially when it comes to making my personal information known to people I know only through the Web. I've also been around 2 Peas long enough to have seen people here be doxxed by other Peas. So here is the exchange with @leowife on that thread:
peano: In looking at the sign up form, wondering if this is open to a Pea not wanting to use a name other than a Pea name, and a PO Box?
leowife: Sorry no you have to use your real name...safety...PO box go for it. But name yes, most definitely.
peano: I would want to do this for MY safety, LOL. I don’t understand your rationale. I have a very uncommon first and last name that if googled it with my town, it comes up in the search, (as does my street address and home phone). I’m not interested in the possibility of being doxxed personally or my family.
leowife: (responded to other Peas, but crickets for my post)
peano: I know you might not have seen my third post from yesterday because you were busy looking after your DH, but I would like an answer, because I literally do not understand how it would be a safety issue for you or any of the other swappers. I am the only one made vulnerable by release of my personal information. Since this was to have been my first year, I had never even opened up the thread in past years, and had no idea about your requirement. I have already invested considerable expense into this project and my prep time for my materials will also have been wasted.
leowife: (again, crickets)
Another Pea posted in support of me this morning on the pinned post, and I planned to respond with my gratitude after I walked, but when I sat down to do that, her post was gone, apparently after some words with @leowife .
I have brainstormed with DH trying to understand @leowife 's "safety" comment, but we got nuthin'. Any law enforcement officer, including her own dang husband, would tell people to avoid giving away personal info to people they know only through the internet.
So what have we learned from this experience?
1. Read the rules before purchasing $100+ in supplies. And verify the rules, because I'm advised by another Pea that they apparently fluctuate from year to year.
2. Don't let some power mad control freak deter you from following your deeply felt principles.
3. Also ignoring people and hoping they'll go away is usually just a BAD strategy.
4. Pull up your big girl pants, brush your teeth to get the really bad taste out of your mouth, and then find some other organization to make cards for to really get the experience of spreading holiday cheer.
P.S. All you really trusting Peas might want to reconsider giving out your info so freely, for your own protection.
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Post by padresfan619 on Oct 1, 2020 22:25:33 GMT
I would never sign up for the card exchange either for the exact reasons you’ve stated. I don’t even have a unique name and I live in a large city, but I feel like it is just an invitation for weirdos to stalk me. I do some gift exchanges on Reddit but they have it set up to where you never know the persons name or address.
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Post by lucyg on Oct 1, 2020 22:28:49 GMT
I did the Christmas card swap for several years but not lately. In those years, there were always a few people who didn’t use a full name. I don’t see the problem with it. But I guess it’s her swap, her rules. ETA I would use my PO Box for the mailing address, but then I’d use return address stickers with my home address, so it seemed kind of pointless.  |
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rodeomom
Pearl Clutcher
Refupee # 380 "I don't have to run fast, I just have to run faster than you."
Posts: 3,675
Location: Chickasaw Nation, Oklahoma
Jun 25, 2014 23:34:38 GMT
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Post by rodeomom on Oct 1, 2020 22:31:45 GMT
Yes it's risky to give our personal information to participate in the card exchange. But it's a risk we all take. If would be unfair IMP for some to take that risk and not others. We're all in or were not. I can't remember what year this started but it's always been that way.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Oct 1, 2020 22:38:17 GMT
I have never participated as I wouldn't even give a PO box with my general location. But I do know there was definitely some ugliness last year where someone used the addresses to send some anonymous hate mail. Perhaps the thought is if everyone is giving up their privacy there is less of a chance of people misusing the names and addresses?
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Post by mnmloveli on Oct 1, 2020 22:38:45 GMT
@leowife answered your question one minute after it was asked. How many times does she have to respond to the same question?
Asked and answered - move on.
Or as you have stated above - “4. Pull up your big girl pants .......”
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Post by workingclassdog on Oct 1, 2020 22:40:45 GMT
First of all thank you leowife for volunteering for the project. Everyone has their own level of security. I think we are all big girls here to decide if they want to participate in a swap or not. We are adults and I don't really think we need to be told what is right or wrong. If you have issues with something on your level, don't participate. If you are okay with it, then participate. It's like my 80 year old mom (who I love more than life) tells me how to drive.. I'm over 50, I know how to drive.
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Post by AussieMeg on Oct 1, 2020 22:41:55 GMT
Well, you could have made up a name to use, and nobody would have known the difference. And then there would have been no need for you to start this call out thread.
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julie5
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,621 
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Post by julie5 on Oct 1, 2020 22:53:38 GMT
Well, you could have made up a name to use, and nobody would have known the difference. And then there would have been no need for you to start this call out thread. this was my thought as well. How would anyone know of you used a false name? I do agree it’s completely your choice to not give your info out, but if that’s a concern then maybe the swap isn’t a good idea? |
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Post by peano on Oct 1, 2020 23:00:11 GMT
Well, you could have made up a name to use, and nobody would have known the difference. And then there would have been no need for you to start this call out thread. Actually DH suggested I do that, but I would have known the difference. And another inviolable principle I have is that I don’t lie—about big things or small things. People of principle don’t take the easy way out. |
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Post by Darcy Collins on Oct 1, 2020 23:06:58 GMT
Well, you could have made up a name to use, and nobody would have known the difference. And then there would have been no need for you to start this call out thread. Actually DH suggested I do that, but I would have known the difference. And another inviolable principle I have is that I don’t lie—about big things or small things. People of principle don’t take the easy way out. I understand that, but really don't understand why you're being obtuse. Yes, you providing your personal information is a safety issue. As is every single other person on the list. Why do you think that they are any less concerned about their personal information than you - the only - and I think tenuous at best - "security" is that all provide the information. I've already stated that I don't participate, but if I made the leap, I sure as hell wouldn't provide my information to someone not willing to do the same - surely you can see that. |
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Post by AussieMeg on Oct 1, 2020 23:08:28 GMT
Well, you could have made up a name to use, and nobody would have known the difference. And then there would have been no need for you to start this call out thread. Actually DH suggested I do that, but I would have known the difference. And another inviolable principle I have is that I don’t lie—about big things or small things. People of principle don’t take the easy way out. Not sure that I consider using an alternate name a lie. It's a card swap on a message board. It's not fraud. What about writers using a nom de plume..... J K Rowling writing under the name Robert Galbraith for example? Do you consider that a lie? You're using the name Peano on this message board instead of your real name - isn't that a lie too, by your reckoning? How is using a fake name for the card swap any different to using your screen name for the card swap? I don't get it. |
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Oct 1, 2020 23:09:00 GMT
I always figured if something happened, my list of suspects is ready to print.
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Post by paulao on Oct 1, 2020 23:14:26 GMT
If you don’t like the rules, don’t participate. Period, end of discussion.
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Post by Crack-a-lackin on Oct 1, 2020 23:14:48 GMT
When you sign up for a PO Box you have to list the names of the people who will receive mail there, then you have to show ID for those names before they’ll give you the box key (I just went through this). So you couldn’t list a fake name when you sign up. I’m guessing the mail carrier will still deliver the fake-name mail to that box, but I don’t know for certain.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Nov 24, 2024 1:53:26 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 1, 2020 23:17:17 GMT
I always figured if something happened, my list of suspects is ready to print.  |
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gsquaredmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,097
Jun 26, 2014 17:43:22 GMT
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Post by gsquaredmom on Oct 1, 2020 23:23:32 GMT
I think it is warm and wonderful. There is a certain level of trust needed. If you are not comfortable, that’s fine. Your choice. I don’t really worry much. Nefarious people could probably get all they want with so much of our info already out there. I trust the peas. And so far no weirdos or stalking. Just a nice card exchange. I hope you decide to participate. Use whatever name you want. Maybe first initial and middle name? That’s your truth you need. It’s your name. If you don’t participate, I hope you have a wonderful holiday!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Nov 24, 2024 1:53:26 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 1, 2020 23:26:15 GMT
Hi y'all,
Thank you to those who have commented, as I was called out I'll address this one last time.
Maybe not to everyone's satisfaction but hell, can't please everyone right?
It is a safety issue...if everyone else is putting their information out you can also.
Why should you get special treatment? If your so concerned about a Pea finding out whom you are, maybe you should be looking at what you post and how you interact.
The list has ALWAYS been email, name, address.Why should we share our information but you shouldn't?
But thank you for calling me out and trying to deter the swap thread. 1 pea dropped because of my response to you and two asked to be removed because of your doxxing comment.
But hey 70 Peas and we keep adding, so yes the swap is joyful, regardless of the meaness some have tried to bring. We all don't have an issue sharing our information, so why do you?
Yes, my husband and I have concerns sharing our information especially now, but that is a risk we agreed on. We have the list and names of Peas just as all the other PEAS.
You have chosen to try to deter Peas from the the Card Swap but that is your choice. Must be nice to chose to behave that way.
If you had issues you could have addressed that privately instead of trying to "stir some s&$#"
Join don't join but my god move on.
I know I am, I've answered again and am done.
Thanks y'all.
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Post by peano on Oct 1, 2020 23:35:32 GMT
When you sign up for a PO Box you have to list the names of the people who will receive mail there, then you have to show ID for those names before they’ll give you the box key (I just went through this). So you couldn’t list a fake name when you sign up. I’m guessing the mail carrier will still deliver the fake-name mail to that box, but I don’t know for certain. I have only had mail delivered to that P.O. Box twice and it was only mail to me. |
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Post by Restless Spirit on Oct 1, 2020 23:38:57 GMT
I used my real name. I deeply, deeply regret it. Never again. Never.
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Post by peano on Oct 1, 2020 23:41:13 GMT
Actually DH suggested I do that, but I would have known the difference. And another inviolable principle I have is that I don’t lie—about big things or small things. People of principle don’t take the easy way out. Not sure that I consider using an alternate name a lie. It's a card swap on a message board. It's not fraud. What about writers using a nom de plume..... J K Rowling writing under the name Robert Galbraith for example? Do you consider that a lie? You're using the name Peano on this message board instead of your real name - isn't that a lie too, by your reckoning? How is using a fake name for the card swap any different to using your screen name for the card swap? I don't get it. You’re absolutely right. Eighteen years ago when I picked a Pea name, I was a completely different person, who had not lived through the lies of the Trump administration and seen how insidious and destructive to character it has been to live within a lying culture. I have a code of ethics that does not consider what other people do to be relevant to governing my own behavior. |
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Peal
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,524
Jun 25, 2014 22:45:40 GMT
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Post by Peal on Oct 1, 2020 23:48:41 GMT
When you sign up for a PO Box you have to list the names of the people who will receive mail there, then you have to show ID for those names before they’ll give you the box key (I just went through this). So you couldn’t list a fake name when you sign up. I’m guessing the mail carrier will still deliver the fake-name mail to that box, but I don’t know for certain. That is not how it works at our Post Office. I don't know if they are playing fast and loose with the rules or not, but you never need ID for anything there. I have never participated in the card swap because I know I wouldn't make cards until Dec 23rd, then it would be in desperation with crooked cuts and snoopy stickers from the 1980s. I'm really doing you all a favor. But, I also shy away from sharing that much personal information with "strangers". I do get why it's done that way though. |
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Post by AussieMeg on Oct 1, 2020 23:51:55 GMT
And for what it's worth peano, if I were doing the card swap this year, and you were doing the card swap, I would definitely have sent you a card. I feel like I've "known" you for years, and I've always liked you and enjoyed your posts. (Well, most of them!  ) |
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lindas
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,306
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Post by lindas on Oct 1, 2020 23:54:48 GMT
Why, why, why did you feel the need to bring this to the NSBR board? Weren’t you getting enough attention on the other one?
Your principles and code of ethics is ringing hollow.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,940
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Oct 1, 2020 23:58:53 GMT
Yes it's risky to give our personal information to participate in the card exchange. But it's a risk we all take. If would be unfair IMP for some to take that risk and not others. We're all in or were not. I can't remember what year this started but it's always been that way. I have no dog in this fight at all but why would it be unfair for some to just want pretty cards sent to their Pea name and not their personal name? It's just exchanging cards and seeing others' handiwork. |
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Post by christine58 on Oct 2, 2020 0:00:22 GMT
If you don’t like the rules, don’t participate. Period, end of discussion. The rules NEVER stated you had to give your real name and not just your peaname. If that was said up front a couple of months ago, then peano would not have started her cards etc. I think that is the issue. |
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Oct 2, 2020 0:05:18 GMT
Yes it's risky to give our personal information to participate in the card exchange. But it's a risk we all take. If would be unfair IMP for some to take that risk and not others. We're all in or were not. I can't remember what year this started but it's always been that way. I have no dog in this fight at all but why would it be unfair for some to just want pretty cards sent to their Pea name and not their personal name? It's just exchanging cards and seeing others' handiwork. This! It’s really no different than the teacher gifting thread. Most of all those gifts were sent anonymously and with no issue. It feels different this year because of the control and comments that have been made. Also, I don’t remember—-who exactly received hateful mail at the last card swap? |
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Post by christine58 on Oct 2, 2020 0:06:55 GMT
Also, I don’t remember—-who exactly received hateful mail at the last card swap? Those names were never "revealed". |
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anaterra
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,134
Location: Texas
Jun 29, 2014 3:04:02 GMT
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Post by anaterra on Oct 2, 2020 0:21:45 GMT
When you sign up for a PO Box you have to list the names of the people who will receive mail there, then you have to show ID for those names before they’ll give you the box key (I just went through this). So you couldn’t list a fake name when you sign up. I’m guessing the mail carrier will still deliver the fake-name mail to that box, but I don’t know for certain. I have a PO Box because we live in a no mail service area.. i do not have a mailbox... When I got it 500 years ago I may have needed to show id but I dont remember... however i do get mail for people who were never listed... my dh and daughter in law get mail at my po box with names that are not on the list and are not MY last name... well my last name is same as dh but my po box was set up with my maiden name and i know i never changed.. ive been married twice and no name check.... lol all that to say you can get mail in ur po box under a fake name.. all they need is the box #... And i have never joined so i dont really have a dog in this fight... but im another who doesnt get why you cant sign up using your peaname??? That is how the board knows me... |
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Post by peano on Oct 2, 2020 0:27:59 GMT
Hi y'all, Thank you to those who have commented, as I was called out I'll address this one last time. Maybe not to everyone's satisfaction but hell, can't please everyone right? It is a safety issue...if everyone else is putting their information out you can also. Why should you get special treatment? If your so concerned about a Pea finding out whom you are, maybe you should be looking at what you post and how you interact. The list has ALWAYS been email, name, address. Why should we share our information but you shouldn't? But thank you for calling me out and trying to deter the swap thread. 1 pea dropped because of my response to you and two asked to be removed because of your doxxing comment. But hey 70 Peas and we keep adding, so yes the swap is joyful, regardless of the meaness some have tried to bring. We all don't have an issue sharing our information, so why do you? Yes, my husband and I have concerns sharing our information especially now, but that is a risk we agreed on. We have the list and names of Peas just as all the other PEAS. You have chosen to try to deter Peas from the the Card Swap but that is your choice. Must be nice to chose to behave that way. If you had issues you could have addressed that privately instead of trying to "stir some s&$#" Join don't join but my god move on. I know I am, I've answered again and am done. Thanks y'all. Hon, you ignored my two posts. How differently things might have gone had you given me the dignity of a response. I believe my questions and concerns are applicable to the whole group, especially those who may not have done the swap, and for that reason, I kept my interactions with you public. I would suggest that you make this year's rule concerning release of personal data obvious from the outset so no other hapless yet principled fool is left footing an expensive bill. You call it special treatment. I call it being able to sleep at night knowing that I haven't released any information that might potentially harm me or my family. I guess everyone else is gonna have to do what they gotta do. I will reiterate that doxxing has been an issue on 2 Peas, and apparently in your swap, so I stand by my decision. I was wondering if this was personal, and you have confirmed it. Pity you can't move beyond political differences to truly experience the joys of the holiday season. I guess you only want to celebrate with those who think exactly like you. Kind of ironic, don't you think? Peace on Earth, goodwill to men... |
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